"I woke this morning with a strong sense that I will be going to New Zealand to see Ibu speak. It makes no sense. It's like I know I am going, and yet of course, I realize it is not possible".

As best I can recall, this was what I blurted to my mentor Mahmud Nestman last August, when I reached him by phone. It was a crazy notion, even to me. I was not a Subud member, nor a spiritual seeker. I don't behave impulsively, and I already had plans for January that did not include a trip to New Zealand from Canada. I realized the idea was irrational and I waited for it to pass, or at least fade.

Subud was something I had heard about only recently, since transitioning from a business career to that of a counseling student in 2005. Mahmud, a long time Subud member, was one of my earliest teachers. I had been studying/training/apprenticing with him ever since, and through this close association, I had learned a bit about his spiritual path. As much as I respected him, I found the idea of latihan more than a little strange.

And yet, I suddenly had an overwhelming belief that I would be attending the Subud World Congress in New Zealand. The shift had begun when I read a copy of the SUBUD VOICE just days before. It was the first time that I had read this periodical and quite unexpectedly, I experienced something powerful.

After reading an article about Ramadan that had caught my original attention, I found myself fully immersed in an article by someone named Ibu Rahayu. I was captivated, spellbound even. After reading every word of the SUBUD VOICE and wanting more, I borrowed some Subud books from Mahmud and delved into them. I was hooked.

Two days later, I placed the call to Mahmud, after waking to the strange but powerful notion about Ibu and New Zealand. As is his nature, Mahmud was composed, yet intrigued by my experience. He encouraged me to trust whatever process was emerging for me. He then boarded a plane to Indonesia for the Ramadan fast. In so doing, my Mentor, and the only Subud person I knew, was fully unavailable for five weeks.

A Surprising Reaction

For the next 10 days or so, I read Subud books. Wonderful, inspiring tales written by people I had never heard of, such as Varindra Vittachi, Salamah and Abdullah Pope, and Istimah Week. I read biographies of Ibu Rahayu, s father, Bapak, the first person to receive the latihan, who then traveled the world passing it on to others until his death in l987. I did little other than read Subud books. Nothing else held my interest. And then I contacted a Helper in Vancouver to begin the three-month Subud application process.

Throughout the process of reading and meeting with local helpers, I never lost my knowing that I would hear Ibu speak in New Zealand. I also maintained a simultaneous realization that this was impossible. Even if I could work my way around the other obstacles, there was simply no way my husband Bob would understand and support such a trip.

However, Bob had been behaving in a manner which surprised me when it came to Subud. Normally, I would have expected him to ask many questions about me reading unfamiliar books and attending weekly meetings. An organization with a name like Subud, a practice called latihan, and members who often adopt new names would normally raise some concern for him.

Typically, he would want to caution me around the possibility that this could be a cult, looking to manipulate followers and take their money. But Bob seemed quite disinterested. Even so, I imagined if I approached the idea of traveling to New Zealand to hear an 80 year old Indonesian woman speak to crowds in a foreign language, his interest could certainly be piqued. And if he (or anyone I knew, quite frankly) had questions, I had no answers. At this point, I could not even recall what it was that Ibu Rahayu's translated talk in the SUBUD VOICE had pertained to.

And so I remained in the, knowing I was going, and realizing it was impossible place. And for some reason, I trusted the state, without needing it to be resolved. And then the door opened. It was September 7th, one day before my birthday and Bob asked me what I would like as a gift. It was not a significant birthday, and I imagine he was half listening as he asked the question. This was when I heard myself say,There is only thing I want. And it can be both my birthday present and my Christmas present. I want to go to New Zealand in January for the Subud World Congress.

And then, the strangest thing occurred. After asking a couple of questions, Bob simply agreed.

He simply agreed. And in that moment, two things became crystal clear to me. God was holding my hand and this journey was meant to be.

Opened

I was opened on November 27th, and experienced 5-6 latihans prior to my arrival in Christchurch, New Zealand. I was about to enter a very profound and meaningful 10-day spiritual experience. There would be daily latihans joined by hundreds of women, ordinary miracles, coincidences and synchronicity abound, and evening talks and testing with beautiful Ibu Rahayu in her unique, gracious, delicate manner. All of this and more was available, in the undeniable presence of God.

The most profound incident was the day I encountered Ibu Rahayu coming out of the dining room. After being entranced and impacted a very deep level by listening to her speak in a large group environment, suddenly she was standing in front of me.

She was accompanied by family members/supporters and was holding the hands of two people on either side of her. I felt a great intensity as our eyes met. Suddenly feeling very small, I broke my gaze and looked down. As I did so, my eyes fell to her hands and I noticed her releasing them.

Next I have the memory of her walking very slowly toward me. Perhaps we were both walking toward each other, I am not sure. And then she put her hands on my shoulder, ever so gently and kissed me on one side of my lips, and then the other. I was in a slightly altered state, barely able to do more than stand there and receive what felt like a great blessing.

The next thing I remember, I was sitting on a bench outside of the dining room watching Ibu walk away with her group. She didn't stop again, and soon she was out of my sight. Though she was no longer with me, her beauty and her essence remained.

I will hold this memory for the rest of my life. Later, when I shared my experience with a Subud helper, she said that Ibu Rahayu would have known I came to New Zealand to see her. I like to think this might be true.