When I was opened by Bapak in October 1947 in Jogjakarta, Central Java, which at that time was the temporary capital of the Republic of Indonesia, the group was not yet formally organized. The name Subud was not known, and I did not hear of it until a few years later. What we were doing was just called the 'latihan' which, in English, means 'exercise' . There were no formalities, no waiting periods, no registration or any activites which were normally done be an organization. The group itself was still small, its number at every meeting did not exceed 15 people. Perhaps it was better this way, because the latihan was held in Bapak's sitting room, not large enough to accommodate more. When, due to the tense political situation between the Republic and the Dutch, curfew was imposed starting at 22.00 hours p.m., we came early and finished befor curfew. But n Saturday we arrived before curfew and stayed the whole nght.
Peaceful
What impressed me most from my first latihan was the quiet and peaceful atmosphere prevailing at each. We listened to Bapak's talk while awaiting turn. Those present did not talk much. They smoked in silence and several seemed to be sleeping, which at first struck me as being rather improper. But when Bapak asked them a question they responded immediately, so they were not sleeping after all. I could not follow Bapak's talk very well. One would think that as a spiritual leader Bapak would talk in a solemn and dignified way, but actuallyy he made frequent jokes and talked like everybody else. In general our meeting lacked animated conversation however: we were more silent than talkative. Tapak said that when we go to the latihan we should leave our thoughts behind because they might influence our latihan. Even the conversation of those awaiting their turn doing the latihan might have an unfavorable effect upon those doing the latihan. Perhaps it was on account of this that there was so little talk at each meeting. Now and then Bapak asked us to 'receive' (a term Bapak used for testing, but as I was only a novice in the group, I usually did not feel anything and I could not tell what it was all about. Later I understood that Bapak was doing testing with us, but at the time its meaning was lost to me.
* * *
Bapak once asked:"Has any one of you evert seen the ocean without boundaries (limitless ocean )?"
Only one present gave an affirmative answer. As far as I could understand, what Bapak meant was a region, perpetual and limitless, through which a person must go in leaving this world.
( In 1952 a Dutchman I met at the latihan, which at that time was held at our house, told me about his experience in which he saw this ocean in his latihan. On being asked whether he was conscious all the time, he explained that compared to the consciousness during the latihan, our daytime consciousness was very little and limited. For example, in our daytime consciousness we could not be aware of anything behind our back, but in the other consciousness there was no obstruction to all directions, he said)
One day Bapak said to me, "When you were a little child, you were very sick. I see something like an abscess in the corner of your right eye. What was it?" I explained that according to my mother I was very sick when I was a baby and I had an abscess in the corner of my right eye. As there was no doctor in the village where we live, it was operated by my mother herself with a kitchen knife. I was amazed that Bapak could see it after so many years, although outwardly there was no visible scar of any kind.
At one meeting Bapak was not present, and Pak Menggung, his son-in-law, acted as leader ofo the group. He explained that by the latihan our feelings would become more sensitive and some times we would be able to receive other people's feelings. He said also that our feelings could be transmitted from one person to another. To seek the proof, I submitted myself to a test. Three times he recited the opening verse of the Quran with a short pause between each time. afterwards he asked me to explain what I felt. To my amazement, I was able to feel the difference between each o them, although it was the same verse and chanted in the same way. The first time, I felt very happy and I smiled; the second time I felt very sad and I wanted to cry; but at the third recital I did not feel anything. Pak Menggung explained that it was right and the reason I did not feel anything at the third recital was that he transmitted it from his mind while I was receiving it with my feelings. It could be compared to a wire-less set which was tuned on a different frequency. The mind can be received by the mind only, and the feeling can be met by feeling only.
At another meeting Bapak said that through the latihan we would be able to revive or body because at the present state ot could be said that it was dead. All parts of the body from head to feet should be brought to life again, so that they would be able to receive God's Force. Then he told me to receive and said: "If your eyes were already alive, how would they act?" I closed my eyes and, after a while, to my great amazement, my eyes began to move up and down and sideways in their sockets. I knew from my school days that the eyes are held in their place by muscles, and now they were moving by themselves. Bapak explained that when they were alive already, they would move, uncontrolled by our desires. Later I often had this experience in my latihan. He comtinued that even our breathing is done automatically; I did not understand what Bapak meant. After I had been told to receive, I noticed that now the speed and rhythm of the inhalation and exhalation of air changed every time, each on different from the previous one. Later I noticed that my respiratory organs sometimes do their own exercise in the latihan. At another latihan I had the feeling as if all my hair on my body was standing upright and began to move to and fro like rice stalks blown by the wind. The sensation was so real that I knew I was not imagining things but my mind could not grasp it. According to Bapak, the working of our feeling is quite different from the mind, and what I experienced was real, although to the mind is was inexplicable
.* * *
The longer I attended the latihan, the more I was impressed be the fact nothing could be hidden. Even things which we could keep to ourselves and never discuss with anybody were brought to light. Tut the group seemed to have such a great confidence in Bapak that no one showed any sign of resentment or embarrassment. When questioned by Bapak whether it was true or not, the person concerned always acknowledged it and replied that it was correct. H was not angry that his secrets were revealed. We laughed good naturaly and we teased each other a be, bet we knew that each of us had his own weaknesses and shortcomings. I understood that Bapak was not making fun of us, but that he was trying to help us to see our own frailties. We were aware that in our spiritual movement there was no sense in pretending to be blind to our own mistakes, and our spiritual path leads to many difficulties and obstacles which we should overcome.
Drawings
One day Bapak asked one of the members to draw a picture of each of us in the group. When I looked at the drawings on the blackboard, I saww that they dit not have any resemblance to human beings, but for each person he drew a collection of articles, such as a house, a tree, a knife, etc. Then Bapak explained the meaning of these pictures. It seemed that each picture represented the present conditions of the person concerned, materially and spiritually; his illnesses, finances, relationship to his wife, etc. Pointing to a picture of a goat's head with a curious necklace around its neck, Bapak explained that the force which was prevailing in the person's head was still the animal force and not the human force yet.
To another member Bapak said, while referring to a picture of a big kitchen knife, that his relationship to his wife was still on the material level. He said:(The person to whom Bapak gave this explanation said, rather plaintively, "I have been doing latihan for more than ten years, and yet my head is still an animal head". )
"A kitchen knife is a household item which one does not cherish like a jewel. Its only use is for splitting firewood. You can't put it on the dining-table or keep it in your bedroom. Its rightful place is in the kitchen and nowhere else. This means that although you have been married for many years, there is no spiritual relationship yet between you and your wife. You can't blame her because your own spiritual development is far from finished. Through your own development you may be able to raise her to a higher spiritual level".
To another person Bapak gave this explanation:
"This picture of a chicklet represents your relationship to your wife. What is the use of a chicklet? Nothing: it can't lay eggs yet, and for practical purposes there is nothing you can do with it except use it as a pet. In Javanese the wife is called "garwa", which literally means "the other half of the soul of man". This can be true only if both of them have reached a spiritual level where they possess human souls, otherwise there is no possibility for a spiritual union. Other terms for wife in Javanese are "entjang wingking" (meaning "a helper in the house") and "sembah" (meaning a companion in the house). From a spiritual view point to many people their wives are just as those terms imply".
The person concerned said that Bapak was right, and that he felt that way too towards his wife. He had been married less latihan year to a girl who was much younger than himself and could pass easily as his daughter.
My turn
When it was my turn, I was hoping anxiously tha there would be nothing which could cause me emparrassment. The pictures on the blackboard were a collection of unrelated items as far as I could judge. There was a picture of a mountain the the sun just rising over the top, two little trees, a human head in its embryonic stage ithout ears, eyes and other organs, a crescent moon and a rooster.
Bapak explained:
"The mountain means that your fore-fathers belong to the noble people of the country; most probably the were descendants from the ruling princes many years ago. This fact is confirmed by the rooster, a symbol which indicates that in your being you have certain qualities pertaining to your lineage. The sun which just rises over the top of the mountain is the symbol for light, and light is the symbol for information or knowledge. It means that one day you will receive enlightenment from God. The two trees represent your two children (at that time we had only two. You see that their inner content is still the plant force, they don't have human souls. It cannot be otherwise, for look at our own spiritual condition. Your soul is only in its embryonic stage, having only a head which is still far from complete. The other parts of your body are still missing. Therefore you can't produce children who are spiritually more advanced and having human souls. When your children were conceived, your spiritual condition was undeveloped and they were conceived through your nafsu. At present spiritually you are beginning to develop and have reached the embryonic stage. The moon is the symbol for your happiness and you happiness is in your heart and your heart is in your wife. It means your feelings are quiet and peaceful only when your wife is present. When she is away, your feel restless. But as soon as you see her again, your feeling of peace returns. The position of the moon just in front of the embryonic head indicates that your wife has a great influence upon you . Without your being aware of it, it is your wife who holds the reins in you family and not you."
When I came home after the latihan, I told Bapak's explanation to my wife and asked her whether it was true, that she was influencing me and having her own way all the time. I felt a little resentment, because until now I had always assumed that it was I who was the master of the house.
She did not deny it; she just smiled and replied that it was her secret as a woman.
(By courtesy SNA News )