Compared with my friends, I married very late by Indonesian standards. This was because I did not wish to marry before I was purified. I was convinced that our descendent's are very important to us, as it is they who may raise us to heaven in case, during our life here on earth, we do not reach perfection. Further­more, a proper life partner is a very important factor for harmony and well-being in life on earth and in the hereafter. When I was twenty-four, Bapak often suggested that I look for a suitable partner, having conditions similar to mine in her. And the only way to find such a wife was by doing the latihan kejiwaan, Bapak said.

One night I did a latihan very late, during which I fell asleep. About three in the morning I was awakened by an old man wearing old-fashioned clothes, and holding a cage. He nodded to me, and a strangely pleasant feeling came over me. Just as I was about to question him, he disappeared. I did not under­stand the meaning of this experience, but it became clear to me that after this I became more and more aware of an urge to marry.

Two weeks later I again did a latihan at midnight, and again I fell asleep. At the same hour as before I was awakened by the old man with the cage, but this time there were two doves in it. He said, "Now it is clear" and then disappeared.

I was still puzzled by these visitations and then, thirty days after the last visit, I fell in love with a girl. My feeling for her was so strong that I could not contain it and whenever I did the latihan the same voice always came from my mouth saying:

However, before I got to know her, I went to see Bapak in Semarang to seek his counsel and advice.

Babak:   "My son, the girl who has moved your feelings is willed by God to be your wife. The old man who woke you at night was one of her ancestors. During his life here on earth this man followed a certain spiritual discipline, but, alas, he died before he could find the true spiritual way. Before his death, he prayed to God Almighty that one of his descendent's, if a girl, should marry a spiritual man, and if a boy, he prayed that he should become a spiritual man himself."

Later, after investigating, I found that the girl's grandfather was a sage, and most of her family were religious people.

Bapak continued his explanation.

"The girl is of the fifth generation after the old man, and as it is willed by God that you should fulfill His promise to the old man, it would be better if you postponed your marriage until you have enough experience and strength in the spiritual field. Also you should do your latihan diligently to get rid of the impurities which you have inherited from your ancestors, and you should only marry the girl when you reach the age of thirty."

After receiving these explanations, I asked the girl to become my finance. After being engaged for about five years, Bapak suggested that I marry her. And so, on the eighth of May, 1947, we were married.

After my marriage, I experienced very great changes within myself. Various kinds of feelings developed in me, and my heart and mind became confused. In fact, I felt as if I had returned to the condition I was in before I began to receive the latihan kejiwaan. I felt that my latihan was "stuck". It no longer went as smoothly as before I married. My heart became doubtful and I lost faith in myself. I questioned within my heart: "How have I sinned?"

At first I did not do anything about this, but my heart grew more and more worried. So finally I went to submit the problem to Bapak. Fortunately I found Bapak alone at his house, so I could talk freely to him. In answer to the questions I asked, Bapak gave me the following explanations:

Babak:   "It is like this because, before you were married, what you had received was not yet recognized as official by God, and so did not have its full value. It was only given as a sample. Now, after your marriage, you must start again from the beginning. That is why you feel as if you have not yet received the latihan kejiwaan. But this does not mean that you are going backwards. On the contrary, ultimately you will receive deeper knowledge and wider experiences.

"Furthermore, you now have a heavier task than before, as you must also work out the impurities your wife has inherited from her ancestors. When these impurities are removed, you will feel light and free. This is a necessary condition for the real union between husband and wife, so that later, what you feel will also be felt by your wife, and she will also be able to receive what you are thinking. In this way, you and your wife can become a truly united pair. To reach this state it is necessary for you to do the latihan regularly and diligently.

"Besides the impurities that can be re­moved by doing the latihan as usual, there are also certain impurities in man which lie in his deeper self that can only be purified through the sexual union between husband and wife. And the impurities that are removed in this way will finally come out through the wife. Outwardly this is shown to us by the fact that women have been willed by God to menstruate once a month.

"In addition, it is necessary for a man to get married so that he can exper­ience again how he was at his conception and when he was born. This condition is the same as when he becomes the channel of God for the bringing into existence of his child. For this reason, the sexual union should be regarded as a sacred and a holy act and it should not be carried out for pleasure just to satisfy the passions, because, in fact, at that moment you become the channel of the Power of God."

This was Bapak's explanation and as I listened, I felt as if fresh, cold water was being poured over me, and my feelings became very relaxed.

(to be continued)

(to be continued)