The Four States of Marriage

Mas Sudarto, wrote this article around 1968.

First of all we should be aware that it is the will of God that through marriage man should be able to have descendants to fill this world.

Bapak himself has said that a person who receives the latihan kejiwaan of Subud is truly led and guided by the power of God towards cleanness of the inner feeling and goodness and excellence of the jiwa.

If the latihan kejiwaan is truly Almighty God’s leading and guidance towards purity of the inner feeling and the excellence of the jiwa there is also included within this marriage the relationship between man and woman.

Bapak himself has also said that in the field of the kejiwaan Subud members truly experience that the movement and awakening of the inner feeling arises through the sex. This is a sign that the life force is situated there. ln fact, this applies only to a man, it does not apply to a woman, becase the man is the channel, while the woman is the vessel where the human seed is to grow.

Now, it is clear enough for us that marriage is one of the bridges to purification of our inner feeling and the excellence of the jiwa. Therefore, to know our state in marriage, I will explain the following marriages.

A. Marriage from heart to heart, or marriage in the material level.

The nature of the passion in this level is 'nafsu aluamah' (to destroy each other).

As you know, in the material level there is a difference only in form and function. Therefore, a good composition is needed to be able to fulfill its function.

To be able to carry out a good marriage, the relationship between husband and wife should have a good composition and harmonious union.

B. Marriage from feeling to feeling, marriage on the vegetable level.

On this level, both passions go in the same direction but parallel to each other; there is no connection between them, but they respect each other. In the level of the vegetable, we have to do with nature, and the proof of this is that we, people, are able to make ships, tanks, trains etc.

We are not able to make grass, ants etc. In this level there begins to be a belief in a power outside the scope of our heart and mind, or, in this level religion begins.

In this level every creature will develop in the direction of its nature. A man will develop in the direction of a man who will become aware of his duties and function of a man in this world. A woman will develop in the direction of a woman who becomes aware about her duties and functions in this world.

The nature of the passion at this level is 'amarah' (egoist), egoistic in maintaining its nature. The nature of marriage on this level is from feeling to feeling.

Even though the nature of the passion is egoistic in maintaining its nature, yet there is a going together, but it is separated. Therefore there is a feeling of appreciation for each other, and the nature of a quarrel in this level is the natural way of discussion. To prevent long, drawn out discussion, husband and wife should be aware that in their attitude, their way of life, a decision which has to be taken should not neglect what is important for each side.

C. In the animal level,...

...the nature is to maintain their shape and to fulfill what has been ordained by God. Therefore, the nature of the passion is 'sufiah', to have an ideal.

For a tiger, for instance, its ideal is how to be able to use its claws and teeth, so that the tiger is able to fulfill what has been ordained by God. Among tigers, it is only the young that are ignorant. A young tiger springs upon an animal which has stiff sharp hairs, and both feet of the tiger will be stabbed by the sharp spines.

The nature of marriage on this level is from inner feeling to inner feeling. Both mates have an awareness of reaching their ideal of a marriage from soul to soul and both also have the nature of looking after their harmonious union and putting aside their own natural point of view for the sake of what will be received from God.

D. In the human level,...

...the nature of marriage is to carry out what is willed by God, and the nature of the passion is 'mutmainah', having a desire to act in a way that is not against the rules of religion or laws, and the nature of marriage is from soul to soul.

In this case husband and wife have the same feeling, opinion, desires etc. - two become one.

First ADAM and EVE become one. later there is ADAM and there is EVE, and finally there is only ADAM, because ADAM and EVE become one again.

From the explanation above, it is clear enough for us that we should make an effort to be able to reach the state of marriage from soul to soul. As the latihan kejiwaan of Subud also has the nature of lifting us in the direction of a complete human being, automatically we will also be lifted in the marriage from soul to soul. Thus the only way for a Subud member to reach that state is by doing the latihan kejiwaan obediently.

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