Immanuel's newest book project How we have changed.... for nonSubud audience
Emmanuel, my dear friend, thank you for asking how some of us have changed over the years.
Well, to talk about how I have changed over time for me is not so easy to do. Why? Because it requires honesty about one's self. That is the obvious part of attempting to talk about ones self when typically others around us may be better equipped to evaluate change.
Have I become fully honest with myself over the years? No, not yet. But, I have become aware it is an essential ingredient in order to become a better person.; a person a little bit closer in feeling to those who are truly good as far as seen by those who knew them, and judged by the effects of their life. Those who proved by the end of their lives their love was of a sort that had good effects on peoples lives.
As a young person I had ideals......ideals of what the world should be like. If the world eventually morphed into my conception of it, all would be well. Now I realize it was essentially an outward looking view and was about my heart and its desires. After all, my self was noble as far as I was concerned. I was not aware that inside feelings are churning away that always are there, for better or for worse, and distracted me from the truth of my inner condition every second of my life.
My journey has been more a story of what has been done to me over the years that has allowed for me to see more often and clearly when there is self interest. Over and over "my" own efforts have many times been an illusion that ends poorly and with great regrets. One day perhaps I will be brought to a place that goes beyond awareness of folly and really become, to those know me, a different and more caring person.
Now, at nearly 58 years old, I find I am a recipient of a great loving power that always helps wake up the good part that is inside me, but sometimes I don't yet understand and appreciate the best part of the self. ( the part that probably was more evident in me at birth) Other times many parts of me want to run away from the good part inside me because it requires me to look at the errors that my life has contained and faults that remain. On the other hand, if I were allowed to, or were made to be truly honest all at once, I might become dysfunctional. Then that would probably be wrong because it is obvious that living this life in a normal way is part of why we are born. So then I would be doing something wrong. So what I am left with at this point is to attempt to be patient and surrendered and allow the work in me to proceed.
My own experience is that self deception and faults cannot be removed by my normal self. I sure have tried that. But to finally begin to realize this is an enormous grace for me. It has become embarrassing to "me" how much lately I am insincere about my so called intentions. It is a fantastic grace to be made aware of this. Without grace, I now believe change that is good would not happen. The selfish parts are in attendance or at least observing at the same time a feeling of grace comes on. So to talk about the changes since I was a youth is difficult, because the part of me, or the one writing this, is always dependent on the source. Despite a real intention, thoughts are in play in writing this, only God knows if this is less than 1 percent truth or much greater than that. As the percentage increases things become uncomfortable for the selfish parts of myself. This occurs probably because the lie from my past that there is some sort of separation between myself and "the power that is always there". As the lie of separation dissolves away mistakes are laid painfully bare and await correction. To do this all the time is too uncomfortable for me right now.
This grace and process will hopefully continue and the best part of me is very grateful for it, For sure the feelings that run wild from my lower self are no mystery to my highest self nor to the Highest power The feelings in my lower self never are gone, even going back and recollecting what it was like being three years old. So the better part of me is left only with patience and faith that those ill or low feelings certainly have a better purpose than what is currently the case in me.
This hits the high points about change. Nothing visible yet to others, but real to me and on going, if I open up to it. There is trust in the very real possibility that others may see change in me in a way they can verify and benefit from, as I certainly have benefitted from others, my parents and wife without any doubt.
David McCormack
I appreciate your efforts and all efforts that are rightly guided, and of course, those of my Creator, and those who seek to work in a way that is pleasing to "Him" and fruitful. May I be forgiven any mistakes in this endeavor and may the reader forgive anything out of place, or left out, or lacking clarity.
My life was changed in the best possible way when I met a special human being that demonstrated what a life is like filled with grace, divine inspiration, hard work, and surrender. At that point it may have been right that the best part of the self was ready to be opened up and awakened. I have been shown that each human being has a "teacher" or soul inside that when brought to life by grace, hates imitation and is aware of other souls, human and otherwise. He passed on in 1987.