By David McCormack
This book is dedicated to his beloved granddaughter, Autumn, for whom he wrote it.
From the time Henry and Buddy tumbled out of their mother all gooey and warm, they heard the advice of their neighbor, the grand, old St. Bernard.
“Where there’s a will there’s a way.”
Henry remembered hearing these words even as his mother cleaned him up for the first time with her large warm tongue. This belief of the St. Bernard, communicated often to Henry throughout his younger years, was to have a profound effect on Henry’s life .
Whenever he finished nursing at his mother’s tummy, Henry joyfully and fondly climbed on his brother Buddy. Being just a young mutt was bliss to Henry, and he was proud of his dad who growled at all the noises and human smells outside their shelter. For protecting the house and being the one on guard, the tall ones in the pack rewarded his father well. The talls had no bark, only whimpers, and they were not good at his dad’s work at all, but they were intelligent, good leaders, and always managed to find food. So Henry loved his mother and was proud of his dad protecting them all and spent most of his puppyhood learning to growl like his dad, but at other times he romped with his brother. Sometimes it got pretty serious.
One time it became so serious they were put outside to play. It was a beautiful spring day so the most natural thing in the world was to dig where ever they found a smell. It wasn’t very long before they found themselves digging a hole under their wire wall to catch a squirrel. It was so easy they wondered why they hadn’t done this before. They squeezed through and were gaily following the squirrels scent and checking out trees and fire hydrants.
They followed the smells quite a long way until they came upon a wide open area filled with grass and trees. There they discovered a strong smell they had never encountered before. The creature which made it was certainly many times larger than a dog! Together with this animal smell were exhaust fumes similar to the lawn mower at home. They seemed to come from big, noisy, shiny objects that moved very fast.
They spotted the large animal with the strong smell which was very large indeed! It was shiny and very muscular, so muscular it had one of the talls on his back! The strange creature did not bark or growl or even take notice of them. It went past them doing a proud prance and the tall leader had on a special hat and special pants. Henry and Buddy barked and darted in front trying to divert them from running into the large, fast metallic cans. But soon they soon realized they had better get out of the way or they might get stepped on. One of the smelly metal and glass cans came to a screeching stop as the horse passed proudly in front of it. All the others behind it did also and there were horrible noises. Henry was amazed at this. Had they all stopped because of the four legged creature? Perhaps it was because it had all kinds of special straps and leashes, special metal shoes, and his shiny fur. The tall petted his neck and they kept on going, this time along side the road.
As Henry became lost in these thoughts, a strong wish arose in him to be that creature. In his heart he decided it was grander to become a carrier of the talls than it was to be an ordinary watcher dog. Buddy did not seem that impressed by all this. In fact he was still trying to catch the scent of a squirrel. As the afternoon wore on it became evident they weren’t going to catch a squirrel and the large animal was trotted into a can with two wheels by his tall and disappeared.
The time of day arrived when they usually ate their food and a tall was looking at them and saying something that sounded disapproving. They decided to go back to the territory of the pack. It was easy to follow their smells back to the wire wall.
As they slipped under the wall the great St. Bernard saw they came back with no squirrel.. Again he repeated his favorite saying, this time in a way which conveyed he knew all the answers. Looking at his size, it was easy for Henry to believe he had caught and eaten a few squirrels in his time. But Henry’s emotions were too excited about the grand creature he saw to dwell on squirrels. Never the less the old dog’s words refused to leave his mind. “Where there is a will there’s a way. “ The giant creature he saw earlier was in his feelings and the St. Bernard’s words were in his mind and they became thoroughly mixed together until he could daydream of nothing else as day followed day.
About seven moons after this adventure Henry had an important discussion with his dad. He was reminded by his dad that sometimes young dogs were moved to different packs. He prepared Henry for such an event in case it came to pass, as it had happened to him many years before. He gave to Henry his best advice, “Take your responsibilities to the pack seriously and love each pack member as much as you love yourself. “
When the leaves were separated from their trees, Henry was likewise separated from his family. His dad was very knowledgeable, thought Henry. He didn’t complain and dutifully got into one of the large, smelly, cans with two talls who were whimpering whatever they were whimpering about, and in the back were also two smaller whimperers. Henry said his goodbyes and off they went. There were smells of many types of strange animals on the truck, many of which he had never encountered. The new smells and the rushing air made Henry’s mind spin and spin with thoughts until it came to rest upon only one. Here was his opportunity to make his dream of becoming one of the large, muscular animals a reality.
The words of the grand old St. Bernard blotted out his father’s advice altogether.
Henry’s new territory was very spacious and there were many animals and smells. Best of all, he did not have a wire wall. Henry liked it.
One of these creatures was one of the proud muscular carriers of the talls. Every time one of these creatures trotted by proudly lifting knees so high, he would bark out,” I will be as that”, but the talls, as always, knew only whimpers. He worked all day to imitate the prancing creature After a while the talls paid attention to him as he did so. They even brought others over to watch him! Soon he even had the small ones riding on his back. Through his efforts he was meeting with some success. In his feelings it excited him to be admired like a horse.
He decided to will himself not to eat from the bag which had the picture of a dog. He ate the pellets given to horses instead. This also gained him much attention from the talls. He attributed this attention to a higher station in life as a carrier, rather than a watcher dog. The talls seemed to approve. Slowly, a feeling of being superior to a dog became established in him.
The summer and a winter went by. Within Henry’s own feelings and within his mind, he became a horse; a pure bred that was beautiful, important, and admired. The advice of the St. Bernard from his puppyhood became enshrined in his thoughts and feelings. Henry would often feel, ‘Hadn’t he deserved this attention for the choices he made?’ This was the reward for using his mind to direct his labor to his hearts desire. He felt more clever than average.
A few more winters passed. Henry was extremely proud of his life and did not associate with the other dogs round about. Had any dog ever done what he had done? The grand old St. Bernard would even be surprised.
Sure, some days were difficult and aggravating in a few respects, but Henry felt surely every horse must experience such days. Occasionally there had been odd days when things happened to him. He thought about the day when the fast, huge can with the spinning, black, circles did not stop as abruptly as it rightly should have for him. His hoof was hurt some. Also his stomach never seemed totally settled and at ease. Occasionally his muscles felt tired from pulling the wagon the young ones and their friends rode in. They weren’t so small any more. Even so, he always encouraged them also to climb on his back and to ride proudly about.
But then again, other days were fantastic. Very few of the horses could change the direction of their gallop on a dime like he could. His ability to get to full speed quickly was better than any other horse. This allowed him to jump over fences where there were no horse paths and where the ground was dangerous and hilly. Not a single other horse could do this! Perhaps that’s why these acts always delighted the tall onlookers who were watching and pointing,
No doubt the whimperers were proud to have a pure bred horse such as him. Very rarely was he jealous of the horses that could jump fences with talls on their backs. Some day, through his will, he would imitate that too, he thought.
More fun summers went by and his life was nearly complete, he thought. He paid little attention to the small annoyances that displeased him. He always distracted himself with his favorite tricks when he if he felt unhappy or depressed. This happened when he thought about the talls.
Why had he not received the straps and metal shoes like the others? Probably one day the talls would show their appreciation this way. Perhaps then the pretty phillies would start to notice him.
He came to believe the talls were always aware of him and taking note of his efforts, even when they went away in the big can for several moons. He would try harder he decided, for surely they would reward him and he would have the metal shoes.
The summer went by and the talls were instead paying less attention than they used to. On those days Henry found himself asking why life felt so difficult and empty. He would comfort himself with the thought that the pretty fillies found him too magnificent a horse to approach easily. Then his feelings changed and he felt proud again.
In the winter he had more time and noticed he was not relaxed and at ease during the day. He ignored this feeling altogether. One rainy winter day when there were no distractions, he lay still in the barn and the feeling of not being truly relaxed nor at ease persistently nagged at him. It became impossible to ignore the truth that he was not at ease with himself, certainly not the way he was growing up.
Something is not right in my life, he thought. At that moment he stopped thinking and feeling for quite awhile and became very still. Then there arose in him a wish to understand the meaning of his life.
About a year after that day his tall farmer removable blue fur took him to a farm that had outdoor caves made of wire for dogs and cats. Strange yellow symbols were painted just outside the house.
“VET”
Perhaps those poor dogs had been disobedient, thought Henry, for they did not look too happy and had no chance of catching the cats. The cats looked perpetually uneasy with the situation as well. After walking by all these unhappy creatures he was put in front of a tall.
This one had a white jacket and looked him over very closely, even at his teeth, and put a small cold can on his heart and shined a light in his eyes. At length he whimpered something to his blue tall.
“Truthfully, I’ve never heard of such quirky behavior.” the vet said to the farmer. “He really is an odd one. He chuckled. “I’m just a country vet and that doesn’t give fancy psychiatric advice like the city vets.” Henry’s tall laughed.
Henry could sense the white one thought he was odd and this made Henry uneasy. Then Henry realized that the tall had probably never observed a horse in his entire life. ‘Strictly a dog and cat man’, Henry thought in amusement.
As they prepared to leave the kennel, Henry smelled a smell mixed with many smells, yet it touched a very deep place in him. He was perplexed about what it was. As he was led back to the truck recognition came over him. His eyes searched until he saw his brother Buddy, and he smelled his former tall as well. His former tall obviously couldn’t smell Henry. His eyes went straight to the blue tall next to him.
The two of them made the customary sounds between each other. Neither dog nor horse understood all of these fully, only the command words. They went on for quite a while. What was significant was that at the end they locked their large front paws and shook them up and down.
His brother, Buddy, was looking apprehensively at the lodgings for dogs, then at Henry. In his eyes was a mixture of trust in his tall, but at the same time, an acceptance that his fate might be to spend time apart from his leader for some purpose beyond his knowledge. Then Buddy was led to one of the wire caves and he dutifully, if reluctantly, got in.
Poor Buddy, thought Henry, the life of an ordinary watcherdog has many unhappy twists and turns.
Henry struggled and struggled to visit with his brother, but they forced him to the truck and started home. While the wind and smells blew past Henry’s face he thought about the up and down movement of the paws which were locked together– what did it mean?
Nothing that week seemed important. Regardless of where he lay his body down, Henry only remembered the events at the kennel. He couldn’t eat either. He sensed something large was going to happen in his life.
One morning, about a month later, the talls came out of the farm house and wanted Henry to get in the truck. Couldn’t they understand he needed the horse trailer over in the barnyard? He barked and barked and barked. Finally they got a leash and led him to the truck. At least they are leading me as horses ought to be led, thought Henry. They aimed the can towards the place with the wire caves. Henry watched suspiciously as they approached. They zoomed quickly past it at such a speed Henry didn’t even get a chance to see if his brother was there. Henry barked and barked until every bit of his energy was gone, but it did no good at all. He lay down in the back of the truck rejected and slept.
When he next raised his head he was drowsy and the noisy large can was silent. He was still lost in a dream about his old puppyhood home from so many years before and could see the old house. As he felt the jolt of the passenger door slam, the truck bed shook and he knew he was not all a dream, he really was there at his old puppyhood home. He hoped very much his brother was not moping in a wire cave at the kennel.
He wanted to share with his brother how he had managed to become a horse. After all, his brother had already seen him and the results of his hard work and cleverness at the kennel. Surely he would be proud of him.
As his talls were looking for his lost strap, Henry thought about Buddy’s life. Buddy was probably like his father, a good and dutiful member of the pack. At that moment Henry also realized so many summers and winters had gone by that his father and mother would not be around. He was trying to recall the last words his father said to him, but they were muddled.
While lost in memory of his dad, the very tall gate to the house swung open and out shot his brother Buddy. Buddy started playing with him just as he always had, directing him into the mud in a joyous, yet undignified manner. This was not the kind of horseplay he had in mind, but Henry graciously and happily overlooked it after so many years apart.
At the same time his brother Buddy was thinking perhaps Henry was so skinny that he was too tired to play in the mud. Henry’s pack leaders were not very clever at providing for their pack, thought Buddy, and he led Henry inside. Buddy directed Henry to try some of his best food, which came from a small can and was given only as a reward.
It did smell fantastic. Henry tried some. This certainly was by far the most delicious food he has ever encountered. Soon he ungraciously gobbled all of his brother’s special food.
“I really didn’t set out to eat it all, really I didn’t.” thought Henry. He looked apologetically at Buddy and couldn’t help but wonder what it was.
Buddy proudly put his nose on a can. The picture clearly showed this was horse meat! Henry spit some of his slobber out onto the floor. How thoughtless and unfeeling Buddy had become. At the same time, Henry was disgusted with himself. Why had he greedily and happily gobbled it all down? No horse should ever be so hungry as to eat horse meat.
Buddy was now looking at Henry’s back and thinking how bent it was. Henry watched him as he stared at his back. It was obvious to Henry Buddy was admiring his strong back. Henry swelled with pride. He decided to do his special prance. As he did it Buddy looked at his front right hoof.
“How did he get that limp?” wondered Buddy. Buddy lovingly licked Henry’s front paw. It was obvious to Henry that poor Buddy spent most of his time in the house and was not very familiar with the proud prances of horses. Had he mistaken his prance as a limp? He would forgive the simple ignorance of his brother, who after all was just a watcherdog.
But soon his feelings changed their tone completely when he caught a look of pity in the eyes of Buddy. Yes, thought Henry, Buddy is extremely jealous of me. He thought about the practical joke of the horse meat and a nasty feeling completely filled Henry. He viciously barked at his brother,
”Are you that jealous of me that I became a strong and beautiful horse?”
Buddy howled and howled with such amusement that the talls came running. Buddy’ tail went straight out in his amusement.
“Have you never these many years used the tall one’s mirror?”
“What’s that? said his farm relative.
Perhaps Buddy did know a little about indoor living, Henry thought.
“It gives back a view of what is in front of it. They comb my fur in front of it sometimes.”
Henry was eager to see his muscular and grand body. Buddy led him to a small room. Henry knew his gigantic body would not fit into the small smelly room with the large, white, water bowl. Again Henry felt indignant and wondered if his brother was doing another of his practical jokes.
His wise and loving brother then decided to lead Henry to the clear pond that was in the back yard to “get a drink.” As Buddy stood over the pond, Henry was surprised to see an image of his brother that looked the same in as he was in real life. Henry became very eager to see how much his hard work and sustained effort had transformed him over the years. He always aspired to be magnificent.
When he stood over the pond, all Henry saw in front of him an undernourished dog.
“What’s the name of that dog in the pond?” thought Henry.
Buddy read his thoughts but said nothing. Henry lifted his swishy horse tail. The dog’s tail lifted. He moved his two proud, prancing front legs. The dog’s front legs moved. He stood up on his hind legs like show horses did. So did the dog. Could there be a chance he was getting a true view of himself?
He rejected the thought immediately trusting that his entire life had not been misspent. There certainly was no chance of that. In fact, he would show his brother that he was just as clever and could figure out his practical dog jokes. His thoughts drifted to his old mantra ‘where there is a will, there’s a way’.
As he was thinking and thinking Henry spent the day in a state of turmoil. Throughout his entire feeling he mightily resented his brother’s attitude, the horse meat, and his howling laughter. Imagine, going so far as having a dog friend in the pond copy his movements. Any clever horse could figure that out. For hours he nursed those resentments until they became a huge rage in his chest. Many more hours went by and time became meaningless. He wasn’t even sure if a new day had come or not. Then he broke down and whimpered as one who was in pain, his chin on his front paw.
He wasn’t sure what was the truth any more, but he knew his feelings of rage couldn’t be good or right. He simply had to let go and find some peace. Finally a calmer feeling came over him, and he realized he loved his brother no matter what nasty tricks he had pulled. He vowed to go back to the pond alone in hopes of getting a true reflection of his horse self.
As his brother slept, he quietly made his way to the pond and sniffed to make absolutely sure he was alone. Empty of emotion his head seemed to slowly force its way down and he looked down into the water.
What he saw brought on a feeling of huge disbelief. At the same time he had never felt this completely humbled. He heard himself whimper in regret.
As he stood there each minute was like an hour. He slowly came to realize he had been too easily swayed by the sureness of the St. Bernard those many years ago. He also had quickly, and without reflection, chosen his path. He mightily resented the high flying spring day of his youth and the escape from the yard. those many years ago. Then he just stood there, frozen for over an hour, feeling totally drained.
A dog from next door who was concerned for him barked out,
“It’s a dog’s life isn’t it” Without thinking his growl conveyed back,
“I suppose it is”
A wave of acceptance began to spread from his thoughts to his physical body and feelings. After a while, he found the energy to crawl into the house, his belly occasionally touching the ground. He found his brother and lay right on top of him, as they had done in their youth, and began licking him. He realized his brother had loved him enough to be honest. Buddy licked his face in return and knew his brother was going to be all right now.Seven moons later his blue farmer pulled up in the big smelly can. They both had already sensed from the talls that Henry was not to stay with Buddy. With his paw on Henry’s head, Buddy said goodbye.
Henry jumped right into the cab, and did not insist on being led by the strap. His tall blue leader seemed amazed and petted him. When Henry returned to the farm he went right indoors! The pack didn’t seem to mind at all. There he rolled around on his back with the young talls, and received touches that showed much acceptance from the leaders in the pack. He ate delicious food for the first time. It was offered by the adult tall with long hair that smelled like flowers. That night he followed the smell into her sleeping room to protect her. She seemed to want him to jump up onto her high sleeping place, so he did. She tenderly petted him for a long time as they both fell asleep.
Now every day seemed good and Henry felt relaxed. Over many months and years he came to a place of total harmony and trust within his pack and never failed to alert them when approached by others.
As the seasons rolled by the huge remorse in him for his quick and fateful decision was erased. It was replaced by feelings deep within him he could only describe as completeness, orderliness, and a peaceful calm. It felt very right. He also became totally free of his anxiousness as well as his concern about appearances..
As he lay on the porch guarding the kitchen he saw a cat trying to chase a car like some of the dogs nearby were doing. That reminded him of how fortunate he had been that the Maker of All Dogs had helped him, breaking down his strong will and working to counter his hasty decisions Then it dawned on him, the meeting of his two pack leaders and the trip to see his loving brother had been a gift. His heart gladdened.
With his chin on the ground he remembered his father’s advice and Henry gave thanks. It was good to be so useful and in tune with what he was, a lovable and protective mutt for the hopelessly deaf, smelling impaired, talls.
THE END