In a dream, I was given an invitation, which I had long wished for, with our beloved Bapak.

Oh how exciting! A one-on-one event with the only person in the world that truly and honestly trusted . . . really! . . . All my childhood and as an adult, I could find no single person to whom I could say:

"I believe you are the one that I have looked for all this time, and now that I have found you, I shall follow you wherever you go, and do whatever you say, without question".

Subud and Bapak was almost one and the same to me, for many years. All the visits to the US that I attended, and the testing, the talks. He spoke the words I wanted and needed to here. But I never had the chance to speak to him alone.

I arrived at the appointed time. The office door was magically opened, and there, across from me was The Man. He was sitting behind a desk, in what appeared to be his office, or interview room.

He was the young Bapak I had only seen in pictures, very handsome and full of life. Bapak, nodding with his head, instantly gestured to me to come in, and sit down. Then he spoke these marvelous words:

"any questions?"

Well, it seemed, He was willing to answer all I put to him. Wow..!

What a golden opportunity. Without a doubt, that was to become my greatest moment of all time.

Immediately, I rolled off several questions, and He would pause... receive, and fill my heart and mind with satisfaction and delight . . . answering me, a nobody in Subud. I must have asked about heavenly things or marriage, and all sorts of interesting things....

Sorry, folks, I can't remember a single thing he told me. My memory is just blank. I do remember how we were both pleased with our selves.

Me and Bapak. . . we had a great time. He laughed a lot, and I was very pleased, almost elevated, as we had Java black tea and sweets together. Later on, he smoked his cigar, while I lit a cigarette and pondered over all my new wisdom. Just wait till I tell my friends. They will envy me and I will have much to say and do. All was just fine. . .

Until - I had asked a particular question, and Bapak instantly shuddered out the answer:

" blah, blah, blah", and: "this and that , furthermore: it is like this . . .", etc, etc. .

At that moment, dear friends, this Subudnick was stopped cold in his tracks. For my inner self took the lead role in me, in its usual way, that I trust for my personal Guidance, and it gave me the indication that I was not to believe the last words Bapak spoke. Even to the extent that maybe he was wrong, or something like that. . !

Oh boy, was I in a fix. There I was, standing blot upright, now that my jiwa was taking control.

I wondered to my self: What should I do now?

I stood there, motionless, hepless, hopeless and fearful of not trusting Bapak, and fearful of not trusting my innerself.

And then, first praying for help, I slowly just relaxed, and surrendered up everything that had just happened to me.

The latihan began straight away, as my body moved to the vibrations within. . . peace and quiet began to filled me.

I suddenly remembered that I was a Muslum, for whom there is only One God and is the only one we are directed to trust.

Well, I say that I was a Muslum, but I never learned the prayers, or went to the Mosque very often. Bapak gave me a Muslum name, after I had Inner felling that I was indeed already of that faith, inside.

So, as I reflected . . .' there is just the One God.'

Suddenly, The "real Bapak" who, I could now feel, had been the one who opened the door and let me in the office. . .and, it seemed, was all the time standing behind me. . .

Now, he gently touched my shoulder from behind, saying:

"Ya Ya . . . Only God"

He then, with a gentle a sweep of his hand, shooed away the imposter, who had been masquerading behind the desk, and sent him on his way . . and again Bapak spoke:

"ya Ya, farlan . .Only God".

amen

farlan