Chapter 1

Our Most Amazing Deliverance Yet... In The Middle Of Nowhere... By None Other... Than Most Gracious... Catholic Nuns... Ending In A Most Magical Night...!

Feeling very relieved... and very grateful... we allowed ourselves... to be led by the nuns... down into the humble domain... of their vast... highly vaulted... cavern-like underground quarters...

And on the way down... into the depths... I could hear Papa... conversing with both of them... in fluent Spanish... as he told them about our sudden... unfortunate... dire circumstances...

And they... in turn... explained to him... their own unfortunate plight... which had led... to their present day... greatly deprived situation...

The nuns very graciously led us... along a short distance... through a tunnel... shyly murmuring... “Por favor...”... into another vast chamber... bare... except for one piece of furniture... suggesting that the Senor... “Por favor...”... relieve himself... of his luggage there...

Papa translated their sad tale to us... later on... all about how their magnificent convent... had come to be completely destroyed... during their country's Civil War... and how... still lacking funds... to rebuild it... they had been forced... to remain living there... in the ruins of their home... underground... ever since...!

Looking around... fascinated... I noticed... that there were hanging lanterns... strategically placed... along the ledge... above the rough... red earthen wall... and on the bare ground... of red earth... a crudely hewn... squat oblong table... made of wood... with lit candles on it... sat on a large... colorful... rough-woven blanket...

One of the nuns... gently smiling... invited us... “Por favor...”... to sit down... on the blanket... shyly and self-effacingly apologizing... for the absence of chairs...!

I studied the nuns intently... noticing how their much too thin bodies... were completely dwarfed... in black robes... their hair... totally covered by cowls... closely framing... their borderline ravaged faces...

And each one of them... was wearing a large silver cross... dangling low... from around her neck... and I saw... that they seemed to be fairly young... the oldest in her mid-thirties... and noticed also... that there was a look of sublime... quiet inner beauty... in the radiance... of their rather plain... gaunt-looking features...

And I was very much impressed... and awed... by their calm demeanor... and the air of utter serenity... they exuded... reminding me very much... of my dearest friend... and teacher... Sister Theresa... back at St. Maur's Convent... in Yokohama...

Especially in view of their paltry situation... in being forced to live... at the poverty level... not to mention... the continual dank darkness... of their bleak surroundings... which must have been terribly depressing for them... on a daily basis... to say the least...

But when two more nuns joined them... who seemed to be... barely in their twenties... and also much too thin... but just as pure-looking... and I noticed how they too... emanated the same gentle... calm aura... of inner quiet... I couldn't help but feel... deep feelings of respect... and love for them... as they serenely and smilingly... went about their business... seemingly unaffected... by their oppressive surroundings... and obviously trying circumstances...

Then a vision... of the opulence... and grandeur... of the pope's residence... at the Vatican Palace... in Rome... flashed through my mind... and I found myself wondering... getting quite annoyed... why on earth... there was such a huge imbalance... in the Catholic Church...!

With all their enormous wealth... how could it be... that they were impervious... to the plight... of this remarkable sisterhood of stalwart... sincere... Catholic Spanish nuns... whose only joy... seemed to be to humbly serve mankind... under the auspices... of their holy father... the pope...!

And I wondered... why the present head... of the Catholic church... Pope Pius II... with all the wealth... at his disposal... had not already long ago... rebuilt their convent for them... above ground... in all its former splendor... now that the last... bloody... Spanish Civil War... had been over with... for at least three years now...

Then all thoughts... of the corpulent... healthy pope... presiding over his people... in the opulent comfort... of his Vatican palace... richly decorated in gold... vanished from my mind... when I saw two more skeletal young nuns... come into the chamber... bearing trays of steaming hot bowls of soup for us... the pungent aroma of which... started my mouth salivating... and my tummy growling... making me suddenly aware... of how ravenous I was...

The nuns set the bowls down... in front of each one of us... with yet another murmured... “Por favor...”... and then... with eyes demurely downcast... speaking barely above a whisper... shyly apologized to Papa... for not being able to offer us... anything to eat... with the soup...!

Except for their homemade bread... which another nun... surprisingly plump... for a change... brought into the chamber... bearing an ornately carved... silver platter... on which exactly five... large thick slices... of a golden-brown... loaf of bread... were neatly placed... setting it before us... on the table...

And a stab of guilt... swept through me... as I realized... how much it must have cost these wonderful Sisters... to share their meager food with us - what an enormous sacrifice...!

And the tears... sprang to my eyes... and I felt terribly ashamed... certain that by consuming... even one precious spoonful... of the delicious vegetable soup... highly flavored with some kind of bean... and spices... and one bite... of the wonderfully smelling... steaming hot bread... I would literally be taking the precious food... out of their own hungry mouths...

And I stared down... at my steaming hot... flavorful bowl of tantalizing soup... totally overcome... the tears now freely coursing... down my cheeks... unable to swallow even one sip... of it... or take one bite... of the delicious looking bread... no matter how starved I was...

And when I looked up... surreptitiously... towards the other members... of my family... to see whether they too... were being as profoundly affected... as I was... I saw that they also sat... stunned... as if turned to stone... unable to touch the delectable feast... placed before them...

And for a brief moment... my heart swelled with pride for them... and their obvious sensitivity... for the plight of these poor... half starved nuns...

Then two remarkable things happened... to change the awful... electric silence... suddenly permeating the vast... underground chamber...

First... one of the nuns... who was unusually tall... and who seemed to be the leader... addressing Papa... suggested that he and his family... begin eating... before the soup got cold... but to please excuse her... and the other Sisters... for withdrawing themselves... from our presence... for this day... the twelfth day of March... was a Catholic Holy Feast Day... to be observed devoutly by them... in prayer... quiet contemplation... and fasting...!

And as Papa nodded at her... unable to speak... because of the lump... in his throat... she backed away... smiling gently... and picking up a candle... from a crate... against the wall... lit it... and leading the way... through one of the pitch black tunnels... left the communal chamber... with her Sisters... solemnly walking quietly behind her... in single file...

And the second thing that happened... was... when she uttered the words... "Twelfth of March"... I saw Papa's face transforming itself... for a moment... into an expression... of comical amazement...!

And no sooner... had the long skirts... of the last nun... disappeared from view... when... with a sheepish look... he looked at each one of us... sitting around the crude table... and shaking his head... in disbelief... chortled...:

"Well... what do you know... bless my soul... it took a Spanish Catholic nun... to remind me... that today... is my birthday...!

What with all the excitement... and up and down circumstances... of the past few days... I had completely forgotten... all about it...!

Come... let us all celebrate my 50th year on earth... together... and give thanks to the Lord... for having Delivered us... so fortuitously... into the compassionate hands... of such gracious hosts...!"

And as the rest of us.... just sat there... with our mouths hanging open... and our eyes blinking rapidly... feeling like perfect idiots... at this most unexpected piece of news... Papa turned to his beloved Xenia... and jovially asked her... whether they could now partake... of some of the precious contents... inside her fiercely guarded... food hamper...

And her whole face lighting up... with sheer delight... Xenia proudly produced from behind her... the enormous straw basket... and opening it... with a flourish... showed us... that it was packed chock-a-block... with all kinds of delectable... mouth-watering goodies...!

So... for the next hour... or so... we all happily gorged ourselves... on the delicious... hearty soup... and bread... accompanied... by all kinds of Xenia’s carefully selected delicacies... such as different types of flavorful... imported cheeses... smoked beef sausages... tins of sardines... smoked oysters... asparagus spears... and even some Beluga caviar...!

There were also some hard boiled eggs... and even some dried fruit... that I noticed... she reluctantly withdrew... from her precious hamper... perhaps because... somewhere in that intuitive Russian soul of hers... she "knew"... that the dried fruit... would become a posible life saver... in the future...!

She also refused to let us see... what else... was deep down... in her closely guarded food hamper...

And while we ate... each one of us... kept gravely thanking Xenia... even Prima...!

For it was Xenia alone... who had had the foresight... to buy the wonderful variety of precious foods... back in Lisbon...!

And praising her... for the wonderful variety of delectables... she had selected... the sobering realization... hit us collectively... that if it hadn't been for her prudence... and common sense... we may very well... have found ourselves... having to subsist mostly... on Valencia oranges... and who knows for how long... for we were... in all probability... still a long ways away... from our ultimate destination... of Zurich... Switzerland...!

Then Papa's face lit up... and winking at us... he announced... that he had found the perfect name... for this place of no name... this place of our Deliverance... sitting forgotten... way out in the Spanish wilderness...!

And looking directly into my eyes... with a piercing look... from his beautiful emerald green ones... he pointedly remarked...:

"...So that you will know what to name it... when you write your famous book...!"

And as I blinked... at his words... I suddenly remembered... my Guardian Angel Friend... Telling me... in my right ear... as I boarded the "Tjisadane"... in Shanghai...:

"You Must Be Very Observant...! For You AreTo Write About All You Behold... One Day...!"

All I had written... so far... were a few poems... dedicated to my Beloved Heavenly Father... Almighty God... and some essays for school...

And then I heard Papa... heartily announce...:

"We shall call it... "Valencia-Al-Cantara...!" ...which means... "Valencia-Around-The-Corner...!"

And everybody nodded their heads... in smiling agreement... understanding the quirky irony... of his reasoning...

Then... on a sudden impulse... I leapt to my feet... and started off... by leading everybody... into singing the traditional... "Happy Birthday" song... to our brave Papa... as he blushed happily... with tears in his eyes...

And after the last note faded away... to his delight... he happened to spot a guitar... standing up in the corner... of the chamber... and agilely springing to his feet... and picking it up... strummed a few chords on it...

And before long... Papa and I... were singing... all our favorite duets... together... such as "Hallelujah I'm a Bum"... "The Music Goes Round and Round”... “La Paloma" (The Dove) ... "Chiri-Biri-Bin"... (my solo)... "Funiculi Funicula"... "O Sole Mio"... "Santa Lucia"... "Sorriento"... "Du Kanst Nicht Treu Sein" (You Can't Be Faithful)... "Hab Ich Nur Deine Liebe" ... (If I Only Have Your Love)... (again my solo) ...

And not to forget... our favorite Jeanette Macdonald/ Nelson Eddy duets... such as "I'll See You Again"... "Indian Love Call"... "Ah, Sweet Mystery of Life" (my favorite)... and "When We Were Young One Day"...

And of course... we had to give a rousing rendition... of Papa's very favorite... "San Francisco"... that romantic Cosmopolitan city... being the closest... to his heart... (with my having no inkling... whatsoever... at the time... that I was singing... about a city that... some thirty-two odd years later... I myself... would be living in...!)

Papa and I... had never been in better harmony together... as on that wonderfully spontaneous... magical night... of his 50th birthday... his light lyrical tenor voice... soaring... and my rich... clear-as-a-bell soprano... harmonizing... improvising with tricky trills... and glissandos...

I've been told... that my voice is very similar... to that of the child movie star... singing sensation... Deanna Durbin... whose singing career... in the movies was... alas... short-lived... because of the overwhelming popularity... of Judy Garland... who sang the more popular... modern songs... although she continued starring... in non-singing roles... for quite a number of years... before she went to France... to pursue a successful operatic career there...

Alas... little did I know... that that memorable night... the one and only time... that Papa's children... celebrated his birthday... together... because all his other birthdays... took place... during his long business trips abroad... would be the very last time... that Papa and I... would ever sing together... again...!

Everybody else... enjoyed themselves hugely... even Xenia... listening to the two of us... going through our melodic repertoire... and after each song... they clapped their hands with enthusiasm... shouting out... to our delight...:

"Encore... encore...!"

In response to which... naturally... Papa and I... were more than happy to oblige...

Beaming at each other... the same song titles... Miraculously... rolling off our tongues... simultaneously... as the next ones... to sing together... we were in perfect unison... one in spirit... and one in harmony... joyously indulging... our carefree dream... of make-believe...

Those few precious hours... spent sitting feasting... around that crudely hewn... wooden table... together... on a surprisingly soft... roughly woven blanket.... in the dank underground chamber... of a ruined convent... in "Valencia-Al-Cantara"... gustily celebrating our patriarch's 50th birthday... partaking of delicious... hot bean and vegetable soup... and munching on the nuns' richly textured... home-made bread... accompanied by Xenia's cornucopia... of delicious delicacies... then Papa and I... singing our hearts out... were the very last... most treasured moments... of exhilarating closeness... I have ever shared... with him...!

(By some strange coincidence... it so happens that... without design... I am actually writing... about that particular memorable night... here... on the afternoon of the exact date... of Papa Rau's birthday... March 12th...!!!???)

(There is the fact-is-stranger-than-fiction... incredible story... of how Papa Rau... came to be posthumously “Opened...”... and Awakened...”... into SUBUD... by yours truly...! ... despite a 15 year separation... of total non-communication... whatsoever... between us... because of his gross betrayal... when I was a student... living in England... believing total strangers... out of hand... that I was a lesbian...!

And also... how the Angelic Postal Service... Miraculously Delivered... his letter to me... from New York... at my office... wherein he wrote... to inform me... that his beloved Xenia... had passed away...

But the strange fact... is that... although Papa's letter... was addressed... to Miss Graziella Rau... I was no longer known... by that name... having changed it... to Nadia Scott... when I married Brian Scott... in Bulawayo... Southern Rhodesia... seven years earlier... and although divorced... three years later... was still known by that name... living first in Johannesburg... then Durban... and now Pretoria... South Africa... for the past two years...!

That Miraculous... Angel Assisted... reconnection... obviouly Willed... by my beloved Heavenly Father... which led to a warm resumption of correspondence between us... for the next two years... plus a number of subsequent... wonderful Visitations... of his... from the Other Side... after he passed away... witnessed... by some of my SUBUD Brothers and Sisters... is fully detailed... in my sequel... to this book... my Spiritual Odyssey... “From Seven Hells... To Seventh Heaven... SUBUD...”

May your soul rest in Blissful Peace... Forever... Papa Rau... in SUBUD Heaven... until we are happily reunited There... once again... in Glorious Paradise... God Willing...)

The remarkable day's events... of March 12th... 1942... finally caught up with us... and finally feeling tired... unable to sing another single note... we were abruptly brought back to reality... just as two of the nuns returned...

Noticing with surprise... the remnants of a sumptuous meal... on the table... they were overcome... when Xenia... standing up... reached into her precious hamper... and withdrew a large package of smoked sausage... a large tin of sardines... a large package of cheese... and a big... long bar of Swiss Sprungli Chocolat... and bowing her head... respectfully offered them... to the nuns... in sincere gratitude... for their generous hospitality...

First refusing... then graciously accepting them... at Xenia’s gestured insistence... they humbly accepted the rare gifts... with murmured expressions of... “Muchos Gracias...”

And then the Sister in charge... explained to the Senor... that she was terribly sorry... but his children... would have to sleep in the barn... with the animals... since they only had two sleeping quarters... to spare...

With one of the young nuns... leading Prima and Remo away... with lit candles... and stopping me from joining them... two other nuns beckoned... with murmured “Por favors...”... that I should accompany them... as they led Papa... Xenia and me... out of the chamber... also holding lit candles...

As the Sister in charge... whose name was Agathea... walked beside Papa... as tall as he was... at five foot ten... she explained... that they only had one cubicle... with a double bed in it... and one extra cot... in another cubicle... to spare... saying that they were terribly sorry... but that was the best they could do for us...

And she sighed deeply... shrugging her much too thin shoulders... helplessly... her soft... doe-like eyes... glistening with regretful tears...

And while Xenia and I walked together... behind her and Papa... and another nun... walked behind us... leading us up a sloping... narrow cement walkway... I noticed... that there were rough... burlap curtain covered cubicles... running the length of it... to my left...

And I thought what an eerie procession... we made... with the nuns... dressed all in black... with only the candles... dimly lighting up their faces...

And stopping at one of the cubicles... Sister Agathea... drew the rough curtain back... and again quietly apologizing... to the Senor... said that all they had to offer us... for the night... were two beds...:

One double bed... for the Senor... and his beautiful nueva Novia (new bride) ... beckoning to me... that I should come forward... and join my husband...!

And a cot... for his hermana... (sister)... shyly smiling at Xenia... and pointing to the cubicle... right next door...!

So... for the second time... that incredible night... I was mistaken... for Papa's wife...!

And now (new bride!?) ... and by another Spaniard... to boot...!

Recalling the unpleasant scene... on the train... I had been wondering... how that arrogant Spanish official... or anybody else... for that matter... could possibly believe... by any stretch of the imagination... how my gangly... awkward... pre-pubescent child's body... could have possibly given birth... to Prima and Remo...!

I could accept his pompous... arrogant pettiness... exercising his puffed up authority... as an excuse... to throw us off the train... without really believing... that I was actually Papa's wife...

But now even a nun... thought that I was Papa’s new bride...?! Absolutely mind-boggling...!

I can just imagine... how embarrassed... poor Sister Agathea... must have felt... blushing profusely... when Papa hastily explained to her... that the "hermana"... was actually his “esposa” (wife...)... and that I was his youngest “hija” (daughter)... the baby of the family... and not his novia...!

As I watched Papa... talking to Sister Agathea... and explaining things... to an agitated Xenia... at the same time... it dawned on me... how much I stood out... as not really belonging... to my family... and that in a period of only twenty-four hours... two different people... from two utterly different walks of life... had noticed the very marked... obvious difference... in our looks...!

So it was true... after all... because... the older I got... the more I felt like an outsider... in a strange way... as I noticed... more and more... how everybody else... in my family... looked so very different...

So that perhaps the misunderstanding... both from that arrogant Spanish official... and now this nun... had come about... because everybody else... in my family... were darker complected... with darkish hair... and brown... and green eyes... while I was the only individual... of the clan... with golden blonde hair... and a very light... peaches and cream complexion... and the only blue-eyed... in the bunch... and the good Sisters... didn't think further... than that obviously glaring discrepancy...

It became even more understandable to me... when Sister Agathea... shyly said... that it had been her mistaken belief... that the lady... she believed to be the "hermana”... was the Senor’s sister... traveling with him... as duenna... to his children... especially to protect his older daughter... from the unwelcome attentions... of hot-blooded young Spaniards... in the land...

And that the celebration... she had overheard that evening... was for the Senor... and his young novia’s happy betrothal...! ... commenting how she had noticed... the radiant happiness... of our faces... as we sang so beautifully... together...!

So then... naturally... Papa had to explain... that it had been his “cumpleanos” (birthday) ... we had been celebrating together... and not his betrothal...!

As things ultimately turned out... he and Xenia... ended up... sleeping curled up together... with all their clothes on... in the narrow double bed... even wearing their outer garments... Xenia in her rich... Russian sable fur coat... and Papa in his expensive... warm... pure wool overcoat... because it was so bitterly cold... that starless night...

And I... also slept... with all my clothes on... lying most uncomfortably... on a hard... narrow... much too short cot... my legs up to mid-calf... dangling over the bottom edge... separated from Papa and Xenia... only by a smelly burlap curtain...!

But first... as I stood inside my tiny make-shift cubicle... staring forlornly... at the much too short cot... to my surprise... Xenia came in... and touched me deeply... by her motherly concern... that I not go to bed... with unbrushed teeth...!

And as she briskly removed from her prudently packed vanity case... what I needed... in the form of a small toothbrush... a small tube of toothpaste... and a little washcloth... she pointed to the large bowl... and tall ewer... full of hot water... standing next to it... sitting precariously... on a rickety table of sorts... and suggested that I use them...

And after I brushed my teeth... and washed my face... I also lay down... on the hard... narrow... much too short cot... with all my clothes on... including my new... New York... Shirley Temple overcoat... marvelling over my strange stepmother... who could be so thoughtful... and loving... when you least expected it...!

But it was nigh impossible... for me to get comfortable... with my legs up to mid calf... dangling over the bottom edge...

But despite the discomfort... I was so exhausted... that I immediately fell into a deep sleep...

And by the light of day... just a few short hours later... I was amazed... to find myself surprisingly well rested...!

I expected to be aching all over... from the hard thin mattress... but felt quite limber... instead...!

And realized... that I must have gotten some Heavenly Help... yet again... while on my nocturnal visit Home... as I so often did... such as Miraculously recovering... from a grave illness... overnight...!

And looking around me... noticed to my amazement... that we were precariously perched... high atop one of the narrow ledges... that criss-crossed a large... open area... behind the vast underground chamber...!

So that we actually had been sleeping... under blankets... in open air... with the sky above... for a roof... and with a considerable drop... on either side of us...!

Now that it was beginning to grow light... I understood... why the nuns had separated Papa and Xenia from me... arranging it... so that we all approached the sleeping quarters... walking in the middle... in single file... with one nun leading... and another one... taking up the rear...

Even though I could barely keep my eyes open... I had walked very carefully... following... and copying the nun... in front of me... with another nun... close at my heels... behind me... and now understood the reason... for their precaution... obviously to make certain... that I did not fall off the narrow ledge... since each narrow sleeping quarter... was accessible... only from either end of it...!

For there was no room... to pass through the heavy burlap curtains... from one cubicle to another... because of the thick wall of piled up... uneven clay stones... separating them from each other...

Meanwhile... Prima and Remo... had had to fend for themselves... as best they could... in the barn... propped up against some wooden crates... in the pitch black darkness... with only a little area lit up... by the one candle... their nun had left for them...

And poor Prima... was nearly scared out of her wits when... just as she was about to finally doze off... some gigantic flying creature... had suddenly swooped down... and swept past her... brushing her cheek with its wings... making a horrible screeching noise... probably a night owl... or a bat...

And she had spent... the rest of the night... quivering in fear... clinging to Remo... begging him... who was wide awake... and wanted to go exploring... to please not leave her all alone... in the scary... smelly barn... dozing off fitfully... startled awake... at the slightest sound... with her fertile imagination... running wild...

Chapter 2

Crossing Dreary... Desolate Spain... On Foot... Ending... Some Torturous... Nine Hours Later... In Yet Another... Miraculous Deliverance...!

With the Rau family... all reassembled... back in the communal underground chamber... Papa... Xenia and I... remarked to the beaming nuns... Xenia and I gesturing... on how very refreshed... we felt... after a comfortable night... sleeping in beds... for a welcome change... and were very grateful... for the cups of steaming hot herbal tea... sweetened with wild honey... graciously offered us... by the Sisters... with more shyly murmured... “Por favors...”

Papa... all no nonsense business now... was raring to get off early... and assembling us together... as we cupped our cold hands... around our hot mugs of tea... sternly announced... that there would be nothing for us to eat... that morning... and that... since he did not know... what would await us that day... it was important... that the remaining contents... of Xenia’s food hamper... which probably now... was only a third full... be saved for later...

Because... the rumor... that the German troops... already occupying... the Northern part of France... for the past two years... with the South... having been protected... so far... by an alliance... between Hitler... and the Vichy government... possibly now broken... and that the Germans... might now be advancing... to the South of France... was probably true... and who knew what the food situation... would be like... once we crossed the French border...!

Continuing briskly... our pater said... that it would be more advantageous for us... to make the most... of the daylight hours... and suggested... that we make tracks... immediately... without wasting any more time... heading south east... as Sister Agathea... had suggested... in the direction of the Spanish/French border...

As we took our leave... Papa tried to press upon the good Sisters... some more of our precious food... or at least some monetary remuneration... for their gracious kindness... but they adamantly declined his offer... insisting that we would need every crumb of food... and every penny... for ourselves... and no amount of cajoling... would budge them...

And so we set off... once more... after reverently thanking... our gracious hosts... for their most generous hospitality...

And as we said our goodbyes... Sister Agathea... smiled shyly... and called out softly... in perfect English...! ... as Papa began walking away...:

"Senor...! I feel to tell you... that it was the Holy Light of God... Divine Providence... that Led you... and your family... to our humble abode... last night... and not only last night... but on a Holy Feast Day... as well...!

I feel that you Are All... Especially Protected... by the Holy Angels... Who Guard your footsteps...

May Almighty God... Continue to Bless you... and His Angels... Keep Watch over you... and your family... Keep you safe... from all harm..."

And charmingly bowing her head... she softly said...

"Vaya con Dios...!" (Go with God)

As we heard the dulcet tones... of Sister Agathea's sweet voice... we were all compelled... to stop dead in our tracks... and turned our heads... to listen to her earnest words... amazed to hear her speak English... for the very first time... and with such a charming Latin accent...!

And when she had finished blessing us... she bowed her head... once again... making the sign of the cross... and smiling gently... her gaze lingering... on each one of us... I noticed how her soft... luminous dark eyes... were full of love... and compassion... transfiguring her plain features... making her look quite beautiful...!

I was so drawn to her... and her sincerity... that before I knew it... I had raced back to her... and flung myself into her arms... unable to stop myself...!

She was startled at first... but then I felt her arms... closing lovingly around my body... enfolding me... and for a brief moment... we stood there together... frozen in time... one in love... one in spirit...

And I had never felt such inner peace before... from the touch of another human being... as I did at that moment... flowing from the arms and body... of gracefully tall... gentle-spirited Sister Agathea... not since dear Sister Theresa... back at St. Maur’s...

It was quite amazing... how we withdrew from each other... our spirits knowing the exact moment... the warm... meaningful embrace... of our Spiritual Connection... was over...!

And unable to look up into her face... one last time... through the sudden blur of tears in my eyes... I turned away from her... and ran from the spot... streaking like the wind... never once looking back...!

And only when I had reached a safe distance... where I knew the dear nun's faces... would be indistinguishable... did I stop... look back and wave... with all my might... thanking my Heavenly Father... in my heart... over and over again... For Having Let our paths cross... so inwardly meaningfully... especially Sister Agathea...

I waited for the others... to catch up with me... and was greatly relieved... that they refrained... from asking embarrassing questions... to which I would have had no words... to explain... what was in my full to overflowing heart and soul... anyway...

And so... as the sun pinkly peeped... over the horizon... lighting up the sky... with a soft glow... we set forth... walking into the light of it... together... in a south easterly direction...

Papa and Remo... were carrying the heavier... of the suitcases... slung around their necks... like before... and Xenia... her two most treasured possessions... her vanity case... which contained the secrets... of her false "Mask of Beauty..."... in one hand... and with me helping her... to carry her precious food hamper... with one hand... and helping Prima... with our lighter ones... with my other one...

The nuns had kindly provided us... with a large burlap sack... to put all our heavy... outer clothing in... such as Xenia’s rich sable fur coat... and the rest of our overcoats... and Papa and Remo... took turns... dragging it along the rough... uneven ground...

Periodically... Remo... becoming impatient... would run on ahead... to investigate the miles and miles... of uninteresting... desolate terrain...

But as far... as the eye could see... there was nothing... but parched earth... on the vast... uneven... hard ground... and here and there... clumps of straw-like... textured shrubbery... tinged with glittering crystals of ice... jutting up... out of it...

We trudged... and plodded... for hours... on end... the sun... as it climbed the sky... becoming increasingly hotter... and hotter... so that the pleasant coolness... of the early morning hours... soon became a thing of the past...

Then the time came... when the never ending... vast desolateness... in front of us... began shimmering hazily... and the saliva... dried up in our mouths... our throats becoming parched...

And Xenia allowed us... only a few sips each... of the precious water... from her flask... which she had refilled... from the well... at the “convent”... which was tepid... and not ice cold... for the nuns... did not have the luxury... of an icebox... storing their food... deep beneath the earth... where it was cool...

Xenia had only two... precious Valencia oranges left... in her magical food hamper... and she very carefully... divided them up... between us... using Remo’s all-purpose Swiss army knife... and my painfully parched throat... welcomed... such sweet juices... as had never filled my mouth... before... to soothe away... my agony...

And I Sent Up a fervent... silent prayer of thanks... to my Heavenly Father... thanking Him... for Guiding Xenia... so Perfectly... for us...

Not one family member... was allowed... to look inside Xenia’s fiercely guarded treasure chest... beforehand... to see what kind of goodies... it still contained... not even her beloved Teo... for she was in absolute charge... of the food hamper...

And we only found out... what some of its contents were... whenever she reached inside it... and withdrew from it... some kind of food... that would help ease... our growing discomfort... avoiding picking out the savory... salty ones...

Soon the few sips of water... taken at intervals... were not enough... nor even the bits of dried fruit... of banana... apricot... and apple... that Xenia meagerly handed out... and we began to pant... one by one... being scorched... more and more... by the now unfriendly... blazing hot sun...

Although I carried the lightest... of the suitcases... I could see the arms... of my family... drag closer to the ground... more and more... with the increasingly heavier weight of them...

And the large burlap sack... becoming heavier and heavier... was... alternately dragged... along the rough... uneven... unyielding ground... in slow fits... and starts... by Papa and Remo... the strain of their efforts... now showing in their sweaty faces...

Then... when we all reached the point... where we all felt... that we could not walk another single... dragging step... almost at the same time... way in the distance... through the shimmering haze... we thought we spotted... what looked like a building of sorts...!

And our footsteps quickening... we excitedly hurried towards it... giggling nervously...

And as we came closer... and closer... and saw the distinct outlines... of what looked like a spanking new... freshly built cabin... of virgin wood... we laughingly rubbed our eyes... and pinched each other... to be certain that we were not dreaming... or seeing a mirage... like those people... we had heard and read all about... and how much of an ordeal... they had endured... in traversing the scorching hot desert...

And Remo... unable to contain his impatience... ran on ahead again... to investigate the seeming apparition... more closely... and we all saw his figure... suddenly disappearing... through the wooden building...!

And then... a short while later... he reemerged... minus all the suitcases...!

And there was a huge grin... on his handsome face... as he began waving his arms frantically... gesturing for us... to hurry up... and join him...!

And dropping all the suitcases... and the heavy burlap sack... we began running towards him... Papa and II... our thirst forgotten... our parched throats forgotten... and as usual... our long strides... outrunning poor Xenia and Prima... who were trying their level best... to keep up with us...

And when we reached Remo... who was grinning... from ear to ear... proudly standing in the doorway... with his hands on his hips... Papa and I... happened to glance above his head... and there... in large printed letters... was an oblong wooden board... in the middle of which were printed... in large black letters... the words...:

"Swiss Information Bureau..."!!!

Blinking in amazement... at first... then shaking himself into action... without further hesitation... Papa immediately marched through the cabin door... with me following close behind...

And what our eyes beheld... astonished us... to the very depths... of our souls...!

For behind a brand new... highly polished counter... tapping out a Morse Code message... on a telegraph machine... with his right forefinger... sat an industrious looking young man... his brows knit... in total concentration... his head cocked... to one side...

And just above his head... on the wall behind him... was a huge map of Switzerland... and on the opposite walls... likewise enormous maps of Spain... Portugal and France... respectively...

And when Papa approached him... he put up his arm... signaling...: "Un momento... por favor..."... and continued rapidly tap tap tapping... away...

When the brash young man had finished... relaying his all important message... he smiled a great big smile... and greeted Papa... with a hearty...:

"Buenas Dias...!"...

To which Papa... grinning broadly... replied in the colloquial Swiss dialect...:

"Gruezi min Herr...!"

This most unexpected response... floored... and delighted the young man... at the same time... who had probably never dreamed... of actually encountering... a fellow countryman... in this God-forsaken wilderness... in the middle of nowhere...!

In no time flat... Papa introduced himself... to the young man... and explained our dire circumstances to him... and in producing our Passports... explained why they looked so dirty... and all about the arrogant Spanish official confiscating them... on the train... then throwing them out after us... after he first threw us off the train... with our luggage... (wisely leaving out the actual reason... for being thrown off it...)

And the young man... immediately commiserated with Herr Rau... expressing his heartfelt sympathy... for his plight...

And reassuring him... he immediately busied himself... telegraphing Bern... to contact the Spanish and French border patrols... to allow the Rau family... safe passage... through France... into Switzerland...

In the interim... Remo had gone back outside... to retrieve our luggage... just as hot and sweaty... Prima and Xenia joined us... very relieved... to find the interior of the room... much cooler than outside... and looked around the brand new Swiss Information Bureau... in awe...

Once the young man had finished... relaying his important messages... after Papa introduced his family to him... in English... he expressed his curiosity... to know how it was... that a young Swiss man... such as himself... was living way out... in the middle of nowhere... and in Spain... of all places...!

While he commented... also in English... in a quaint accent... that we must be thirsty... and going to a small icebox... and producing some small bottles... of ice cold... orangeade soft drinks... and handing them out... to each one of us... he blithely informed us that... unlike most of his fellow countrymen... from a very early age... he had always been curious to know... how other people... of other nations lived... eager to learn... all about their different customs... their fascinating cultures...

And the older he grew... making certain... to learn all the major languages... the more his feet itched... to leave his homeland... and explore the rest of the world...!

And so... when he reached the ripe old age of twenty-one... he had left his disapproving parents... and ventured forth... equipped with his most treasured possession... the telegraph machine... and the Spanish border... was as far... as he had gotten...!

Then with a rueful look... he explained how... having run out of money... he had thought it a good idea... to transform this abandoned shack... into a decent looking cabin... calling it the "Swiss Information Bureau"... to operate out of... with the Swiss government... paying him... for his services abroad...!

The enterprising young man... ended his fascinating narrative... by letting Herr Rau know... by the way... that his assumption... in believing that his Bureau was situated... in the middle of the Spanish wilderness... was false... because it was actually quite close... to the railway tracks... and the Spanish/French border... located only a few yards away... behind his cabin...!

Drinking the delicious... ice cold refreshment... which quickly quenched my thirst... I became curious... and went to the huge map of Spain... tacked up on the wall... and tried to locate... where the ruins of the“convent”... might be situated...

And unable to do so... I beckoned Remo over to me... and asked him... to figure out the number of miles... we had walked south eastward... since early that morning... seeing by the clock... that it was about 3.30... in the afternoon... which meant that we had been trudging across the Spanish countryside... for some nine and a half hours...!!!

Being not only an accomplished artist... and musician... but a mathematical genius... as well... for I had often seen him crouched... over a column... of five digit figures... and rapidly running his finger down them... write down the total sum... without using his fingers... to count them... I knew that he could pinpoint... the exact location... of our wonderful place... of Divine Deliverance... the Spanish “convent...”!

So between the two of us... noting that the young man... had marked the map... with a cross... showing where his Bureau was situated... we tried to backtrack south westward from it... avoiding any indication that showed... where there were mountains... because we had not climbed any... nor even a hill...

And concentrating only... on open flat land... Remo calculated... that we had walked... for about fifty to sixty miles... all told...!

And slowly running his finger... south westward... finally pointed to a spot... where he thought we had found the forlorn terrain... where the ruins of the underground “convent”... might be situated... newly named “Valencia-Al-Cantara...”... by Papa...

Becoming enthusiastic... and getting quite excited... I thought of printing the name... on the to me now... most precious spot on earth...

And seeing a pen... on the counter... on a sudden impulse... picked it up... and turning to the startled young man... and showing him the spot... on the map... explained all about the wonderful... adventurous time... we had spent there... the night before... which happened to be our father's 50th birthday...!

Telling him... breathlessly... with eyes shining... how our father... had given the abandoned place... of the ruined “convent”... a brand new name... last night... on his birthday... which happened to also be a Catholic Holy Feast Day...!

And how much I wanted to honor... the Holy Place of our Deliverance... by forever acknowledging it... on his wall map...!

My eager fervor... deeply moved the young man... who also happened to be a Catholic... and he was in thorough agreement... that I should write the new name... on his map... “for posterity”... he gravely said...!

So if that particular Swiss Information Bureau... still exists today... at the Spanish/French border... and you happen to visit it... you might find... on the huge map of Spain... tacked up on one of its walls... about sixty miles southwest of the cross... marking the Bureau... a Catholic cross... with the proud words... “Valencia-Al-Cantara”... printed right next to it...!

So in short shrift... thus it was... that we were given clear passage... to cross the Spanish border... into France...

And only truly believed... the Miraculous reversal... in our fortunes... of this incredible turnabout... when we were actually safely seated... aboard a Wagon-Lits French train... in our very own... cozy... comfortable compartment... once more... at about six o’clock that evening... on March the 13th... marvelling over the adventurous young man... and the existence... of all things... a “Swiss Information Bureau”... at... of all places... the Spanish/French border...!

Chapter 3

“La Belle France”... Not So Belle... Anymore...!

Now that we had been permitted... to cross the Spanish border... into France... without special Visas... but with precious new papers... in hand... and were finally reasonably comfortable... settled aboard the French Wagon Lits... in our very own compartment... once more... we all thankfully breathed... a sigh of relief...

And I Sent Up... a silent prayer of thanks... although there was the worrying... nagging... sobering thought... at the back of our minds... that to the north... the good French citizens... were still suffering... for the past two years or so... the brutal invasion... by the Germans... of their “Belle France”... not so “Belle” anymore... and the continuation... of their subsequent callous... intrusive occupation...

We had heard the stories... about how... of all the conquered nations of Europe... the Danes... and the Dutch... had shown the most courage... in the face of their oppressors...

And I hoped and prayed... that the goodFrench people... likewise... would proudly hold their heads up high... defeated in body... perhaps... but never in spirit...!

With no idea... that there was already a successful French underground movement... in operation... some brave men... and even women... committing acts of sabotage... defiantly thwarting their loathed... and despised conquerors... at every turn...!

The route of our train... took us across the more southern part... of the country... and this time... I did not mind one bit... that the engine... chug-chugged slowly onward... because the scenery... outside our shadedwindows... was far more pleasant... than the dreary evidence... of constant... dreadful poverty... back in Spain... their beautiful countryside... pitifully ravaged... by heartbreaking scenes... of Civil War-torn rubble... and ruin...

Despite the chill in the air... there were even... here and there... definite signs... of an early Spring... with the first buds... shyly peeping... out of the ground... and on some trees... in the midst of the barren winter land...

I was feeling much more content... and quite relieved... that on the new leg... of our interrupted journey... we were not being horrendously subjected... to a scorching sun... blazing through the uncovered... glaring windowpanes... nor to the awful... throat-choking dust... and Thank God... no more smelly... squawking... clucking... and bleating... farm animals...

On the contrary... the weather was quite pleasantly mild... by comparison to our hellish... torturous train rides... through Portugal... and Spain...

And suddenly feeling light at heart... I decided... on impulse... to do a little exploring... on my own...

And had just reached... the other end... of our carriage... when an unfamiliar stab of excruciating pain... seared across my abdomen...!

And it took me... by such complete surprise... that I doubled over... gasping... holding my stomach... and moaning... nearly fainting... from a spell of sudden weakness... and dizziness...!

Then the most awful agony... attacked me... inside my head... just behind my eyes...!

And as I stood there... between the swaying railroad cars... quite bewildered... and confused... I became convinced... that I was dying a horrible death... right then and there... for my body now... was in such excruciating pain...!

And then I felt something sticky... trickling down the inside... of my stockinged leg...!

And immediately my mind flashed back... to that unforgettable morning... st the Swiss Dauphin Hotel... in New York... and the awesomely frightening experience... of my very first monthly cycle of menstruation... for which I had been totally unprepared... was it only... just a few weeks ago...?

And suddenly... in the midst of the awful stomach cramps... and “ice-pick”... now grinding... into my left temple... despite the nigh unbearable sensation... of pain... I grinned... realizing... that I was not dying... after all... but merely experiencing... my second monthly cycle... and I let out a sighed...:

“Phew... what a relief...!”

And as I basked... in the wonderful euphoria... of realizing... that my burgeoning life... was not coming... to an abrupt end... somewhere in the South of France... after all... when I had barely begun... to see the mysterious... fascinating world... of now Europe... beyond the shores of my beloved Nippon... I determined to ignore... the continuing pain...

And about to spread my arms Upwards... in joyous gratitude... to my Beloved Heavenly Father... I happened to look up... and saw my brother Remo... standing right in front of me... grinning from ear to ear...!

Reaching out... and affectionately chucking me... under my chin... he jovially asked...:

“What's up... kiddo...?”

But suddenly becoming acutely aware... that I was bleeding... down my leg... in front of a man... never mind... that he was my brother... and never mind... that he could not see the blood... because of my knee high stocking... covering my leg... instead of answering him... I reddened... suddenly feeling... greatly embarrassed...!

And I bolted... mumbling some excuse... leaving poor Remo... with his mouth hanging open... in surprise...!

And I walked away from him... with as much dignity... as I could muster... back into the swaying carriage... in search of my sister... and a fresh Kotex pad...

Once Prima tenderly took care of me... she gently reminded me.... how she had explained... back in New York... that many girls... suffered with abdominal cramps... at the outset of a new cycle...

Although... as far as the “ice pick”... drilling pain... at the left side of my head... was concerned... she reassured me... that she was quite certain... that it was simply a bad coincidence... having nothing at all... to do with my period...!

Adding that... more than likely... my second period... had probably been brought on... prematurely... because of all the tension... and uncertainty... I had been undergoing... ever since leaving New York... and especially... during the last few days...

Chapter 4

How The Miracle Of SUBUD... Miraculously... Came... Into My Miserable Life... Miserable... Because I Had Disobeyed... My Guardian Angel's Warning... Not To Marry Brian... Who Had Taken Such Wonderful Care Of Me... While I Lay... Unconscious... In A Seven Month Long Coma...!

When I originally wrote this book... I had no intention... of writing extensively... about SUBUD... my very last Spiritual Path... That I Know... Will Lead Me... Straight Back... To My Creator... My Beloved Heavenly Father... Allah Almighty God... in Heaven... because I already knew... that there would be a sequel... to it...!

And it would include... my Spiritual Odyssey... and tell all about... how the Miracle of SUBUD... Was Shown to me... by an Angel of God... initially... while living in Southern Rhodesia... when I was barely... in my thirtieth year of life...!

And also recently divorced... from a pathetic... poignant three years... of a never consummated marriage... preceded by a seven month long coma... because of all the negative forces absorbed... while I was being... a most willing... channel... for Divine Healing... for my Beloved Heavenly Father...

When He Had me attend... to hundreds... of His afflicted souls... and even Letting me Experience... and Witness... with my very own eyes... the Miraculous Healing... of quite a number of terminally ill patients...!

There were even two occasions... when I became a channel... for Divine Healing... while I myself... was lying gravely ill... in hospital...!

The first Miracle of Divine Healing... when all the sick patients... were instantly Cured... through yours truly... took place... at the General Hospital... in Salisbury... Southern Rhodesia...!

When... early one morning... while I was recovering... from the removal... of my appendix... after an acute attack of appendicitis... thirteen stranger patients... came to me... one after the other... telling me... of their identical dreams... where an Angel of God... Had Appeared to them... and Told them to come to me... To Be Healed...!

The second occasion... of Miraculous Divine Healing... which turned out... to be my last... occured at the General Hospital... in Johannesburg...while I myself... was again... lying flat on my back... gravely ill... with yet another kidney infection... having been born... with only one developed kidney...!

And just as at the hospital... in Salisbury... there were again... thirteen stranger patients... who came to me... one after the other... early one morning... telling me... of their identical dreams... where an Angel of God... Had Appeared to them... and Told them to come to me... To Be Healed...!

And right after I complied... as best I could... while lying flat on my back... much too weak... to be able to sit up... I Was Put Into A Deep Sleep...

And upon awakening... an Angel of God... Appeared to me... in a Magnificent Radiance of Light... Wearing a Snow White Suit...!

And He Commanded me... To Rip Out All The Many Tubes... From My Body... And To Rise... From My Sick Bed... Of A Month... And Get Dressed...!

Obeying His Command... I was Instantly... Miraculously Cured...!

Then my Savior Angel of God... Directed me... to a suddenly Materialized tearoom... where... being the only customer... while I sipped a delicious cup of tea... sweetened with honey... for the first time.. in a month... of being fed... through a tube... I would find a newspaper... in which The Insurance Company Of North America... was advertising... for the immediate services... of a Private Secretary... No Appointment Necessary... and giving only an address... with no telephone number...!

And so... Accompanied by an Angel of God... Who Steered me... in the right direction... I would finally find SUBUD... after about a year... of desperately searching for it... in vain... at... of all places... The Insurance Company of North America...!

Because... as I reverently uttered the name... of a book... titled “Concerning SUBUD”... by John Bennett... out loud... about a year earlier... finding it advertised... in the book catalogue... of The Mystic Book Shop of London... which suddenly Materialized... in front of my dearest friend and me... on my coffee table... late one Miraculous night... we both Experienced... a most extraordinary... Divine Happening... in the Presence... of an Angel of God...!

I happened to be happily enjoying... a happy reunion... with Dimitri... from Greece... after three years... of total non-communication... between us... while I was married to Brian...!

Dimitri was the most incredible man... I had ever met... who... Being Directed by an Angel of God... that Miraculous Night... had teleported himself... from Salisbury... to me... in my brand new flat... in Bulawayo... some sixty miles away... having introduced me... to the fascinating... supernatural world... of levitation... astral travel... and teleportation... when I lived in Salisbury... three years earlier...!

And as we sat cozily together... both of us intrigued... by the sudden Materialization... of the little book catalogue... its pages Opened... and what stood out prominently... was “Concerning SUBUD”... the only book... advertised in heavy black print...!

And as I... suddenly feeling very reverent... and in awe... slowly uttered the word “SUBUD”... out loud... pronouncing the Holy Word... correctly... just as an Angel of God... Appeared Before Us... as our Witness.. A Strange Kind of Flutter... Crossed the inside... of my chest...!

And when Dimitri... noticing the Radiance... of my face... also uttered the word “SUBUD”... out loud... with a feeling of reverence... his face also becoming Radiant... he Experienced... A Very Strong Explosion... inside his chest...!

Ever since... during that year of desperate searching... for SUBUD... in vain... there had been an aching... empty gnawing... deep inside me...!

(I have written more extensively... about my most unusual relationship... with Dimitri... and that Miraculous Night... of our Being Introduced to SUBUD... and its Incredible Aftermath... of searching for it... in vain... and finally Being Guided to the Miracle of SUBUD... by an Angel of God... in my Spiritual Odyssey... but felt it important... to write about the highlights... of the God Willed Happening... here... also...

)

Chapter 5

Now... At The Ripe Old Age Of Seventy-Eight... Blind In One Eye... This Soul Is Urged... To Tell The World... Once Again... About The Miracle Of SUBUD... So Desperately Needed... By Bewildered... Fearful... Floundering Mankind... Today...!

In reediting my volume of work... through the years... of 2005/6/7... and now 8... seeing that the world... today... is in such a state... of utter chaos... and fear... rapidly spiraling downwards... into ever increasing... Spiritual darkness... I can't help but feel... that All Of Mankind... Urgently... And Desperately... Needs To Receive... Divine Contact... In Their Inner Selves... With The Great Holy Life Force... Of Their Creator... Almighty God... Through The Latihan Kejiwaan Of SUBUD...

And All Of Mankind... Urgently... And Desperately... Needs To Be Told... About The Miracle Of SUBUD...

And About The Very Unique... SUBUD Way of Life... Of A One-On-One Relationship... With Their Creator... Wherein He Perfectly Guides... And Directs... The Moments... Of Their Lives... In All They Think... Feel... And Do...

This Humble To God Soul... for the past forty-seven years... and to this very day... and moment... Is Exceedingly Blessed... To Continuously Feel... the Gentle Vibration... of The Great Holy Life Force... of her Creator... her Beloved Heavenly Father... Allah Amighty God... inside her...!

Which Holy Life Force... Perfectly Directs... and Guides her... in all she thinks... feels... and does...!

And through all the many extraordinary Miracles... of her life... she Has Become Convinced... that SUBUD... and the SUBUD Way of Life... Is Truly Our Only Salvation... The Only Hope... For All Of Mankind... To Ultimately Attain Lives Of Peace... Grace... And Harmony... With All Those Around Them...

By way of explanation... SUBUD... is the abbreviation of the three Sanskrit words... Susila... Budhi... and Dharma...

Susila means : Those qualities in man... which give rise to a character... behavior... and actions... which are truly human... and in Accordance... with the Will of Almighty God... our Creator...

Budhi means : That in all of God’s creatures... including man... there is an Inner Force... Which Connects His Created Souls... to Him... and thus enables them... to go on the Path... Which Will Lead them... straight back to their Creator... Almighty God...

Dharma means : That man submits himself... to Almighty God... in unconditional surrender... to Him... with a feeling inside him... of utter sincerity... trust... and faith in Him...

Unconditional surrender... meaning... that he will neither pray for... nor hope for... nor expect anything... in particular... for himself... but only be willing to accept... whatever Almighty God... Wills for him... To Experience... for his own good...

Therefore... SUBUD is the symbol... of a man... who has a calm... and peaceful Inner Feeling... which... “Opened...”... and “Awakened...”... by the Power of Almighty God... is thus able... to Receive Contact... with His Great Holy Life Force...

And this Great Holy Life Force of Almighty God... Will individually Guide him... Perfectly... in his thoughts... in his feelings... and in his actions... according to his innate character... nature... and personality... throughout the hours... of his daily life...

So that... in following God’s Perfect... Individual Guidance... he will ultimately be Blessed... with a life of Inner Peace... Grace... and Harmony... with all those around him... because he will no longer... be making mistakes... and wrong decisions... by following the dictates... of his impure thinking... and the fickle emotions... of his heart...

So in keeping... with the 1000% dedication... of myself to SUBUD... over the past forty-seven years... I feel to share here... and also under the special section... "Close Encounters Of The Spiritual Kind..."... on the SUBUD Stories website... the following... incredible... SUBUD Revelation... Given to my beloved husband Farlan... not only with my SUBUD Brothers and Sisters... all over the SUBUD world... but with all of my kindred brothers... and sisters... of all of mankind... as well...!

The Heavenly Revelation... refers to my regular... monthly... Ancestral Purification... Migraine Attacks... and it deserves a separate Chapter... of its own... an important digression... from the story of the last leg... of our journey... destined for Zurich... Switzerland... in March... 1942... as follows...:-

Chapter 6

A Most Interesting... Yet Horrific... Divine Revelation... Of SUBUD... Given To My Beloved Husband... Farlan... Regarding This Soul’s Regular... Monthly Migraine Attacks... For The Purpose Of Necessary... Ancestral Purification... On A Very Deep Level... Lasting For Some Sixty-three Years...!

But as things turned out... my sister was wrong... for every month... thereafter... and throughout the years... until this very day... some sixty-three years later... when I was about seventy-five... PRAISE GOD... they finally came to an end... I have been afflicted... every three weeks or so... with what came to be finally... medically diagnosed... when I was in my thirties... as migraines...!

Over the years... pre SUBUD... and during SUBUD... this trying to be humble to God soul... still did not understand... why she Was Made to suffer... a particular kind of excruciatingly painful... head agony... regularly... at the left side... of her skull... as if an ice pick... was relentlessly... drilling a hole into it...!

In the beginning... and for the first two cycles... they manifested themselves... on the actual day... she started bleeding... lasting the whole of the following day...

And from the third cycle onward... the dreaded attacks... would occur regularly... like clockwork... every twenty-eight days... her torture... initially lasting... from the very day... before her eight-day menstrual cycle... began... until the morning... of the next day... when she began to bleed...

And the "ice pick" head pain... would be replaced... by the most excruciatingly painful... abdominal cramps... lasting a full 48 hours... ever since her very first period... began... when she was almost twelve... at the Swiss Dauphin Hotel... in Manhattan... New York... en route to Zurich... Switzerland...

However... when this soul... was Inwardly “Awakened...”... and “Opened...”... into the Miracle of SUBUD... when she was almost thirty-one... the migraine attacks... still afflicted her... on the eve of her period...

But instead of ceasing... once she started bleeding... as they had... throughout the past some nineteen years... they continued... lasting for about three days...!

Seventy-two interminable hours... of excruciating... blinding... nauseous pain... which for some peculiar reason... always made her strangely feel... an enormous sense of guilty shame... in the deepest part of her... so that she never confided to anyone else... about them...!

But Miracle of Miracles... there were to be... no more abdominal cramps... whatsoever... nary a one... ever again...!

Nor was there anymore hemorrhaging... that would force her... to stay in bed... with her legs propped up... for the entire duration... of her eight day period... leading to a vicious cycle... of chronic anemia... from so much loss of blood... every twenty-eight days...!

Plus the unavoidable loss... of so many jobs... because of regular... monthly absenteeism... and stays in hospital... for D and Cs... thirteen of them... in all... over the miserable... bleeding years...!

Thus her miserable... menstrual life continued... for about nineteen years... before she was Gloriously... Inwardly “Opened...”... and “Awakened...”... into the Miracle of SUBUD...!!!

But nevertheless... she was destined... to continue suffering... the monthly migraine attacks... for the next forty-four SUBUD years...!

Not only suffering them... for years and years... thereafter... while she experienced... her monthly menstruation cycles... but even after her necessary pan hysterectomy... when she was thirty-seven... and did not bleed anymore... the vicious attacks... often reducing her... to lonely tears... as she continued to suffer them... in guilty silence... always feeling... at the same time... that strange kind of shame...!

Then the Miraculous day came... when this soul... met her Beloved Spiritual SUBUD Father... Holy Man of God... Bapak... in person... and learned a great Spiritual Truth... about Ancestral Purification... from him... which apparently... every single soul on earth... must go through... soone... or later...!

Bapak also explained... quite beautifully... the Spiritual meaning... of why a female bleeds... every month... telling his SUBUD children... that its general purpose... was for the cleansing of sins... of the individual’s bloodline...!

And she finally understood... why she Had Been Made... to suffer... so horrendously... every month... during her periods... already from the young age... of barely twelve...!

Because she already knew... how evil... her so-called noble ancestors had been... and about the malevolent... dirty deeds... they had committed... in their positions of power... over their helpless subjects...

So she went on... suffering these regular... monthly attacks... of her head... as stoically as she could... without actually knowing... the real purpose of them... for herself...!

Not until her dearly beloved SUBUD husband... Farlan... had an amazing Divine Revelation... about them... about twenty-three years ago... during his 15th year in SUBUD... when he was about thirty-nine... and his wife... still looking twenty years younger... was in her fifty-first year of life... having suffered them... by then... for about forty years...!

Having become Muftiah... about two years... before she married Farlan... she had been imploring him... from time to time... for his help... and support... regarding the regular... monthly... excruciatingly painful... onslaughts... to her skull... which continued to fill her being... with increasingly deeper feelings of shame... and guilt... as her Inner self... became more sensitive... more aware...!

Farlan and Muftiah... Had Been Brought Together... as total strangers... Jiwa to Jiwa... Inner to Inner... soul to soul...!

And it was a most unique... unusual relationship... with the moments... of their Holy Union of Marriage... Being Solely Orchestrated... Conducted... and Directed... by Allah Almighty God...!

And in which... for example... they Were Never Allowed... to “make each other happy”... from their hearts... but only through Inner Guidance...!

With scientific genius Farlan... Being Guided... to give his wife... what she needed... and not what she wanted... and likewise... with romantic... brainless Muftiah... Being Guided... to give her husband... what he needed... and not what he wanted...

Muftiah... at the ripe old age of forty-five... and still looking twenty years younger... because... like her Contessa mother... she had the glands... of a twelve year old... most reluctantly... once again... entered into the Holy Union of matrimony... with this youthful man... Farlan... who was twelve years younger than she was... becoming her fourth... although her very first... poignantly pitiful one... at the age of twenty-seven... was never consummated...!

Most reluctantly... because she seemed to fail so miserably... in her marriages... lasting for only three years... each...!

Only this time... Almighty Allah Commanded her... in her most unique... One-on-one relationship with Him... to marry this most unusual... genius of a youthful man... called Farlan... already in SUBUD... for a number of years... whereas her former husbands... had not been...

And in whose veins... flowed a fascinating mixture... of Cherokee Indian/English/German blood... being a descendant... of the famous... General "Stonewall" Jackson... whose distinct... noble looking profile... of his bust... displayed in the New Orleans Museum... is the spitting image of Farlan's... which Muftiah was shocked... and awed... to see... with her very own eyes...!

As soon as she married... this total stranger... who was so much younger... than she was... feelings of sympathy... for him... stirred inside her...

For she thought... how unfair it was... for him... to be saddled... with a much older woman... who would never be able to give him... children of his own...!

And at the same time... all her most busy outer life... of “working in the world”... which she had loved... Was Abruptly Terminated... by her Creator... and she became solely a Muslim housewife... and homemaker...!

And she was Given the Command... by Allah Almighty God... that... thenceforth... her life would be one of...:

“Now Inner Life Only... No More Outer Life...!”

And so... for the next seven years... that her marriage lasted... although she was to continue being married to her husband... in name only... and to this day... Muftiah’s serious Training... for “Now Inner Life Only... No More Outer Life”... began...!

And between the two of them... they experienced... many most unusual Lessons... many of them very painful... in learning to be truly submissive... and obedient... to the Will... of Allah Almighty God... for their most unique... Jiwa to Jiwa... Holy Union of marriage... which was Inwardly... most compatible... but outwardly... barely compatible...!

Because highly emotional... French/Italian/English Muftiah... longed for romantic love... from her husband... and emotionless... mostly stony... stoic Red Indian/German Farlan... did not...!

And because they had slept together... before marriage... only once... they Were Made to Experience... a most unpleasant Process... of what came to be termed... in SUBUD... as “Speeded up Purification...”... where... for years... they were constantly at odds... with one another... always fighting... always arguing...!

And only the Receiving... to eat Specially Chosen Apples... would instantly... bring them back... into wonderful... peaceful harmony... again... consuming so many of them... one after another... that they soon became sick and tired of eating them...!

Our most unusual life... of an intense SUBUD marriage... together... which lasted for seven years... became one of... in name only... because Almighty Allah... Abruptly Stopped all sexual intimacy... between us... for good... just before my first Stroke... of many... which He Willed... that I should suffer...!

With the two of us... becoming a loving SUBUD Brother and Sister... towards each other... to date... some twenty-six years... after our marriage ended...!

(Our unusual... unique... married life... together... is fully described... as indicated in the Chapter Index... in my sequel... to this book... my Spiritual Odyssey... “From Seven Hells... To Seventh Heaven... SUBUD...”)

This soul has written... the above brief description... about this... her very last marriage... which lasted... in the true sense... for only seven years... to give her hopefully many readers... an idea... how it was between them... because of the following... horrific... but very interesting... Spiritual Experience... that Was Given... to her beloved husband... Farlan... during the last year... of their true marriage...

For some strange reason... whenever Muftiah... would feel the dreaded migraine... coming on... often already full-blown... as she awoke... in the morning... her Inwardly beloved husband... Farlan... would show very little sympathy... contemptuously blaming the attacks on her... convinced that her negative thoughts... and worrying about things... had somehow triggered them...!

And no amount... of her protesting... that such was not the case... reminding him... how she had utter... and total trust... and faith... in her Heavenly Father... Allah Almighty God... and His Perfect Protection... and Guidance... which she followed... therefore... never had the feeling... that she needed to worry... about anything... could dissuade him... from his slightly disgusted conviction... that she was at fault... somehow bringing the attacks on... all by herself...!

Occasionally... as now married Muftiah’s head was gripped... in a vise of agony... feeling all alone... and bereft... of her beloved husband’s support... in her suffering... a Voice inside her... Would Say...:

"Husband Help...!"

And there would be a "knowing"... deep inside her Spiritually developing being... that Allah Almighty God... would Reveal a Great Truth... to her beloved Farlan... if he would only put aside... his preconceived negative notions... about her migraines... and ask Him... about them...

And as her body aged... they became more painful to bear... until one day... when she was about fifty-one... with the pain... in her head... becoming so unbearable... that she was reduced to sobbing... as she lay writhing in agony... on her bed... feeling nauseous... with the drapes closed... because the light... hurt her eyes... and begged her Heavenly Father... once again... to Please Help her... she once again Received...:

“Husband Help...!”

Mercifully... Almighty Allah... Had Just Begun... to Allow her... To Sleep... for several hours... through some of the pain... by Saying to her...:

“Allah Says Sleep Now...!”

And even though... she was in excruciating pain... at the time... she would Instantly Be Rendered Unconscious... Out... like a switched off light... making her truly realize... as never before... how Great... the Power of God Was...!

As a matter of fact... ever since Her Loving Creator... Commanded her... to no longer worship Him... as a Christian... but as a Muslim... but Inwardly only... and not with her heart and mind... studying the religion... and going to a mosque... Began her Serious Training... of “Now Inner Life Only... No More Outer Life...”... she has become very aware... of how He truly Is Monitoring... the hours of her life...!

For instance... whether during the day... or at night... whenever He Wishes... for her to go to sleep... no matter what she happens to be absorbed in... at the time... He Will Instantly... Miraculously... Put her Out... Like a Light... in the very Same Way... with the Very Same Words of Command...!

So it came to pass... that at the age... of about fifty-one... about twenty years... after she was exceedingly... and uniquely Blessed... by the Divine Grace of SUBUD... she finally came to know the Truth... about her regular... monthly migraine attacks... of over the past forty years... when the True Reason... for them... Was Revealed to her beloved husband... Farlan...!

This took place... during the sixth year... of their marriage... which was to end... a year later... when she appealed... once again... to her husband... one evening... when he came home from work... while the pain... in her head... was killing her... telling him of her Receiving... about “Husband Help...!”

Skeptical... at first... because he was of the firm belief... that... since he was now worshipping his Creator... through patient... sincere... unconditional surrender to Him... unconditional... meaning... that he would neither pray for... nor ask for... nor hope for... nor expect anything... in particular... from Him... for himself... truly living his life... the SUBUD Way... there was absolutely no reason... for him to ask God... for anything at all... ever...!

For this was a truly noble... rare SUBUD soul... who never asked God... for anything... and who was forever patient... and only accepting... of His individual Will for him... often claiming that... since God Knew him inside out... there was absolutely no need for him... to ask Him for anything... ever... and that if God... Wanted him to Know... about something... in particular... then He Would Reveal it to him... when it was the perfect time... for him to know about it...

But when his beseeching... tearful wife... told him... of her Receiving... about “Husband Help...”... yet again... this time... he himself Received... “Trust Muftiah...”... which was always his indication... that his wife spoke the truth...!

Muftiah’s tearful pleading... finally softened his stubborn... hard heart... somewhat... for he could easily see... that his wife... was in such agony... once again...

And Farlan duly surrendered himself... to his Creator... that very night... asking Almighty God... out loud... whether there was anything... he needed to know... about his wife’s regularly occurring... monthly migraine attacks... although his manner... in asking... was rather off-handed... more to placate her... than really wanting to know for himself...

But then... as he sincerely surrendered himself... to his Creator... A Voice Within His Being... Suddenly Asked... Whether He Really... And Truly... Wanted To Know... The Truth... About His Wife’s Suffering... In Her Head...! For If He Did... Then the Truth... About Them... Would Be Revealed To Him... Right Then And There...!

Whereupon... overcome with a sense of awe... Farlan immediately Felt Chastened... and Muftiah heard him earnestly say...:

“Yes I do..!”

And sincerely humbling himself... before Almighty God... he waited patiently... To Have Revealed to him... Whatever God Willed to Show him... regarding his wife’s painful migraines... with his back... suddenly Made To Go Ramrod Straight... just like at their magical... Muslim wedding ceremony... at the Santa Cruz SUBUD House... about six years earlier...!

Lo and behold... as Muftiah sat quietly... on their soft... roomy couch... with her eyes closed... also surrendering herself sincerely... and patiently... to her Creator... her Heavenly Father... Allah Almighty God... while her head was killing her... her entire being... as usual... was empty of all thoughts... and desires... except that His Perfect Will... be Done unto her...

At the same time... while her husband... stood quietly surrendered... standing before her... also with his eyes closed... he Was Given... the most fascinating Revelation... he had ever experienced... in all of his fifteen years in SUBUD... and in his life...!

And It Was All About The Divine Process... Of Ancestral Purification... The Awesome Imprint Of Which... Will Be Etched In Farlan’s Jiwa (soul)... Forever And Ever... As He Was Shown... The Stark Reality... Of The Hellish Plight... Of The Damned Souls... Of His Wife's Evil... Sinful Ancestors...!

The Horrific Tableau... Which Was Shown To Him... Was All Most Unpleasant...!

First Of All... Farlan’s Nostrils Were Assailed... With The Most Awful Stench... Which Increased... As The Awesome Revelation... Continued Unfolding... Before Him...!

One By One... Farlan Was Shown... A Terrible Scene... Of Semi-Darkness... Where Hundreds And Hundreds... Of Incompletely Formed... Soul-beings... Were Writhing... Pitifully... In What Looked Like Crates... Resting On Some Kind of Conveyor Belt... Which Was Submerged... In A Morass Of Stinking... Boiling Hot Slime...!

All These Damned to Hell Souls... Seemed To Be Awkwardly Entwined... And Cramped Together... In One Great Flailing Mass... Of Distortion... In Their Confining... Crates of Hell...!

Some Of The Wretched Souls... Were Minus One... Or Both Arms... Legs... Feet... And There Were Even Some... Who Were Headless...!

And as Farlan beheld the horror... in front of him... he Was Told... That... Whenever His Wife... Muftiah... Experienced Pain... In Her Head... So Would It Enable... One Of These Damned Ancestors Of Hers... To Come Up... And Out... A Little Further... From The Stinking Muck... He Or She... Was Submerged In... Imprisoned In The Crate of Hell...!

With His... Or Her Limbs... Becoming A Bit More Separated... From Their Entanglement... With The Others... As The Crate... Slowly Inched Along... Moving Upwards... Towards The Divine Shimmering Light... In The Far... Far Distance...!

On And On... The Dreadful Process... Of The Reality... Of Ancestral Purification Went... And The Further Back... Into The Past... Farlan Was Taken... The Worse The Stench Got... And The More Pitiful... The Specimens... At Times Almost Unrecognizable... As Human... Were...!

Farlan Was Also Shown... The Pitiful Sight... Of Other Of His Wife's Damned Ancestor Souls... Struggling To Come Out... Of A Sea... Of The Odious Stench... Of Thick... Slimy Mud... All Of Them... Attached To Each Other... On Some Kind Of Rope... In The Stinking... Semi- Darkness of Hell...!

And He Was Shown... How Every Time... His Wife Suffered... An Ancestral Purification Migraine... For Those Damned Souls... Struggling To Come Out... Of The Stinking... Slimy Mud Of Purgatory... They Would... One By One... Spiritually... Enter Her Body... Which Would Make Her Feel Violently Nauseous...!

And They Would Slowly Move Upwards... To Her Head... Causing Her The Excruciating Pain... In The Left Temple... Of Her Skull... Then Out Of The Top... Of Her Head... Gloriously Liberated... From The Pits Of Hell And Damnation... Their Souls Joyously Spiraling Upwards... Towards Heaven... Their Many Sins Purified... Through Her Suffering... On Their Behalf...!

Until... After The Longest Time... It Seemed... Upon Being Asked... Whether He Had Seen Enough... Farlan... Breathing A Sigh Of Relief... Replying That He Had... The Terrible Vision... Shown To Him... Of His Wife’s Damned Ancestors... Writhing... In The Very Depths of Hell... Abruptly Vanished...!

Then Farlan Was Told... That There Was Absolutely Nothing... He Could Do... For His Wife... During Her Special Times... Of Necessary Ancestral Purification Suffering... In The Form Of Regular... Monthly Migraines... Except To Make Sure... That She Was Made... As Physically Comfortable... As Possible... And That He Should Always Treat Her... Like A Queen...!

After this incredibly Awesome... Horrific Spiritual Experience... with tears in his eyes... Farlan sat down... next to his still suffering wife...

And gently enfolding her... in his arms... earnestly looking down... into her eyes... he earnestly asked her forgiveness... for all the times... he had been so utterly... and coldly unsympathetic... towards her... making her endure her suffering... on her own... without his loving support... and promised to be more understanding... in the future...

And Muftiah... looking back at him... saw... filled with wondrous awe... that her beloved husband Farlan... Looked Utterly Transformed... And There Was A Beautiful... Pure Light... Radiating From His Face... Making Him Look More Noble... Than Ever Before...!

And all she could do... was just sit there... cradled in his loving arms... basking in the special... rare feeling of closeness... between them... knowing that something Awesomely Miraculous... Had Just Taken Place... for him...!

After a while... of sitting quietly together... as the pain in her head... abated a little... becoming more bearable... Farlan shared... with his wife... the Awesome Vision... That He Had Just Been Shown... as described above...!

And with the greatest gentleness... told her... that she should willingly bear... the painful Migraines... for they were to be endured by her... for the purpose... and benefit... of purifying the sins... of her ancestral bloodline...!

Muftiah was so overcome with Joy... that she would no longer... have to bear her suffering... in silence... as she had... for so many years...

And falling to her knees... she fervently thanked Allah Almighty God... from the bottom of her heart and soul... for having Been so Mercifully Enlightening... towards His faithful son... her beloved husband... Farlan...

Ever since... and even after Farlan became her husband... in name only... he has continued... to give his now loved SUBUD sister... the tenderly caring... and compassionately understanding support... she needs... and continues to treat her... like a queen...!

Even during the periods... when she is not suffering with migraines... ever since that memorable night... of his most ghastly... but Awesome Revelation... of the Stark Reality... of Ancestral Purification... begun for her... already... before she was even twelve years old...!

And especially... during her seven years... of being totally bedridden... suffering one God-Willed Stroke... after another... always weak... and dull as dishwater... this very rare soul... personally took care of her... always lovingly patient... and never once complaining... ever...!

With Farlan's loving support... the regular... monthly attacks... have been easier to bear... especially knowing... that this soul... is not suffering them... in vain... and that her pain... is helping her forebears... To Be Cleansed... of their many sins... and their dastardly... Machiavellian deeds... of evil-doing... in their greed for power...!

Chapter 7

This Humble To God Soul... As Grazia... Meaning “Big Grace Of God...”... Already During Her First Year In SUBUD... Makes The Spiritual “Acquaintance”... Of Her Many Evil Ancestors... Writhing In The Very Pits Of Hell...!

Already in her first year in SUBUD... Grazia had the incredible... Miraculous Experience... of her own Revelation... regarding her ancestors... who profusely thanked her... for worshipping Almighty God... the SUBUD Way...!

That amazing Spiritual Experience... which is also featured... in the special section... called... "Close Encounters Of The Spiritual Kind"... here on the SUBUD Stories... Holy Website... took place... in the port city of Durban... after she ran away... from her beloved soul mate Richard... because their love for each other... seemed so hopeless... with him being married... and regarded... as the leader of SUBUD... throughout South Africa...

Because it was deeply Spiritual Richard... a fervent student of Gurdjieff... who had foretold... the coming of SUBUD... who had been Inwardly “Opened...”... and “Awakened...”... into the Glorious Miracle of SUBUD... by the Holy Man of God... Bapak... the founder of SUBUD... himself...!

This Holy Event... took place... in Coombe Springs... England... when SUBUD first came... to the Western World... in 1957...

And Bapak... had chosen Richard... to go to South Africa... and spread SUBUD... throughout the country...!

Which he did... bringing thousands of citizens... to the Miracle of SUBUD... even quite a numer of Africans... which was very dangerous... to do... because under the cruel Apartheid system... whites were strictly forbidden... to socialize with blacks...!

Throughout the years... between this humble to God soul’s own Inner awareness... and conversations... with her Contessa mother... she learned about how many of her ancestors... in their noble positions of power... had taken unfair advantage... of the helpless people... they ruled over...

Even before she was Gloriously... Inwardly “Opened...”... and “Awakened...”... into the Wondrous Miracle of SUBUD... herself... through her Beloved soul mate... Richard... as her God-Willed channel... to Receive Contact... with The Great Holy Life Force Of Almighty God... she already knew... that so many of her ancestors... had gravely sinned... against their fellow brothers and sisters of mankind... and so abominably... lying... cheating... stealing from them... and even committing... the dastardly sin... of murdering them...!

Consequently... feeling full of shame... on their behalf... she has never quite been able... to accept her rightful title... of Contessa... offered to her... by her mother... when she was twenty-one... never been able to ask... to be addressed as such... nor ever been able to introduce herself... accordingly...!

For instance... even as recently... as in the last century... there was the father... of the famous operatic composer... of the ever popular... “Pagliacci...”... Ruggerio Leoncavallo... this soul’s great-great uncle... who was a judge... who played God... and who had the ultimate power... to decide... whether a man lived... or died...!

But when an Angel of God... Chastised her... about fifteen years ago... for denying her birthright... she did at least... go so far... as to order address labels... printed as “Countess Muftiah Turin...”... using them... only in her dealings... with some mail order houses...

However... at that time... in Durban... South Africa... she Was Mercifully... Not Made Aware... that her many Ancestors... Had Incurred... Such A Terrible Judgment... As Being Submerged... In A Reeking Sea... Of Odious... Hot Slimy Mud... Miserably Existing... In Cramped... Confining Crates... With Their Fellow Brothers And Sisters...!

Not until some twenty-one years later... when her beloved husband... Farlan... had his Incredible... Horrific... but Awesome Revelation... about why his wife... must regularly suffer... her Ancestral Purification Migraines... as fully described above...

One night... during her first year in SUBUD... in 1961... about four months... after arriving in Durban... when she came home... after worshipping her Beloved Heavenly Father... at Group Latihan... with the Durban SUBUD Ladies... quite unaware... that she was about to experience... the most incredible Happening... of her life... just as she opened the front door... of her lovely... spacious studio apartment... she suddenly found herself... longing... for a nice hot cup of tea...!

She was now known... as Grazia... meaning “Big Grace of God...”... and no longer as Graziella... meaning “Little Grace of God...”... the significant Name Change... Commanded to her... by her Heavenly Father... on the eve... of her very first Group Latihan... with the SUBUD Ladies... of Johannesburg... while she sat in her bathtub... washing herself... in preparation... for the Glorious Event...!

And for once... forgetting all about her usual... life-long Japanese custom... of taking her shoes off... before she entered... the peaceful sanctuary... of her home... leaving the disturbing... material forces... of the world... outside... Grazia headed straight for her kitchen... with her shoes still on...!

And as she reached up... into her kitchen cabinet... for a cup and saucer... now feeling... as if the drinking... of the hot cup of tea... was a matter of life and death... an absolute necessity... and longing for it... as never before... she suddenly felt... as if the floor... on which she was standing... was becoming very hot...!

And as she Was Suddenly Halted... in mid action... For A Moment... by the Power of God... mesmerized... forgetting all about the cup of tea... standing in the middle... of her increasingly hot kitchen floor... the bottoms... of the soles of her feet... through her flat shoes... Started To Burn Painfully...!

And it wasn’t long... before now six foot one Grazia... found herself... hopping... from one foot... to the other... to avoid the now almost unbearable pain... in her feet... caused by the now Boiling Hot... kitchen floor... beneath her...!

And she couldn’t help but think... that she was standing... on the very brink of Purgatory... And Feeling Its Flames... Licking... at the soles of her feet...!

Which horrible thought... broke the Spell... she seemed to be under... and she bolted... for the doorless archway... leading into her inviting... spacious... fully furnished... bed/sitting room...

This lovely new home of hers... was also carpeted... in a rich cobalt blue... reminiscent of her lovely flat... back in Johannesburg... only this apartment building... alas... had no swimming pool... although her one window... looked out... over the beautiful Durban harbor...

But just as Grazia... reached the open archway... longing for the peaceful sanctuary... of her lovely room... just beyond... an Invisible Force... which she could Spiritually “see”... Like A Huge Black Obelisk... Rose Up Before her... Blocking her way...!

And then... as she stood there... unable to move... petrified... and as if turned to stone... the Great Big... Looming Obelisk... Began To Move... Towards her... and Inexorably... Compelled her... To Step Backwards... onto the Boiling Hot floor... of her kitchen...!

Relentlessly Forced Back... into the torturing Hell... of her kitchen... frightened out of her wits... Grazia Was Compelled... To Close her eyes... and Was Made... To Stand There... with the Burning Hot Floor... Licking Painfully... at the soles of her feet... once again...!

And then... after a little while... she thought she heard a Sound... which seemed to be coming faintly... from underneath her burning feet...!

And suddenly Made very alert... she opened her eyes... and heard the Sound... Slowly Become Louder... as if somebody... had switched on a radio... at low volume... at first... then gradually increased it...!

And then the Sound... gradually became... A Very Loud Chorus Of Voices... not only from under her burning feet... but in the atmosphere... all around her...! And the Roaring Sound... was almost deafening...!

And instantly understanding... that What she was Hearing... were the Male... and Female Voices... of her many ancestors... and that their tormented spirits... were surrounding her... she listened to them... very closely... as they all thanked her profusely... for worshipping Almighty God... the SUBUD Way...!

And as the soles of her feet... Kept On Burning... she heard them all fervently... proclaim to her... that the true... and only way... to worship Almighty God... was by sincere... patient... unconditional surrender... to Him... which would definitely... prove to Him... that His Created souls... truly had utter faith... and trust... in Him...

And the Chorus of Voices... of her tormented ancestors... let her... the direct descendant... of their bloodline know... that now... that she was on the Right Path... of SUBUD... which Would Lead her... straight back... to her Beloved Heavenly Father... in Heaven... their damned souls... writhing in the flaming pits of Hell... could finally be helped... through her...!

And they all made her understand... as never before... that SUBUD... and only SUBUD... was the True Spiritual Way... for all of mankind... to worship their Creator... Almighty God...!

And To Whom... As Their Great Reward... He Would Truly Bless Them... By Granting Them His Grace... And Perfect Guidance... For Their Daily Lives...!

And as she Was Made... to Continue Standing There... With Her Feet On Fire... listening to them... express their gratitude... utterly captivated... by what they were saying... their many Voices... finally Faded away...

Naturally... Grazia thought that her Painful Ordeal... was now over with... and she could leave her kitchen...

But her Heavenly Father... Was Not Yet Finished With her...!

Because... all of a sudden... the most Piercing Pain... Stabbed Her... In Her Chest...!

And Made... To Continue standing there... With Her Feet... Still Burning... and still Feeling... as if she was on the very brink of Hell... she Was Made to Confront... the greatest sin... that she had ever committed...!

Chapter 8

On The Very Same... Incredible Night... Of Being Made... To Make The Spiritual “Acquaintance”... Of Her Many EvilAncestors... Grazia... Is Made To Relive...The Greatest Remorse... Of Her Life... When She Is Reminded... Of Her Terrible Sin... Of Murdering Her Precious... Five Month Old Fetus Son... Marco... When She Was Twenty-Three...!

All of a sudden... Feeling the Sword of Righteousness... still Painfully Embedded... in her chest... her terrible act of murder... suddenly loomed up... into her guilty conscience...!

That of killing her precious... five month old baby son... Marco... before he was even born... the utterly heartbreaking sight of whom... she had seen... with her very own eyes... had come out of her body... fully formed...!

And Grazia... no longer feeling... as if she was a specially Blessed... “Big Grace of God...”... became absolutely certain... within the very depths... of her black soul... that all she deserved... as punishment... for taking a precious human life... was being consigned... into the very Flames of Hell...where she would join her many ancestors...!

And that the Fire.. Still Burning Her feet... would soon Rise Up... And Be Engulfing... her entire sinful self...!

And as she stood there... in her kitchen... as if turned to stone... as the Fiery Flames of Hell... Continued to Painfully Scorch her feet... and with the Sword of Righteousness... Still Embedded... in her chest... she Was Made to Relive... that dreadful afternoon... of her craven cowardice...!

Very quickly... in a kind of Flashback... Grazia Was Made to Relive... how... for four months... her adored lover... nineteen years older than herself... had let her blissfully believe... that she could have her oh so precious son... Marco...

And he had even introduced her... to his beloved mother... for her blessing... telling her... how happy they were... to be having a child... together... before her Euphoric world... suddenly came crashing down...!

Because... being a well-known... public celebrity... with his own radio programs... and dance orchestra... with her as his vocalist... he had become influenced... by his so-called friends... who were envious... of their special closeness... and deep love... for each other...

Suddenly becoming afraid... that his reputation... might become ruined... although he happened to be stifled... in an unhappy “open...” marriage... her beloved John demanded... that she abort... their precious son... to whom she had already given her favorite name... of Marco...!

For she well knew... within the very depths of herself... that there was a very special... highly Spiritual... male soul... developing in her body... conceived... on the Holy Night... of Christmas Eve...!

Because... at the very moment... her adored lover... John... poured all his love... for his beloved Chuchi... into her... as she lay blissfully... in his loving arms... she distinctly felt... her son's soul... enter her body...!

(Which incredibly precious... Spiritual Experience... Was Given to her... yet again... when... some thirteen years later... right after she was Finally Forgiven... for her Great Sin of Abortion Murder... she conceived... once more... when she distinctly felt a male soul... enter her body... at the very moment... her beloved husband... poured all his love into her...!

Which proved to this soul... for all time... that a soul... enters the female's body... at the moment of conception... and not four months later... as some catholic priest decreed... centuries ago...)

But fearful John... had become adamant... even threatening to have nothing to do with her... if she went through... with her pregnancy... and kept their baby...!

And the love sick... insecure fool... that she was... believing him... she could not bear the thought... of going on living... without her beloved John... in her life... who was so kind... and loving... and so good to her... even though... he only came up... to her elbow... as she now stood... at five feet ten and a half inches...!

But that great difference... in their heights... did not matter... to her... in the least... because he had such a great personality... and was very artistic... and sensitive...!

John's Chuchi... was so starved for affection... because her adored... Contessa mother... to whom she was ever a thorn... in her side... kept on rejecting her...!

And to her great... life-long shame... and regret... she gave in... and had her oh soprecious... five month old son... taken out of her most reluctant body...

Standing in her kitchen... With Her Feet Still Burning... And The Mighty Sword of Righteousness... Still Embedded Painfully... in her chest... Grazia Was Made To Relive... lying under the doctor’s knife... and suddenly losing consciousness...!

And in her God Induced... State Of Oblivion... the elderly doctor... who was from Scotland... was startled... to hear her... suddenly cry out...:

“Murderess... Murderess... Murderess...!!!”

And her cries... of damnation... called out... over and over... and with such intensity... caused the doctor... to lose his nerve... breaking three needles... inside her retroverted womb... which she did not know... she was born with...!

And shaking her awake... he told her that... in all the many years... he had performed abortions... even going to prison... for them... because they were illegal... in South Africa... he had never... in his long life... come across a young woman... who deserved to keep her baby... as much as she did...!

And the kindly... good doctor... suggested... that he stop going on... with the procedure... even offering... to return his fee to her...!

Right then and there... her Loving... Merciful... Heavenly Father... Was Giving her a Golden Opportunity... to keep her precious son... Marco...!

But she... who at the time... thought so little of herself... stupidly did not realize... the Miracle of Reprieve... that she Was Being Given... by her Beloved Heavenly Father... Who Was Obviously... Guiding the abortionist doctor...!

All she could think of... lying there... on the doctor’s hard operating table... feeling a stab of panic... was of a cold... and empty life... without her precious... sensitively artistic John... who filled it... with such wonderful joy... and happiness... and music... often treating her... as if she was his very own... precious daughter...

And to her dying regret... and subsequent... deep remorse... she quickly told the doctor... to ignore her outcries... and go on ahead...!

Never even considering the fact... that John... who was already forty-two... to her now barely twenty-three... would have never been able... to stay away from his son... having wanted one of his own... so much... and for so long...!

But when the doctor showed her... her precious son... Marco... fully formed... in a jar... the heart-breaking sight of him... was the biggest shock... of her life... and she was stunned... to the very depths... of her now miserable... cowardly soul...

And an enormous Stab of Pain... Pierced her chest... and she thought she would die... right then and there... Struck down... by the Wrath of God... her Heavenly Father...!

A Just Punishment... which she richly deserved... as she saw... that she had murdered... a part of her very own flesh and blood... right before her eyes... a terribly sad... unbearable sight... which was to haunt her... for the rest of her days...

And becoming overwhelmed... with the greatest shame... and remorse... she had ever felt... in her twenty-three year old life... the same age... her mother had been... when she gave birth to her... she fell to her knees... weeping and wailing...

And she begged her Heavenly Father... from the very depths... of her soul... to Please Forgive her... for her greatest sin... of Murder... and her shameful cowardice... of not being able... to firmly stand her ground... with her beloved John... fiercely hating him... with all her heart... at that moment...!

But she had been very well trained... from early childhood... to always respect her elders... and with her dearest John... being like a father figure... to her... her protests... to keep their precious baby... had been rather... on the meek side... and not very forceful...

Being Forced... to Continue Standing in her kitchen... With Her Feet Still Burning... and the Mighty Sword of Righteousness... Still Painfully... Piercing her chest... Grazia was also Made to Relive... the time... just before she got pregnant... when John... having finally become fed up... with his wife’s many infidelities... with different men... and even women... in their "open marriage"... had implored his precious Chuchi... to run away with him... to Madagascar...!

But the emotional stranglehold... that her adored... exquisitely beautiful... Madonna-like... Contessa mother... held over her... was so powerful... that she could not bear... to leave the country... thereby losing another chance... to win her back again...

And Grazia Was Shown... her response... to John's urging... when she had told him... that running away together... would be a cowardly thing to do... and that “only God... Could Bring Them Together... In The Right Way...”!

And she Was Shown... how... if she had gone... with her beloved John... to Madagascar... when he begged her to... with both of them... being unknown... and new to the country... she would have become pregnant... two months later... and ultimately given birth... to her precious son... Marco... there... on the beautiful island... famous for its lemur monkeys...!

And she Was Made to Recall... how the kindly... elderly... silver-haired doctor... seeing her sincerely humbling herself... before God... also fell to his knees... and in his Scottish burr... begged Forgiveness... of Almighty God... for all the many abortions... he had performed... in his long life... vowing to neverr... everr again... take a human life... out of a female’s body...!

At that time... of Graziella's life... with a long history behind her... of barely being tolerated... and rejected... and unwanted... and unloved... on the whole... and being a brainless dumb cluck... as well... she had very little self-esteem...

But most of all... because her proud... Contessa mother... whom she had worshipped... and adored... ever since she could remember... kept on coldly... and imperiously... rejecting her... because she had met John... first... and fallen in love with him... and his musical genius...!

And Graziella had... somehow... over the loveless... barren years... as she grew older... come to convince herself... that she was not worthy... of her Heavenly Father’s... Paying any particular... special attention to her... feeling that... in His Eyes... she would be a waste... of His valuable Time...!

Otherwise... if she had had... any feeling... of self-worth... and true awareness... of how much... her Beloved Heavenly Father... Was Watching over her... Monitoring her life... so closely... and even Sending her... her very own Guardian Angel... Who Had already Protected her... so often... her reaction... would have been very different...

For on that horrible afternoon... lying on the abortionist’s murderous operating table... when he offered... to stop the dastardly procedure... and give her John's money back... she would have jumped off it... with great Joy... feeling that her Beloved Heavenly Father... Had Given her... another Glorious Chance...!

And she would have felt... that her Heavenly Father... Truly Loved her... and Was Tenderly Watching over her... and that it was His Will... that she keep her precious son... Marco... even though he was illegitimate...!

Her most precious one... to whom... for the five months... he had been growing inside her... she had constantly... been pouring out her love to... talking... and cooing to him... letting him know... how much she loved him...

And describing the wonderful life... they would have together... Marco... his adoring Papa... John... and she... his adoring Mummie... a happy life... which would be joyously... full of music... because his father... was a virtuoso pianist... and had been a child prodigy... as a young boy... in his home... in England...

Her precious son... Marco... would have been born in September... under the sign of Libra... just like his musical genius... father... John...!

When she... with her heart heavy... and empty... with constant sorrow... and still feeling Unforgiven... by her Heavenly Father... went to see a famous lady psychic... for a reading... about her future... shortly after... that ghastly day... when she lost her precious son... Marco... and almost died... bleeding to death... afterwards... save for a Miracle... through a man... she barely knew... the psychic... had immediately Received... a vision of her son... and told her... that had he lived... he would have become... a world famous violinist...!

Breaking her aching heart... all over again... with the deepest regret... and the deepest remorse... she had ever felt... in her short... miserable life... as she realized... that her beloved son... Marco... was a descendant... of the famous violin maker... Amati... whose fascinating life... her mother... had told her all about...!

As Grazia stood in her kitchen... in Durban... in 1961... some eight years... after the destruction... of her beloved son... Marco... she Was Made to Feel... Very Heavy... with the burden... of her great sin... of murder... inside her...

And with the soles of her feet... still burning... thirty-one year old Grazia... with her eyes closed... and who still looked like a young teenager... trying to bear the Pain... in her feet... and the Sword in her chest... as stoically... as she could... Was Made to Wish... with all her heart... and soul... that she had run away to Madagascar... with her Beloved John...

And as the Mighty Sword of Righteousness... Still Pierced her chest... she was Made to Realize... with a terrible... Piercing Pang... that it Had Been Almighty God... Who Had Brought them Together... and that it Had Been His Will... after all... for her and John... to be joined together... for life...!

(In her Spiritual Odyssey... “From Seven Hells... To Seventh Heaven... SUBUD...”... under the relative Index Chapter... about her life in South Africa... this soul describes... in detail... her four year long... poignant love affair... with famous piano virtuoso... John Massey... when she was twenty-one...)

Now back in her kitchen... in Durban... in 1961... thirty-one year old Grazia... Having Been Taken Back... To Relive... her shameful... and shocking day of cowardice... was thoroughly feeling resigned... and surrendered... to her deserved fate... in Hell...!

But then... as she stood there... with her eyes closed... she suddenly realized... that her feet... were no longer on fire... and that her kitchen floor... was once again... its usual cool... linoleum surface...!

And also... that the Mighty Sword of Righteousness... was no longer... Piercing her chest...!

And she was finally... Mercifully Allowed... to leave her kitchen...

Very curious... and full of awe... and wonder... at the Miraculous... though Painful Experience... she had just undergone... in the torture chamber... of her kitchen... for the past two hours... Grazia immediately sat down on her soft bed... and took off her shoes... and pantyhose... to examine her feet...

Certain that she would find them... looking very raw... and blistered... and red... at least... after her ordeal... in the kitchen... she was amazed... to see... that they looked perfectly normal... the only red... on them... being her painted toenails...!

And that is how Grazia... made the Spiritual “acquaintance”... of her many evil ancestors... towards the end of her first year in SUBUD... never having known... her real father... nor a grandmother... or grandfather... or uncle... or aunt... or cousins... or any members... of her blood line... personally... except for her mother... and her stepsister Prima... and stepbrothers... Remo and Hansi...!

But at that time... of her Ordeal... she Was Not Informed... that she was helping her ancestors... by suffering Ancestral Purification... in the form of regular... monthly migraines... on their behalf... as well...

Chapter 9

Wonderful Confirmation... From My Beloved Spiritual SUBUD Father... Bapak... That The Soul... Enters The Body... Of A Receptive Woman... At The Moment Of Conception... During Her Intimate Union... With Her Lover...!

When Grazia Was Made... to Stand... in her kitchen... in Durban... in 1961... some eight years... after she allowed the destruction... of her Beloved son... Marco... with her feet Burning... and the Mighty Sword of Righteousness... Still Painfully... Piercing her chest... she Was Made to Feel... Very Heavy... with the burden of her great sin... of murder... inside her...

And she Was Also Reminded... which greatly... and painfully added... to her feeling of great remorse... of a very enlightening book... she had just read... recently published... titled... “The Meaning Of SUBUD...”... written by Muhammad Subuh... the founder of SUBUD... known to her... as Bapak... her Beloved Spiritual Father... whom she hoped to meet in person... one day...

And in this most informative book... she had confirmed for her... by Bapak... her own experience... of Inner awareness... when she knew... that she had conceived... her precious son... Marco... on the Holy Night... of Christmas Eve...!

And also... when she conceived... her second child... distinctly feeling his soul... enter her body... at the moment her beloved husband... ejaculated the Precious Water of Life... into her...

Here is the relevant... fascinating excerpt... from the book... on pages 19 - 22...: (the three dots are hers... encouraged by her Beloved Bapak... during his many Heavenly Visitations... to her...):-

“Bapak will now briefly describe the way... in which a soul is incarnated... in a new vessel... which develops... and is completed... as a new human being...

The cosmic order... by the Decree of Almighty God... comprises different levels... Each level is a sphere... or world of its own...

Beginning with the lowest... there are the world of the material life-forces... the world of the vegetable life-forces... the world of the animal life-forces... the world of the human life-force... and the world of the life-force of beings... superior to the human beings... of this world... These are only the first five levels... but it is not necessary... to take them any further...

On its own level... each of these life-forces... constitutes a world of its own... for example... the material world... contains millions of souls... analogous to the souls of human beings... in this world... The souls of each of these worlds... tend to be drawn towards... and enter certain focal points of attraction... wherever these are available...

Such focal points... come into existence... through the union of male and female... The vehicle... which acts as a magnet... to draw a soul towards it... is produced... by the union of husband and wife... although it appears merely as a fluid... this may well be called... the Water Of Life... able to retain the life-force... which causes it to move... function... and develop to completion...

Since the vehicle has come into existence... through the union of husband and wife... it is derived from the essences... of these two human beings of opposite sex... It acts as a kind of lens... to focus the approaching soul... which will enter it...

And if the thoughts of this couple... have been constantly occupied... before and during the union... with the affairs... and pleasures... of this world... then the drop of fluid... can serve... only to focus material forces... and nothing higher...

So that if a new being... comes into existence... it will be capable of containing... only material forces... and the soul of this child... will be a material soul...

This new vehicle... this mere drop of fluid... which is filled... by a material soul... will gradually grow... and develop... in its mother’s womb... until it is completely formed... as a human being... and ready to be born... into this world...

Whatever the soul... within the child... its outward form... will be human... his body... organs and limbs... will be human... and therefore... he will think human thoughts... and entertain human desires... He will hold things in his hands... and walk upright... as human beings do... in short... all his manifestations... will be those of a human being...

This can be compared... to the striking of a gong... whether it be struck by a child... or a learned man... or a beautiful woman... the metal still produces... the same sound... Whoever may strike it... the nature of the metal... remains the same... and it will always produce... the same sound...

It is the same with souls... whether the inner content of a man... which governs his whole being... may be a material... vegetable... or animal soul... nevertheless... his outward manifestations... will be those of a human being...

Little by little... the new-born child... becomes aware of the contents of the world around him... and later... he begins to respond to it emotionally... and to think about it...

At the same time... his contact with his spiritual environment... is weakened... by comparison with what it was... before he fell under the influence... of his worldly environment...

In the end... everything in him... his body... brain... heart and feelings... becomes entirely filled... with the things of this world...

And when later... as a grown man... he begins to think... and wonder... about conditions... beyond the world... and try to picture... what Heaven is like... or to visualize God... and His Power... he is only able to do so... in terms of his worldly environment... which has come to be the sole content... of his inner self...

It is not to be wondered at... if such a one... trying to visualize God... pictures some impressive human figure... seated on a throne... dwelling in a palace of gold and precious stones... He knows that God is above all... and so he will take the elements of his experience... of this world... exalted to the highest degree... and from this material... he will build up his picture of God...

To think about God... can lead to no profitable results... it is not even possible... for the human intellect... to comprehend the nature... of the soul... or the inner state of man... for the intellect... and the brain... the emotions... the heart... and the desires... have all come into existence... only after the entry of the soul... into that as yet fluid... and formless vessel... whose state... cannot be known by man...

And therefore... there is no other way for us... if our inner state... is to be brought into order... and our soul restored... except the way... which has arisen... by the Will of God... (The SUBUD Way)...

By this... His Grace is Bestowed upon us... in our receiving... freed from thoughts... self-will... emotions... and imagination... concerning the things of this world...”

= = = = o O o = = = =

The complete book... of “The Meaning Of SUBUD...”... consisting of Four Talks... given by Bapak... in London... during the SUBUD International Congress... in August 1959... is reproduced... here... on Bapak's Requested... Holy Website... “SUBUD Stories...”

So... her Beloved Bapak... confirmed for Grazia... what she had experienced... in conceiving her precious son... Marco... on the Holy Night... of Christmas Eve... 1952... when she was about twenty-two and eight months old...

And yet again... some thirteen years later... after her dear Guardian Angel Friend... Told her... Speaking in her right ear... as usual...:-

“You Are Now Forgiven... For The Taking Of A Human Life... Your Abortion... When You Were Twenty-three...!”

And now truly married... for the first time... since her first pathetic marriage... was never consummated... she became pregnant... shortly after her Heavenly Father's Merciful Forgiveness... when she was thirty-five...knowing the instant... another male soul... entered her body... just at the moment... her beloved husband... René... lovingly passed... the Precious Drop Of Water Of Life... into her body...

So that it is clear... that a soul... enters a woman’s body... at the moment of conception... and not some four months later... that some catholic priest decided... was so... some centuries ago...!

Perhaps the females... who are contemplating... having an abortion... and the doctors... who perform them... should become aware... of this fact... and think twice... before they become murderers... like this cowardly soul did... to her dying regret... for although God Has Forgiven her... she has... as yet... not quite been able to forgive herself... and probably never will...!

Chapter 10

During a “Heavenly Visitation...”... When This Soul... As Muftiah... Is Seventy-two... She Finally Meets... Her Oh So Precious Son... Marco... In Spirit...!

Under a special Section... titled “Heavenly Visitations...”... here... on the Holy Website... “SUBUD Stories...”... Muftiah describes... where she is Visited... by a number... of dear departed souls...

And amongst one of which... was her precious son... Marco... Who Was Sent Down to her... from God in Heaven... one magical night... accompanied... by her beloved soul mate Richard... who often Visited her...

And as she lay... in her bed... quietly surrendered... to her Creator... Allah Almighty God... becoming joyfully aware... that her beloved soul mate... Richard... was with her once more... she suddenly heard a loving Voice... softly Calling Out... the most precious word of...:

“Mother...!”

And she almost broke in two... for there had never been anybody... in her long life... of now seventy-two years... who had ever called her “Mother...”... before... except for SUBUD Pretoria... who had considered her... as the “mother...”... of their Group...

For she had never given birth... to another child... ever again... naturally miscarrying... in the third month... of her second pregnancy... when she was thirty-five... and married to bon vivant... debonair... French/Dutch hotelier... René... becoming pregnant... shortly after her Guardian Angel Friend Informed her... that she was now Forgiven... for her murder of abortion...

Thoroughly overwhelmed... with an awareness... inside her...of her great sin... of destroying... her dearest son... Marco... greatly ashamed... she was... at first... unable to face him...

But then... with the help of her beloved soul mate... Richard... she was able to look up at him...

And he took her breath away... as she saw how handsome... and noble looking he was...

And gazing up at her tall... dark... and handsome son... she begged him... for his forgiveness... for murdering him...

And in response... Marco had expressed his loving feelings... for his mother... by serenading her... most beautifully... and tenderly... with his violin...!

And he let her know... that he gave concerts... in Heaven... where he was patiently waiting... for her to join him...

Chapter 11

The Miracle Drug... Excedrin Migraine... Leads To The End... Of This Soul’s Sixty-three Years... Of Ancestral Purification... In The Form Of Regular... Monthly Migraines...!

In conclusion... her hopefully many readers... may be interested to know the following...

Although Almighty Allah... Mercifully... Continued... to Put His loving daughter to sleep... through some of the pain... she has... nevertheless... had to endure... some seven to nine hour stretches... of wakefulness... over periods of her Ancestral Purification... Migraine bouts...

Which... as you already know... started for her... when she was about two months short... of her twelfth birthday... with her very first monthly period... which took place... on her mother’s birthday...! ... in New York...

Which horrendous day... when she was cruelly tortured... by her stepmother... Xenia... she has already described... above...

And continued to take place... on that very day... throughout the years...!

Until she reached the age of thirty-seven... when she underwent... a necessary pan hysterectomy... due to a tumor... many cysts... and fibroids... with the doctor... unable to save... any of her female organs...!

Although her menstrual cycle stopped... her Ancestral Purification... in the form of regular... monthly migraine attacks continued... with the migraines still lasting... about two days... at a time... every twenty-eight days...

Several years ago... in 1997... when this soul... as Muftiah... was about 67... and still looking twenty years younger... she discovered the miracle drug of “Excedrin Migraine...”... at the same time... she realized... that the low barometric pressure... in the atmosphere... usually heralding a thunderstorm... began to give her a kind of migraine... as well...!

And no longer able to endure pain... like she used to... when she was younger... she eagerly pounced... on the miracle drug...

And marvelled joyously... at how... only ten minutes... after taking only one capsule... the excruciating pain... from her brow... to the back of her head... often waking up... with already a full-blown attack... in progress... instantly vanished... and stayed vanished... for 24 glorious hours... of relief...!

There had been many thunderstorms... throughout the summer... of that year... so that her head... in addition to the constant... swollen “baseball” sensation... in it... due to the many God-Willed... suffered Strokes... ever since her fifty-second year... was almost in constant pain... so that she was taking the magical “Excedrin Migraine” capsule... every single day...!

When she saw her adorable... truly caring Dr. Allen... some seven years later... because her lips... which have a tendency... to dry out completely... every half hour... ever since her first God-Willed Stroke... had become swollen... and infected... by a lip salve... she was using... for relief... she found herself... discussing the miracle drug... “Excedrin Migraine”... with him... since he knew all about her monthly migraines...

Telling him... that the pain in her head... now seemed to be occurring... on a daily basis... necessitating the taking of Excedrin Migraine... every single day... for relief...

And he startled her... by informing her... that some of his patients... had complained to him... about an increase... in their bouts of migraines... since taking the drug...!

Thereafter... from time to time... she would hear similar stories... from different people... and her husband Farlan... was always most reluctant... to buy her the drug... even though it gave her such wonderful relief from pain... lasting for 24... gloriously liberating hours...

Then... at the beginning of July... 2005... another medical doctor... a female this time... named Dr. Haynes... with whom she also felt... an instant Inner Rapport... as with Dr. Allen... also gently warned her... that the daily taking of Excedrin Migraine... could possibly have become... an addictive drug for her...!

Horrified to her very depths... Muftiah hurried home... quietened herself... and humbly surrendered herself... to her Creator... her Heavenly Father... Allah Almighty God... and sincerely stated that... if her now daily migraine attacks... were due to “speeded up Ancestral Purification...”... for He Was Forever Reminding her... ever since her very first Stroke... in 1982... over 23 years earlier... that it was now time... for her to prepare herself... to leave earth... she would gladly go on... enduring them...

But if they were due... to the daily ingestion... of Excedrin Migraine capsules... because ever since taking them... she would wake up every morning... already deeply into an attack... then to Please Remove their drug-addictive effect... from her... so that she could continue writing... as He Commanded her to... from time to time...

And Muftiah fervently vowed... that she would never... ever... take another Excedrin Migraine capsule... ever again... no matter how painful... the pain in her head became... unless He Allowed her to... whenever she asked His Permission... to take one... for relief...

And Muftiah had her Answer... upon awakening... the following morning... on June 7th... of that year of 2005... as she... as usual... instantly surrendered herself... to her Creator... her Beloved Heavenly Father... Allah Almighty God... in the Latihan Kejiwaan of SUBUD... patiently awaiting His Guidance for her... for that day... which He Had never failed... To Give her... in all the forty-four years... she had been worshipping Him... in the unique SUBUD Way...

For Lo and Behold... and Miraculously... there was no pain in her head... whatsoever...!

And when later on... during that day... our area was threatened... by yet another thunderstorm... the lowered barometric pressure... in the atmosphere... did not bother her head... at all...! An added Divine Bonus...!

And as she lay in bed... late that night... as usual... surrendered to her Creator... her Beloved Heavenly Father... Allah Almighty God... after about five hours... of working on this book... with still no pain... in her head... marvelling... at the incredible turnaround... of that day... she got a wonderful surprise...!

Out of the blue... she suddenly heard a beloved Voice... she had not heard in years... not since He Informed her... while she was sitting... all alone... watching her favorite soap opera... “The Young and the Restless”... when she was about sixty-seven... Speaking in her right ear... as usual...:

“Your Deep Seated Sexual Trauma... Ever Since You were Seventeen... In England... Has Now Become Completely Purified...!”

And then He Let her Experience... Waves and Waves... of Spontaneous Sexual Arousal... for the very first time... in her life...!

And she finally understood... what all those steamy... passionate love scenes... were about... in the hundreds of books... she had read... over the years...!

And realized... awe-struck... that it had taken some thirty-six years... of the Latihan Kejiwaan of SUBUD... to become completely Purified... of her deep seated sexual trauma... which she could never explain... or talk about... because she did not know how to...!

Now the dearest Voice... of her Guardian Angel Friend... and Rescuer... Was Tenderly Relaying God's Blessed Words of Deliverance... into her right ear... as usual... Saying...:

“Your Monthly Process Of Migraines... For The Necessary Purpose Of Ancestral Purification... Is Now Over...!”

And she Was Given... the Blessing... of an added Bonus... where the barometric pressure... in the atmosphere... right before a thunderstorm... which had always painfully... affected her head... would no longer have any effect... whatsoever...!

So it has taken about sixty-three earthly years... all told... for the Process... of Ancestral Purification... through regular... monthly Migraine Attacks... to take its course... ever since this soul... was almost twelve years old...!

As Muftiah re-edits her volume of work... for the very last time... today on August 7th 2008... she is happy to report... that her dreaded... Monthly Migraine Attacks... of Ancestral Purification... have not returned... finally having come to an end... on June 7th... 2005... with her having reached the ripe old age... of 75... Praise Allah Almighty God...

She is happy to say... that to this day... some three years later... now that she is in her seventy-eighth year of life... and still Being Blessed... to look years younger... although no longer standing... at six foot two... but shrunk somewhat... to about five foot nine and a half... there has been no migraine pain... in her head... whatsoever...!

The only pain... she experiences periodically... encompassing the whole of the inside... of her head... like a combination... ice cold/burning hot blanket... and which becomes unbearable... is when she feels an increased "baseball" pressure... due to yet another God-Willed Stroke... (she stopped counting them... after the 37th...!)

These Strokes began for her... when she was fifty-two and a half... and which kept her bed-ridden... for about seven years... suffering with one Stroke... after another... and which she continues to experience... from time to time... which... instead of only numbing her left side... now Paralyzes her whole body... for several hours... at a time...

And on those exceptionally painful occasions... her Merciful Allah Almighty God... Will Allow His loving daughter... to take an Excedrin Migraine... without any addictive aftereffects... whatsoever...!

But most of the time... when Muftiah would often Receive about them... in her sleep state... where an Angel of God... Tells her... that she is Being Greatly Blessed... just before awakening... she will endure the pain... stoically... Feeling Specially Graced... usually lasting 24 hours... never even thinking... of asking Almighty Allah... permission... to take an Excedrin Migraine... for pain relief...

Chapter 12

The Last Leg... Of Our Four Month Journey... From The Far East... To The European West... Aboard A French Wagon Lits Train...!

Coming back to the final train journey... traveling through the South of France... on March 13th... 1942... I spent the rest of that afternoon... playing all the twenty-two forms of Solitaire... that I knew of... in our cozy... joint compartment...

I was desperately trying to distract myself... whilst bravely enduring... the abdominal cramps... and the grinding pain... in my left temple... which... thank God... began to subside... once my blood... began to flow freely... which occurred... towards the dusk... of the evening...

We ate some of the food... from Xenia’s precious hamper... since all the train offered... was the usual sandwich boxes... and a very watered-down version... of brewed coffee...

And tired and exhausted... from the excitement... of the past two days... after Prima took care of me... once again... with another fresh Kotex pad... in the train's small washroom... we all settled down early... for the night...

We leaned against each other's shoulders... huddled cozy and warm... under the colorful... roughly woven blankets... that Papa had had the foresight to purchase... from some skinny... half-starved ragamuffins... back at a Spanish village... railroad station... during one of the hundreds of stops... the local train had made...

This French train... no doubt forced to ration fuel... also took its own sweet time... snaking across the countryside... and although... being an express train... there were not nearly as many stops... as in Spain... still we crawled... at a snail's pace...!

And the last thing I heard... before my eyes closed... was the steady rhythm... of the chug-chug-chugging... of the engine... as if to say...:

“I'll get you there... I'll get you there... I'll get you there...!”

And I smiled sleepily to myself... “knowing”... deep down inside me... somehow... that even though we were traveling... across a now enemy-occupied country... we... and the train... and everybody on it... were far too down south... to be bothered... by the conquering Germans... way up north...

And with that comforting thought... I nodded off to slumber land... and hopefully another... happy nocturnal visit... to my real home... Heaven...!

It seemed only moments later... when we were suddenly awakened... by the jolting of the train... coming to an abrupt halt...!

And looking outside... saw... with our hearts... in our mouths... that we seemed to be stationary... in the middle of nowhere... and not at a railway station... at all...!

A sudden pall descended... everybody aboard... immediately becoming extremely agitated... extremely fearful... and apprehensive...

And the poor conductor... almost got his arms... wrenched off his shoulders... by anxious... hysterical passengers... grabbing at him... feverishly demanding to know... why it was... that the train was stopped... in the middle of God-only-knew-where...!

To which the poor... harried man responded... in a quiet tone of voice... trying his level best... to calm down his agitated passengers... many of whom were shouting excitedly... reassuring them... that we were not stranded... in the middle of nowhere... but temporarily halted... at a railway siding...

But he finally... threw up his hands... in exasperation... when he realized... that nobody... was really listening to him...!

And shaking his head... he left them... as they continued to wave their arms about... yelling at each other... wild-eyed... their nerves frazzled... to a fever pitch...

As the beleaguered conductor... reached our end... our pater tapped him on the arm... and addressing him quietly... speaking in fluent French... politely enquired to be informed... as to the details... of our present dubious predicament...

And the conductor... very relieved to find himself... in the presence of finally... a civilized human being... who talked to him respectfully... as well... gravely replied... that he had no idea... why the train had been ordered to stop...!

And then he confided... that there was a rumor... that the Germans were advancing rapidly southward... and to kindly be prepared... for the eventuality... of our being commanded to disembark... while they searched the train... for Jews... and other undesirables...!

And as he saw Papa's brows... knit in a frown... he hastily added... reassuringly... that... since Monsieur... and his famille... were citizens of Switzerland... which was still a neutral country... as far as he knew... he foresaw no immediate danger for them...

After the conductor left... Papa translated for us... what he had just said... although both Prima and Remo... very familiar with the French language... had understood every single word...

Xenia blanched... at Papa's words... and began whimpering... and wringing her hands... going through her usual dramatic pleading... and praying... to her Madonna... in Russian... and a terrible aura of doom... settled over us...

And I noticed... how we were suddenly avoiding... each other's eyes... and hating the feeling... of being very much aware... of their barely veiled apprehension... imagining what they were all thinking... about the brutality... of the conquering Germans... I looked around me... desperately searching for something diversionary... to change the sudden pessimistic... fearful mood... of my family...

Chapter 13

Papa's “Dumb Cluck” Graziella... Inadvertently... Is Instrumental... In Her Family's... Avoiding The Ruthless Invasion... Of The Nazi Germans... On The Train... Via The Establishment... Of The “Bistro & Café De Pierre Chambray...!”

Finding nothing of interest... around me... inside the carriage... I cupped my hands... and peered out of my side... of the window... into the darkness... and thought I saw a glimmer of light... just a few yards away...!

And as I stared... I saw that the dim light... was suspended... over some lettering... which I could barely make out... at first...

Then... as my eyes became accustomed... to the dark... I slowly read... mouthing the words out loud...:

“Bistro & Café De Pierre Chambray”

And Papa hearing me... perked up his ears... and jumping to his feet... rushed over to me... and cupping his hands... he too... peered out into the night... as well... searching for what I had seemingly discovered...

And letting out a whoop of joy... he turned to his glum family... and grinning... asked jovially...:

“How would you all like to sample some genuine French cuisine... right now...?!”

And as everybody nodded eagerly... swept up in his enthusiasm... he added...:

“Let me just first check with the conductor... to find out... how long he expects the train to remain here...!”

And so saying... he jauntily left us... only to return a short while later... with a huge grin... on his face... telling us that the conductor had assured him... that the train would be stationary... for some hours yet... what with the Germans... intending to board it...

And herding us swiftly outside... made tracks for the little building... with the dimly lit sign... just a few yards away...

And as soon as we stepped... through the curtained doorway... of the Café... we could smell the delicious aroma... of hot food cooking... and commented enthusiastically about it... amongst ourselves...

And then a short... pot-bellied man... wearing a white chef's outfit... and a slightly soiled apron... and a red neckerchief... around his neck... appeared in the doorway... to the kitchen... with steam rising in swirls... above his head... from behind him...

And bowing... and smiling... he profusely welcomed us all... addressing us in English... in a charming French accent... and introduced himself... as Monsieur Pierre Chambray... owner and chef... of the establishment...!

As he exuberantly led us... to a large round banquette... in the corner... which had a bright red tablecloth... with exactly five... brightly shining silver- and glassware place settings... on it... I noticed that the large room... of the Café... was quite empty... and found myself... wondering why...

We all sat down... on the soft... long... rounded seat... with plenty of room... between us... with Papa and Xenia... next to each other... and me in between Prima and Remo...

Once we were comfortably settled... Papa looked up... at Monsieur Chambray... and jovially asked him... in perfect French... what the delicious aroma... exuding from the kitchen was...

And Monsieur Chambray... pleased that the Monsieur spoke French... grinned... and announced with a flourish... sweeping his snow white kitchen towel... to the floor... in a theatrical bow...:

“La Spécialité de la Maison... ce soir... est... “Artichauts Vinaigrette de Chambray...!”

And Monsieur Chambray assured us all... with his lively black eyes twinkling... speaking in English again... that we had come to the only establishment in town... where the very best food... and wine... was served...!

And I found myself wondering again... if it was the best eating establishment... in town... where were all the diners...?! And what town...? The conductor had said... that we were stopped at a railway siding...!

Glancing over at Prima and Remo... to see their reaction... to Monsieur Chambray's hearty announcement... and whether they were as puzzled as I was... I could see that they looked non-plussed... as well... probably also wondering... why the best eating establishment in town... was totally empty... of other customers...!

But then... Papa chuckled... as Monsieur Chambray... went back to his kitchen... and looking around the table at us... his clear... emerald green eyes sparkling... he heartily proclaimed...:

“You are all in... for a very special treat tonight... a delectable dish... which is particularly indigenous to France... and French cuisine... Just wait till you taste it...!”

And after a moment... of watching his family's reaction... flashing me a warm glance... he said...

“What good luck... that Graziella spotted this place...!”

And as I glowed all over... pleased as punch... thinking to myself that... for once... I wasn’t a brainless “dumb cluck”... to Papa... Prima and Remo... both puzzled... were asking him... what the “special treat” was... for they had never heard of the word “Artichaut”... before...!

But Papa smiled mysteriously... refusing to enlighten them... telling them to be patient...

And when Monsieur Pierre Chambray... proud chef... and owner... of the Bistro & Café... returned... a little while later... he was holding a huge... steaming tureen of soup... in his toweled hands...

And as he set it down... on the bright red tablecloth... in front of us... he announced proudly... in French...:

“Voici votre “Potage Lyonnaise”... pour commencer...!”

And as all our ravenous mouths watered... Papa explained to us... that the thick... rich... creamy substance... in front of us... translated into English... was Potato & Leek Soup...!

And nobody said a single word... while we all ingested... every single drop... of the delicious... piping hot... wonderfully seasoned... creamy contents... out of our big... deep soup bowls... which Xenia ladled generously into... with yours truly... never ever... having tasted... the delicate flavor of leeks... the parents of green chives... before...!

Nor had I ever tasted the delicious... light as air... large... crescent shaped... warm... "Croissants" before... which Monsieur Chambray... had also placed on the table... in front of us... one each... nestled in a cloth-lined... oval bread basket... before returning to his kitchen... leaving us to enjoy... his culinary expertise...

And just as I wished... with all my heart... that I could lick my bowl clean... I was delighted to see Papa... scoop up every last drop of soup... out of his bowl... with a piece of croissant... So I just copied him... as did Xenia... Prima and Remo...

Just as the last drop of soup... was consumed... like magic... Monsieur Chambray... reemerged from his kitchen...!

And he beamed with pleasure... as Papa... looking up at him... smiled a congratulatory smile... and kissing his fingers to his lips... for emphasis... heartily pronounced the words of praise... all culinary chefs... long to hear...:

“Excellent... superbe... tellement délicieux...!”

Quickly gathering up the empty soup bowls... and bread basket... Monsieur Chambray... disappeared into his kitchen... reemerging a short while later... with a large tray... on which were five shallow bowls... filled to the brim... with a light colored liquid...

Deftly placing a bowl... in front of each one of us... we could detect... the faint aroma of vinegar... wafting up... from the steaming hot sauce...!

And when Monsieur Chambray... came back again... he was carrying... an enormous serving tray... on which was a large oval platter... surrounded by a stack of fresh... shallow soup bowls... and more soup spoons...

And as he placed two bowls each... in front of us... we all stared in awe... at the big... green... roundish looking things... laid out... side by side... on the oval platter... standing up on their ends... sculptured with layered leaves... down their sides... all of them squatting neatly... in a light colored sauce...

And I watched... fascinated... my menstrual discomfort... and pain... totally forgotten... as Papa carefully picked one of the roundish... green objects up... with two soup spoons... depositing it gently... into one of his shallow soup bowls... then ladling some of the sauce over it...

Then... as we all watched him... mesmerized... with two fingers... he peeled off... one of the bottom... thicker fattish leaves... and dipping it slightly... into his sauce bowl... sucked on the fleshy end part of it... placing the uneaten leaf part... into his other empty bowl...

Then noticing us all staring at him... he urged us all... with a wave of his hand... to follow his lead...

The rest of us... looked at each other... for a moment... then gingerly helped ourselves... to one of the “artichauts” (artichokes in English) ... imitating Papa... just as Monsieur Chambray... returned... and with a flourish... placed a bottle of red wine... and five wine glasses... held between his fingers... on the table... with the hearty words...

“Compliment de la Maison...!”

And as he swiftly... uncorked the bottle... and poured wine... into each of the five... crystal clear wine glasses... I was most annoyed... to have my dinner interrupted... longing to taste... for the very first time... in my life... what Papa... from the contented look... on his face... had been so obviously enjoying...

But then... becoming somewhat mollified... when Papa announced... that we all needed to drink a toast... first of all to God... to Thank Him... for His Safe Deliverance... and even to Graziella...!

And flashing me another warm smile... he went on to explain... that the French... always drank wine... with their meals... even the children... because wine was excellent... for the digestion...!

And since we were in France... we should all follow their custom... including Graziella...!

So... for the very first time... in my life... I dutifully took my very first sip... of the rich... darkly red... Burgundy wine... in a toast... to my Beloved Heavenly Father... not caring too much... for the sharp taste... of it...

But I was very surprised... at how it immediately... and very pleasantly... warmed my insides... reminding me... with a pang... of the Angostina Bitters... that dear Uncle Alfred... had given me... that memorable school holiday... making me wonder... how and where... the dear man... my stepfather... for so short a time... was...

But most of all... I was very pleased... that Papa was remembering his Creator... and wanting to toast my Beloved Heavenly Father... giving Him... all the Credit... for our safety... plus paying special attention to me... as well... once again... twice in a single night... so rare for him...!

And when I finally got to peel off... the bottom-most leaf... in my bowl... and dipped it in my sauce bowl... and tasted the soft... succulent flesh part... of the leaf... coated with quite the most delicate flavored sauce... I have ever tasted... made of garlic... butter and vinegar... very slightly tart... I felt utterly... and completely blissful...

And sucking happily away... on the green leaf... slowly savoring... each delicious morsel... I wanted to make the wonderful moment... of a brand new experience... last forever...!

In between sucking on the delectable leaves... which became smaller and smaller... as they reached the top... I absentmindedly... took another sip of wine... from my wineglass... and after a few more suckings... yet another one...

But when I started to take another sip of wine... my fourth one... I experienced a very sharp pain... on my upper lip... which made me jump... and cry out... quickly putting the glass... back down on the table...!

And staring at the innocent-looking wineglass... in front of me...I couldn’t help but feel... as crazy as it sounded... that it had... somehow... bitten me... on my most sensitive upper lip...!

Surreptitiously looking around the table... I was very pleased... that nobody else had noticed... my startled... pained reaction... because they were all concentrating... on happily sucking away... on their artichoke leaves...

(But as strange as it seemed... I was right... for over the years... whenever I happened to have a glass of wine... or other alcoholic drink... in my hand... such as champagne... at a friend’s wedding reception... or at a party... etc... the following Divine Intervention... Would Take Place...:

Whenever I started to drink... a fourth sip... from my glass... even whether absentmindedly... or in the middle of a conversation... with someone... the glass would always painfully nip me... on my sensitive upper lip... stopping me... from taking the fourth sip...! And every single time... without fail...!

And I gradually came to understand... that my beloved Heavenly Father... Was Monitoring... my imbibing of alcohol...! Never Allowing me more... than only three sips... at a time... ever...!)

Avoiding even looking... at my still half full... offensive glass... of dark red wine... I concentrated... on watching Papa... sad at having consumed... the last little leaf-end... at the conical top...

And I was about to help myself... to another... delectable “Artichauts Vinaigrette de Chambray...”... when I saw him dipping... the bottom of the vegetable... in the sauce... all round... then carefully avoiding the hairy parts... chewing on it...!

And utterly delighted... that there was to be more... to eat of it... I followed suit... copying him... thrilled all over again... at the succulent flavor of this... one of the most delicately flavored vegetables... known to mankind...

Finally... the last “Artichaut...”... was eaten - we were allotted two each - and we all sat back... sighing with happy contentment... our tummies truly satisfied... for the first time in days...

And then Monsieur Chambray... again like magic... returned... once again... just as the last piece of “Artichaut”... was consumed... by yours truly... who lingered over her very last leaf... for as long as she could...!

Armed with a great big serving tray... he quickly scooped up... all the dinnerware... onto it... while heartily announcing something... that sounded like...

“Et maintenant... poor dessert... les petty foor...!”

And once again... Papa beamed... at all of us... saying that we were in... for yet another delicate treat... that only the French could produce...!

And when Monsieur Chambray returned... once again... he was deftly carrying... a great big serving tray... on which was a large oval platter... filled with what looked like small squares of cakes... all neatly sitting... next to each other...!

Some of them were chocolate brown... some of them white... and there were even some pink ones... with each one of them... decorated with different tops... such as nuts... raisins... and slivers of dried fruit...!

And the platter was surrounded... by a stack of small plates... and miniature... shiny silver forks and spoons... laid neatly side by side... and there were also five little demi-tasses... “pour le café”... Monsieur Chambray said...

Utterly delighted... for the very first time... in my life... I tasted what became... one of my very favorite French desserts... called “Petits Fours...” (Little Fours) ...

And I relished the delicate... four layered fillings... of either vanilla custard... or chocolate... or fruit creams... such as banana... lemon... or strawberry... or peach... or grape... etc... in the centers... of the little... square cakelets... covered with the most delicate icing... of their filling flavors... made of the lightest of flours... Simply De-e-licious...!

When we finally left the warm... cozy establishment... of Monsieur Chambray... with our tummies... filled to bursting... we all gratefully heaped... compliment upon compliment... upon the delighted head... of the kindly... gracious man... who had made all of us feel... so warmly welcome...

And I Sent Up... a silent prayer... that the Angels of God... Would Always Protect... Monsieur Chambray... and his loved ones... throughout the German occupation... and beyond...

When we... feeling lighthearted... returned... to the train... and grim reality... little did we know... that we had mercifully been spared... witnessing some very poignant... violent scenes...!

Where German Nazi officers... had noisily clumped... aboard the train... in their hob-nailed boots... drunk with power... rudely shouting... looking for the “verdammte Juden...”!

And how some passengers... most probably Jewish... had been roughly manhandled... kicked... and forced against their will... off the train... by German soldiers... amid shouts and screams of protest... never to be seen... or heard from... ever again...!

Innocently unaware... of the terrible tragedy... which had taken place... while the Rau family... blissfully... and leisurely dined... and wined... on the delectable feast... consisting of... “Potage Lyonnaise”... “Artichauts Vinaigrette de Chambray”... and “Croissants”... accompanied by Burgundy wine... “Petits Fours”... topped off with “le café”... imbibed in tiny demi-tasses... by everyone... except yours truly... because of my weak heart...

And our sense of well-being... fully restored... we all felt comfortably drowsy...

And we all soon drifted off... into a restful sleep... in our joint compartments... our tummies happily filled... with warm... nourishing food... of delicious... special French cuisine...

Chapter 14

How Prima And I Discover... Quite By Accident... That The Bistro & Café de Pierre Chambray... Was Actually A Grace From God... A Miraculous Establishment... That Did Not Exist... In The Light Of Day...!

Prima and I... sharing a compartment... were duly awakened... by the train steward... at about six a.m. ... bearing steaming hot mugs... of milky... sweetened coffee...

And as he cheerfully called out a smiling...:

"Bon jour... mes belles Mesdemoiselles... I hope you both had a pleasant night... and sweet dreams...!"

Both Prima and I noticed... with some alarm... that the train... was still at a stand-still...!

And it was from him... that we learned... about the narrow escape... we had had... blissfully dining... on delicious French cuisine... while only a few feet away... terrible cruelty... had been afoot...!

And Graziella Sent Up another Silent... Fervent Prayer of Thanks... to her Heavenly Father... for their timely Deliverance... to Monsieur Chambray’s Bistro & Café...!

And heartened... by the train steward's friendly greeting... before I knew it... I was enthusiastically telling him... how happy we were... to have stopped right there... because of the wonderful dinner... we had enjoyed... at Monsieur Chambray's Bistro & Café... the night before...

And got as far as telling him... breathlessly... all about how much... I had relished... tasting “Potage Lyonnaise”... and “Croissants”... and“Artichauts Vinaigrette”... and “Petits Fours”... for the very first time... in my life... so proud that I could name all the dishes in French... and rattling them off to him... when he stopped me... shaking his head vigorously... and said... in his charming French accent...

“Mademoiselle...! You are mistaken...! You must have had a wonderful dream...!”

And as I looked down at him... puzzled... sitting up... on my upper bunk... he gestured...

“Come down...! Look outside your window... See...? There is no Bistro & Café de Pierre Chambray...! Just the railway siding...!”

p>We are still stopped... at the same railway siding... as last night... when the boches... boarded the train... and removed some of the unlucky Jew passengers...!”

And clambering down from my bunk.. almost afraid to look... I was loath to have the wonder of last night... turn out to be just a dream...

But curiosity getting the better of me... I did take a tentative peek... somewhat encouraged by Prima... who was right there... next to me... also looking outside... and noticed that it was just starting to get light...

And recalling the lit sign... I looked harder... but there still was no building...!

And realized... to my horror... and great sadness... that there was no such delightful eating establishment...!

So it must have just been a wonderful dream... after all... just like the train steward said...!

Utterly cresfallen... bitter with disappointment... and about to burst into tears... Prima took me... into her comforting arms... and glaring up... at the insensitive train steward... my beautiful sister... fiercely said... in perfect French...:

“Monsieur...! It is you who are mistaken...! The train must have traveled some distance... during the night... perhaps while you were asleep... because my sister speaks the truth...!

Our whole family... did dine last night... at the Bistro & Café de Pierre Chambray...!”

Whereupon... the train steward... threw up his hands... in exasperation... and shaking his head... contemptuously muttering something... about “les femmes déraisonnable et impossible...”... he abruptly left us...!

Lovingly cradled... in my sister's arms... like a baby... I did not dare to ask her... what we had all eaten... at the Café... afraid that she had just been defending me... to the train steward... and would not have been able to answer me... as I hoped...

But then... she had to go to the bathroom... and suggested... that I go with her... to wash myself... and put on a fresh Kotex pad...

And as we walked down the narrow aisle... behind each other.. with her in front... she suddenly remarked... over her shoulder...:

“Wasn't that quite the most delicious French cuisine... we ever tasted... and for the very first time... in our lives...?

That delicious “Potage Lyonnaise...”... those fluffy “Croissants”... and delicate “Artichauts Vinaigrette...”... and those delectable “Petits Fours”... as light as air...? Simply to die for...!”

My heart was singing... with Joy... having been so afraid... to ask her... what we had dined on... at the Café... and that she had just been defending me... in front of the train steward...!

And just as I was about to heartily agree with her... the conductor came walking towards us... and stopping for a brief moment... smiling... greeted us... in his charming French accent... saying...:

“Bon jour mes jolies Mesdemoiselles...! I hope you had a very restful... peaceful... night's sleep... while we were stopped here... at the railway siding... for a change not disturbed... by the usual swaying... and noise of the train...! I expect we shall soon be on our way again...!”

And so saying... he left us... as we looked after his receding back... stunned... with our mouths hanging open... shocked out of our senses...!

As soon as we were in the little washroom... Prima turned to me... her brown eyes... huge as saucers... and in a voice full of awe... whispered...

“My God Grace... you really are... a very special little Grace of God... because you caused a Miracle... to happen last night...!

A Real Miracle Grace...!

Because we all really and truly did eat... at that magical place... last night... which we both saw... just now... with our own eyes... no longer exists... in the light of day...!”

And after a moment... she continued... her voice still full of awe...:

Gee whiz... I just realized... that Monsieur Chambray... must have been a special Angel... Sent down from God in Heaven... just for us... to Protect us...!

And come to think of it... how come... with all the many passengers... on this train... that not a single one of them... saw the Bistro sign... and came to join us there...?!

Because the whole time we were at the café... the place remained empty...!

And remember Monsieur Chambray saying... that his was the best eating establishment in town... What town...?!

And that Heavenly Sign... that only you and Papa saw first... must have been invisible... to everybody else... including those Nazis...!

Otherwise... surely they would have come to the Café... looking for Jews...!”

And all I could do... in response... listening to my sister... and her excited... awed... and obviously accurate reasoning... agreeing with her... with all my grateful... choked up heart... was to close my eyes... and thank my Beloved Heavenly Father... over and over again... inside myself... For Having Delivered us away... from a possible confrontation... with great evil...

Thanking Him... for Having Delivered us away... from a brutal scene of violence... which would have been very difficult to witness... without vehemently objecting...

Abhorring violence... of any kind... I probably would have protested... at the German's ruthless behavior... and might possibly have gotten into a lot of trouble... maybe even getting ourselves... thrown off the train again... or worse...!

And as we washed ourselves clean... and discovered... that I had stopped bleeding... and would not be needing... a fresh Kotex pad... after all... Prima and I decided... between us... that we would keep the wondrous Miracle... of the Bistro & Café de Pierre Chambray... last night... to ourselves... at least for the time being...

As things turned out... the conductor was wrong... because we would be remaining stationary... for another fourteen hours or so... at least... well into the next afternoon... sixteen hours in all... which included several hours... of a Blissful Miracle... from the time we were jolted awake...!

But thankfully... there were no more German Nazi officers... and soldiers... boarding the train... to upset... and terrify its passengers...

When the train finally lurched... and started to move... it was well past three o'clock... the following afternoon... with all of us... once again... most grateful to Xenia... and her magical food hamper... with its variety of goodies... which never seemed to become empty... always remaining a third full...!

And I couldn't help but wonder... whether it too... was a Miraculous Container... Continually Feeding us... just like Jesus fed the multitude... with a few fish... and loaves of bread... on that Miraculou day... of his Sermon on the Mount...!

You could hear the collective sigh of relief... sweeping throughout the train... whose remaining passengers... had secretly feared... another onslaught... by the conquering enemy invaders...

But nothing further untoward... occurred... until we stopped at the French/Swiss border... late at night...

Then there was a great deal... of excited flurry... going on... when it was rumored... that the Swiss... had actually added a Dining Car... to our train...

And at the conductor... confirming the news... we all beamed at each other... with tears in our eyes... feeling that we were... at long last... safe and sound... on neutral Swiss soil...!

Mention of the Dining Car... reminded me of that memorable train ride... from Los Angeles to New York... and how the cowboys... had whooped and hollered... galloping their horses... as Papa allowed us to watch them... from the huge... panoramic Dining Car window... as he and Xenia... leisurely dined... together...

Since only the two of them... were traveling First Class... they had the privilege... of dining... in the elegant Dining Car... while the rest of us... with tickets of Second Class... were expected to make do... only with the train's lunch boxes...

Now on the French train... we wanted to get off it... and stretch our legs... but we were told... that it was “Verboten”...!

So we perked our flagging spirits up... in anticipation... of the sumptuous Swiss meal... we would be enjoying... in the train’s Dining Car... which would be another... brand new experience for me... one that I had been longing for... ever since that train journey... on the Super Chief... in the USA... once it got under way... again...

Chapter 15

My Very First Encounter... With Grim... Swiss Officialdom... Causes A Dreadful... Heavy Feeling... Of Ominous Foreboding... To Rise... Inside Me...!

Then everything was forgotten... in the experience... of having Swiss officials... boarding the train... officiously... and unsmilingly demanding... curtly... to see our traveling papers...

And no amount of Papa's efforts... to engage them... in pleasant conversation... speaking to them... in their familiar Swiss dialect... would change to one degree... the grim... forbidding expressions... on their faces...!

I could not help but notice... that they were a cold... unfriendly lot... clad in unattractive grey uniforms... and I shivered... with inexplicable revulsion...

With all their officialdom... they seemed to be so nondescript... so humorless... lifeless... and so spiritless...!

And feeling suddenly depressed... I hoped and prayed... that they were not an example... of what the Swiss people were like...

And then a flash of dear Mr. Zwinkler... with his twinkling blue eyes... who was Swiss... crossed my mind... and I relaxed... heartened once more...

And yet... there was still that strong sense of foreboding... inside me... which I could not shake off...!

About an hour later... we felt the familiar lurch... then squeal of brakes... and we were off once more...

But this time... we seemed to be speeding... across a country...!

And I noticed that Switzerland... was under an overcast... grey sky... with some of the landscape... here and there... dotted with snow-covered patches of ground...

Chapter 16

As My Foot Touches Swiss Soil... For The Very First Time... In My Life... I Know... Instinctively... That I Am Destined... Irrevocably... For The Greatest HELL... Of My Life...!

When we finally arrived... at the Zurcher Bahnhof... after a most satisfying... five course lunch... in the Dining Car... which consisted of a light consommé... tossed green salad... two entrées... one of delicate fish... and one of beef... and for dessert... what is traditionally called... Apfel Strudel... with lots of whipped cream... everybody... but yours truly... felt more normal...!

Dining in the Dining Car... of a train... was yet another delightful... first experience for me... and my gigantic appetite... always ravenously hungry... as I kept growing... and growing... was immensely satisfied...!

But at the same time... tthere was still that growing sense... of strange unease... the closer we got... to our final destination... of Zurich... which I tried my best... to ignore...

It was about six o'clock... in the evening... already pitch black night time... and bitterly cold outside... with a biting wind... called the “Alpine Bise”... that has an uncanny way... of very quickly... penetrating through one's clothing... right to the skin... chilling one to the bone...!

And I was suddenly reminded... briefly... of blustery... wintry New York... so far away now... and I felt a stab of longing... for that fascinating city... and its towering... magnificent skyscrapers...

When I set down... my right foot... on what I believed then... to be the soil... of my homeland... for the very first time... in my life... I was utterly amazed... to feel that the growing sense of unease... of the past several hours... had exploded... into a gigantic sense... of helpless despair...!

Just like in the torture chamber... back in Yokohama... with the dreaded... “dive bomb” aburamushis... that Papa had so cruelly... subjected me to...!

And as I shuddered... somehow “knowing”... deep down inside me... that I had not stepped down... into blissful deliverance... but into a seething cauldron... of a bottomless pit... in earthly HELL... I burst into tears... thoroughly overcome... with a deep sense of doom... and gloom... such as I had never known... or felt... before... in my life...!

This feeling of doom... and gloom... was to alternately flicker... and rage... inside me... for the next HELLISH... five years... all the while... I lived in Zurich... as I learned the bitter lessons... about the generally senselessly cruel... petty... and narrow-minded outlook... of the German-Swiss people... as a whole... with many of the so-called neutral citizens... even secret admirers... and supporters... of the megalomaniac... Hitler...!

I was forced to live... mostly through eight HELLISH years... in Zurich... going to school there... when I just turned twelve... and immediately subjected... to two helpless... relentless years... of lustful advances... from my young... arrogant... uniformed Nazi school teacher... with my Guardian Angel... Rescuing me... every single weekday...!

My two years of daily misery... with my loathed... Nazi school teacher... occurred... because... for the very first time... in my life... I had disobeyed... and willfully ignored... my Guardian Angel’s Dire Warning... Not To Wear My Favorite... New York Pink Angora Sweater... to my very first day... in a Swiss school... after I had just turned twelve...!

At five foot eight and a bit... I knew that my soft sweater... showed off my newly budding breasts... so attractively...

And tossing my pigtailed head... in defiance... and even arguing... with my Guardian Angel... Who Had Been Sent to me... by my Heavenly Father... to Protect me... reminding Him... about how greatly cultured... Europe was... and surely the Swiss... were not that narrow-minded... I wore the sweater to school... to my dying regret... compounded by the fact... that I spoke not one word of German... which was greatly held against me...!

My life in Zurich... having become mostly Hellish... at the age of only thirteen... dragged down... to the very depths of despair... about to drown myself... in the Zurcher See... just like I had... in my previous Japanese incarnation... my miserable life... was Miraculously saved... by a Christian Science lady...!

And for a few years... I became an ardent Christian Scientist... even teaching Sunday School...!

There was also... a blissful year's interlude... my Hellish life in Zurich... becoming bearable... when... at the age of sixteen... I became a fledgling opera singer... for a season... at the Zurcher Staats Oper... happily mingling... with fascinating refugee artists... from all over Europe...!

And then... when I was seventeen... and had reached the height... of five foot ten and a half... half an inch taller... than Papa... he suddenly decided... to return to Japan...!

And he broke my heart... and froze my voice... for four years... because he broke his promise to me... to send me to Italy... for operatic voice training... sending me to England... instead... to be enrolled... as a student... at the Kensington Secretarial College for Girls... in London...

And it was also... in England... where I was so brutally... sexually assaulted... by a young German Prisoner of War...!

And although my Guardian Angel Friend... Came to my rescue... Preventing actual penetration... of my body... nevertheless... the terrifying assault... upon my seventeen year old... sensitive self... and innocent... virginal body... caused a life-long... deep seated sexual trauma... inside me...!

And it was also... where I was grossly betrayed by Papa... when he believed total strangers... that I was engaged... in a lesbian relationship... with one of the students... who was my very best friend...!

All the above... and more... about my mostly Hellish life in Europe... between the ages of twelve... and twenty-one... is fully detailed... in my sequel to this book... my Spiritual Odyssey... “From Seven Hells... To Seventh Heaven... SUBUD...”... which also covers my unusual... turbulent life... not only in Europe... but on the dark continent of Africa... and the United States of America... as well... which is currently being reedited... for the very last time...

Chapter 17

Ours Is Truly A Remarkable... Often Miraculous... Four Month... Perilous Journey... From The Far East... To The Western World... Of Europe... During The Uncertain Times... Of World War II...!

Our adventurous journey took us... altogether... about four months... to reach our final destination... of Zurich... Switzerland... secretly leaving Yokohama... Japan... on November 9th... 1941... without official permission...!

Then boarding a Chinese junk... in Nagasaki... and enduring a harrowing crossing... in the pitch dark... of its cargo hold... and save for a Miracle... almost getting our throats slit... and our bodies thrown overboard... for the valuables... sewn in our clothing...!

Then there was the brief sojourn... of about three weeks... in Shanghai... narrowly escaping... being blown up by a bomb... and subsequent Japanese occupation...!

Then crossing the South China Sea... to Surabaya... Java... on the Dutch ocean liner... “Tjisadane...”... with brief stops... en route... at the harbors of Hong Kong... then Singapore... both of which... were bombed... within a few hours... of our departure...!

And then crossing the Pacific Ocean... on yet another neutral Dutch ocean liner... the magnificent “Klipfontein...”... whose heart-breaking demise... this soul witnessed... in a newsreel... at His Majesty’s Theater... in Johannesburg... South Africa... in early 1953... as it tragically sank... off the East coast... of the continent... resulting in this book... being born...!

Captain Post... of the “Klipfontein...”... had very prudently... taken his anxious passengers... on a detour... which took us... all the way down to New Zealand... to help avoid... being mistakenly torpedoed... by the hostile Japanese submarines... and stealthy German U-Boots... lurking hidden... dangerously infesting the waters... which had already mistakenly sunk another... neutral Dutch ocean liner... being the twin sister ship... of the “Tjisadane...”!

Then a further time... of about two months... spent in Los Angeles... and New York... after which we crossed the Atlantic Ocean... on the Portuguese ocean liner... the “Serpa Pinto...”... which still sails the oceans today... as a cargo boat...!

Then traversing the terrains... of Portugal... and Civil War-torn Spain... and German-occupied France... by different trains... ultimately arriving... at our final destination... of Zurich... Switzerland... on March 16th ...1942...

And what made the whole perilous journey... from Far East... to Far West... so remarkable... and unusual... Was That It Was Dotted... Here And There... With Quite A Number Of Divine... Delivering Miracles...!

End Of Part XII-A - Seventeen Chapters

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< R E A D   M O R E >

FOREWORD PROLOGUE PART 1 PART I-A PART I-B PART II PART III PART IV PART V PART VI PART VII PART VIII PART IX PART IX-A PART IX-B PART X PART XI PART XII PART XII-A EPILOGUE

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