CHAPTER ONE

THE MYSTERIOUS… TEEMING COSMOPOLITAN CITY OF SHANGHAI…!

A sprawling… bustling… noisy… cosmopolitan metropolis… quite awesome… and overwhelming… to say the least… especially compared to the "restrained" atmosphere of Japan… in contrast… even when considering the fact… that some of her cities… were extremely overpopulated...

After we got through customs… we were met by a Thomas Cook Travel Agent… and it was quite amazing… how quickly he helped restore us… into feeling like human beings of worth… once again… his demeanor most courteous... and friendly… solicitously enquiring as to our wellbeing... informing Papa… that he had booked a suite of rooms for him and his family… at Cathay Mansions… one of the most prestigious hotels in the city...

And as we walked through the huge doors… of the hotel lobby… I was immediately struck… by the air of international grandiosity… that this genteel old edifice exuded... The quiet opulence… of the thick Oriental carpeting… the brocade… and exquisite jade statuary… tastefully displayed… on tables… and in niches on the walls… all spelled out Elegance… with a capital "E" … to my as yet green… inexperienced… impressionable sensibilities… where exceptional décor… and furnishings were concerned...

I found out later… that the hotel had been named after "Cathay" … the original name given for China… which name I much preferred… sounding so much more romantic… nd mysterious… than the common well-known word "China"...

It was the first time in my life… that I would be living in the suite… of a hotel… and I became very excited… thinking of all the fun I could have… in such an immense building - so many nooks and crannies to explore...

The recent terrifying night… in the pitch black hold of the junk… was becoming more and more like a bad dream... a vague memory now... rapidly receding… to the back of my consciousness...

The more I basked in the grandeur… of the hotel... the more I found it hard to believe… that only yesterday… a little over twenty-four hours ago… I had been forced to endure… thirteen hours of terror… and uncertainty… sitting huddled… shivering with fear… on the damp… smelly floor… in the dank bowels… of a Chinese junk...

In all my eleven years and seven months… of living on this planet earth… I had never felt so utterly deserted… and alone… as I did during that terribly l-o-n-g… endless night of abject terror...

When the Presence of my Heavenly Father… Who… in the past… Had Always Brought A Great Sense Of Reassurance to me... was frighteningly absent... making me feel utterly abandoned by Him...

That “hell hole”… had seemed to be too abhorrent… even for my Friend and Protector… my Guardian Angel... for His Reassuring Presence… and Voice… Speaking in my right ear… as usual… were markedly absent… also...

The rest of the Swiss party… arrived at the hotel… separately… within the next few days… consisting of Mr. and Mrs. Behrens… and their adorable baby son… Rainer… ancient Mr. Ruetli… who refused to die anywhere else but in his beloved homeland… Switzerland… and Mr. Peters… my hired tutor… whose most unwelcome presence… I immediately resented... So that… counting the five members of the Rau family… we numbered ten Swiss nationals… altogether…

There were four additional young people… who had been convinced by Remo and Prima… to join us… in leaving Japan… They had been close school friends of theirs… and I remember that one of them… was a teenage exchange student from Turkey… and I think that the other three were an Austrian girl… and two boys… one from Armenia… and the other from Belgium… but my memory of them is vague now… since… being much younger than they were… I had little close association with them… during the whole voyage… They too duly arrived safely… at the hotel… without mishap… and there was a happy reunion… between the six of them…

CHAPTER TWO

AN UNPRECEDENTED ACT OF SABOTAGE.. AND ONCE AGAIN… NEUROTIC XENIA… SAVES OUR LIVES…!

Several interesting events took place… during the three weeks we stayed in Shanghai… the first of which exposed us… to such danger… that all of us… almost got killed one night..!

In celebration of everybody having arrived safely in Shanghai… Papa generously invited his entourage… to dine out in a fancy Chinese restaurant… for authentic… spicy… Szechuan cuisine… in downtown Shanghai… the following night… pleased at the success of his plan… now that the first leg of our journey… had been accomplished smoothly… without any hitches to speak of...

Since there had not seemed to be any Chinese restaurants in Japan… I had never been taken to one… and eagerly looked forward… to tasting the culinary specialities of China… for the very first time in my life...

Arriving there without any mishap… we were led to a large round table… in a corner… to accommodate our party of thirteen… minus Mr. Ruetli… who needed to rest… after his ordeal of traveling so many hours… and Mrs. Behrens… who would not leave her precious baby… Reiner… all alone… in a strange hotel…

Our hostess… who led us to our table… was a very pretty Chinese girl… with dark exotic looks… wearing a colorful… shiny green silk "cheongsam"… a high-necked… close-fitting sheath… patterned with tiny flowers of gold and red… with a long slit… up the side of her leg…!

When we were comfortably seated… a young Chinese male waiter… briskly handed out huge menus… then stood silently at our side… his pen poised over his writing pad… waiting for us to give him our orders...

The "Specialty of the House" that night… was something called "Peking Duck" … and I felt a funny thrill… for my first year on earth… was lived in “Peking”... And I hoped that Papa would order the intriguing sounding dish for me… wondering what it would taste like... And was delighted… when everybody at our table… en masse… decided on the House Specialty...

Waiting for our order to arrive… I looked around me… goggle-eyed… at all the other diners… sitting adjacent to our table... What an interesting mixture of races… beheld my astounded eyes… There were people of all nationalities under the sun…!

And I heard animated conversations going on… all around the huge room… in German… French… Spanish… Italian… Russian… and many others… I could not define..! It was like sitting together… with members of "The League Of Nations"... all assembled... gathered together under one roof... and my heart swelled with pride… to be counted amongst them… as a part of the human race...

My very first taste… of the rich… delectable flavor… of this member of the poultry family… fast becoming my favorite… delighted my palate - no wonder I had always loved ducks… finding them cutely comical… as they quacked… and waddled along - never dreaming for a single instant… that I would one day be feasting on one… and with such relish..!

We all enjoyed ourselves greatly… dining leisurely… as if we did not have a care in the world… savoring the delicacies of Chinese cuisine… similar to Japanese… in one sense… where the rice and noodles were concerned… but totally different… in another sense… where the flavors of seasonings were concerned… although both cultures… used soy sauce liberally… in their savory recipes...

One very marked difference… that I noticed… between the Japanese and the Chinese… were the portions of food… and how their dishes were served...

Whereas the Japanese favored small portions… the dishes of six to seven course meals… being always delicately… and attractively decorated… and garnished… and ceremoniously served… with much polite bowing… making you feel honored… as a very special guest... the Chinese… by comparison… unceremoniously served up enormous… undecorated portions of food… in their likewise six to seven course meals… without any polite bowing… whatsoever... not making you feel… like a very special honored guest at all…!

But on the contrary… giving you the feeling… that they hoped that you will eat your meal… as quickly as possible… so that another party of money paying guests… can occupy the same table…

We finally left the still crowded restaurant… our tummies full to bursting... Prima and Remo wanted to go off with their friends alone… somewhere… without grown-ups hovering over them… and Papa… in a rare expansive mood… heartily gave them permission to do so...

The rest of us… consisting of Mr. Behrens… Papa… Xenia and myself… stood outside the restaurant… milling around… undecided as to what to do with ourselves... next…

Then… after a while… Xenia suggested that… since it was such an unusually mild night… for November… perhaps we should walk off some of the food we had eaten… and that it might be pleasant to go window shopping… along the boulevard… together...

Everybody else agreeing… what a splendid idea it was - Shanghai's fashionable stores were reputed to boast some of the most spectacular window displays… in the city - we started to walk away from the restaurant… arm in arm...

Just as we turned in the direction… towards the district… where all the department stores were located… slowly walking along the long building of the restaurant… where I could see the diners… through the large windows… happily dining and wining… and heartily conversing with each other… Xenia's eye was suddenly caught by something shiny and glittery… displayed in a store window… on the other side of the street… right opposite the restaurant... And becoming very excited… tugging at Papa's arm... she insisted that she simply had to cross over… to take a closer look at it...

Whatever it was that had caught her fancy... was looking very attractive and appealing to her... and her sudden gay mood… and rare capriciousness… affected the rest of us… sweeping us up in her enthusiasm...

Before long… we all decided to cross the wide boulevard… to the other side… with her… to go and have a look… at what was so intriguing to her...

And then... no sooner had we reached the other side of the wide boulevard... just about to step up onto the pavement... when I felt a sudden familiar sensation of heavy stillness… in the air... just like the instant… before the dreaded “jishin” (earthquake)... then there was a kind of "whoosh" sound... and then the ground beneath our feet… began to shake like crazy... and then there was an awful… deafening noise...

And as we turned to look back… thoroughly alarmed by now… we saw the sky lighting up… with a huge red and orange glow... and saw with horror… in the glaring light… how the whole restaurant building… we had just left… only moments ago… seemed to bulge outward... then burst... shards of glass shattering into the street… everywhere..!

We all reeled back in shock… at the devastating sight... and Mr. Behrens… through whose arm… my arm was nestled snugly… was steadying me… as I nearly fell… and we forgot all about Xenia's fancy... as the street suddenly filled with jabbering… panicked people... cars screeching to a halt in front of us... their horns blaring...

Then we heard the raucous noise… of the police car sirens... and before our dazed eyes… saw their black uniformed figures… hastily emerging from their vehicles... swarming about the now flaming building... barking out orders... The whole fiery tableau… was like a scene from Dante's "Inferno" - a ghastly nightmare...

And it was not until we were all safely back at Cathay Mansions… situated on the outskirts… of the great city… ensconced by her four protective walls… once more… that the enormity… of how narrowly we had escaped… being blown up into smithereens… dawned on us...

It seemed that Providence… this time in the form of Xenia's sudden whim... had stepped in… once again… to save our lives..!

And for a little while… we talked to each other in hushed… awed whispers... our eyes huge with wonder... and even I… for a change… was included… in the conversation…

The restaurant had been packed to the rafters… with diners of diverse nationalities… at least two hundred of them… and I tried to weep for them… but could not - it was as if all my emotions… had turned to stone... And for quite a few days... I walked around in a daze... wide-eyed… and dry-eyed with shock...

It was rumored that the bomb… had been placed under a large table... in a corner… and I couldn't help but wonder… since our party had sat… at the only large table I had seen... whether my foot had perhaps been resting on the floor… close to it..! Or perhaps my knee had brushed up against it… on the underside of the table… where it had been attached..! And I shivered with dread... my blood running cold… at the very thought...

That too-near-to-reality flirtation with death… had a sobering effect … on all of us… making each one of us all too aware… that we were not yet out of danger... and should be extremely cautious… from then on...

In light of that terrible… devastating act of sabotage… for the duration… of our stay in Shanghai… we never again ate out at a restaurant… preferring to dine in the comparative safety… of the hotel dining room...

It was all well and wonderful… to be indoors… in the spacious grandeur of the hotel… which was situated on the outskirts… of the city… but as soon as one ventured outside… and traversed the length of the beautiful building… and its well-kept grounds… one would be starkly overwhelmed… when confronted by the contrast… of pitiful reality...

For there was the blight of numerous ramshackle buildings… and even pitiful hovels… dotted on each side of the grand hotel... showing a glaring difference… between the opulent life-style of the rich... the haves... and the hopeless… depressing squalor… of the poor... the have nots... a sight quite common… throughout the great city...

And it was a tragic situation… that always filled me with sobering pain… and compassion… what my eyes beheld… a constant reminder… at the enormous unfairness… of the human condition... For I was passionately convinced… that there should never be such a heartrending… glaring contrast… between the "haves" and the "have nots"...

CHAPTER THREE

MY FRIGHTENING DAILY ORDEALS… WITH HOSTILE CHINAMEN..!

One thing indelibly printed in my mind… were the oh so long… narrow… dark corridors of Cathay Mansions… at the bend of which… every afternoon… blocking the entrance to the service stairs… I would see the hotel's inscrutable… stony-faced Chinese menservants… from the hotel’s kitchen… squatting… bent over… absorbed in playing their version of Mah-Jongg… on the hall floor... excitedly arguing… in their high-pitched… sing-song voices… whenever one of them was too slow… to make his strategic move on the board...

The way the three of them would instantly stop chattering… the moment I stepped towards them… needing to pass by them… in order to get to the lifts - the only way to go from floor to floor for the guests… situated just around the corner from where they sat - always gave me a queasy feeling… making my hair stand on end...

And as the days went by… it became more and more of a dreaded daily ordeal… when I would have to force myself to walk past them… trying to discipline myself to be brave... courageously holding my head up high… even though my heart was hammering in my chest with fear...

As I approached the frightening men… cautiously walking towards where they sat… like witches at a coven - only the boiling cauldron was missing - trying to quell the feeling of panic… that always arose… in my suddenly parched throat... the instant I caught sight of them... as they sat intently hunched over their game board... I could feel them staring hard at me… through their slitted… inscrutable black eyes… the expression in them… full of flinty… steely malevolence... which seemed to bore straight through me... their faces impassive... their posture stock still... their glaring looks… following my every movement… like hawks...

I could sense their tacit hatred of me… simply because of the fact… that my skin was white… which to them meant that I must be wealthy… and therefore belonged… I came to hear… and understand… to the enviable category the Chinese called the "fortunates" … in the fateful scheme of "Joss"...

I had greeted them… openly smiling… the first couple of times… I had come across them… and had been unexpectedly shocked… perplexed… and dismayed… by their unabashed… open display of groundless animosity - they had ignored my friendly… polite "Good afternoon" … and had just sat there… frozen into immobility… staring at me with smoldering hatred and loathing... their game forgotten… for the moment...

The air around us… would instantly become so thick and heavy with distrust… and hostility that… one day… as I gingerly walked past them… I understood… in a flash… as never before… the real reason… for the Great Wall of China…

This feeling of instant hatred… and distrust… of all foreigners… had been ingrained so deeply… into the Chinese people... and for so many centuries... that it had permeated… even into their spirit…! And I felt that… but for the Grace of God… I could actually be choked to death… or have my throat slit… just merely on their unprovoked… soul-deep abhorrence… of my foreign personage..!

I would d to reason with them… let them know… that I was not their enemy… but a very caring person... by nature… regarding people of all races… and color… as the Created children of God… therefore my equals… but it was hopeless... I spoke no Chinese… and they were stubbornly resolved… to be utterly unresponsive… to my friendly overtures...

As the days wore on… I kept on optimistically hoping that… in time… as these hotel servants… became more and more accustomed… to seeing my familiar figure daily... their unjustified dislike of me… would abate… and they would drop their reserve… and maybe even smile back at me... but they never did...

As far as they were concerned… I was simply lumped together… with all the other foreigners… who had oppressed… mistreated… and cheated them… as a Nation…

Ever since they had… against their better judgment… been foolish enough… to let the "white-skinned infidels" … step onto the shores of their ancient… sacred land... steeped in time-worn traditions... which they soon easily conquered… and pillaged… freely helping themselves to Cathay's exquisite treasures... Because of China's deeply ensconced feudal system… there had been very little resistance… throughout the land...

Like the elephant… the Oriental never forgets… or forgives… an act of injustice… or an act… that causes him to "lose face" … and will go to his grave… despising his offender… plotting his revenge against him… cursing him… even as he lies dying… on his bed..!

In fact… the servants' palpable… obvious hostility… finally got to me… and I became frightened of them… especially after one afternoon… when one of them… the youngest… took a slim knife… out of his sleeve... hefting it slowly… from one hand to the other... his unblinking eyes… all the while steadily staring at me... as… with my heart in my mouth... I approached him and his colleagues… this time… to my dismay… sitting right in the middle of the hallway… as if to block my passage..!

The hostile young man's menacing attitude… terrified me… and I squeezed past him… as quickly as I could… hating myself… for being such a coward... hating having to wait ages… for the lift - why did it have to be the only way down? And all the while I stood there… my knees trembling with fear... I could feel his despising eyes… boring into my quivering back...

Their loathing stares… always made me feel very vulnerable… and exposed... and for some reason… unpleasantly guilty... making my heart beat heavily with dread... my imagination running crazily wild... For whenever I saw the slightest movement… out of the corner of my eye... it would immediately conjure up a scene in my mind… of the deserted… ly silent… long corridor...

And I would imagine the four of them… a fourth one having joined them recently… noiselessly leaping to their feet... bounding around the corner… towards my startled… defenseless… frozen-with-terror body… easily overpowering it... then… making sure that there were no witnesses around... whipping out their thin-bladed daggers… from their voluminous sleeves… and silently... in a flash... slitting my throat… from ear to ear... then swiftly disappearing down the service stairs silently… on stockinged feet... leaving my crumpled dying body… lying in a pool of spreading… crimson blood..!

Everything in the opulent Cathay Mansions… would have been perfect… if it was not for those members of the hotel staff… whom I came to learn… were called "coolies"…

And back in the safety of my room… I would indulge myself… in being intrigued by them… my curiosity piqued... I would have dearly loved to know… what they talked about… amongst themselves... what interested them... I would have dearly loved to learn… all about Chinese culture… from them… They were so obviously totally different… from the Japanese people… I had been happily associating with… for the past ten years...

But, as I lay in my bed at night… I would also conjure up… in my mind… the groundless hostility… those Chinese coolies… had been subjecting me to... and found myself wondering… whether they might go so far… as to plant a bomb in the hotel... or maybe even poison our food... thus getting rid of the hated… infidel foreigners...!

And the horrible thought of the possibility… made my heart beat faster... until I reasoned to myself that… if they did commit such a horrendous act… they would be cutting off their noses… to spite their faces... lose their monetary income… their better source of livelihood...

So that in all probability… they would not be that foolish... And I hoped and prayed… that I was right... and that their hatred of us… would never erupt… to the extent that they threw common sense away...

After that apparently first bombing… in the city of Shanghai… we were to hear on the daily news… that there was an upsurge… of increasing sabotage… all over the city... and that the government was in the process… of contemplating issuing a proclamation… to enforce curfews… in order to protect and save lives… should these fiendish… surreptitious… hostile acts… escalate...

And there were also unsettling rumors… that there were Japanese military forces… suddenly appearing in the streets... and that they… dressed in their black uniforms… were already throwing their weight around… alarming and dismaying citizens… in some of the Chinese sectors of Shanghai..!

I do not remember… whether curfews were ever put into effect… since I was never allowed… to venture out into the streets alone at night… anyway… and since the bombing of the restaurant… none of the grown-ups were inclined to leave the hotel… in the evenings again...

Luckily for Papa and Xenia… they had made the acquaintance of the Dobrowskis… another couple… who happened to be Russian… and staying at the hotel… both of them very charming… always smiling and light-hearted… and who also shared their passion for playing the card game "Jass"...

And every night… after dinner… they would take turns… retiring to each other's suites… to while away the night hours… happily playing the game… to their hearts' content…

They never missed frequenting the notorious night spots… of the city... which establishments… would have been an unpleasant reminder for Xenia… anyway… bringing back the awful time… when she had been earning her arduous living… as a taxi dancer… forced to endure long hours on her feet… in high heeled shoes… her body in the unwelcome embraces of strange men... many of them low-class... their bodies stinking of sweat... as they clasped her body… tightly to theirs... some of them rubbing their groins forcefully… against her crotch… for a cheap thrill...

CHAPTER FOUR

SOME DEEP… PUZZLING SOUL SEARCHING…!

Shortly after my brush with death… in the bombing episode… after the shock had worn off… and after repeatedly telling myself… that all those close to two hundred people… except for the fourteen of us… had been destined to die at that time - it was their karma - I lay in bed one night… feeling very philosophical… and started to look back at my own life… and found myself wondering out loud…:

"Why is it that no sooner is one ordeal… that I have to face and overcome… "done with"... when… after a very short respite… there is invariably always another one..?! All my life… it seems… there has inevitably always been something "big and jolting" … to suddenly shock my sensibilities... I never get anything in small doses… or gradually… every single “experience”… is a jumbo whopper… of humongous proportions...!

...And come to think of it… why do the "big things" … always happen to only me... and not to the other children… that I have known..?! Ever since I can remember… there have always been startling events… in my life... always bombarding me… when I least expected them to... Why? Does it have something to do with my karma... when all is said and done..?"

There was a kind of Inner "knowing" … that my mettle… was being Tested… by my Heavenly Father... Always having felt like a daughter of His… upon whom He kept a Special… Monitoring Eye… without anybody telling me that I was…

I knew instinctively… That He Wanted me to become… the best… In His Eyes… that I could be... noble of thought… and deed... full of compassionate love… and understanding… for my fellow brothers… and sisters… no matter what their color… race… traditions… or creeds… And ever since I could remember… there had been a burning desire… deep in my heart… and soul… to serve Him… be His fearless soldier… His fervent slave...

Usually… I felt at one with the universe… in my heart… gladly and lovingly embracing the world… and all who inhabited it… unconditionally... whether man or beast... regarding them all… as God's beloved… creatures... all Created by Him…

But when it came to the bosom… of my own family… the older I got... the more I was made to feel… like a barely tolerated outsider... never really and truly feeling… that I was an intrinsic part of them..! It was not because of the fact… that I was physically different-looking from them… with my white skin… golden blonde hair… and blue eyes… but it was something else... something I could not put a name to... could not explain away… satisfactorily...

Something fathomless… way down deep inside me… "knew" … that I was the "odd one out"... the one that did not belong... no matter how hard I tried... wanting to "fit in"... Even though I kept on optimistically hoping… and praying… every night… that on the rosy dawning… of the next day… I would finally feel… as if I "belonged" with them... somewhere... some time... I never truly did...

Realizing that it was really useless… to speculate… and philosophize… about the unusual circumstances… of my young life... I sighed... and with a fervent prayer… that I continue to be given the strength to "endure whatever I must"... I turned over… and snuggled down into my covers...

And just as sleep overtook me... I "knew" … deep down inside the core of me… with a certainty… I could not explain... that whatever I had to go through… in this… my very last incarnation on earth... God Would Never… Ever Desert me... not in the long run... And I would always have the Comforting… Reassuring Presence… of my Very Special Guardian Angel… to Protect me… from all real harm...

And as I tried to comfort myself… with these pleasant thoughts… I tried to put out of my mind the puzzling… nagging question… that kept haunting me... asking myself for the hundredth time…:

"But why… oh why… had I felt so utterly deserted by God… my Heavenly Father... and my Guardian Angel Friend… as well... and for the very first time in my life... whilst cringing in pitch black darkness… in the bowels… of that odious Chinese junk… only a few nights ago..? And why… at the very time… when I was truly feeling most helpless… and afraid... as never before in my life..?”

And as I lay in the dark… my mind was churning... full of doubtful wondering... trying to fathom the Will of God… and His Scheme… for His children on earth... make some acceptable sense… of the mysteries… of the Spiritual Realm...

I knew instinctively… that nothing happened by chance... and that there was no such thing… as coincidence… there was always an important purpose… for why certain things happened… to certain people... at certain times…

And as much as I wracked my brains… trying to understand… why I had been so utterly Abandoned… during those crucial… l-o-n-g thirteen hours of need... no satisfactory Answers of Explanation… came to me... not then...

It was only years and years later… when I had some understanding of Spiritual Truths… after my Inner Self… Was Miraculously “Opened…” and “Awakened…” even further… into SUBUD… that I came to realize… the true Purpose… for what has come to be aptly called… "the dark night of the soul"...

It is as if for those of us… who have some Spiritual sensitivity… in our souls... it is necessary… To Be Reminded… periodically… how it is for us… when the Divine Spiritual Presence… of The One Allah Almighty God… and His Perfect Guidance… Is Removed from our awareness… for a time... So that we truly experience the reality… of living some hours… without an awareness… inside ourselves… of His Holy Spirit... and without the awareness… of His Protecting Angels... in our lives...

I have experienced several such "dark nights of the soul" … during my lifetime... and mere words… can never adequately describe… the very real Experience… of feeling being completely cut off from God... the wonderful soul-link to Him… Abruptly Severed... the unbearable feeling… of sheer desolation... and abandonment... that accompanies me… throughout every waking hour...

...And then when the terrible Dark State… is mercifully finally over... after usually a day or two... - the longest lasted five agonizing days and nights - and I again feel the very real Presence… of my Creator… and His Angels... surrounding me… the indescribable feelings of Joy... Bliss... Spiritual Ecstacy... and oh so thankful relief… that flood throughout my being... to have been restored… to Divine Grace… once again... have to be felt… to be believed...

All I can say… is that when the Miraculous Event of Divine Restoration happens... it is as if my soul is bursting… with eternal gratitude... and I am Made to feel humble… all over again... as "OH JOY" … I feel the Wondrous Inner Contact… with my Creator… once again... "knowing" … deep inside me… that I am especially Privileged... Endowed with Heavenly Grace... and Blessed… beyond measure… to be Inwardly in touch with my Creator... my Heavenly Father… with one foot of mine… always in my True… Eternal Home… Heaven… once more...

CHAPTER FIVE

INADVERTENT LIFE SAVER…!

The strange incident… that I relate now… is curiously memorable… not without a touch of the Supernatural... considering that I was then… only a little over eleven and a half years old… and under the thumb… of a very strict… authoritarian father… having been brought up by him… under the sternest supervision...

Bearing all this in mind… what induced me one fine balmy sunny day… to venture far from the hotel… into the unfamiliar downtown streets and alleys… of bustling Shanghai… all alone… I will never know…

All I do know… is that on that particular morning… I awoke… bursting with a devil-may-care adventurous feeling... imbued with more energy… than usual... an overwhelming desire… burning in my breast… to get out of the hotel...

And… throwing all caution to the winds... I decided to boldly explore... explore... and explore some more... ranging over every single inch… of the fascinatingly overcrowded metropolis… of the international population... investigate its myriad hustling… bustling… noisy side streets... the whole exciting expanse… steeped in intriguing… cosmopolitan mystery...

I did not even stop to consider… the more than probable likelihood… of being kidnapped… yet once again… for the white slave market… as… after wolfing down a hasty breakfast… I walked all alone… all the way down to fascinating downtown Shanghai… some eight miles away...!

Enjoying myself hugely… I happily traversed the dirty… refuse-littered streets... now trudging up a steep incline... then loping down another roadway... many of which were dotted with small stores… some of whose wares… spilled out onto the sidewalk… in gay abandon...

There was so much… that I wanted to feast my eyes on... indulge my senses in... all those foreign… exotic… intriguing places… like the Russian… French… Albanian… and Turkish Quarters… I'd heard about...

And the occasional sight of Japanese soldiers… dressed in black policemen's uniforms… for some strange reason… did not alarm me in the least... for this great… sprawling metropolis… with its wide boulevards… and people of all nations… rubbing shoulders... seemingly peacefully coexisting… with one another... gave me a wonderful intimate sense… of international liberty… and freedom...

Still feeling exhilarated… and inquisitive… I found myself sauntering down yet another unfamiliar… crowded side street... noticing that no two stores… next to each other… sold the same type of merchandise...!

And I could not help but be dazzled… by the variety of products... from beautiful… hand-made pottery… of all shapes… colors and sizes... to the spectacularly brilliantly colored bolts of Chinese silk... ranging from bright crimson… to deep peacock blue...

I joined in with the other milling people… gasping with them in awe… at the sight of exquisite clay bowls… lacquered in deepest shiny ebony… with delicate-hued flowers of white and lilac… of yellow… or pink… or deep red... in stark contrast… delicately painted on their surfaces... Some clay jars were of the palest ivory... each one painstakingly painted with graceful black birds... so life-like... either sitting perched on a twig... or about to take flight… off limbs of branches...

Yet others depicted some scene… of Chinese society… in which miniature figures… handsome mandarins… and beautiful concubines of old… dressed in their traditional costumes… of brilliantly colored silks… of spectacular shades of reds… jade green and blues... were shown in acts of heroism...

Or painted on the surface… of the clay jar… or bowl… would be a beautiful outdoor scene… of a gently cascading waterfall… between two mountains… instantly conjuring up for the bedazzled beholder… a sense of peaceful tranquility...

My goggle-eyed senses… feasted themselves… on exquisitely beautiful bolts of colorful silks… displayed on the sidewalks... all the fabulous array of merchandise… in royal purples… sea-greens… peacock blues… and golden yellows… a breathtaking… exciting panorama for the eyes... heart-stopping... fascinating me no end...

And no words could ever accurately… nor adequately describe… the awesome Impression… that the exquisite colors… of flowers and birds… painted so painstakingly… and in such detail… on every piece of delicate… translucent porcelain... made on me...

All around me… were the artistic accomplishments… of the extremely talented Chinese... My overwhelmed senses… were filled with humble awe... and I felt honored… and privileged… to be permitted to gaze upon all their exquisite handiwork... knowing that what my eyes beheld… would never be forgotten... but be indelibly imprinted… on my mind...

The feast for my eyes… and senses… were not yet over - there was more to come... For as I ambled along... thoroughly enjoying myself… feeling very grown-up... amongst all the other grown-ups… talking excitedly to each other… in their different languages… I happened upon a curio shop...

And when I saw the display of beautiful… Orientally exotic… delicately carved jade statuettes… and other breathtaking curios… attractively shown in the store window… I just stood there and gawked… mesmerized...

Never before… had I seen such shades and nuances of green… blending into each other so perfectly... each striking human… or animal representation… sitting neatly side by side… large and small… and even beautifully sculptured miniatures… were depicted… Most of them stood on ornately carved… lacquer-painted pedestals of black...

I was standing there… utterly spellbound… unable to tear my eyes away... wishing I had some money… to buy at least one of the miniature… genuine Chinese objets d'art… as a souvenir... when my attention was diverted… by a sudden excited cacophony… of high-pitched voices… filling the air nearby...

Instantly… the atmosphere became thick with tension... and I turned around… my curiosity piqued... my senses aroused... the jade shop and its intriguing wares… momentarily forgotten...

Directly across the narrow street… and down a dark alleyway… from where I was standing… was a circle of Chinamen... and they were all bent over… their attention riveted upon something… on the ground…

I could hear them jabbering away excitedly to each other… their voices high-pitched… gesticulating wildly... and as I watched them… Something Very Strange… Began To Happen Inside Me...

Suddenly… I Could Feel Myself Growing In Stature... and without intending to… Found My Legs Swiftly… and Purposefully… Carrying Me Across The Street… Heading Straight For The Group Of Agitated Men… On The Other Side..!

When I reached them… Boldly Pushing My Way… through the large crowd… that had by now quickly gathered… on the fringes… I was totally without fear…

And I Was Feeling Very Strong - just like the time… when I was kidnapped by the daiku-san… so long ago… And It Was As If Something… Deep Inside Me … "Knew" Exactly What To Do..!

As I Purposefully Elbowed the huddled men aside... I saw… to my utter amazement… of all people… that it was my Swiss co-traveller… dear old Mr. Ruetli… that the excited Chinamen were surrounding…!

The poor ancient man… was lying flat on his back… a look of abject terror… frozen on his angular face… his lantern jaw quivering... and I noticed his cane… lying alongside his trembling… frail body...

Upon taking in the pitiful scene… before my astonished eyes… a Towering… Righteous Rage… against these bullies… Began to Fill my being...

And instantly… without hesitation… I bent down… Feeling a Surge of Superhuman Strength… Rippling Along My Arms... easily lifted Mr. Ruetli… up to his feet... and propped him up… against my body… holding him around his waist...

And Still With The Strength Of Hercules… I Then Bent Down… Picked Up His Cane… And Turning… Cut A Wide Swathe Around Me… Brandishing It At The Suddenly Menacing… Hostile Faces… Around Us...

The tables now being suddenly turned… the Chinamen began to cower in fear as… Scowling At Them Ferociously… Meaning Business… I Kept On Waving The Cane At Them... Without Uttering A Single Word…!

And It Was As If The Cane… In A Flash… Became A Magic Wand… Because It Made Them Disperse… Backing Away… Out Of The Alley… And Fade Away… Around The Corner… Into The Maze Of The Other Side Streets..!

Not once did it occur to me… that there was the very real possibility… of my being attacked… by the excited horde… in turn… with them obviously vastly outnumbering Mr. Ruetli and myself..!

As I supported the poor… dazed old man… holding him by his arm… gently urging him to walk along beside me… on his wobbly legs... towards the tramway down the hill… he kept on exclaiming… between gasps of breath… that it was a Miracle… that I had been on this particular street… at this particular time... and that God must have Sent me… to his rescue... to save him from who knows what terrible fate… at the hands of those hostile Chinamen...

He was thoroughly convinced… that they would have left him lying there… on the sidewalk… to rot... And he kept thanking me… over and over again… crying unashamedly… the globules of tears… streaming down his pale… emaciated cheeks… unchecked...

I was a little taken aback… by his effusive gratitude... for he kept stopping… and wringing… and kissing my hands... telling me over and over again… how… if I had not come along… when I did… he would have been left on the pavement… to die…!

I tried to stop him from talking… to conserve what little energy he had left - it was obvious to me… that he was in a state of shock - but he adamantly insisted on explaining… what had happened...

And what I heard… listening to his quavery words… as he... panting... filled me in… on the frightening event… was horrifying… to say the least...

I simply could not believe him… and told myself… that his chilling words… must merely be the ramblings… of an old man… whose imagination was running riot...

I thought he was exaggerating… as… barely able to get the words out… he haltingly proceeded to tell me… of the terribly cruel… Chinese superstition… that… if a person comes to the aid of a stranger… who has fallen down in the street… by picking him up… firmly believing… that it could only be an evil spirit… possessing his body… that had caused him to fall down… in the first place... he and his family… will be cursed for life… earning bad "joss"... because… as punishment for interfering… the demon would then transfer himself… to the body of the one… who had assisted the fallen one..! And he would become responsible for that person… for the rest of his life..!

I found it very hard to digest… such a mind-boggling story… wondering how it was… that this ancient people… who had cultivated so much exquisite culture… such as I had just beheld… only moments before… for so many more centuries… than the Europeans… could still believe… in such a mean-spirited… cruel superstition… as to believe that it was bad "joss" … to help a fellow man...!

But later on… after a rickety tram ride… when we were safely back at the hotel once more… I found out that old Mr. Ruetli had… in fact… spoken the truth after all..! The Chinese do… even in this modern day and age… still believe in this terrible… inhuman superstition..!

Thereafter… from that day onward… whenever Mr. Ruetli saw me… whether in the dining room... or the elevator... or anywhere else... his whole face would light up… like a Christmas tree... and getting very excited... he would proudly point in my direction... crowing to anybody within earshot… the story of how I had come to his rescue… and saved his life… the tears of gratitude… spilling from his pale blue eyes… all over again… as he said… in his quaint Swiss accent…:

"See... see...? Zet's my dear… dear engel... she stood op to a hondred Chinamen… all alon... zey ver just going to let me rott and die... lying ver I fell down in ze street... It woss a Miracle… how Gott Sent her to sev me - zis lovely… dear… sveet gerl iss truly my engel... ze engel who seved my life..!"

As far as this almost twelve year old was concerned… it was the very first time in her life… that she had experienced the wonderful sensation… of vitally being needed… by another grown-up human being… and it was a very good feeling… indeed… making her chest swell… with a pleasant sense of worthiness...

Old Mr. Ruetli continued with his praises… even later on… when we were on board ship… as well… stopping passengers in their tracks... eager to tell his Miraculous story of Deliverance… often repeating it to the same people...

Luckily for him… nobody seemed to mind… or become irritated by his garrulousness... everybody treating him with affectionate… good-natured tolerance - there was something very harmless and lovably child-like… about the old man...

But when his continuing praises… invariably caused admiring glances… to come my way from young men... and the way their eyes lighting up with interest… made me feel most awkward and uncomfortable… to say the least... I yearned for the ground to swallow me up..!

Being unaccustomed to singular attention from men... usually evoking instant feelings of self consciousness… and shyness in me... I desperately wished Mr. Ruetli would confine his singing praises of me… only to married couples...

I mused to myself… that this was the second time in my life… that I had been singled out by Providence… to rescue another human being… and wondered what it all meant - was this to be my mission in life - to save people..!?

Well - as a matter of fact… it so happens… that as my unusually extraordinary life continued... it seemed destined… that I should come across… quite a number of bewildered souls… who had lost their way... and for whom… despite their religious beliefs… they still felt an empty… aching void… inside themselves… realizing that religion alone… was not enough…

And with a heart full of gentle… loving encouragement… and understanding… and sincere compassion… I have tried to help them… find their way back to God again... to have their faith in Him... and His Merciful Love… and Perfect Understanding... of them… restored once more...

Especially when I offered them… the ultimate Miracle… of what There Is… in our modern day… and age… today… the piece de resistance… the crème de la crème… the cherry on the top… when I brought them… to the Glorious Deliverance of SUBUD… (fully explained in the sequel to this book… titled “FROM SEVEN HELLS… TO SEVENTH HEAVEN… SUBUD…)

A Wondrous Haven… where… once their Inner Selves were “Awakened…” and “Opened…” by their Creator… they could really… and truly… enjoy the Closest… Deepest… One-on-One Relationship… with Him… imaginable… when they would Receive… each individual… according to his nature… character… and personality… the Divine Whisper… of Allah Almighty God… or whatever other name they call Him… Speaking in their souls… Perfectly Directing… and Guiding them… in their daily activities… including the times… where they may be faced with making difficult decisions… thus finally Affording them… lives of Grace… Peace… and Harmony… with those around them…

CHAPTER SIX

MY VERY FIRST RUSSIAN FEAST… ON XENIA’S THIRTY-FIFTH BIRTHDAY… ON THE 19TH OF NOVEMBER…!

Xenia did indeed have an older sister… who was married to an interesting Eurasian of Chinese/Russian extraction… living together in the Russian Quarter… and I became acquainted… with authentic Russian cuisine… for the very first time… on the occasion of Xenia's thirty-fifth birthday… on November 19th… when her sister threw a party for her… in her lovely home...

I had already sampled a few of Xenia’s Russian specialties… such as pickled herring in sour cream… and sauerkraut… both of which she prepared… in huge barrels… letting the fish… and cabbage ferment… up in the attic… of our house… on the Bluff… but I had never partaken… of a real four course Russian meal… before…

The small house was full of Russian émigrés… and as the afternoon wore on… and they swigged more and more Vodka… down their throats... so did they become more and more loud and boisterous... then "soulfully" melancholic and homesick… for their homeland Mother Russia... their extraordinarily rich voices… blending in perfect harmony… as they sang their sad Russian songs... some of them sounding exceptionally good… especially the rich tones of the basso profundos...

There was a long table… laden with delectable dishes… such as delicious "borscht" (red beet soup with sour cream) … tasty "piroshki" (a light meat-filled flaky pastry) … wonderfully seasoned "pilmeni" (beef dumplings in chicken broth) … and "blini" (paper-thin crepes) … and we were told to freely help ourselves… to all the food... which had been largely prepared by Xenia’s sister Sonja’s husband… who was a first class chef…

Everything served on that memorable afternoon… was excitingly new… and strange tasting… to my inexperienced palate… and I gorged myself unabashedly...

After years of living at boarding school… where the menu had always consisted mainly of bland-tasting … repetitious… over-boiled English food... Russian food… by great contrast… was zestfully spicy… and imaginatively tasty… with its clever use of herbs and spices...

I had always loved Japanese food… eating it often at my Japanese friends' houses… when I was very little… and then later on again… where from the age of ten… living for a year and a half with both Papa and Xenia together… for the first time… in a house… after the ISY was forced to close down... when he would sometimes take us out to a Japanese restaurant for dinner… I would gorge myself on Sukiyaki… or Teriyaki… or O Yaku Domburi… being some of my very favorite dishes…

CHAPTER SEVEN

SOME INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT SHANGHAI... PLUS AN UNEXPECTED DIVINE REVELATION…!

During our three-week stay in Shanghai… I learned something of the fascinating history… of this huge cosmopolitan city… and how the Japanese had… without provocation… brazenly bombed it… in 1932...

But in 1937… when they again assaulted the teeming metropolis… its citizens had bravely resisted their onslaught… for three whole months… before it fell... and there was an angry Anglo-American reaction… to Japan's acts of unprecedented hostilities… throughout China...

The Americans began to seriously contemplate… an economic blockade of Japan… in cooperation with the British… Dutch… French and Soviets… while the British urged a joint Anglo-American demonstration of force...

But then the Japanese apologized… and it was unfortunate… that the Allies prematurely halted… their plan of intervention... the timely implementation of which… might very well have changed the whole course of history... and the dastardly aerial… and naval attacks… of Japan's Imperial military forces… throughout the Pacific Theater… may never have happened…!

And now that we were there… every now and again… we would overhear whispers… that there was an undercurrent brewing… that the Japanese were planning further hostilities… throughout the mainland... once again setting their greedy sights… on strategic… unprotected… defenseless areas...

And I would find myself praying… with all my might… that such atrocities would never happen… begging for peace… throughout the whole world… and that my Heavenly Father… Do Something… to Stop the rampant Japanese… who were becoming more and more drunk with power…

Then one night… as I was fervently praying for peace… for all of mankind… yet again… I suddenly heard a Voice… Commanding me to empty my mind… and still the emotions of my heart… for a Great Spiritual Truth… Was About To Be Revealed to me…!

Feeling suddenly humbled… and full of awe… and wonder… I obeyed the Voice…and quietened myself… emptying my mind… of all turbulent thoughts… and stilling all my heated emotional concerns… about the wellbeing… of my suffering fellow brothers and sisters… throughout the earth…

After the longest time… as I waited patiently… in the privacy of my bedroom… with my eyes closed… the Voice Spoke again… and Revealed the following Great Spiritual Truth to me… Etching It… for all time… Inside My Very Soul…:

That God’s Love for His Children… On Earth… Is Boundless… And All Encompassing… And Eternal… And That We Are To Love Him… In Return… With All Our Hearts… And All Our Strength… Having Utter Trust… And Faith… In Him… Who Created Us…

And Since He Has Given His Created Children On Earth… Free Will… Within The Scope Of Their Destinies… To Live Out Their Lives… In True Loving Concern… For One Another… As Kindred Brothers… And Sisters… He Will Not Intervene… Nor Interfere… With Man’s Actions… Even If They Are Evil…!

For If He Should Do So… Man Would Never Learn… The True Meaning… Of Brotherhood…

So We Should Not Pray To Him… Asking Him Why He Is Allowing So Much Evil… To Go On… In The World… That He Has Given To His Children… For All Their Needs… And To Please Do Something About It…

But We Should Ask Ourselves… Why Are We Allowing Such Evil… To Go On… And Do Something About It… Ourselves…!

For All Directions… And Guidelines… In How To Conduct Ourselves… In Our Lives… Were Already Handed Down To Prophet Moses… In The Ten Commandments… Of Almighty God… Which Are Eternal…

And We All Have But To Live… By Their Perfect Rules… Which Are Still To Be Followed… Today… In Order To Enjoy Lives of Grace… Peace… And Harmony… With All Those Around Us…

CHAPTER EIGHT

AN UNEXPECTED QUIRK OF FATE… SAVES OUR LIVES… YET ONCE AGAIN… VIA FRACTURED XENIA…!

One day… Papa found out from the shipping office… that two Dutch sister ships… of the Royal Dutch Inter-ocean Lines… were expected… as was their usual custom… to sail into Shanghai Harbor… within a few days of each other...

One was called MS "Tjinegara" … and the other MS "Tjisadane"... They were quite unique… in that they were the first two of the highest powered motor ships… to be built in 1931… in Amsterdam… by Netherlands S.B. Co. … for their fleet… covering some quite extensive routes… from the Far East… to Africa… to South America…

Finding out that their newly acquired card-playing friends… the Dobrowskis… had already booked passage… on the earlier ship… the MS "Tjinegara"… bound directly for the United States of America… which was expected to come into port any day now… Papa and Xenia… decided to sail together on it with them… And Papa duly booked passage on it… for his family… and so did his entourage… through the renowned Thomas Cook Travel Agency...

It so happened that… shortly after our arrival in Shanghai… Xenia developed some problems with her eyes… and… during the past three weeks… she had regularly been seeing the best Chinese oculist in the city… for special eye treatment...

On the day before our departure… he called her to cancel… and reschedule her appointment for the following day… explaining that an unforeseen emergency had arisen… which had necessitated his having to perform an urgent eye operation… on one of his patients… and that it was vital that he do it immediately… on that very day...

In fluent Chinese… I heard Xenia… arguing with him… and the word “America”…

And found out later… how she had told her doctor… that it would be impossible for her… to see him on the following day… since we were sailing for America… the next morning… and this was the very last day she could see him…

Her doctor had listened to her vehement protestations… very patiently… then voiced grave doubts… about the danger of having her sensitive eyes… exposed to the harmful effects of salty sea air… without proper medication to protect them... and strongly advised her… to postpone her date of departure… until he had reexamined her eyes… and prescribed appropriate medication for them...

Just then… Papa happened to come into their suite… and overhearing his beloved… on the telephone… as she agitatedly protested… that the oculist simply had to somehow squeeze her into his busy schedule that day... quickly sizing up the situation… he had taken the receiver… out of her hand... talked to the eye specialist… identifying himself... then quietly listened to what he had to say...

Then after a little while… Papa nodded his head… then reassured the doctor… that his wife would be in his offices… the following morning… at ten o'clock sharp… and hung up the phone...!

As Xenia sat there on their bed… next to me… in a daze… her mouth hanging open… Papa… utterly ignoring me… came over to her… and took her in his arms… tenderly whispering…:

"My darling... do you think anything else could be more important… or precious to me… than you… and your beautiful eyes...?"

"Baat Theo... vat about ourr frents…? Ve promissed to sel togethair... End vat about de rest of ourr parrty..? Dey hev oll med arrengements to liv heer tomorrow..." … she protested anxiously...

"Well… I will simply have to explain our situation… to everybody concerned… and tell them that… due to unforeseen circumstances… I have been forced to make other arrangements… for my family...”

And then he murmured… inbetween calming her down with little kisses on her neck... doing his best to soothe away her fears...

“Don't worry… darling… I will simply exchange our booking… for the second sister ship... I am sure there will be no problem... Besides… if we don't catch up with the Dobrowskis… at the next port of call… we're bound to see them again… very soon… in New York..."

I happened to be in their bedroom… at the time… being shown by Xenia… how to pack my suitcases expertly… using every inch of space… Over the many times… she had travelled with Papa… on their business/pleasure trips… she had learned how to pack a suitcase neatly… and to the brim… with many articles of clothing…

She was demonstrating to me… how she laid each garment… as flat as possible… stretching it to the very corners of the case… with the collar side to the left… then laying the next garment… with the hem to the left… crisscrossing each garment…

And I had followed her lead… packing my suitcases… just like hers… with the addition now… of the brand new lightweight cotton summer dresses… patterned with bright tropical scenes… of exotic birds and flowers… she had had specially made for Prima and me… by an expert Chinese tailor…

When Papa announced… over lunch… that Xenia's eye affliction… had forced an unforeseen change in his plans… and he would… therefore… have to postpone our departure… for a day or two… stating that there would be no hard feelings… if the others went on ahead… on the first ship… everybody unanimously stated… that they preferred to sail with Theodore Rau… when he did… not minding the few days of delay...

They had no inkling… whatsoever… that this momentous deference of their departure… would actually be vitally instrumental… in saving all their lives..!

It was interesting to me… how everybody looked up to my Papa… as the natural born leader of their group… heeding his wise counsel… following his suit… without any questions or protestations… of any kind…!

The Dobrowskis were more than a little disappointed… at hearing that they would not be sailing together… with their new-found card-playing partners… after all... but nevertheless agreed… that the delicate condition of Xenia's eyes… should take precedence over everything else...

Besides… since… in all probability… we would all be sailing ourselves… anyway… in a day or two… we would be bound to catch up with them… by the next port of call… either in Hong Kong… or Singapore...

The next morning… Papa and Xenia went down to the docks… to give their new friends a warm send-off… waving to them... wishing them…:

"Bon Voyage… and God Speed... for only just a little while...!" …

from the pier… as their ship… the MS “Tjinegara” … sailed away... with the promise that they would be reunited in a few day's time… at the latest... little realizing then… that they would never see each other… ever again..!

On the very next morning… as announced… and right on schedule… the Dutch twin sister ship… MS "Tjisadane" … duly sailed into port... And as far as exchanging tickets for the second ship was concerned… Papa had no trouble… whatsoever… the transaction being accomplished without a hitch...

Then… as promised… he got Xenia off to her oculist… in time for her appointment… and afterwards took all of us on a tour of fascinating Shanghai… one last time...

Little did we know then… that it would be the second last day… anybody walked through the metropolis… of the bustling city… as a free person... and that the Japanese Imperial Navy… would seize the British gunboat "Wake" … in the city's harbor... and that other British and American ships… and installations… would soon be a target… for the Imperial Strike Force … the "Iai"… and its fleet... already fast steaming its way towards other innocent… unsuspecting islands… and nations… throughout the Pacific rim..!

Naturally… none of us had any inkling that… in only a few days time… while we sailed unawares… towards Hong Kong… by a zigzag… roundabout route... that Japan would not only intensify her attack on Shanghai… in short shrift... but on that same day... all hell would be breaking loose… when she first dropped her infamous bombshells… on unsuspecting Pearl Harbor... at the same time bombing Hong Kong... northern parts of the Philippine Islands… and the Malayan Peninsula... bringing sudden chaos… and destruction… once again… to the Asian world… through their unprecedented hostile attacks from land… sea… and air…!

END OF PART TWO - EIGHT CHAPTERS

Muftiah Turin