Chapter 1
Some Wonderful... Exhilarating Adventures... On Board The Majestic Dutch Ocean Liner... MS "Klipfontein...!"

When I first caught my very first glimpse... of the beautiful... graceful lines... of the "Klipfontein"... my breath caught in my throat... and I was totally overwhelmed... by her majestic shape and size - she looked so grandiosely regal... lying to... at the dock...!

And all I could do... was just stand there... rooted to the spot... gaping... thoroughly awed... by her commanding... pristine presence... almost fearful to board... such a magnificent vessel... feeling suddenly very unworthy... to dare to step foot upon her polished... gleaming surfaces... afraid of contaminating her sparkling purity... with my unclean... sinful self...!

At the same time... I was dying with curiosity... to see what she looked like... on the inside... realizing that the "Tjisadane"... was a tramp steamer... by comparison to this incredibly fabulous looking ship..!

FARLAN - PLEASE INSERT HERE... IF POSSIBLE... REPRODUCTION OF WHAT THE DUTCH MARINE OFFICE SENT ME... DETAILING DIMENSIONS... TONNAGE... ETC... ABOUT THE "KLIPFONTEIN" ... ONLY...

NOT ABOUT HER SINKING... THAT TRAGIC NEWS REPORT... CAN BE INSERTED... IN THE APPROPRIATE PLACE... IN THE PROLOGUE OF “SHADOW...”... WHEN I WROTE HOW I WITNESSED IT... IN A NEWSREEL... AT HIS MAJESTY’S THEATER... IN JOHANNESBURG... IN EARLY 1953...!

Finally... with all our documents and papers checked... and in order... we were allowed to board her...

And when I first put my right foot down... on her highly glossed deck... a strong feeling of respectful love... for this proud ocean liner... arose in my breast... and I vowed fervently to myself... that I would always behave... with particularly honoring dignity... while I walked upon her sturdy decks...

This time... Prima and I were not put into another dark hole... in the sweltering hot bowels of the ship... but assigned a lovely... spacious cabin... with twin beds... roomy closets... a dressing table... and a porthole... out of which we could see the blue green sea... slightly below us... which thrilled me to bits...

And on our very first day out to sea... we saw... to our surprise... that the little Javanese porter boy... had been wrong... for there was a new Master... in command of the magnificent “Klipfontein...”... a Captain Willem Post...!

And when he announced... that evening... over the loudspeaker... in his quaint Dutch accent... that we would not be sailing directly across... to the United States of America... but would be taking a safer route... instead... the details of which... for obvious reasons... he was not at liberty... to tell us just yet... none of his passengers... were very surprised...

For everybody had heard the daily rumors... about the dangers of possibly being accidentally attacked... by hostile Japanese submarines... battleships or gunboats... with the Pacific Ocean... being infested with them...

But as the days went by... and passengers began guessing games... as to what our next port of call would be... the further south we sailed... the more the general consensus of opinion was... that we were headed... way down towards the continent of Australia...!

Everyone finally convinced... that by first sailing all the way "Down Under"... maybe even to New Zealand... before sailing back up... towards New York Harbor... the ship might stand a better chance... of either being undetected... by the possibility of quasi enemy submarines... lurking about... or the likelihood... that the Japanese... had not yet ventured that far south... in their joint global plan of war... with Russia...

I was thrilled... at the prospect of visiting New Zealand... a country... that I had only vague knowledge... of being a small island nation... off the coast of Australia... that specialized in sheep farming... and was curious to experience its culture... and customs... for myself... first hand...

The Captain did inform us though... that our voyage... until the next landfall... would take at least about two weeks... or maybe even longer...

So I happily had all the intention in the world... of taking full advantage... of this nice long stretch of time... aboard ship... in such lovely... perfectly balmy weather...

No tedious lessons... no schooling... with Mr. Peters... long gone off to the Philippines... but just exploring... exploring... exploring... and generally having the greatest time... of my life...

Imagine the utter joy I felt... when I discovered... that the swimming pool... was the real thing... made of cement tiles... instead of the makeshift canvas affair... on board the "Tjisadane"... reminding me of the Yokohama Public Swimming Baths... on the famous Bluff... in which I had swum on many an occasion... only this one... understandably being very much smaller...

The sight of the blue tiles... enchanted me to the core... and beside myself with happiness... I eagerly anticipated spending many pleasant... pleasurable hours... splashing about in its inviting cool depths...

And I was even more delighted... when I learned that... unlike the canvas make-shift pool... on board the "Tjisadane"... which had been filled with salt sea water... this one actually contained pleasantly cool... fresh... what I had always called... Water of Life...!

Chapter 2
A Very Special Invitation... To Yours Truly... From The Good Captain Post... Himself...!

And when... early the following morning... I found myself actually standing... beside Captain Post... way up high on the bridge... observing the spectacular rising... of the golden sun... as it peeped up... over the horizon... in the east... bathing the vast auditorium of the sky... with varying... breathtaking... delicate hues of pink... I was in Seventh Heaven...

And was happily reminded... of all those special times... with Papa... when I was just a little tyke... and we climbed up... to the top of our “before breakfast yama”... watching the spectacular rising of the sun... together... at dawn... in the Land of the Rising Sun... my beloved Nippon... after our pre-dawn rigorous exercises... in his attic gym... with the miniature dumbbells... he had had made... especially for me...

Feeling most honored... to have been invited... by the Captain... out of the blue... the night before... when he stopped at our table... to chat pleasantly... expressing his delight... in having a Swiss entourage... as his passengers... for he was very fond... of the Swiss people... I could hardly believe my luck...

And when I saw his silver-blond head... bowed down... in silent... reverent prayer... as I joined him topside... my whole being felt engulfed... in the overwhelming grandeur... of the wide open space... all around us...

And I suddenly felt an overpowering feeling of compassionate love for the Captain... instinctively sensing... how great a load of responsibility... he must be carrying... on his shoulders... this kindly man... with his twinkling blue eyes...

And how the wellbeing... and safety of the passengers... entrusted into his keeping... must be weighing heavily... in his chest... as the sturdily throbbing engines... vibrating beneath our feet... seemed to send out a steady signal of reassurance... as we continued sailing on... in the possibly perilous seas...

And all of a sudden... overcome by the magnificent vastness... all around me... the glorious... awesome sea... the rising sun... and the Breath of God... Lovingly Ruffling the strands of my hair... that had escaped the loathed restriction... of my infernal pigtails... enforced by Papa... making me aware... as never before... how very small and puny... and insignificant I was... by comparison... from my own chest... welled up a great shout of JOY...

And flinging out my arms... exuberantly... and up high... towards the Heavens... I expressed my own devotion... to my dearly beloved Heavenly Father... by ecstatically crying out loud...:

"Oh Heavenly Father... How Wondrous... And Beautiful... Is Thy Creation...!

Thy Endless Deep... The Blue-Green Waves... Of Thy Ocean... Awesome In Their Vastness...!

How Glorious... The Spectacular Glow... Of Thy Warming... Golden Sun... Created By Thee... To Comfort Thy Many Children... Bestowing Upon Them... Its Warmth And Light...!

And In The Midst Of Such Splendor... Such Magnificent Grandeur... In Thy Vast Horizon...!

Surely Thou Couldst Never... Ever... Let Any Harm... Befall Any Of Thy Beloved Children... Aboard This Splendid... Stately Ship... So Perfect... In Its Regal... Pristine Workmanship...!

On Behalf Of All Those... Who Are Sailing On Her... Your Loving Daughter... Offers Up Her Fervent Prayer...

With Total Faith... And Utter Trust... That Thy Host Of Angels... Shall Keep Protective Watch... Over Every Single One Of These... Thy Beloved Children... During This Day... Of Our Perilous Voyage... Amen... So Be It..."

(From my earliest memory... without anybody bothering to tell me of His Existence... I had always Felt The Presence of my Heavenly Father... inside me... and addressed Him... quite naturally... as "You"... but the four years I had spent... as a choir member... of the Anglican Church of England... had trained me... to use the respectful biblical term of "Thou" - although privately... I still continued to use the more familiar term of "You" to Him...

Having spent hundreds of hours... throughout my years of growing up... in close conversation with Him... baring my soul to Him... at all hours of the day... and night... my heart always filled... with the huge question mark... that Was Never Answered...:

Why was it... that I always felt like an "outsider"... in this world... and amongst my peers... and even among the members... of my immediate family... never truly feeling... as if I belonged to anyone... or belonged anywhere...?!)

And when I had finished... uttering my fervent Words of Prayer... I felt a great feeling... of Joyous Peace... Wash over me... from head to foot... Flooding me... throughout my whole being...!

And deep within myself... I "knew" with an absolute Certainty... that could not be denied... that all of us... aboard the "Klipfontein"... Would Be Protected... from all grievous harm... on that particular day...

...And then I wondered... how the Captain had reacted... to my impassioned outburst... and turning around to face him... feeling suddenly shy... and vulnerable... was overjoyed... to see that he had been deeply touched and moved... by my vocal... exuberant Prayer of Praise... for there were tears in his eyes...

And then a mixed look of gratitude and wonderment... suffused his features... realizing that he was not alone... in his awareness... of the enormous burden of responsibility... he carried upon his shoulders... for hundreds of passengers... entrusted to his care...

And that... lo and behold... here... in this mere slip of a tall young girl... there was another deeply caring person on board... besides himself... a human being... who had turned out to be just as sensitive... compassionate... and understanding... as he himself was...!

With unabashed tears in our eyes... we beamed at each other... and in that instant... a close bond of oneness... was wordlessly forged between us... then and there...!

And then the good Captain graciously expressed his hope... that I would continue to join him... every morning in prayer... at dawn... adding that I would always be welcome... up on his bridge... at any other time... as well...!

And I could hardly thank him... my throat all choked up with emotion... to have been so singled out... to be the one passenger... on board ship... to have the honor... of joining this kindly man... Captain Post... in his private moment of prayer... at the brand new... magnificent dawning... of each new day...!

Chapter 3
A Chance Encounter... On Deck... Leads To Meeting... A Most Exquisitely Dressed... Beautiful... Tall... Classic Nordic Blonde Lady...!

The next morning... there was the usual faithful session... with the Captain... on his bridge... watching the incredibly beautiful sunrise... together... he in silent prayer... and me in joyous... vocal exultation...

Proclaiming my everlasting love... for my Loving Heavenly Father... during which I complimented Him... yet again... on His Breathtakingly Beautiful Creations... of Sun... Sea... and Horizon... in a Cloudless Sky...

Knowing that the Captain... had some very important matters to attend to... immediately after prayer... after sharing a quiet moment... drinking a cup of tea with him... again... I bid him a fond farewell... gaily waving to him... as I descended the narrow stairway... heading back down... to the main Promenade Deck... just in time... to join Papa... in our usual brisk walk... around it... twenty times...

After our walking exercise... as usual I was ravenously hungry... and wolfed down... a huge breakfast... not in the Childrens Dining Room... but in the Dining Salon... consisting of stewed fruit... cream of wheat... two soft boiled eggs... two slices of toast... thickly slathered with butter and Marmalade... and Jam Of The Day... topped off with a tall glass of iced tea... with lemon slices...

And as I went back up onto the Promenade Deck... with my tummy full... skipping along the gleaming... ultra-polished teak surface... hugely enjoying... the bracing morning breezes... feeling light and happy... in my heart... I suddenly was startled... to feel a sharp pain... on my ankle... which stopped me... dead in my tracks...!

Looking down to see what had caused it... wondering briefly... whether a crab... had somehow managed to jump up on deck... to my amazement... I saw a miniature... black French poodle... and it was wagging its tail... seeming to be grinning up at me... with jet black... mischievous eyes... in anticipation... of romping along with me... on the deck...!

Although very relieved to see... that its sharp teeth... had not drawn any blood... I could still feel the sharp pain in my ankle... which seemed to be spreading... up to my thigh...!

For years... I had longed for a puppy of my very own... but ever since Papa's beloved Great Dane... King... had had to be destroyed... because it had attacked and killed another dog... in his neighborhood... he had adamantly refused to have another dog in the house... no matter how many times... I hinted my hopes... of having an adorable... cuddly puppy... for my next birthday... or the following Christmas...

He didn't mind me having pet cats... Xenia favoring them as well - I remember at one time we had seven of them - but he adamantly drew the line... as far as dogs were concerned...

And now here was this cute little dog... at my feet... appearing as if out of nowhere... right here out on deck... in the middle of the Pacific Ocean... nipping at my heels... yipping for attention...!

I was in a quandary... wondering whether I should run or not... risking the possibility... of another bite on my leg... when I saw quite the most stunningly beautiful creature... I had ever seen in my life... besides my exquisitely beautiful... adored mother...!

She was a gorgeous... tall vision... of elegant loveliness... dressed from head to foot... in a perfectly fitting... softly beige... tailored two-piece suit... her beautiful... shapely legs... sheathed in sheer... silk stockings... her slender feet encased... in a pair of elegant... high-heeled shoes... made of snake leather...

She was walking briskly towards me... calling out... in the most fascinating voice... I had ever heard... low and husky... just like the famous movie star... Marlene Dietrich...!:

"Schatzi...! Schatzi...! Komm zum Mutti...!"

And upon seeing her precious little dog... at my side... she bent down gracefully towards it... holding her arms out...

And as she did so... I saw that her gleaming hair... was platinum blonde... pulled back... and elegantly coiled... into a French chignon... at the back of her long... swan-like neck... and that her hands were snow-white... and slender... with long... graceful fingers... her long nails... fashionably painted... a soft pearly pink... and she was wearing an enormous diamond ring... on her left hand...

And as I stood dumbfounded... gaping... a whiff of delicately scented... expensive perfume... wafted up towards me... tantalizing my nostrils...

And her flawless beauty... and perfect form... made me suddenly feel terribly self-conscious... aware of my gawkiness... and my ungainly... awkwardly gangly... too tall body... and long monkey arms... more than I ever had been... before in my life...!

All I could do was just stand there... my big feet... turned to stone... totally mesmerized... bowled over by this beautiful lady's tasteful chic... just staring at her... my eyes popping out of my head... my mouth hanging foolishly open... for I was in boundless awe of her...

Sweeping her little dog... up into her arms... she startled me... by suddenly turning on me... and in an accusing voice... glaring at me... demanded angrily... in a German-sounding... growling... low accent...:

"Vut hev you dun to my precious little Schatzi...?!"

I saw... up close... how delicately beautiful... her face was... despite her look of annoyed anger... its contour a perfect oval... and how evenly spaced... her eyes of a brilliant... piercing blue were... and how shapely... her pink lips dipped... at the corners... of her mouth... her skin flawless... and her complexion... an enviable peaches and cream...

Clearly she was the epitome... of the classic... Nordic blonde beauty... that I had only read about...!

In short... she looked like a real live movie star... in the flesh... involuntarily reminding me... of the elegant beauty... of Joan Fontaine... Prima and Remo's childhood chum... from the Canadian Academy...

Seeing that the cat... had got my tongue... as I continued to just stand there... gaping... struck dumb... she became very impatient with me... and with a huff... and a toss of her fine... proud head... turned on her heels... and walked away... with her precious little Schatzi... now obediently trotting... by her side... with its pom-pom tail... straight up in the air... waving like a flag...

As she walked gracefully away... her head held proudly high... her back straight... and perfectly in alignment... I found myself unable to stop staring... at her beautiful slim legs... immaculately sheathed... in sheer silk stockings... the seams dead center... as she and her little miniature poodle... disappeared from view... with her high heels clicking...

She must be a new passenger... I thought excitedly to myself... and looked forward... to feasting my eyes... on her exquisite beauty... in the days to come... thinking that it was very possible... for my gypsy beautiful sister Prima... and her... to become fast friends...

But... as soon as I contemplated the idea... of a budding... true friendship developing... between my beloved sister... and this elegant stranger... I suddenly experienced... a strange feeling of doubt... filtering through me... making me shiver... and I found myself thinking out loud... now that the cool Nordic blonde... was out of sight...:

"Nobody can be that perfect... nor that beautiful... and remember that odd... queasy feeling you had... the moment you saw the little dog - that it was not really friendly... at all...?!"

And I decided... on the spot... that I would not make any special effort... to bring my sister Prima... and this strange... beautiful lady together... after all...!

Chapter 4
The Jittery... Anxious Passengers Are Introduced... To The Charismatic... Incredibly Artistic Millers... Who... Between Them... Enormously Boost The Flagging Morale... Aboard Ship...!

The next time I saw the exquisite lady... was in the Dining Salon... at dinner time that night - no more ghastly Children's Dining Room for me... thank God... since I was the only minor child on board... except for the adorable baby... Rainer Behrens... who continued to have all his meals... with his mother... in their cabin suite...

All the passengers... from all over the world were busy... at their tables... preoccupied with eating... drinking and talking... in their various languages... when all at once... the room fell silent... and I noticed everybody... turning their heads... towards the arched entrance way... to the Dining Salon...

And like everyone else... I also turned around in my chair... to see what had captivated the diners... so suddenly... and saw once again... the dazzling form... of that beautiful lady... only this time... her body seemed to be poured... into a shimmering evening gown... of a deep Burgundy red... that clung provocatively... to her perfect figure... outlining every sensuous curve...

And as everybody gaped... at this exquisite... tall vision of loveliness... we noticed... that she was draped on the arm of a much shorter... black-haired... dapper-looking... olive-skinned man... who was looking up at her adoringly... his chest puffed up... with proprietary pride... as he proudly stood beside her...

The Head Steward's eyes nearly popped out of his head... when he saw her... and bowing and scraping obsequiously... totally enchanted... with her flawless beauty... ushered them personally... to their table... treating them like royalty...!

And after he reverently pulled out the chair... for the beautiful lady... her escort turned around... facing the diners... and leaning over... he took hold of his beloved's hand... with tender care... and introduced himself... bowing theatrically... announcing... with a chuckle... in a distinctly American accent...:

"Allow me to introduce myself... Bill Miller... And this beautiful lady here... is my bride... Helga... and you can obviously see... that we're newlyweds...!"

And everybody in the room smiled... clapping their hands in congratulation... to the bride and groom...

And encouraged by their friendly... welcoming reaction... he went on further to describe himself... as a showman... and the owner of a circus... back in his homeland... the United States of America... then asking us... whether we would like him to entertain us... some evening...!

To which everybody... in unison... without exception... very enthusiastically responded... to the obvious charisma... of this gregarious man... by clapping their hands... to express their delight... at being entertained by him...

Mr. Bill Miller then went on to enthuse... about the considerable talents of his wife... bowing proudly... proclaiming that she was a famous fashion designer... originally from Austria...

To which she bowed her elegant head gracefully... in acknowledgement... smiling... showing her perfect... gleaming white teeth...

And then he went on to say that... if the passengers cared to see one of her fashion shows... he was sure that she would be more than delighted... to organize one... especially since there were so many lovely young ladies on board - smilingly sweeping his arm around the room... for emphasis...

At his compliment... all the young ladies tittered... blushing prettily... becoming very excited... at the prospect of wearing... and showing off new... stylish outfits...

And the way their eyes shone... it was clear to everybody... that they were eagerly looking forward to participating... in the beautiful lady's forthcoming Fashion Show...!

All the passengers were well aware... that the voyage... all the way down to the continent of Australia... would be long - besides... Christmas and New Year's Eve... were just around the corner...!

And the timely appearance... of this refreshingly handsome... artistic couple... brightened the passengers' spirits... enormously... and they now could look forward... to being lavishly entertained... by the Millers... over the holidays...!

In fact... Mr. Bill Miller wasted no time... for... to everybody's delight... he entertained us in the Dining Salon... on the very next night... with a hilariously funny... flea circus performance... naturally losing... one of his fleas... amongst the diners... some of whom began to twitch nervously... and some even scratching themselves... as he went down on all fours... frantically looking for his naughty... escaped flea... Alvin... under their tables...!

Meanwhile... on the very next morning... his wife Helga... assembled about twelve lovely young ladies... on the stage... in the Auditorium... having them stand in line... and asked them... in that fascinating... seductive... husky Marlene Dietrich voice of hers... whether they would like to participate in her plan... to stage a chic Fashion Show... Talent Contest... and Costume Balls... for the forthcoming festive season... now only about a week away...

I shyly joined them... having quickly and surreptitiously... loosened my hair... from its loathed pigtails... in the Ladies Powder Room... standing nervously... beside Prima... hoping that I looked more grown up... with my luxurious golden hair undone... and in the faint hope... that the beautiful Helga... might have some use for me... in one of her planned artistic presentations...

Inspecting the ladies... one by one... as they stood in front of her... she quickly approved of each one... and when she came to where Prima and I were standing... side by side... she immediately chose Prima... giving her a big friendly smile...

But when it came to my turn... she stopped... frowning... and giving my too tall... gangly... awkward form... and long monkey arms... a contemptuous once-over... looking me up and down... with a scathing look... and totally ignoring my one asset... my rich... crowning glory of gold... she summarily dismissed me... with just an arrogant wave of her hand... without saying anything... and before I even had a chance to tell her... that I could sing... and could also dance ballet...!

And I was so embarrassed... wanting the ground to swallow me up... that red-faced... slumping my shoulders... and with eyes downcast... I slunk off the stage... and out of the huge room... filled with utter self-loathing... that my body was too long... too skinny... too bony... and still had no hint of a female shape...!

The eager response... generated by Helga Miller's ideas... was full of enthusiasm... and now filled all the shapely... lovely young ladies... with impatience... to start rehearsing...

And they surrounded her... chattering away... about the kinds of costumes... they would be wearing... and the parts they would be playing... the prospect of the long... two to three week sea voyage... being filled with all kinds of new exciting things to do... thrilling them no end...

Overnight... it seemed... Helga and her husband... were imbuing the passengers... with a new zest for living... very successful... in making them... by and large... forget about the uncertainties of war time...

And the ship's crew... who had valiantly... and steadfastly been trying to keep up the morale... of their nervous charges... on board ship... were very grateful indeed... to the Millers... for their infectious... ebullient spirits...

For the next few days... the decks were markedly absent... of young beauties... in shorts... and sun dresses... playing shuffleboard... or half naked... in bathing suits... basking by the swimming pool... all being fully occupied with rehearsals... behind the closed doors... of the Auditorium... now strictly off-limits... to everybody not involved... with the up-coming... exciting gala events...

Everybody on board... awaited the Christmas holiday celebrations... with great expectations... and the whole ship's atmosphere... was suddenly alive... with an air of festivity... There were smiling faces... everywhere... and the men and women... walked with a much lighter step...

The dreadful War... going on all around us... seemed to have been totally forgotten... as we sailed further down... away from the Pacific combat zone...!

No matter how much I tried to coax Prima... to tell me what was going on... during her rehearsals with Helga... she refused to let anything slip out... telling me to be patient... saying...:

"If I told you... it would only spoil the surprise... after all... you only have to wait a few more days..."

I had to be satisfied with her words... and resolved to have as much fun as I could... meanwhile... playing shuffleboard on deck... with Papa and Xenia... and indulging in my favorite pastime... swimming in the now practically empty... real swimming pool... delighted to have it all to myself... except for the times... when Remo briefly joined me...

Chapter 5
My Overwhelming Curiosity... About The Ship's "Beauty Salon"... Which... Alas... I Never Get To See...!

Finally... it was the morning of Christmas Eve... and the whole ship came alive... as never before... everybody all adither... about the forthcoming Costume Ball... that night...

With everyone speculating... on what everybody else would be wearing... for the momentous occasion... talking non-stop... wondering about the kind of entertainment... that would be provided... by Bill Miller... and his exquisitely beautiful bride... Helga...

Men and women alike... were excited by the prospect... of seeing all the lovely young girls... dressed to the nines... in gorgeous finery... in Helga's eagerly anticipated... promised Fashion Show...

And there was nervous tittering... among the ladies... hoping that they would not cause too much embarrassment... by possibly not being 'au courant' ... with the latest dance steps...

And it got quite boring for me... everywhere I went... to hear about nothing else... but the Costume Ball... which made me feel set far apart... and more of an outsider... than ever before...!

And I was painfully aware... that I was not quite old enough... to actually enjoy the prospect... of an evening... deliriously being swept off my feet... dancing with handsome... dashing young men... but definitely old enough... to dream and fantasize about it... which was very frustrating... to say the least...

As the day wore on... I began to notice a marked absence of grown-ups... out on deck... especially the ladies... who could usually be seen playing shuffleboard... or basking in the sun... pool side...

And overhearing some of the men saying... that they were probably having their hair and nails professionally done... in the Beauty Salon... for a change... I became intrigued to see... what the interior of such an establishment looked like... curious to observe... what went on... inside those mysterious walls... for... except for a Japanese barber shop... I had never been inside one before...

My spirits suddenly perking up... my senses titillated now... with overpowering curiosity... my boredom a thing of the past... I hastened to the Purser's Office... making enquiries as to the location... of the Beauty Salon... trying to act very grown-up... as if such an establishment... was the most natural place... for me to visit...

And as usual... when I beheld the opulence... of the intricately carved Grand Staircase... to my right... in crossing the vast... softly carpeted lobby... on my way to the Purser's Office... my senses were overwhelmed with awe...

Sensing my bravado... the cute... boyish-looking... blond and blue-eyed... young purser... had smiled good-naturedly... and putting on a grand show of courtesy... had bowed... remarking gallantly... in his quaint Dutch accent...:

"...But my dear lady... is so very beautiful already...! Ah well... I suppose a woman is never satisfied... with the looks... the good Lord gave her...!"

And with a merry twinkle in his eye... he informed me... that I would have to go all the way up... to the topmost deck... to get myself artificially beautified - the last said with emphasis... and a cluck of his tongue... shaking his head and sighing...

I thanked him... with as much poise... as possible... and turned away from him... holding my head up high... walking toward the elevators... with as much dignity... as I could muster... very aware... that he was watching my receding back...

I was far too shy... to take the elevator... to the top deck... not wanting anybody to know... where I was headed... so I got off at the next deck... and climbed the rest of the three flights of gangways... on foot...

And when I finally reached the very top... quite out of breath... and peeked around the corner... from which direction... I could hear voices talking... to my surprise and delight... I saw an area comprised of... not only the Beauty Salon... but of a Gift Shop... and Costume Department... as well...!

There was a long line of ladies... all queuing up... outside the Beauty Salon... waiting to have their hair styled... in elaborate coiffures... and their nails... manicured to perfection... for the all important... Christmas Eve Costume Ball... that night...

And the narrow Costume Department was jam-packed... with lady passengers... excitedly going through the selection of ladies' and gents' evening wear... the women exclaiming their happy delight... over the exquisite evening gowns... on display...

And those people... not preoccupied... with getting their hair and nails done... or picking out something fabulous to wear... in the Costume Department... were assembled in the little Gift Shop... which was chock-a-block... with men and women... buying Christmas presents... for their loved ones...

The crowd of passengers... finding themselves standing... so high up on the ship... could feel the rolling... from side to side... listing of the ship... much stronger... than below decks... and the area... being so small and narrow... made it impossible... for the people to avoid bumping into each other...

But nonetheless... with everybody feeling pervaded... by the holiday spirit... they remained good-natured... about being jostled about... in such close proximity... to each other... and there were a lot of embarrassed... smiling "Excuse me's"... as bodies invariably collided... with one another...

It was quite a comical sight... to my eyes... but then I suddenly caught a glimpse of Papa... in the Gift Shop... intently bent over a showcase...!

Certain that he was there... to buy his beloved Xenia... yet another expensive present... and suddenly afraid... that he would see me... thinking that I was spying on him... I beat a hasty retreat... my heart beating wildly... in my chest...

And as I raced down the stairway... in leaps and bounds... I realized that I never got a chance... to see what the interior... of the Beauty Salon... looked like... after all... the main reason... why I had climbed up... all the way to the uppermost deck...!

Chapter 6
My Wonderful Dream Ball... Of Christmas Eve...!

As soon as lunch was over... the crew members got busy... transferring the tables and chairs... to the Ballroom... decorating it most lavishly... with colorful balloons... ribbons and party favors... and there were even the traditional sprigs of mistletoe... hung up in strategic... well-concealed... out-of-the-way places...

With all the air of festivity on board... the War seemed very far away... and I hoped and prayed... that Papa would allow me to stay up... and watch the celebrations that night... especially since a special feast... buffet-style... was going to be served... during the evening... much later than usual...

And... with my fingers tightly crossed... I relied on Papa's good sense... to realize that he could hardly let his youngest... rapidly growing daughter... whose constant appetite for food... was enormous... starve...!

So it was with high hopes... that I knocked on my parents' cabin door... and saw... to my delight... that both Papa and Xenia... were in an unusually exuberant holiday mood... both gaily saying... in unison...:

"Of course you can!"

... when I shyly asked for their permission... to be allowed to stay up late... Papa jovially reminding me...:

"You know we always spend our Christmases together... as a family... and this year will be no different...

I expect us to be all together tonight... at one table... which I've already reserved... in our name..."

I was so thrilled... to be allowed to be among a whole lot of grown-ups... and late at night... that I could hardly wait for 8:00 o'clock... the start of the Costume Ball... to come...

But Xenia squelched my excitement... by prudently advising... that I go straight to my cabin... and take a nap... for the rest of the afternoon... so that... rested and refreshed... I would be able to stay up till midnight... without getting tired... half way through the night's festivities... promising to wake me up... in plenty of time... to get dressed...

I hated taking naps - there were far too many exciting things to do... besides... I was much too keyed up to sleep... But I did lie down... on my almost too short... soft twin bed... dressed in one of my favorite... soft... silk... Japanese kimonos... to rest my body... at least...

I half expected Prima... to join me... at any moment... but she was gone all afternoon... with last minute rehearsals...

Xenia knocked on my door... at 6:00 o'clock sharp... walking in... just as I awoke... and I saw that she was carrying her most treasured possession... her precious cosmetic case... the contents of which... transformed her plain features... into her "Mask of Beauty"... with me... being sworn to secrecy by her... when I was about seven... and becoming the only other person... in the whole wide world... who knew about her clever deception...!

She looked at me... smiled... and asked whether I would like her to curl my hair... like Shirley Temple's... again... just like she had... for the Children's Christmas Party... at the Country Club... when she and Papa were living in Nara... about three years ago...

Her rare generosity of spirit... touched me deeply... for I knew that my thick hair... would take hours... to curl into ringlets... and the fact that she was willing to spend... that much time... on insignificant... barely tolerated... "dumb cluck" me... and my hair... warmed the cockles of my heart...

Nodding shyly... for I was too choked up to speak... I got up... and went over to the small dressing table... and trustingly submitted my head... to her dexterous... efficient fingers...

And as I purred with delight... as she caressed my tresses... I dreamily recalled... the countless times... she used to stand behind me... as I sat at her dressing table... in the spacious master bedroom... running a brush and comb... through my long... flowing tresses... never tiring of telling me... what beautiful hair I had... "jost lek Engel’s golt"... she was fond of saying...

And making me momentarily forget... what I knew was to follow... after she had hidden away... my full crowning glory... by plaiting it into two loathed... long... hanging braids... as per strict orders from Papa...: the ghastly daily ritual... of being forced to ingest... a tablespoon of raw fish smelling... horrible tasting... castor oil...!

When she had finally finished... having painstakingly gone through the process... of gently lifting each section... one by one... making very sure... that not a single strand of hair... was left out... then wrapping it perfectly... around the hot curling iron... careful not to burn my scalp... or singe my ears... my hair looked like a halo of gold... with thick ringlets... all over my head... and I suddenly resembled... a sweet sixteen year old girl...!

As I sat... admiring her loving handiwork... from all angles... Xenia noticed the sudden look of consternation... on my face... and asked... in her heavy Russian accent... with a note of concern...:

"Vat's de metter... Grad-zella... ton't yu laik de vay I currlet yur loffly hairr..?"

"Oh no... it's not that... Xenia... my hair looks absolutely beautiful... but I have nothing to wear... to compliment your perfect creation...!"

Smiling with a mixture of relief and pleasure... she bent down to my ear... and whispered...:

"Cahm vit mie...! I hev a nice soorprise forr yu...!"

And gathering up all of her paraphernalia... packing all of her intricate tools-of-the-trade... back into her "magic case"... she took me by the hand... and led me back to her cabin... where she pointed at a gorgeous evening gown... spread across the bottom of her bed... grinning from ear to ear... when she saw the amazed expression... in my large as saucers eyes...

I was totally enthralled... it was quite the most incredibly beautiful evening gown... I had ever seen...: sky blue - to perfectly match my eyes - with an empire style bodice... the material made of taffeta... that rustled deliciously... when I touched it...

And I simply could not believe... that this exquisite garment... was meant for me... but Xenia insisted that it was... urging me to try it on...

So... with bated breath... my heart pounding with excitement... I took my kimono off... and gingerly stepped... into the gorgeous gown... and pulling it up over my disgustingly bony shoulders... whispered in almost disbelieving awe...:

"My very first evening gown...! And it fits me perfectly...!"

But then Xenia shattered my moment of bliss... by saying that she had rented the gown... from the ship's Costume Department... and that it was not mine to keep...

Her disappointing words... made me think abstractedly... of one of my favorite fairy tale heroines... Cinderella... and her one enchanted night... at Prince Charming's Ball... dressed in her beautiful... magical evening gown...

And I couldn't help but wonder dreamily to myself... whether there would also be a handsome "Prince Charming"... waiting just for me... ready to sweep me dancing... off my feet... that magical night...!

The lovely evening gown had a becoming... scooped out... heart-shaped neckline... with tiny... heart-shaped pearl buttons... running down the middle of the bodice... and short... puffed sleeves... the whole snugly fitting top... complimented by a full... flared skirt... starting from beneath my small breasts... accentuating them quite prettily...

Feeling ecstatic in my beautiful gown... I whirled gaily around the cabin... pirouetting... pretending that I was dancing in a tall... dark and handsome stranger's arms... like dreamboat Robert Taylor's... and with every movement I made... my dress rustled enticingly... as if to say...:

"Dance away... beautiful Princess Gra-zi-ella... dance on and on...!"

Still thinking of myself... as Cinderella... I was dreamily wondering... whether I would be getting a pair of glass slippers... to match my gorgeous evening gown... as well... when Xenia broke into my blissful reverie... breaking my magical spell... by bluntly saying...:

"Yu can veirr yur vite sandals... vit yur eevenink gown... bicoss yu ton't vant to look too toll... so det de boys vill be afred... to ask yu forr a dance...!"

She then made me take off the beautiful evening gown... and shooed me out of her cabin... thrusting it into my arms... saying that she wanted me... all dressed up... to be a surprise for Papa... Prima and Remo... as well as the rest of the passengers and crew... urging me to go back to my cabin... and take another nap... until she called for me... just before 8:00...

But as soon as I was back in my cabin... much too keyed up... to take a nap... I put the beautiful evening gown back on... and preened in front of the mirror... admiring how my bosom... jutted out a bit... in the side view of myself... practicing curtseying... sweepingly bowing... and swaying gracefully... loving the feel of the stiff fabric... and how utterly grown-up... it made me feel...

It seemed that barely five minutes had passed... when I heard a knock... on the door... and Papa's voice... impatiently calling for me to open up... huffing that it was getting late...!

And feeling very resplendent... in my gorgeous evening gown... I glided to the door... and opening it wide... struck a graceful pose... that I had seen Ginger Rogers execute... as she performed with the one and only... ever debonair... Fred Astaire... in one of their scintillating musicals... together...

They were... by far... our very favorite dancing couple... on the silver screen... and the three of us... Papa... Xenia and I... never missed an opportunity... to see them perform together... always filled with delight... as we watched them...

Thinking nothing... of traveling for miles... even by train... to get to a movie theater... where the famous pair... were being featured... to feast our eyes and senses... enchanted and mesmerized... by their graceful "tripping of the light fantastic"... together... as they dipped and swayed... in perfect harmony... with each other... with Ginger usually dressed up... in a beautiful... elegant evening gown... and Fred in a smart tuxedo...

Executing intricate dance steps... to the most wonderful music... the most wonderful songs... in yet another of their magical films.. such as "Top Hat"... “Swing Time”... and "Shall We Dance... to name just a few... (#186... in a special box of the three movies... of the Little Cilandak Video Library)

As I posed... in the doorway... poised and oozing self-confidence... smiling my little smile... I was rewarded... with a sight... I had never seen before...

My handsome... curly-haired Papa... standing there in front of me... all decked out in his smart black tuxedo... literally speechless... his mouth hanging open... gaping at me... as several realizations... hit him at once...:

That this vision of loveliness... gracefully poised there... framed in the cabin doorway... before his incredulous eyes... was none other... than his youngest daughter...!

And look at how all dressed up she was... in the beautiful evening gown of blue... that matched the beautiful blue of her eyes... her spun-gold hair... which he had always... deliberately kept hidden... from the world... to protect her... mainly from men... who... because of her exceptional height... thinking her much older... than she actually was... would be certain to be attracted to her... if she wore her gorgeous hair loose... which was now prettily styled... with shimmering ringlets...!

And with a pang... the realization dawned on him... that this youngest of his brood... his secretly “darling Nadia”... this strange one... was growing up very fast... absolutely no doubt about it...!

When he finally could speak... he said in a voice... all choked up with emotion... in that quaint... charming Swiss accent of his...:

"How very beautiful you look... my darling Nadia... quite breathtaking... and most enchanting... and very grown-up...!"

He was staring... unable to take his shining green eyes off me... his words of admiration... and calling me by a tender name... I had not heard pass his lips... since I was five... making me delirious with happiness...

Then... after a moment... he reached into his pocket... and withdrawing a small... square-shaped box... gaily wrapped in shiny silver and red Christmas paper... with a red ribbon... tied into a pretty bow... around it... presented it to me... bowing gallantly... reverently saying...:

"I was going to give you your Christmas present... at the dinner table... later on... with the whole family present... but now seems to be the perfect time... for you to have it... You will soon see why...!"

His words puzzled me at first... but I understood what he meant... when I unwrapped the little box... and saw... to my utter delight... nestled on a bed of soft white cotton... about ten thin... shiny silver bangles...!

Squealing with joy... throwing all caution... to the winds... I did something... that I had never dared do before... I impulsively flung my arms around my dear Papa's neck... thanking him for the most grown-up present... I had ever received in my life - my very first pieces of exquisite jewelry...!

Then quickly putting them on... sliding them on... one by one... over my left wrist... they actually numbered twelve... admiring them... loving the way they softly jingled... I fervently promised Papa... crossing my heart... that I would always wear them... never take them off... ever again... not for as long as I lived...!

Pleased as punch... at my delight... he laughed at the intensity... of my outburst... and gently reminded me... that I had better take them off at night... at least... otherwise they might get bent out of shape... while I slept...

I was momentarily crestfallen... at his words - I wanted so much to prove to Papa... how much his gift of love... meant to me... but then... of course... I understood... that he was making perfectly good sense...

I shall never forget... that very first grown-up night... where I was treated... almost as an equal... by my elders... and for once... I noticed how even Remo... refrained from teasing me unmercifully... calling me in that irksome... sing-song taunting way of his...:

"Gassy El-la...!" or "Crazy El-la...!"... or his most favorite nicknames...: "Scat-ter-brain...!"... and “Fea-ther-brain...!”

For all I saw... whenever our eyes... happened to meet... was growing... grudging respect... and shy admiration... reflected in his emerald green eyes... making my heart flutter happily... It was clear that he was increasingly proud... of his little sister’s flattering appearance...

And when Papa taught me how to waltz... tenderly whispering...: "One-two-three... one-two-three..."... into my ear... as he took me through the paces... holding me close to him... I was floating on Cloud Nine... delirious with Joy...

And as he swept me round and round... the huge ballroom... I felt like crowing... feeling very feminine... and alluring... loving the way my skirts flared... and swished... and rustled... - it was quite the most beautiful dream come true...

However... all my hopes... of being asked to dance... by a handsome... dashing young man... were cruelly and irrevocably dashed... when Prima suddenly appeared in the doorway... of the Ballroom... all dressed up... in an alluring... brightly colored gypsy blouse... and flaring red skirt... her shoulders... enticingly bare... her shapely body... dripping with necklaces... and her wrists... with jangling colorful bracelets... and ears with long... dangling golden earrings...

For immediately... like a swarm of bees... around a honey pot... all the young men... were surging forward... clustering around her... clamoring for a chance... to hold her untamed... buxom... gypsy wildness... in their eager arms...!

And I knew... that my comparatively flat-chested... scrawny body - although my breasts... were beginning to swell out... a little bit now - my shoulders still noticeably bony... even in my gorgeous evening gown... could never compete... with my sister's obviously feminine charms... her overpowering... seductive voluptuousness...

And I had to resign myself... to having only Papa... for a dancing partner... whenever he could tear himself away... from his precious Xenia...

When the small band of musicians... started to play "Two Guitars"... one of Papa's and Xenia's favorite tangos... I saw Papa get up from the table... bow from the waist... most courteously... and taking his beloved Xenia... by the hand... lead her to the dance floor...

Where... as I watched... fascinated... he grasped her close to him... and then began executing the uniquely intricate footwork... so eye-catching... that before long... everybody had stopped dancing... to watch them dipping... and gliding... in perfect unison... together...

They danced the Argentinian "Dance of Love”... passionately together... their bodies seeming to be glued to each other's... so that they moved as one... their steps never faltering... with Papa gazing deeply down... into his beloved's eyes... with a smouldering... intent look as... reaching up only to half way... up his arm... her head thrown way back... she gazed back up at him... adoringly...

The only thing... that marred their perfect look... was Xenia's high... jutting out backside... which for some reason... always looked so comical to me... reminding me of the rumps of the women... of the African Kikuyu tribe... pictures of which I had seen... in the “National Geographic” magazines... which Papa always had copies of... and passed on to me... for my further education... very aware... that the rest of the world... fascinated me... no end...

As the strains of the tango... finally died away... the oblivious pair were greeted... with a thunderous applause... which startled the lovers... back to the reality... of their actual surroundings...

It was obvious... to everybody there... that Theodore and Xenia... had been totally wrapped up... in each other... far off in a love world... of their very own... and now... brought suddenly back... to the uncomfortable present... they noticed how the passengers... were standing in a circle around them...

And the knowing way... in which they were grinning at them... caused a flood of self-consciousness... to sweep over the pair... and sheepishly noticing the sea of admiring faces... they blushed... as the realization hit them... that everybody must have been a witness... to their sensuous... intimate embraces...

Embarrassed and red-faced... they hurriedly started back to their table... hoping to melt into the crowd... unwilling to remain in the limelight... a single instant longer...

Throughout their ardent dancing... I had watched them... mesmerized... utterly captivated... and was unable to take my eyes off them... for a single second...

And sighing enviously... I found myself hoping and praying that... some day soon... I too would be just as cherished... and adored... by a wonderful man... a loving husband... as Xenia so obviously was... by her one and only beloved Theo...

As I was dancing the hours away... to the lilting strains of "The Blue Danube" waltz... happy and securely cradled... once more... in the warm embrace of Papa's arms... I realized that I was ravenously hungry... and about to ask Papa about eating... found myself suddenly sitting up in pitch blackness... feeling very disoriented...

Where were all the dancers... and the music... and all the gay festivity...?!

Then realized... to my utter dismay... that I had woken up... from a deep sleep... and had only been floating... in the wonderful world of make-believe... in a dream world... of my longing... and yearning... to be a beautiful... desirable... and admired... grown-up young lady...!

Chapter 7
The Real Costume Ball... Of Christmas Eve...!

Not owning a watch... I had no idea... what time it was... but judging from the perpetual growling... of my stomach... which probably had awakened me... came to the conclusion... that it must be terribly late... and that as usual... nobody had bothered... to come and wake the "dumb cluck" up... as promised...!

With only the thought of food... gripping me now... I hastily put on my very best dress... a plain... dark blue... long-sleeved sheath... of soft jersey wool... with a matching paisley patterned... wide sash... very becoming to my white skin... enhancing the blue of my eyes... and strictly only to be worn... for special occasions...

But not before I cast a quick glance... around the cabin first... half hoping to see... the beautiful sky blue evening gown of taffeta...

But alas... nothing so exquisite... was in the cabin... it had only been a wonderful fairy tale dream... after all...!

Very briefly... I toyed with the idea of undoing my loathed pigtails... leaving my hair gloriously loose... risking Papa's angry disapproval... but my raging hunger... spurring me on... I ran all the way towards the ship’s Ballroom... wondering for the umpteenth time... why I seemed to matter so little... to my family... and why nobody had come to check up on me... wake me up... when my empty seat... at the family table... had clearly showed... that I was absent...

And feeling the all too familiar sensation of rejection... of not counting... and not being noticed... particularly... - my presence had obviously not been missed at all... - I approached the premises... from which I could hear very definite sounds of great revelry... going on... of loud music... and raucous laughter...

Hoping and praying... that there would still be some food left for me... I dashed in... looking around frantically... among all the gaily dressed dancing men and women... for some sign of the buffet... the thought registering in my mind.... that the whole scene... looked exactly as in my dream...!

And was very relieved... to catch a glimpse of the buffet... between the dancing couples... at the far end of the room...

My aching... empty stomach... egging me on... which by now was growling so loudly... that I was certain everybody could hear it... even with all the noise going on... I proceeded to push my way unceremoniously... through the dancing couples...

And when I finally reached... the other end of the room... I stopped dead short... at the sight of a long... narrow table... pushed up against the length of the wall... and what was displayed so lavishly upon it... stretching almost from one end of it... to the other...!

For laden upon every inch of the buffet table... was an enormous array of scrumptuous-looking foods... displayed on square... round and oblong platters... such as I had never... in all my born days... seen before... as the feast laid out here... before my dazzled senses... not even at the Yokohama Country Club... nor... come to think of it... at Xenia's last birthday party... at her sister's house... in Shanghai... a bare month ago...!

There were salads galore... all kinds... from the tossed green variety... to intricately molded aspics of green... gold and red... some of them high and domed... others flattish and square... and the seafood delicacies... from tiny shrimp... to blood-red lobster tails... long... pinkish crab legs... and opened... gleaming oyster shells... inside which were huge raw oysters... lying on their beds of ice shavings...

And there was also an enormous slab of cold roast beef... some of it already thinly sliced... next to other sliced cold cuts... and little square crackers... of every description...

And to top it all... next to the piles of plates... platters... serviettes and silverware... were mouth-watering... creamy desserts of pink... white... and chocolate brown... dripping with gobs of whipped cream... cascading down from their snowy crests - Yummy yummy...!

Greatly overpowered... and intimidated... by the magnificence... in front of me... I did not know where to start... and just stood there... as if turned to stone... tears of helplessness... springing to my eyes... my stomach now hurting... something fierce...

Then... to my enormous relief... who did I see but my handsome... Errol Flynn look-alike brother... Remo... sauntering towards me... his tall... long... lanky frame... as usual... relaxed and at ease... taking in my appearance... at a glance... with pleasure... and for once... no teasing remark... sprang from his lips...

As he reached my side... he surprised me... by bowing most chivalrously... and offering me his arm... graciously led me... to where all the stacked plates and cutlery were... at the far end... of the endlessly long buffet table...

And never missing a step... he smoothly showed me... how to serve myself... gracefully... and lady-like... choosing an enormous platter for me... knowing how huge my appetite always was...

And I would be delighted... whenever he would turn back to me... to place some unfamiliar delicacy... on my platter... saying with a tender smile...:

"...To further educate your palate... my very dear little sister...!"

For a glorious moment in time... my big brother... who had never ever... before in his life... addressed me... "the little brat"... as his very dear little sister... treated me... as if I was the most precious person... in his life... and I found myself wishing... that this sudden special... rare closeness between us... would never end... But... of course it did... and it was by the time we had reached the other end... of the long buffet table...

But he did escort me... back to our family's table... holding my arm tucked firmly... under his... and I was so afraid... that I would drop my huge oval platter... piled high... which I was clutching... with both hands... my senses in a daze... unable to quite believe... that I deserved... the sumptuous feast on it...

Remo... who practically towered... way over the heads of everybody... deftly avoiding the sharp... jutting elbows... as the dancing couples... weaved in and out... on the perimeter... of the dance floor... to the tune of a fox trot... managed to deposit me and my load of food... safely back at the reserved Rau table... without mishap... which was now empty... with every other member of the family... being out on the dance floor...

And as we weaved in and out... between the dancers... I had noticed the looks of envy... from some of the young lovelies... who were... no doubt... hoping to be asked for a dance by him...

And as I munched... and chewed... and swallowed... gorging myself... on the delicious food... on my platter... for the next hour or so... I tried to recall my table manners... tried to remember... to be dainty and lady-like... for it was reputed... that the Rau children... had excellent table manners...

But it was no use... I was much too ravenous by now... my rapidly growing body... screaming out for food... And as I stopped just short of wolfing my food down... I kept reminding myself... to leave some room... for the mouth-watering desserts...

Out of the corner of my eye... I saw Remo... hunkered down... deep in conversation... with some of the musicians... clearly not at all interested... to dance with any of the hopeful ladies... because music... and music alone... was... and had always been... the passion of his life...!

When Papa and Xenia... returned to the table... and saw me sitting there... eating... they said not one word... about my tardiness... they were in much too high spirits... to have their evening spoiled... by chastising me... nor did they bother to apologize... for not fetching me... as promised...!

But they simply continued chatting to each other... their faces wreathed in affectionate smiles... ignoring my presence... for the most part...

Swallowing my disappointment... at still being regarded... as a nonentity... even on this Christmas Eve... which had been so different in my dream... when I was treated almost as an equal... and feeling welcomed... as part of the ballroom scene... trying to pacify myself... I decided to concentrate... on thoroughly enjoying my food...

And just as I put the dessert spoon... to my mouth... having safely navigated my way... back to the buffet table... on my own... my tongue about to taste the creamy pink... gooey concoction on it... with relish ... I heard the familiar strains of the tango... "Two Guitars"...!

And just like déjà vu...! saw Papa bow gallantly to Xenia... taking her hand... and leading her onto the dance floor... and beheld them passionately dancing together... Xenia wearing the identical... satin... emerald green evening gown... as in my dream... a close... form-fitting Spanish costume... sensuously hugging the contours... of her body... all the way down to the hem... just above her ankles... where the skirt flared out... in intriguing ruffles...!

And everything that followed... was just as in my dream...! The way the other couples stopped dancing... to admire them... the intent way... that Papa and Xenia... gazed into each other's eyes... their startled embarrassment... when... the tango coming to an end... everybody clapped... every scene of the tableau... exactly as in my dream...!

Everybody was eagerly awaiting the promised Fashion Show... and a brief flurry of disappointment... swept through the crowd... when it was announced... that it had to be regrettably postponed... owing to unforeseen circumstances...

But when Helga went on... promising in that intriguing... low... husky Marlene Dietrich voice of hers... that there would definitely be a spectacular Fashion Show... in the Auditorium... the next night... everybody relaxed... and settled down once more... to enjoy the feasting... drinking and dancing... right up until the wee hours of the morning...

And for once... everybody on board... got to see the beautiful sunrise... at the dawning of this very special... Holy Day of Christmas... all standing together... at the railing on deck... with gaily painted paper hats... on their heads... and awed at the spectacular sight... reacted with much exclamations of delight... just as impressed... as I always was... standing beside dear Captain Post... on the bridge... morning after glorious morning...

As things turned out... in reality... there was no evening gown... nor Shirley Temple ringlets... And as far as the dancing part... of my dream was concerned... that part did come true...

And I thrilled... as Papa led me out onto the dance floor... where... taking a firm hold of me... he proceeded to whirl me around the huge ballroom... to the lilting strains... of a Viennese waltz... and just as in my dream... he gently whispered...: "One two three... one two three..."... in my ear...

And closing my eyes... feeling grateful... for being noticed at last... I marvelled at the fact that... for the first time in my life... apart from being held close... in Reverend Papa Bear's arms... when I was about six... I was being held close... to another human being... on a dance floor... and loved the wonderful feeling... of a strong man’s arms around me...

Comparing my nature... to that of a cat... I always loved to be caressed... and petted... and probably would have purred... with blissful contentment... at the delightful sensation... of being stroked...

But alas... such was never the case... for I never came across to others... as someone cute... and cuddly... and helpless... that they would automatically want to pamper me... making a great deal of fuss over me...

Always dauntingly too tall... for my age... and now at eleven... going on twelve... so bony... and awkwardly gangly... and standing at almost five feet eight inches... my persona... would never invite instinctive feelings in others... to affectionately coddle... caress... and pamper me...

In fact... my awkward looking presence... usually evoked feelings of uncomfortable embarrassment... in others... with many of them deliberately avoiding any eye contact... with ungainly... unappealing looking me...!

Now held in the safety... of my adored/feared father’s arms... almost coming up to his shoulders... I could easily pretend... that I was all dressed up... in my beautiful... sky blue evening gown... my hair curled up... in Shirley Temple ringlets... and could imagine the rustling... swishy sound... my taffeta evening gown made... as it flared out stiffly from my body... as I... floating on Cloud Nine... so proud to be held in my handsome father's arms... was dipped and twirled... round and round the room... by him...

But unlike my dream... he danced with me only once...!

However... to my utter delight... the part about the silver bangles... did come true... although not quite... as in my dream...!

Since Papa was such a stickler... for physical fitness... he neither smoked.... nor ever drank anything alcoholic... except for an aperitif... before dinner... to open up his appetite... and a single glass of wine... with his dinner... to aid his digestive system... and he was very proud of the fact... that he had never been sick... a day in his life...

So that he always had me join him... early every morning... for a brisk walk... around the Promenade Deck... making me walk around it with him... at least twenty times... even on this Christmas Day...!

Therefore... I was always particularly ravenous... at breakfast time... eating a huge amount of food... and this Christmas Day morning... was no different...

Because I had stayed up... well past my bedtime... on Christmas Eve... I did not wake up in time... to join Captain Post... on his bridge... as usual... at the break of day... to pray with him... and watch the spectacular sunrise together...

As we all sat down together... at our family table... for “brunch...” ... which was my very first experience... of eating a combined breakfast and lunch meal... I was in for another great surprise... when my amazed eyes beheld... for the first time in my life... a very long... yellowish... oblongish mound... on a huge platter... of what I was told... was made of some dozen eggs...!

And there was a further delightful surprise... when slicing through the soft mass of it... I discovered that it was deliciously filled... with a mixture of diced tomatoes... sliced mushrooms... and chopped onions... delicately seasoned with fines herbes... being told that the unique delicacy... had been invented by the French... who had proudly named it "omelette..."!

After thoroughly enjoying eating my new Christmas present first... of a French "omelette"... savoring each delicious forkful slowly... we all politely wished each other... a "Merry Christmas"... feeling a little strange... to be celebrating this winter holiday... for the first time in our lives... in such balmy warm weather...

Furthermore... we usually got our Christmas presents... from Papa and Xenia... and Mummie and Alfred... traditionally on Christmas Eve... as the Europeans did... and never on Christmas Day... like the English and Americans...

So we took turns with each other... pulling our firecrackers... and shaking them... trying to guess what might be inside them... and chuckling over their cheap little trinkets... with Prima... as usual... always getting the coveted... pretty ring of colorful glass... which always fit perfectly... on her little finger... which was a bit chubby now... as she was in the middle of her "baby fat" phase... and which she never dreamed... of passing on to me... who wanted it so much...

When all the good-natured banter was over... Papa cleared his throat... as usual... and everybody stopped talking... knowing that he was about to make an important announcement...

But instead of saying anything... he reached down... into his pocket... producing two somewhat bulky envelopes... handing one each to both Prima and Remo... telling them that they could go to the Gift Shop... and buy themselves... what they wanted... for their Christmas presents...

And I was not a bit surprised... that he had no such Christmas envelope of money for me...

But then... when he reached down... into his other pocket... producing a small box... and put it in front of me... on my plate... grinning... then sat back... to watch me open it... I was thoroughly taken by surprise...

And even more so... when I looked down at it... my heart almost stopping... for the little box... had the identical... gay silver and red paper wrapping... around it... as the one in my dream...!

And when I slowly untied the little red bow on it... taking my time... savoring the moment... at being the center of attention... for a change... with everybody's eyes... riveted on my flushed face... I carefully peeled back the pretty paper... not wanting to tear it - already having decided... that it would look nice on my dressing table... rolled up into the ball... I intended to make... already having made arrangements... with the cabin boy... to let me have all the discarded Christmas paper wrappings... and ribbons... of the passengers...

But when I carefully took the lid off... the little box... and peered inside it... I couldn't help but let out a squeal of joy... for there in front of my very eyes... nestled on a soft white bed of cotton...were the very same... shiny silver bangles... that I had dreamt about... the afternoon before...! And just as in my dream... they numbered exactly a dozen...!

And whereas in my dream... I had exuberantly flung my arms around Papa's neck... feeling very grown-up... to have been given... my very first exquisite pieces of jewelry... in real life... I was much too well trained...

Having experienced years of intimidation... and suppression... by him... being allowed to speak... only when spoken to first... I would never have dared to overstep... the strict boundaries... of instant obedience... to his demands... which harsh discipline... Papa had begun instituting... insisting on total submission... to his iron will... right at the time... when Xenia came into his life... dominating it so thoroughly... when I was about five...

And I would never have dared... to spontaneously express an honest-to-goodness... emotional outburst... happy or sad... in front of him... for I had been very well schooled... to curb my natural impulses... in front of my usually stern... authoritarian patriarch...

So that all I could do... was to smile shyly... and in a softly restrained voice... very politely thank him... for my lovely Christmas present... as I gently closed the little box...

But then I caught a fleeting look of disappointment... cross his face... which almost made me jump up... rush over to him... and fling my arms around his neck... anyway... every inch of me longing to... But I had been much too well trained...

Besides I knew... instinctively... that any display... of open affection from me... towards Xenia's precious Theo... would have upset her enormously... making her extremely jealous... a painful... negative emotion that... in my compassionate understanding... of her character flaw... I was loath to cause...

So I stayed put... in my seat... keeping my head down... so nobody could see the tears... stinging my eyes... forcing myself... to curb my natural impulse... to embrace my dear Papa... the excited thumping of my heart... now heavy with sadness...

I was secretly hoping that Prima... or Remo... or even Xenia... would speak up... urging me to try the bangles on... but they too... had been well trained... to curb their natural impulses... in front of stern Papa Rau...

And they just sat there... stone-faced as usual...

Suddenly feeling nauseous... my appetite vanished... all I wanted... was to be away... from the family table... go to the Reading Room... scoop up some blank paper... find some secluded corner... on the ship... and perhaps practice one of my favorite pastimes... the fascinating... Japanese art of "Origami" (paper folding)...

The absorbing activity of which... often managed to have the effect of soothing me... whenever my spirit was troubled... wondering idly... what kinds of interesting shapes... my fingers would produce that day... "Origami" being the one thing... my long fingers... never failed me... at creating... like everything else did...!

Chapter 8
Surprises Galore..! Some Wonderful... Like Helga's Fabulous Fashion Show...!

It wasn't until the 26th... Boxing Day... that we were finally treated to Helga Miller's promised Fashion Show...

Christmas Day had passed... with most of the passengers... suffering from hangovers... and although we were served roast goose... for Christmas Dinner... it was the general concensus of opinion... that everybody retire early that night... so that the celebration... was markedly quiet and subdued...

No doubt aided and abetted... by the disquieting news... when the Captain announced... regretfully... that Hong Kong had capitulated... to the Imperial Japanese Army... on that very day...!

So that... by the evening of the 26th... the passengers had... by and large... totally recovered... from their alcoholic excesses... of the night before...

And not wanting to be reminded... that a dastardly War... was being waged... a few thousand miles behind them... filled their thoughts... concentrating on the now eagerly awaited extravaganza... produced... and directed... by the exquisitely beautiful... cool... unruffled... and professional fashion plate... Helga...

And when we saw the parade... of gorgeous young girls... swathed in their beautifully soft... colorful silk and satin creations... as they gracefully glided... across the stage... of the Auditorium... the breathtaking sight of them... all dressed up in their finery... brought delighted exclamations of elighted...“Oohs” and “Aahs”... out of the mouths of their captivated audience...

Prima... and her dark... sultry beauty... stood out... by far... making me so proud... to be her little sister...

And it was clear... from the enthusiastic reaction... of her audience... her obvious poise... and flawless stage presence... no doubt... enhanced by her previous stage appearances... in Shakespeare's plays... that she was a huge success - a born actress/model... who knew how to show off "haute monde couture"... like a true professional mannequin...

Everybody could see the ingenious creativity of Helga... in her clever use of soft lighting... so that... unless one looked very closely... one would not be able to detect... that all the expensive-looking hats... and other accessories... had been fashioned... out of crepe de chine paper... and bits of colorful cloth...!

And if one did not scrutinize the models... too closely... one could well imagine... that what was so charmingly on display... was a genuine "haute monde" (high class)... Parisian Fashion Show...!

Even Helga's toy black poodle... Schatzi... got into the act... trotting along obediently... at the side of one model... after another... his tail proudly erect... the little pom-pom... at the end of it... sticking straight up... his collar glinting... with sparkling jewels...

And of course... there was Helga's husband Bill... as usual... hilariously entertaining everybody... with his famous Flea Circus Act... still so realistically... in fact... that when he again suddenly exclaimed... that one of his fleas... usually Alvin... was missing... people in the audience... once again... became very nervous... and jumpy...

And it wasn't long... before some of them... closest to his table... were twitching... and scratching themselves... at first trying to be unobtrusive about it... but then their fertile imaginations running wild... were soon scratching like mad... their red faces a comical tableau... of worried embarrassment... making everybody else... in the Dining Salon... roar with laughter...

The spectacularly successful Fashion Show... finally ended... amidst a roar of clapping... and hearty "Bravos"... with Helga and her lovely young girls... smiling with pleasure... at their enthusiastic reception...

And the appreciative audience was delighted... at the promise... of more exciting things to come... in the days ahead... including Talent Contests... Bill and Helga inviting everybody... with any talent... whatsoever... to please come forward and participate... saying how there was quite nothing in the world so wonderful... as giving joy to others... through one's very own... God-Given talents...

Chapter 9
And Some Not So Wonderful... As Being Reminded... Of The Grim Reality Of War... In The Form Of Enforced Lifeboat Drills...!

The next morning... while everyone was sitting down to breakfast... in the Dining Salon... happily chatting away... about Helga's wonderful Fashion Show... of the previous night... everybody feeling light and gay... the Captain made a sudden announcement that... all going well... we would be making a landfall... in about six to seven day's time... to which everybody cheered... with thundering approval...

But then we heard that... however... in case of a dire emergency situation arising... there were henceforth... to be Lifeboat Drills... and that they were to be strictly carried out... every single morning... beginning that very day... and that no passenger... would be exempt... from participating in them...!

The chilling... ominous sounding words of Captain Post... had the instant effect... of sobering everybody up... the fact that we were actually living... in a time of War... suddenly brought home... once more... and a palpable tinge of anxiety... swept throughout the ship... once again...

Then one of the ship's officers stood up... and announced further... in a clipped no-nonsense voice... startling everybody... who had heretofore known him to be a gentle... soft-spoken man... that henceforth... as soon as the ship's siren was heard... all passengers were expected to immediately stop... whatever pastime they happened to be engaged in...!

And that they were to make all haste... down to their cabins... pick up their emergency cases... and make their way as quickly as possible... directly to the lifeboat deck... wearing their issued life jackets... as if their very lives depended... upon their reaching the designated deck... as speedily as possible...!

Pandemonium reigned... on that first day... of the Lifeboat Drill... with people scrambling... indiscriminately bumping pell-mell... into each other... in their rush to get up to their assigned deck... struggling with their cumbersomely complicated... although lightweight... life jackets... and it took quite a while... for a semblance of order... to be restored... by the officers... in charge of them...

Standing out in the open... on the higher deck... the wind force... could be felt much stronger... than on the lower decks... and it blew mighty gustily... the salt spray... stinging our faces... buffeting our laden bodies about...

After the first uncoordinated Drill... we naturally expected to be put through the paces... once again... and were very surprised to be told... that there would be no further Lifeboat Drill that day... but that the same morning's exercise... would be repeated exactly... on the following day...

Some of the passengers... thought it a good idea... to take their emergency cases with them... to meal times... But this practice... was most adamantly discouraged...

For the purpose of the Lifeboat Drills... was to prepare the passengers... for the eventuality that... should the ship come under hostile attack... and it could happen... at any time of the day... or even in the middle of the night... they would immediately know what to do...

So that... whenever the siren sounded the alarm... the passengers would become instantly alerted... and unanimously act accordingly... their uniformly... timely... and well-ordered practiced actions... very possibly saving their own... and each other's lives...!

On the second morning... things were a little less hectic... and a little more organized... but nevertheless... it took the passengers... from the moment the siren sounded... all told... about twenty minutes... to arrive on the narrow lifeboat deck...

And the ship's officers... frowning... expressed their displeasure... in no uncertain terms... reminding us of the grim reality... that ships had been known to sink... in less time than ten minutes...!

Painting such a vivid... unpleasant picture... in our minds... depicting how easily... we could all have perished... even in that short space of time... made the passengers take the Lifeboat Drills... more seriously... from then on...

So that... by the fourth morning's drill session... when the ship's officers... grinning... and pleased as punch... announced that they had clocked us... at eight minutes on the dot...! ... everybody cheered... extremely proud of themselves...

But after the cheering had died down... we were reminded... once again... of the tenuousness... of our situation... when we were gravely informed... that all passengers... would be required... to sleep in their day clothes that night... and for all the succeeding nights... until we arrived... at the next port-of-call... "In Australia... or New Zealand..?"... everyone wondered to themselves...

Chapter 10
The Biggest Surprise Of All... A Battleship...!

Understandably... everybody was pretty exhausted... after being put through their paces... in the Lifeboat Drill... and decided to hurry through lunch... and take a long... well-deserved nap...

But for some reason... for once... Xenia did not insist... that I take my customary siesta... always cajolingly referring to it as my "beauty sleep"...

She was obviously tired out... from the Lifeboat Drill... and did not relish... having to deal with her stepdaughter's usual argument... which invariably was to vehemently protest... that she saw no reason... why she should take a nap... when she wasn't in the slightest bit sleepy...

So that... instead of being made to go to my cabin... after lunch... by her... I was left alone... to my own devices...

And feeling exhilarated about my unexpected freedom... to have these unaccustomed... precious extra free hours... of the afternoon... all to myself... I decided... on a sudden whim... to change into my prettiest... cotton summer dress... of blue and white swirls... which flared out so charmingly... and which was complimented by a wide... long sash... which could be folded over into a cascading bow... at the side... - very feminine looking...!

And finally wear the oh so precious silver bangles... that Prima kept insisting... were not to be worn... on just special occasions... but every day... showing me her lovely charm bracelet... which she always wore... as proof...

Knowing that I had a few precious hours of freedom... with Papa and Xenia... ensconced in their cabin... I audaciously... also unbraided my hair... letting my rich... golden glory loose... and flowing past my shoulders... half way down my back...

I was intending to briskly walk around the Promenade Deck... so that my enormous lunch... would be digested quickly...

Then... as I trudged up the gangways... loving the way my silver bangles tinkled... on my wrists... six on each... I toyed with the idea... of going back to the cabin... after my walk... change into my one piece... blue bathing suit... and jump into the inviting swimming pool... without fear of getting cramps... the area usually deserted at this hour... with most of the passengers... resting in their cabins...

But after circling the deck... only once... instead of the usual twenty... and loving the sensation... of feeling the sea breezes... gently ruffling my flowing tresses... caressing its tendrils... I suddenly realized... how pooped out I was...

And flopping down onto a deck chair... in the cool shade... of the Promenade Deck... dozed off... as soon as the back of my head sank back... onto the yielding soft canvas...

It seemed only moments later... when I was rudely jolted awake... by the sound of raised voices... coming from somewhere to my left...

And the adrenalin... pulsed through my veins... and I instinctively sensed... that something unexpected... and very exciting... was happening...!

Thoroughly wide awake now... curious to see what all the commotion was about... I quickly rose to my feet... and ran towards where all the shouting was coming from...

And reaching the end of the roofed Promenade Deck... and emerging out onto the wide open expanse of the long outdoor deck... I looked down... at the end of it... and noticed a cluster of crewmen... hunkered down over some large... covered object... towards the stern of the ship...!

And as I watched them... my curiosity piqued no end... I saw that they were all wildly gesticulating to one another... jabbering away excitedly... in the to my ears strangely guttural... Germanic-sounding Dutch language...!

Totally fascinated by now... rooted to the spot... I watched... as they busily engaged themselves... in removing a great big tarpaulin... from what I could discern... was some great... big... long object underneath...!

And when they finally pulled the covering off... after endless minutes of preoccupation... untying lashings of rope... I was amazed to see none other than a huge... old-fashioned cannon...!!!

I could only stand there... gawking... my mouth hanging open... and watch... mesmerized... as the crewmen slowly turned the cannon around... until it was facing out to sea... on the starboard side of the ship...!

The whole scene below me... as yet unnoticed by the preoccupied crewmen... made my whole body quiver with excitement... the ominousness of the fact... that this obvious death machine... was now actually being positioned... pointing aggressively... towards some unseen enemy out there... disturbed the calm... of the hitherto peaceful... sunny atmosphere... making me feel uncomfortably disquieted...

My spine tingled... and the goose flesh... rose on my skinny arms... the hair on my head standing on end... And the more I contemplated the disturbing scene before me... knowing somewhere in my subconscious... that I was the sole and only passenger... witnessing this war-like action... the more my heart pounded alarmingly... in my chest...

It took the crewmen about ten minutes... to position the big old weapon... to their satisfaction... after which they dispersed... one by one...

But I continued to stand there on the higher deck... looking out to sea... eaten up with curiosity...

The glare of the afternoon sun... reflecting on the ocean's surface... forced me to squint... making my eyes water... but despite the gnawing aching in my cheeks... I stood my ground... - I was determined to see the enemy ship...!

I don't remember... how long I stood there waiting... but I do remember... it got uncomfortably hot... because I could feel the perspiration... running down the insides of my arms...

Finally... I realized that there was really nothing to see... but the continuing awe-inspiring vista... of the beautiful... wide expanse of the calm... deep... blue-green waters... innocently glimmering... for miles and miles around... in front of me... and all around the ship... the sky a cloudless azure blue... the sun shining down brightly... on the world...

Beginning to feel more than a little foolish... I decided that what I had unexpectedly witnessed... must have been some kind of cannon drill... for the sailors alone... especially since no siren had sounded... warning that the ship was under attack... nor were there any members of the crew left... manning the gigantic cannon...

But then... just as I was about to return to my deck chair... something made me glance up behind me... and I saw... with renewed feelings of fearful consternation... stirring inside me... making my heart beat faster... once again... that the Captain was on the bridge... and he was looking out to sea... with his binoculars...!

My heart caught in my throat... and I gasped... suddenly realizing... that this was no drill... after all... but the real thing...!

It was becoming increasingly obvious to me... that something out of the ordinary... and most unexpected... was taking place... at that very moment... and that I... me... the "dumb cluck"... seemed to be the only passenger on board... witnessing it...!

I briefly contemplated... joining Captain Post... up on his bridge... for we were by now quite good friends...

But the rigid set of his shoulders... and the intent manner... in which he was focusing his full attention... out to sea... told me that I would be of no help at all...

And most probably be regarded... only as an unwanted intrusive element of nuisance... - because I had a million questions for him... on the tip of my tongue - and my excited presence... would hardly be welcome... under these suddenly uncertain... possibly threatening circumstances...!

Before fear and panic... could grip me totally... I did what I had become in the habit of doing... throughout my life... whenever I found myself in a frightening... threatening... or helpless situation...:

I emptied my head... of all anxious thoughts... stilled my heart... of all disquieting emotions... and opened myself up... asking quietly within myself... whether the "Klipfontein"... and its passengers and crew... were about to be... in any mortal danger...

And the Response... Came Into My Being... Quickly And Quietly... as usual... my question Being Answered... With A Definite... Reassuring "No..."... which instantly made me smile... and relax...

For I trusted... with all my heart and soul... what I had come to call... “The Voice Of My Heavenly Father..."... implicitly... and totally... with every fiber... of my being... and always had... for that Inner Voice... Had Never Steered me wrong... ever...!

Now Divinely Reassured... that none of us on board ship... were in any mortal danger... I decided to enjoy the forthcoming adventure... to my heart's content...!

And keeping my eyes steadily... on the horizon... still forced to squint... but ignoring the discomfort... remembered... from time to time... to cast a quick glance... up to the Captain... checking to see what he was doing...

Then... about ten minutes later... as I happened to be glancing up at him... he startled me... by suddenly giving a shout... And I heard him abruptly barking out orders... to his suddenly assembled men... now standing at his side... pointing out to sea...!

I quickly turned my head seaward again... and saw with mounting excitement... what appeared to be a tiny black speck... on the very edge of the horizon..!

And looking intently... to get a clearer look... annoyed that my eyes were watering... with the effort... saw to my amazement... that the speck was gradually growing... becoming larger and larger...!

Then I noticed... that under my aware feet... there was a perceptible slowing down... of the ship's engines...!

And my heart started to beat very fast... the prospect and anticipation... of seeing another ship... at close hand... filling me with great exhilaration...

And I whispered to myself... my senses all keyed up... hardly daring to breathe...:

"Friend... or foe...?!"...

"I wonder what wonderful... out-of-the-ordinary adventure... is in store for me now... and maybe even for all of those fellow passengers... from different countries... peacefully slumbering... in never-never land... at this very moment... blissfully unaware... of the exciting events... about to unfold...?"

By this time... some people were straggling up on to the deck... with worried looks on their faces... wondering why the ship's engines... were slowing down...

And feeling very important indeed... I turned my back... to the ocean... and busily preoccupied myself... with explaining... to an ever growing... attentive audience... what I had witnessed... during the past hour... speaking with great dramatic gestures...

It was most certainly... my shining hour... for heretofore... it had been my lot... most of the time... to hardly get any serious attention... from the grown-ups... especially from comparative strangers...

Glowing at being the center of attention... I tried to speak in a level tone of voice... taking care... not to sound too excited... and wished with all my heart... that I could tell these good people... about the Divine Reassurance... that we were not in mortal danger... which I Had Received... only moments ago...

But... of course... I was much too shy... to share with these by and large mere acquaintances... who usually seemed to drift by my person... like wispy shadows... such an intimate Exchange... between my Heavenly Father... or Guardian Angel... for that matter... and myself...

For I was not in the habit... of sharing my extremely private... intimate moments with God... and His Angels... with anyone else... not even with members... of my immediate family...

Dear Sister Theresa... was the only single... solitary living soul... with whom I had shared... my very private self with...!

I was so preoccupied... with my captive audience... surrounding me in a circle... making great efforts... to keep my tone of voice light... that I hardly noticed... what was going on behind me... until someone at the back... shouted out excitedly... pointing straight past my right shoulder...:

"LOOK...!"

Startled... I turned around to look... and almost keeled over... in a dead faint... when I saw an enormous black battleship... looming broadside...!

It was squatting in the ocean... lying to... a mere few hundred yards away...!

And as I gawked at it... I noticed that there were many figures... outlined on its deck... between what looked like a long row of artillery - many many more mounted guns... than we had... with our single cannon - and they were all pointing towards us...!

Then our grand ship... ground to a halt... and everybody was hanging over the railing... watching the activity... of the crewmen... on board the battleship... with great interest...

Their ship must have stopped their engines also... because... in the distance... we saw the sailors... suddenly stop carrying out their duties... and look out to sea...

And I saw their startled reaction... at first... to see our ship... so suddenly broadside to theirs...!

But then... en masse... they all rushed to their railing... and their faces beaming... wreathed in smiles... they began waving to us... with great gusto... their arms frantically pumping up and down...!

And we... in turn... caught up in the moment... waved back to them... very enthusiastically... without a single clue... as to what nationality they might be... whether friend or foe...!

We just simply basked... in the sheer joy of seeing... for a change... unfamiliar... friendly faces...!

Then we saw a gangplank... being lowered down... at the side of the battleship... as well as a small motor launch... cranked down on pulleys... until it rested in the water... gently bobbing up and down...

And standing erect in it... was a contingent of uniformed men... all immaculately turned out... in dazzling tropical white...!

And watching them... it suddenly dawned on everybody... that they were intending to come on board our ship...!

Meanwhile... our dependable Captain... Captain Post... had left the bridge... and was now on deck with us... ready and waiting... to respectfully salute the naval officers...

And as a sailor... piped them on board... with his whistle... as... one by one... they came up our gangplank... paused... stepped onto the deck... stood to attention... saluting smartly... introducing themselves in brisk... military-like fashion... our Captain greeted them in turn... returning their salutes...

And the cockles... of my heart... were warmed to their very core... to hear the excited whispers around me... that these handsome men... were actually turning out to be Officers... of none other... than His Majesty King George the Fifth's Royal Navy of Britain...!

We all rushed forward towards them... shouting out words of heartfelt greeting... welcoming them with so much ardor and warmth... that before long... they were totally at ease...

Mingling about amongst us... relaxing their officious... stiff military attitude... more and more... until they were behaving almost like ordinary civilians... laughing and chatting away...!

And before long... they were openly confessing their delight... to see so many warm... new friendly faces... for a change...

Explaining that... after having been out to sea... for over a year... sailing the vast Pacific Ocean... and the fact... that they had not ever seen another ship... in all that time... had only served... with each passing... long monotonous day... the hours dragging by... ever so slowly... to make them feel... more and more... very much isolated... from the rest of the world... indeed...!

And while all this camaraderie... was going on... with the Officers... some of us noticed... that all the sailors... left behind... on the battleship... were hanging over their railing... waving vigorously... and looking at us... with such wistful... longing expressions... in their eyes... that... throwing all protocol aside... we found ourselves... unabashedly begging the British Officers... to please allow them... to come on board... and join us...

And to our delight... they relented... to a man... informing us... that they would make an exception... just this once... because it was the season of Christmas... and the time for "Good Will Toward Men..."

And as they signalled for the sailors... to come on board... I kept a wary eye... on the doorway... half fearful that Papa and Xenia... would also soon be emerging from it... curious that the ship was halted... in the middle of the vast ocean... and seeing me... on deck... and not taking a nap... and with my hair loose... would scold me...

But then my anxiety was forgotten... as I saw all the sailors... straighten up... in unison... let out a whoop of joy... throwing their caps into the air...!

And... like greased lightning... they scrambled... all over themselves... racing over to the gangplank... each one eager to be the first in line... to descend it... jump into the dinghy alongside... and come over to us... knowing full well that... owing to wartime conditions... they could be recalled to their ship... at any moment...

And as soon as they stepped onto our deck - there must have been at least forty of them - they rushed over to us... en masse... grinning from ear to ear... and greeted us with warm handshakes... and bear hugs... with tears of joy... in their eyes... treating us... as if we were all long-lost brothers and sisters of theirs...!

And hardly stopping for breath... they kept on babbling away... saying how happy they were... to be reunited... amongst fresh... new faces... once again...

I looked around... wondering why Prima and Remo... were not also out on deck... just as one of the sailors... smiling shyly... quickly pressed a large chocolate bar... into my hand... then dashed away... disappearing into the milling crowd... before I could politely thank him...!

And all around me... the young... exuberant... grinning young sailors... were further expressing their gratitude... by showering the rest of the passengers on deck... with chocolate bars... of Britain's most famous name in chocolates... "Cadbury"... insisting that they accept their gifts... with such a great largesse of spirit... that I felt very ashamed... that I had nothing to give them... in return...

Some of the other passengers... also felt as I did... and made half-hearted protests... about not possibly being able to accept the generous sailors' precious gifts... stating how certain they were... that the chocolate bars... must be a luxury item for them - besides... they had no gifts to give back to them... in return... Christmas having cleaned out... the ship’s little Gift Shop...

To which all the sailors... with great sincerity... in their voices... stated that being allowed... to be in our company... for even just a little while... especially during the uncertain time of War... was the best Christmas present... they could ever have hoped to have...!

And the import of their words... stabbed through me... like a sharp knife... bringing home the realization... as I looked into each young... scrubbed countenance... and each pair of shining... innocent eyes... glowing with the spirit of patriotic fervor that... staring me in the face... was the glaring... irrevocable fact... that the future... of these brave youngsters... who seemed to be barely out of their teens... so willing to fight... and even die... for their beloved country... was actually unknown...

And feeling filled with compassion... for their plight... I walked off a little ways... where there was more privacy... and closing my eyes... silently Sent Up a fervent prayer... for their safety... reverently whispering... as the chocolate bar in my hand... started to melt...:

"Oh my Heavenly Father... Please Do Not Let Their Ship Be Torpedoed And Sunk... But... Trusting In Thy Loving Protection... I Will Have Faith... That Thou Wilt See To It... That Thy Angels... Will Guide Its Way... So That No Harm... Whatsoever... Will Befall The Great Battleship...

So That All Those Dear Young Souls Aboard Her... Will All Arrive Back Home... To Their Native Shores... And To Their Loved Ones... Safe And Sound... So Be It... Amen..."

Chapter 11
My Very First... Brief... Poignant... Shipboard Romance...!

It was then that I experienced... an odd sensation... my hair prickling on the back of my neck... and whipping my head around... noticed a man... quietly standing... off to one side... 

He was gazing at me so steadily... that my cheeks reddened with embarrassment...  No man had ever looked at me before... with such a mixture of personal interest... and intensity...!

And I suddenly felt terribly self-conscious... and wanted to run away...!

But my never ending long legs... were as if turned to stone... and I watched... helplessly... as he slowly walked towards me... with a manly grace... his eyes never leaving my face...

He was much taller... than I was... and as he came closer... I could see that he carried himself proudly... and confidently... and cut a very handsome figure... indeed... in his snow white... immaculate officer's uniform...

And when he reached my side... in one swift graceful motion... he removed his hat... and I saw how the sun lit up his hair... like a halo... as... bowing from the waist... the tone of his voice... thrillingly deep... he said in inflections of perfect cultured King's English...:

"Kindly allow me to introduce myself... First Officer Everett Kingston... of His Majesty King George V's Royal Navy... at your humble service...!"

Chills ran up and down my spine... at the deep... intimate timbre... of his voice...  And instead of graciously responding... introducing myself in kind... I stood there like a perfect idiot... thoroughly tongue-tied...

Then he quietly went on... as if my non-response... was not at all out of the ordinary... saying...:

"...You were praying for our safety... just now... weren't you...?!"

I felt my knees about to give way... very bowled over... that another human being... and a young strange man at that... had actually watched me... as I intimately conversed... with my Heavenly Father...!

And when the shock of his unexpected attention to me wore off... unable as I was... to resist his courteous manners... as he continued making polite conversation... I suddenly felt very relaxed... and at ease... standing in his company... noticing his even features... his earnest grey eyes... and dark blond wavy hair... his whole persona... reminding me very much... of my very favorite singer... Nelson Eddy...! 

And when I noticed... the shape of his hands... and how sensitively long and slender... his fingers were... I instinctively knew... that he had a surgeon's hands... 

And as if reading my thoughts... he said that he hoped to continue with his medical studies... after the terrible War was over... and how it was his intention... to ultimately become a surgeon...!

It was so wonderful... that... for the very first time in my life... I was seeing such warm admiration... in the eyes of a grown-up man... for gawky me... a man whom I found to be most romantically handsome...!

And I delighted in his continued... singular interest in me... despite the fact... that there were other young... very lovely ladies on deck... closer to his age... with lovely... professional hair-dos... which made me... with my untamed golden tresses... thrill... even more and more... 

And as we shared the very pleasant time... together... sharing the chocolate bar with each other... and conversing about all sorts of subjects... finding that we shared a great deal in common... I became aware... that he was making me feel more and more beautiful... and more and more feminine... by the minute... than ever anyone had... before in my life...! 

And I was so glad that I was wearing such a lovely dress... which flattered my bony body so charmingly... And as I secretly imagined to myself... that I was the very beautiful... and ultra-feminine... Jeanette MacDonald... I became very much aware... of how alluring... I must seem to him... until I completely forgot... that I was merely a gangly... awkward... eleven-going-on-twelve-year-old girl... with never ending... long legs... and long monkey arms...!

As the magical time went by... it seemed as if First Officer Everett Kingston and I... were becoming more and more intimate... with one another... our bodies ever so imperceptibly leaning... closer and closer... towards one another... our heads almost touching... as we realized... that we both loved opera... and that we both shared the same favorite arias...!

If only I had known then... that I was a budding Countess... and actually related... to the great composer Leoncavallo... for "Il Pagliacci"... was one of Everett's favorite operas... as well as mine...! 

And what an even more wonderful impression... I would have made on him... with those intriguing... little tidbits of information...! 

We also found... to our delight... that we both loved Nelson Eddy and Jeanette MacDonald movies... as well as all the Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers musicals...! 

And when I reminded him... of his remarkable resemblance... to the movie star... Nelson Eddy... he shyly admitted... that people often compared his looks... to the great singer’s... which made me wonder... whether he also sang...!   

And just as I was about to ask him... as we were staring into each other's eyes... our senses captivated... and just a hair's breadth away from touching our lips to each other's... marvelling at how much... we shared in common... our magical moment was interrupted... by a tap on his shoulder... from a fellow officer... and a whispered summons... that he was wanted immediately...

Chapter 12
For The Very First Time... In My Life... I Play A Very Dirty Trick... On Poor... Repressed Xenia... For Her Own Good...!

Dear Everett left my side... with a promise to be back shortly... and as I stood there... feeling oddly bereft... and off balance... without his comforting presence... it took a while... for my mind to register the fact... that there were many groups of people out on deck... only mere yards away - I had been utterly enraptured... on my magical Cloud Nine... where only Everett and I... seemed to exist...!

And as I looked around me... in a daze... noticing the joyous gathering... of new found friends... everybody enjoying the unexpected... happy occasion... for some strange reason... I suddenly got a flash... in my mind... of my stepmother... Xenia... and of how wooden... and unnatural... and devoid of humor... and emotionally repressed she was...

And how she would rather die... than be caught... without her "Mask of Beauty" on - her eyes alone... took her a full thirty minutes of work... before she presented them... for the world to see... behind her prescription glasses...! 

Come to think of it... she was... by far... quite the most artificial... and rigid person... I had ever known... and terribly self-conscious... about her precious... personal appearance...

And reflecting... on Xenia's unfortunate... restricting traits of character - her Russian general father... in his resentment... that she had turned out... to be yet another daughter... instead of the son... he so desperately had hoped for... doing a very good job... on repressing her psyche - I suddenly got a brain wave...!

And on the spur of the moment... decided that now was the perfect time... to "unmask" her... as it were... help make her more natural... less stiff... and therefore... more approachable...

And before I allowed my courage to fail me... my long legs... were already swiftly carrying me down the passageways... racing me down to her cabin... where I knew she was taking her usual "beauty sleep"... 

In an odd kind of way... I knew... in my deepest self... that I was doing the right thing... and that it would be a most valuable... positive lesson for her...

So... without hesitating for an instant... I rapped on her door... and in my eagerness... the possibility... that Papa might well also be in there with her... and be most annoyed and angry indeed... at being disturbed... being woken up by his insignificant youngest... never even crossed my mind...

And as I pounded with my fists... on their cabin door... I shouted repeatedly... sounding urgent... to the extreme...:

"Xenia... Xenia... come quick...! We are being attacked...!

Everybody has to come up to the main deck right away... hurry up and come right now...! 

And don't bother getting dressed - there isn't any time for that... But don't forget to bring your emergency case with you...!"

I then put my ear to the door... and could hear her stumbling about... and by the sounds she made... I knew that she was alone... for I could hear her alternately praying to her Madonna... in a shaky voice... in Russian... and then querulously stammering...:

"Grad-zella...? V-v-at iss hep-p-ening...  v-v-at arr you sayink...?"

Then her voice rising... in panic...:

"Arr vie rilly unter at-t-teck...?" 

"Yes... yes Xenia... hurry up...!"

And satisfied... at my huge success... in getting her thoroughly rattled... I dashed away... without waiting for her... heading back up to the main deck... where I calmly rejoined... the happy throng... which by now had grown considerably larger... with more and more passengers... emerging from their cabins... thoroughly refreshed... from their afternoon's siestas...

And as we all stood around... talking... very relaxed and at ease... enjoying each others' company... Xenia suddenly burst through the deck doors... panting and out of breath... looking around her... frantic and wild-eyed...

Then she screeched... in a high-pitched voice... I had never heard her use before... her accent more heavily Russian... than ever before...:

"V-v-at hes hep-p-ened... v--v-at iss it... arr vie s-s-sinkink...?”

Xenia was clad in nothing but her thin... Japanese silk kimono... a bright red garment... with fierce fire-breathing dragons... boldly painted on it... identical to her beloved Theo's kimono... and on her feet... were a pair of bright red... satin Chinese slippers...

And by contrast... her face was covered... with a dirty green... caked mud pack... which was beginning to crack... and her sorry excuse for hair... was sticking out... every which way... done up in ragged paper curlers... with sparse wisps of hair... showing in between balding spots...!

She looked very much... like some wizened... shrunken old... ugly gargoyle... cutting a pathetically ridiculous figure... as she stood there... trembling... in the doorway... rooted to the spot... clutching her precious emergency case tightly... to her heaving bosom... looking frantically about... her grey eyes... for once minus glasses... bulging with terror...

And as she stared around her... barely able to see... her cracked mask-face... a ghostly sickly-green... obviously petrified out of her wits... it slowly dawned on her... with growing... shocked disbelief... that everybody else on deck... was lounging around... very relaxed... and at ease... thoroughly enjoying themselves...!

And the ludicrous sight... she presented... in total contrast... was so comical that... after a stunned moment of surprise... as they saw her come bursting through the doorway... everybody burst out laughing...!

Some of the passengers... as well as our naval visitors... laughed so hard... that they had to bend over... holding their stomachs... the tears rolling down their cheeks... unchecked... and I almost peed in my pants... because I was laughing so hard... myself...

Poor Xenia... what a dirty trick to play on her...  Her Spartan Russian soul... which loved to thrive on the dramatic... and the tragic... took a very long time... to convince her... that our ship... was in no danger.. whatsoever... after all...!

And just before she turned away... red-faced... and terribly embarrassed... as she suddenly realized... what a frightful sight... she must have made... not to mention being caught out on deck... wearing nothing but her thin kimono... and an ugly looking mud pack... on her face... her state of near déshabillé... filled her with shame...

Watching her... I could have sworn... that I detected a slight glint of actual disappointment... in her eyes...!

And I saw her... almost dejectedly... slowly turn on her heels... stepping back into the interior... cloaking darkness of the ship... where she was safe... from being the object... of any further amusement... and ridicule...

And as I watched her disappear... through the doorway... the enormity of my impulsive audacity... suddenly hit me...

And fear filled my being... making me shake with dread... for in all probability... she was headed straight for her beloved Theo... for his loving sympathy... and reassurance...

Where... in the comfort of his cradling... loving arms... she could pour out... all her woes to him... telling him in her tearful... irritating... whining dramatic voice... about what a “bet gurl”... his daughter "Grad-zella" - the way she pronounced my name... never ceased to irk me - had been to her...

And what a cruel... vicious trick... she had played on her... when all she had ever wanted to be... was a good mother... to his children...

And since I had never before... in my life... dared to play any kind of a trick... on his most precious darling... ever - nor on anybody else... for that matter - God only knew... what punishment... Papa had in store for me...

For I was quite certain... that he would be livid with rage that I... who was a nobody in his eyes... by comparison... had dared to inflict... even the slightest bit of hurtful pain... on his beloved wife...

And I quaked in my shoes... with dreadful trepidation... wanting to kick myself... for my stupid... rash impulse...

I kept my eyes... glued to the doorway... expecting Papa... to come bursting through the portals... any second... in an almighty towering rage... his brilliant green eyes flashing... in search of his "bet... bet Grad-zella"... furious that she had caused such public humiliation... and embarrassment... to the love of his life...

But he never came..!

Chapter 13
A Very Painfully Poignant Parting... From My Very First... Adult Admirer...!

Then Everett returned to me... his handsome face lit up... in a warm smile... showing his perfect... gleaming white teeth...

And we had barely begun... to talk to each other again... when it was announced... that all members... of the battleship... were to return to it... immediately...!

And between the passengers... of various nationalities... and their new found British Navy friends... there were hasty exchanges of...:

"Merry Christmas...!”... "Happy New Year..."... "God Bless...!" and "Good bye...!"... in their different languages...

And all the passengers... wished the sailors... and officers... a heartfelt...:

"God Speed...!"

And watched them... as they somewhat reluctantly... descended again... into the waters below...

I accompanied Everett... right up to the gangplank... my heart oddly heavy and sad... feeling the first pangs... of adult love...!

And when the poignant moment came... for us to part... he surprised... and thrilled me... to my very core... by taking off his hat... once more... and tucking it under his arm... bending over... and clasping my right hand firmly... in both of his... ignoring my ugly... bitten nails... brought it up... to his beautifully sculptured mouth... and turning it over... planted a lingering... warm kiss... in the middle of my palm... making me tingle all over...

And I could feel the thrill... of his electric kiss... from the top of my head... all the way down... to the very tips of my toes...!

And seeing his bare head... bent over my hand... I had to fight the sudden impulse... to run my fingers... through his golden hair... longing to feel the silky texture of it...

And as he straightened up... our eyes met meaningfully... and through the blur of my tears... I saw that there was a hint of tears... in his beautiful grey eyes... also...!

Then... to my great Joy... he first stretched out... his sensitive hands... cupping my face between them... and looking deep into my eyes... with the most serious expression... in his own beautiful grey eyes... he tenderly ran his fingers... through my long crowning glory... making me so glad... that I had loosed my hair... that magical afternoon...!

And as I thrilled to his touch... again... I wanted with all my heart... to throw myself... into his arms... and hold him close to my breast... never to let him go...

But... of course... I was far too well bred... and shy... to physically respond to him... and just stood there... politely smiling... trying to stop the quivering... of my chin...

Then I heard him murmur...:

"I shall never forget you... dearest Gra-zi-el-la... heart of my heart...!"

Longing to feel his arms around me... I took a step towards him... but he had already abruptly turned away from me... and putting his hat back on... smartly walked down the gangplank... without looking back...

I rushed to the railing... wanting to see him... as long as possible... and watched him... through the blur of tears... stepping into the motor launch... together with his fellow officers...

And it was only... when he was back on board his own ship... that he suddenly turned... his eyes searching for me... among the crowd of passengers... standing at the railing...

And I waved to him... with all my might... smiling... with tears in my eyes... and to my utter Joy... he spotted me... and waved right back...

Then I saw him being approached... by a fellow officer... and I saw him briefly nod his head... and walk away with him... into the interior of his ship... out of my sight...

And as I stood there... at the ship's railing... feeling utterly forlorn... I wished... with all my heart... that I had thrown myself into his arms... so that... for a brief magical moment... I could know what it felt like... to be held close... in a loving man's embrace... for in the space... of only a few short hours... Everett had become... extremely near and dear to me... indeed...

Many of the passengers... also had tears in their eyes... as... standing at the railing... waving to the oh so tender young men... they realized that these motley youngsters... barely out of their teens... were the brave and gallant defenders... fighting for a free world... free of the restricting suppression... of their monstrous arch enemies...

First of all Germany... whose soil had nurtured... the Austrian-Jewish madman... Adolf Hitler... whose diabolical... fanatical plan... to create the perfect "Ubermensch...” ... being a blond... blue-eyed... superior Aryan race... was slowly but surely... successfully spreading across the face... of the European continent... like molasses...!

And its dark tentacles... leaving behind... nothing but hunger... terror... despair... and chaos... in its evil wake... with thousands of lives... cruelly uprooted...

And now Imperial Japan... and all her formidable ground... sea... and air power... was sweeping throughout the Pacific rim... gobbling up nation after nation...!

I was quite certain... that no doubt... every single one of the passengers... and our crew... were very well aware... of the devastation... that Hitler was already causing... in England...

Having carried out his devilish plan... to suddenly overwhelm that most gracious country... by means of a heavy aerial bombardment... on the beautiful city of London... with its ancient architecture... so rich in historical pageantry... a ferocious attack... which became known as the "Blitzkrieg" (lightning war)... during the previous year... 1940... and into this year...

And I was quite sure... that everybody... in their hearts... were wishing fervently... that Great Britain... would triumph over the crazy... paranoid lunatic... Hitler... and his cold-blooded.. fanatical... psychopathic henchmen... to whom... as their "Fuehrer" (leader)... his command was law... and to be obeyed instantly... without question... no matter how fiendishly inhuman... the "befehl" (order) was...!

As things turned out... for some reason... known only to Xenia herself... she never tattled to Papa... about how cruelly I had tricked her...

Not even when we were all seated together... at the dinner table... that night... with me... yet again... hardly able to swallow my food... suffering with a mixture of longing for Everett... and dread... that Xenia would triumphantly lower the boom on me... any second - I remember we avoided any direct eye contact... with one another...

Then... to my utter amazement... Papa suddenly turned all his attention towards me...!

And smiling broadly... made a comment... about how he had observed me... out on deck... totally engrossed... talking to a handsome British officer...! And how pleased he was... that I looked so pretty... in my flattering dress... making him realize... that I was growing up fast...!

And then he bowled me over further... by saying that he hoped that I had not shattered the young man's ardent illusions... by letting him know... that he was being thoroughly captivated... by a mere schoolgirl of eleven... and not a young... well-behaved grown-up lady... that he obviously thought I was...!

And not one word of angry disapproval... about my hair... which... of course... by dinner time... was back in pigtails again...

And all I could do... was just sit there... thoroughly tongue-tied... blushing... and bowled over... at Papa's unexpected... most rare... friendly and approving manner... towards me... addressing me... as if I was an equal...!

The uncomfortable... awkward spell was broken... when Remo... grinning... suddenly biffed me on my shoulder... chuckling...:

"Atta girl... sis... good for you...!"

And then my secretly Euphoric World... came crashing down... when Papa reminded me... that of course... I was still actually a schoolgirl... and he expected me to continue to wear my hair in pigtails...

And then he added... that I was now old enough to know... that it was for my own protection... from the unwelcome advances... of the hot-blooded... young men on board the ship... some of whom he had noticed... watching me... their eyes lighting up... with particular interest... as I conversed with the British officer...!

Papa's words bewildered... and frightened me a bit... not quite understanding... what he meant... about my being protected... "from the unwelcome advances... of the hot-blooded... young men on board the ship"...!

And once again... I fretted that I was so innocent... so naive... and so uninformed...

It so happened... that Papa naturally found out... about his beloved's embarrassment... because for the next few days... Xenia became the main topic of conversation... on board ship...!

And frequent outbursts of laughter... could be heard... everywhere... as the hilarious story... of how she had suddenly appeared up on deck... disheveled... and in disarray... believing that we were under attack... and sinking... got told... and retold... over and over...

And when Papa heard about it... the following afternoon... as he sat relaxing... in the Game Room... reading - I was at the far end of the room... playing a game of Solitaire - I heard him guffaw very loudly...

So that the only recourse for Xenia... who happened to be sitting... right beside him... dwarfed by the huge armchair... her face hidden behind a magazine... as somebody or other... totally unaware of her presence... and with great relish... was repeating the hilarious story to Papa... was to either sheepishly... put her magazine down... revealing her presence... and laugh along with them... or burst into tears... and run from the scene...

And I was so proud... of my stepmother... to see her wisely choose to remain seated... and let everybody in the room... see her laughing good-naturedly... at herself... which thereafter... earned her a great deal of respect... from all and sundry... on board ship...

As it turned out... what I had tried to accomplish... worked... because from then on... Xenia was a little less stiff... a little less rigid... less dramatically serious... and aloof... so that people... who happened to find themselves... in her company... began to feel a little more relaxed... more and more at ease with her...

And another huge plus... in her favor... was that she never tattled on me...!

And I was greatly reassured... that I had done the right thing... especially because of the dream I had... on the night of my most momentous day... of falling in love... with a man... for the very first time in my life...when Xenia's sister... appeared to me... and gravely thanked me... for helping her little sister...!

Chapter 14
Thoroughly... Miserably Lovesick...!

And as for me... I was experiencing... my very first pangs... of aching longing... for a particular... real... live grown-up member... of the opposite sex... wanting with all my heart... to have his loving presence... surround me... all the time...!

Leaving my beloved Guido... behind... in Yokohama... had felt as if a precious part of me... had been torn out of me... making me feel strangely lost... without him... after five years... of almost constant closeness... between us...

But this yearning longing... for the handsome English gentleman... was more poignant... and it seemed as if all I could do... was think... and daydream... about my dear First Officer Everett Kingston... in all his glorious... uniformed splendor... the live long day... and into the long... lonely hours... of the night...!

Recalling how graceful... and masculine... and proudly tall... he had stood beside me... and how exclusively attentive... only to me... and how there had been looks of envy... from many of the other pretty young women... on deck...

And every time... I thought about that magical afternoon... my heart would beat faster... and a warm glow... would coarse... throughout my whole body... the delightful... unfamiliar feeling... spreading from the very top of my head... down to the very tips... of my fingers...!

And I marvelled to myself... over and over... how in such a short space of time... one man... had become so special to me... as never before...!  Was I finally becoming an alluring young woman... in her own right... after all... as Papa had commented about... at the dinner table that night... thoroughly bowling me over...!?

Savoring the strange... unfamiliar sensations... evoked inside my body... whenever I conjured up... his handsome image... I would seek out a quiet corner of the ship... way up high... where the funnels were...

And... as I dreamily gazed out... over the ocean... in the direction... of where I thought his battleship might be... I would go over and over... in my mind... the precious time... of only a few hours... we had spent together...

Reliving every precious moment... recalling every tender word spoken... every nuance... in the tone of his deep voice... the meaningful looks... exchanged between us... remembering every treasured... graceful gesture of his... even going so far as to pretend... that he was sitting right there... beside me...!

And I found myself wondering... whether his thoughts... were full of me... as well... and whether conjuring up my image... in his mind... made him tingle all over... as well... wishing... with all his heart... that we could be brought back together...

And over the next few days... I would while away the time... pretending intimate conversations between us... talking aloud to him... in my own voice... then adopting a deeper... more masculine-sounding tone... as I pretended to be him - anything that would help to ease... the terribly painful... and overwhelming... aching... and longing... for him... in my heart...

And as we tenderly conversed... with one another... I would find myself wondering... whether he too... was standing out on deck... in some quiet corner... of his battleship... gazing out over the ocean... in the direction of our vessel... thinking of me... missing me... hopefully as much as I was missing him...

Everett had been utterly charmed... by my to him... most unusual accent... and name... and had had some difficulty... pronouncing it at first...

And I remembered the thrill... that shot through me... every time my fluttering heart... heard him utter the unfamiliar sounds... pronouncing them so intimately... so warmly... uniquely prolonging my name by four... slow... lingering syllables...:

"Gra-zi-el-la..."

Instead of the customary three... of "Gra-ziel-la!"... that I would... very rarely... hear myself addressed as... by others... from time to time... but usually in an annoyed... scolding tone of voice... especially by Papa... when he was exasperated with me... because I was such a brainless “dumb cluck”...!

And when Everett asked the true meaning... of my exquisite sounding name... I shyly told him... that the great Italian poet Dante Alleghieri... had invented it... for one of the heroines... in a play of his... signifying that it supposedly meant... “Little Grace...”

(Naturally... at the time... I had no idea... that I was a love-child... conceived in shameful adultery... who happened to be born... on the Holy day of Easter... and that my birth... had been a Miraculous one... causing a great deal of attention... throughout Italy... and even the world...! And that it was the newspapers... that had given me my very special name... referring to the Miracolo Bambina (Miracle Baby)... as a "Little Grace of God..."!

Unable at that time... to let dear Everett know... that my birth had been Miraculous... because my mother had accidentally swallowed a bottle of lye mixture... in her ninth month... about which... she only finally confided to me... when I was well into my thirties... also confessing... how she had tried to abort me...!)

But then I found myself confiding to him... how Sister Theresa... at St. Maur's... had always referred to me... as "Little Grace of God"... much too shy... to let him know... that it was because she had witnessed... two Angels of God... Floating me down from a tree... on the convent grounds... late one afternoon...!

And gazing very deeply... into my eyes... with his beautiful grey eyes... pools of quiet calm... he very gravely said... that he could very well believe... how I was indeed... a very special child of God... His Little Grace...!

As I sat at the dressing table... at bedtime... I would pick up my brush... and closing my eyes... would make believe... that it was dear Everett's hand... holding it...!

And as I began brushing... my own... gloriously loosed hair... I would pretend to myself... that it was my beloved... who was tenderly brushing out... my luxuriant tresses... the customary one hundred strokes... all the while exclaiming reverently... how gorgeous... my crowning... silken glory of gold was... as he periodically ran his sensitive fingers... through my tumbling... shiny mass... just like he had... at the moment of our poignant parting... but now down my quivering back... as well...!

And my whole body... would shiver with delight... as I thrilled to my own loving touch... making believe... it was his sensitive hands... caressing me...!

And later on... as I lay in my bed... freshly bathed... shrouded in the velvety soft darkness... of the night... I would pretend... that dearest Everett... was close to me... sitting at my bedside... smiling... his even white teeth visible... as he gazed tenderly down at me... the light of love shining... in his expressive grey eyes... only for me... his one and only... "dearest Gra-zi-el-la... heart of my heart...!"

And I would fall asleep... smiling contentedly... feeling deliciously loved... and warmly safe... knowing that my dear lover... was right there beside me... to protect me from all harm... for once... forgetting all about my customary nightly téte-a-téte... of going over the events of the day... with my Beloved Heavenly Father...!!!

Chapter 15
Sailing Along The Spectacular... Breathtaking... 150 Mile Long Coastline... Of New Zealand...!

Soon after the momentous visit... of the members of the British Royal Navy... Captain Post announced... at dinner time... that all going well... we should be putting into the port city of Auckland... New Zealand... by 6:00 p.m. ... the following evening...

And everybody breathed a sigh of relief... that half of the sea voyage... was almost over... without any real major mishap... having occurred... commenting amongst themselves... about how they had been right... after all... in their assumption... that our next landfall... would be "Way Down Under" - so it was to be New Zealand... most interesting...

As the Captain left his table... he stopped at ours... and invited me... as usual... to come up onto the bridge... the next morning... to watch the spectacular sunrise with him...

But this time... he added... with a wink... I was going to experience something wonderful... something that I would never be able to erase... from my memory... for as long as I lived... and more than probably... for the rest of my life...!

I was very eager to know... what he was talking about... but he jovially gestured... that it was to be a special surprise for me... since I had been such a well-behaved good girl... on board his ship...

In all the time of weeks... that I had known Captain Post... I had never seen him in anything... but the highest spirits of good humor... his blue eyes twinkling merrily... just like dear Mr. Zwinkler's... the Manager of the Yokohama Country & Athletic Club...

Papa exhibited a slight show of jealous disapproval... frowning and harrumphing... when he saw how much I was taken... by this kindly man...  In my eyes... the Captain's very pleasant attitude towards me... seemed rapidly to be toppling Papa... from his throne...!

Besides... he could hardly forbid me to accept the man's friendly generosity... not knowing that I had already been up on the bridge... at sunrise... many mornings... to share a quiet moment of prayer... and a cup of tea... with my dear friend...

I hardly slept a wink all night... wide-eyed with anticipation... of what the morning would bring... and what the Captain's special surprise for me... might be...  And for once... I did not play my little game of romantic make-believe... with Everett...!

Bright and early... I went up to join the Captain... on the bridge... and together... we watched the faint sun peep over the vast horizon's edge... in the far distance... quickly growing larger and larger... as it started to climb... gradually changing the rosy pinkish color of the sky... to a pale blue...

There was not a cloud in sight... and the Captain and I stood together... side by side... as usual... our bodies and spirits enveloped... by the sun's all-encompassing... golden warmth... as we prayed aloud... together... to our Heavenly Father... Almighty God...

When we had finished our prayers... I turned to leave... with a word of thanks... foregoing our usual cups of tea... thinking that the Captain must have some important duties... to attend to... before his ship docked at Auckland Harbor...

But to my great delight... he stopped me... and with a gallant bow... bending low from his waist... extended his arm... with an invitation... that he would deem it an honor... if I breakfasted with him...!

Feeling very grown-up... I accepted... as charmingly as I could... allowing myself... to be led by him... into the interior of his bridge house... for the very first time...

I soon understood the reason... for this special occasion...  For looking out of the windows... to my left... as I daintily sipped my cup of tea... at the Captain’s table... I became extremely excited... when I suddenly discerned... what looked like the outline of land... for the first time... in about a month...!

And the Captain... delighted at my happy reaction... explained to me... that what I was looking at... was the beginning of the spectacular... one hundred and fifty mile long coastline... of New Zealand... beginning with "Ninety Mile Beach"... as I would soon see for myself... after our breakfast together...

Somehow I managed to finish my breakfast - I was far too keyed up to be hungry - watching the snow white sands... of the endlessly long beach... as we slowly sailed... along its coast...

Then the two of us... went out on to the bridge again... and Captain Post... first put his binoculars to his eyes... adjusting them into focus... then handing them to me... showed me how to use them properly...

"Now... my dear... look at the Splendor... and Purity... of God's Creation... as yet Untouched... and Unspoiled... by man...!

And let the exquisite Beauty... of What you are about to behold... Be Imprinted in your very soul... and very mind's eye... forever and ever...!"

With my heart beating very fast... in wonder and awe... at the fervency... of this simple... humble man's beautiful... touching poetry... I now put the binoculars... using a pair... for the very first time in my life... up to my own eyes...

And what I suddenly saw... magnified so greatly... and so close... as we slowly inched our way... down along the coastline... past the snow white beach... was indeed something... that became vividly... and indelibly imprinted... upon my memory... to this very day... some sixty-six years later... as if I had just seen all of God's Spectacular Magnificence... only yesterday...!

In breathtaking... living Technicolor... such as I have never ever seen... to this day... not even in Hawaii... many years later... what my eyes were gazing upon... greatly magnified by the binoculars... was my own impression... of the Garden of Eden...!

I had seen beautiful tropical blooms... exquisite trees... and shrubbery... in Japan before... such as on the Bluff... or in the temple gardens and parks... scattered throughout the land... but I had never... ever seen such a wild riot... of incredibly vivid colors... splashes of reds... purples... and pinks... yellows and orange... nestled perfectly... in the greenest of green carpets... as I goggle-eyed at... on that very special morning...

And then my breath... was taken away further... when I caught glimpses... of the most beautifully colored... crested large birds... with the longest tails... I had ever seen... tails that swept gracefully down... to the ground... my idea of what a nightingale would look like... illustrations of which I had seen... in fairy tales... such as in one of my most favorite books... "Arabian Nights"...

All I could do was express exclamations of wonderment... at the Awesome Splendor... before my wide-with-wonder eyes...!

And the longer we slowly sailed... down the coastline... the more the lush... exquisite flora... of huge... tropical blooms... of the most beautiful combination of colors... all blending in perfect harmony with each other... with some of them clinging to long... gracefully trailing vines... boggled my senses...

And then there were the fauna... of species of animals... both big and small... that I had never ever seen before... in my life... not even in my animal books... the enchanting sights of which... overwhelmed my delighted senses... all of them... portrayed so close... that I had the feeling... that if I stretched out my hand... I could touch them...!

And as I gazed with incredulous wonderment... at God’s Magnificent Creation... Displayed before me... in Brilliant... Dazzling Technicolor... a sudden stab of longing... shot through my heart... and I wished... with every fiber of my being... that my new beloved Everett... could have been standing there... at my side... to share the incredibly Wonderful Sights... with me...

All the while... I gaped and gasped... my joyous amazement... at the Pristine Wonders of God... that I was beholding... the Captain was standing silently... by my side... enjoying the enormous pleasure... he was affording me... pleased as punch... unable to stop grinning...

As never before... my senses were being thoroughly overwhelmed... by God's Incredibly Perfect... Beautiful Creation... and I was increasingly awe-struck... His Magnificent... and Awesome... Flawless Tableaus of Splendor... making me feel very small... and humble... indeed...

And I found myself passionately hoping and praying... that man... who destroyed so much of nature... for monetary gain... such as the felling of trees... to make paper... would never be given the power... to mar or spoil... this Splendid... untamed terrain... this spectacular corner of New Zealand’s Eden... for the sake of modern progress...

Suddenly... tears began to splash down my cheeks... blurring my vision... and I felt limp all over... wanting to fall to my knees... begging forgiveness... for the many Karmic sins... I had incurred... that suddenly weighed heavily... inside my breast...!

Seeing the Exquisite... Perfect Purity... Of What Almighty God Had Created... With His Own Loving Hands... made me feel very dirty... and unclean... and I started to sob... unable to gaze upon the beautiful coastline of New Zealand... any longer...

Then dear Captain Post... with great understanding... and compassion... taking the binoculars from me... put his arm around my shoulder... and patted me gently... on my back... murmuring...:

    "...There there... my child... I understand perfectly..." 

Then sighing... he went on to say...:

"In all the many times... I have sailed... along this long... magical coastline... I also have been deeply affected... by what my eyes have beheld...

And the Magnificence... and Grand Perfection of it all... is still as deeply impressive... and moving... and soul-stirring for me... just as much this time... as it was the very first time... about thirty years ago... when I was a young man...!"

And shaking his head sympathetically... he gently led me back... inside the bridge house... ordering some iced tea for us...

I smiled thankfully at him... through my tears... unable to speak... but feeling very comforted... to have such a sensitive... understanding soul... by my side...

Chapter 16
Arriving In Auckland... To The Wonderful... Warm... Welcoming Hospitality... Of The New Zealanders...!

We duly sailed into Manukau Harbor... and docked at Auckland... on schedule...  And apart from having all our cameras confiscated... for the duration... of our brief stopover... because of the War... every single one of us... was welcomed most warmly... by the townspeople... whose open-hearted generosity... knew no bounds...

They threw their hearts... arms... and doors wide open... to their visitors... from far away lands... and we were showered... with their friendly... warm hospitality...

And all they had... was freely given... for they would not accept any payment... for their offerings... of the most excellent food... and beverages... and they wined and dined us... in none other than the Dining Room... of their finest hotel...!

When the "Klipfontein"... sounded its call... a few hours later... summoning all passengers... back on board ship... we were suddenly jolted back... to the real world...!

Because... for a few magical hours... we had been transported... by the warm-hearted... genial New Zealanders... and they... and their wide generosity of spirit... had made us forget... that there was a War on...!

And every last one of us... was sad to leave the enchantingly quaint town of Auckland...

We were all loath to bid farewell... to our good Samaritans... and did so reluctantly... and with heavy hearts... and all the townspeople... insisted on seeing us off at the dock... waving us a heartfelt...:

"Bon Voyage...!"... and "God Speed...!"

Standing back on board ship... once again... waving back to the crowd... assembled on the pier... the realization struck me... that within the span... of just a few days... it seemed as if we had yet again... served the purpose... of bringing some sunshine... into the humdrum lives... of an insulated... and isolated people... as we had so recently... for the sailors... and officers... of His Majesty King George V's prestigious Royal Navy...

Which immediately reminded me of my dear Everett... once again... with aching remembrance... causing a piercing stab... in my longing breast...

But then... facing the indisputable fact that... short of a Miracle... I would probably never see him... ever again... I told myself... to stop this maudlin foolishness...

And squaring my scrawny shoulders resolutely... I deliberately made myself concentrate only... on how happy... the passengers of the good ship "Klipfontein"... had made the good people of Auckland... and vice versa...

And I determinedly held to that thought... fiercely inside myself... as we slowly moved out of the harbor... trying to ignore the fact... that we were now sailing northward... and in all probability... further and further away... from my now lost to me forever beloved...

End Of Part VII - Sixteen Chapters

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