Chapter 1

A Twelfth Floor Suite... At The Elegant Swiss Hotel Dauphin... In Fascinating Manhattan... Becomes Our Home...!

It was the beginning of February... 1942... and when I awoke the next morning... in the ultra posh suite... of the Swiss Hotel Dauphin... I was curious to see... what the world looked like outside... from such a lofty height... for I had never slept... under the roof... of such an incredibly tall building... before...! 

And looking downwards... from the huge window... of the living room... I saw what appeared to be many black dots... at first... and then realized... upon closer inspection... to my great amusement... that they were actually human beings...! 

And they were scurrying about... reminding me... for some reason... of single-minded... hustling... bustling ants...!  And I could see by the way they were holding on to their hats... bent over... their scarves streaming out wildly... behind them... that it must be a very windy day - some of them even losing their hats - running after them... almost getting run over... by the tiny... toy-looking cars... tootling up and down the street...! 

Looking up above me... I could see that the sky was gray... and overcast... and I thought how happy I was to be there... at the very top of the world... nice and snug... cozily warm... in the cocoon... of my haven... in the beautiful suite... with its rich... comfortable furnishings...

And I decided... that I had absolutely no curiosity whatsoever... to venture outdoors... to explore this mysterious... imposing city... called New York - at least not on this cold... uninviting... blustery day...

I naturally expected that... since we had a kitchen of our own... Xenia would now be cooking... most of our meals...  But what a mistaken assumption... that turned out to be... because... not once... not even for the simple task... of cooking some eggs for breakfast... did she ever open up the cute... hide-away kitchenette... not ever again... after the first cursory... curious glance...when she wondered... upon inspection of the premises... what lay behind the slatted doors... 

Papa even brought home... three loads of grocery bags... full of produce... and canned goods... the very next day... but she... thoroughly spoilt... by the servants... she had enjoyed... back in Japan... always insisted... that we eat all our meals... outside the hotel... even when the weather got so bad... when New York... suffered one of the worst winters... in years...

How well I remember the biting pain... in my face... when my skin began to thaw... as if it was cracking... as soon as I stepped into the overheated indoors... of a building... after having walked even only a block or two... a five to ten minute brisk walk... from the hotel... to a restaurant nearby... trudging head on... into the buffeting wind... with no feeling in my toes... which had quickly become numb... my open-to-the-elements face... having "frozen"... within minutes of being exposed... to the freezing air outside...!

And during the month... we spent in New York... for the first time in my life... I was introduced... to the fascinating... cafeteria-style way... of selecting your food... from little windowed lockers... called the "Automat"...!

I also had my very first taste... of the scrumptuous... all American... favorite dessert... called "Apple Pie a la Mode..."... a slice of apple pie... with vanilla ice cream on top...! and the most intriguing... floppy "Fruit Jello"... that melted on your tongue...! 

There were so many eating places... to choose from... within walking distance... of the hotel... varying from the most expensive... where one could dine leisurely... in plush... elegant surroundings... to the "hole in the wall" establishment of... wolf-down-your-food-in-five-minutes-flat... greasy spoon alcoves... so that we hardly ever ate... at the same restaurant... café... cafeteria... or automat... twice..! 

And with all the freezing... blustery cold... outdoors... I wondered why it was... that we never ate... indoors... in the warmth... of the hotel dining room... ever... asking about it only once... and receiving a curt reply... that I had no business asking...!  And to do what I was told...

Of course... to Xenia... venturing out into the freezing cold... was no discomfort... in the least... because her body... was always bundled up... into her rich... expensive sable fur coat... with a roomy hood... and her feet encased in matching fur-lined boots... keeping the whole of her body... nice and toasty warm...

And Papa... and both Prima and Remo... likewise... also had nice... woolen winter overcoats to wear... keeping them nice and toasty warm...

So that it was only I... the insignificant... odd... barely noticed one... in the family... who... shivering with icy cold... in her threadbare... too short... ugly green... scratchy overcoat... an enforced hand-me-down... from Prima... was carelessly left... unconcerned... whether my skinny... constantly growing body... was adequately warmed... by an appropriate winter overcoat... or not...!

Chapter 2

Skating On Thin Ice... In More Ways Than One... In The Dauntingly Overwhelming... Awesome... “City Of The Skyscrapers...”!

One morning... about a week... after our arrival... at the hotel... I awoke to discover... to my delight... that the sun was actually visible... in the sky...! 

And although it shimmered mildly... in a sort of grayish haze... after days and days of nothing... but a dark... gloomy... overcast firmament... necessitating even keeping the lights on... indoors... during the daylight hours... my spirits lifted... at the unusual sight... of the pinkish globe... shining down... lighting up spire after spire of concrete... glass and steel... of the majestic skyscrapers... all around me... 

And awed and overwhelmed... at the sight... I decided... on impulse... that it was the perfect time... for me to go out exploring... the great city... on my own...

I was venturing forth... with a light heart... and a light step... particularly because Papa... had just hinted... that morning... over breakfast... in a cafeteria... that he might soon allow me... to wear my hair... like on that magical day... in Hollywood... my loathed pigtails... hopefully a thing of the past... for good...!

And as I walked... with the clinking of coins... in my pocket... which was some of Prima's pocket money... which she was glad to share with me... I got a nostalgic flash... of seeing myself... aboard the "Klipfontein"... way up high... where its funnel was... and making sure... that I was all alone... unbraiding my hair... and letting it gloriously loose... so that the sea breezes... could play with my golden tresses... enjoying a rare moment... of utter happiness...

Then... to my great delight... I discovered... whilst exploring the area... around my hotel... which I saw was situated... on the south west corner of Broadway and 67th Street... that... within twenty minutes walk from it... was the famous Rockefeller Center... with its ice skating rink...! 

And one of my favorite pastimes... became sitting at a window table... at the restaurant there... with... for only twenty cents... a steaming... refillable hot pot of tea... or for only a quarter... a big mug of hot cocoa... in front of me... which the friendly waitress... smiling warmly at me... always topped... with extra whipped cream... just like my friend Bill had... on the Super Chief train...!

And happy... and content... sitting in the warm atmosphere... I would watch... with utter fascination... how the skaters... glided by gracefully... on their ice skates... even couples dancing together... in perfect harmony... around and around... the vast ice skating rink... to the lilting melodies... of beautiful Viennese waltzes... played over the loudspeakers...

Watching them making it look so easy... I took heart... and decided... on impulse... a few days later... to try skating... on the ice myself...  And without even a single twinge of premonition... that I was about to make the biggest ass of myself... blithely rented a pair of skates... for only fifty cents... put them on... laced them up... and boldly stepped out onto the ice...

But as soon as I nonchalantly skated out... onto the middle of the hard... slippery surface... I was blissfully unaware... of my total inexperience... on an ice rink...

Expecting to gracefully glide around and around... with the greatest of ease... like everybody else... I naturally assumed... that all those ballet... and folk dancing lessons... I had taken... back in Japan... would serve me in good stead...

But my never-ending legs... suddenly gave way... and I went sprawling... pigtails flying... my gangly... awkward... five foot eight body... spread-eagled across the ice... sailing w-a-y over to the other side...!

And I was suddenly reminded... in a flash... how Papa had s-a-i-I-e-d across the highly polished Ballroom floor... on board ship... seated in the one chair... that had not been bolted down... during that one and only... raging storm... at sea... 

But the worst of it was... that... try as I might... to get back up on my feet again... my skates could find no firm hold... on the slippery ice... and I kept on falling... and it wasn't long... before I was drawing a very amused crowd... around me... 

Never had I been so embarrassed... in my life before... as... after numerous attempts... of first this person... then that person... to help me... it finally took four sturdily built men - incidentally above whom I towered - to hoist me back... onto to my feet again...! 

And firmly holding on... to various parts... of my long body between them... steering me very carefully... and cautiously... they finally managed to deposit me... blushing... and feeling most foolish... indeed... onto the solid wooden safety... of the platform... at the side of the ice skating rink... 

I had never been so mortified... in all my life... making an utter spectacle of myself... and in front of all those people - at least a hundred of them... consisting... not only of men and women... but of children... as well... 

How utterly stupid I had been.... to cockily assume... that all I needed to do... was simply put on a pair of ice skates... and just g-l-i-d-e out onto the ice... like a ballerina... happily joining everybody else...!

As I stood there... on solid ground... with my knees trembling... having hastily removed... the offending ice skates... I was suddenly reminded... of the last time... I had been so mortified... when I shamefully embarrassed myself... so utterly... 

Chapter 3

A Hugely Mortifying... Shameful Episode... Back At The ISY...!

When I was almost eight years old... soon after I returned to school... from the short Spring break... spent with Papa... and his new wife... Xenia... in their new house... in Nara... for the first time... I was playing a game of tag... during a school recess... one day... at the ISY (International School of Yokohama)  in Japan...

I had found such a good place... of clever concealment... that I had gone undetected... through three consecutive sessions...! 

And during the last one... I suddenly had an overwhelming urge... to relieve myself... and not wanting to emerge... which would give away... my wonderful hiding place... I decided to just squat down... and pee right there... in the very dark corner... of the little used... extra storage room... on the school grounds... thinking to myself that... because it was an unusually hot summer's day... the telltale signs of my urine... would quickly dry up...! 

And just as I finished... noticing... with a twinge of alarm... that I had created... quite an enormous puddle... on the cement floor... the afternoon school bell rang... summoning students... back to their classrooms... 

And I remember... how I most certainly did not look forward to the first lesson... which was of loathed algebra/geometry... which odious class... I knew... was to be conducted... that afternoon... by my dear Papa Bear... Englishman Anglican Minister... Reverend Percival Pott... the principal of the school... for the first time... since elderly Miss MacLean... our usual Canadian math teacher... had just retired... 

And I hoped fervently... that his teaching... of the hated subjects... would make a tolerable difference... to my eternal ordeal... of trying to make sense... out of triangles... oblongs... and such like forms...

Heeding the call to class... I silently hoped... that the incriminating puddle... I had left behind... would dry up quickly... leaving no trace... so that my shameful act... would never be found out... 

Jauntily emerging... from my excellent hiding place... I joined the throng... of my fellow classmates... chatting away nonchalantly to them... 

And as we walked together... towards the long... L-shaped school building... heading for our respective classrooms... upstairs... all of a sudden... I heard someone behind me... shout out in a loud... piercing voice... in a foreign accent...: 

"Look at the behind of Grazi Long Legs... my God... she has made peepee in her pants...!"

At hearing the accusing words... uttered in such a tone of disgust... I almost died of shock... and it was as if my suddenly pounding heartbeat... had come to a crashing halt...!

And turning beet red... I looked down behind me... wondering how on earth Elisa... my arch enemy... who had smashed my Shirley Temple doll... and who was now calling herself Constanza... because of her new Spanish boyfriend... had found out... at the same time... desperately trying to keep an innocent look... on my already redly suffused... give-away face... 

And saw... to my horror... that there was a great big... dark... wet... perfectly round circle... in the middle... of my behind...!

"What an idiotic fool you were..."... I thought... admonishing myself fiercely... in the split second... before all the hooting... jeering... and pointing began...  "Why on earth didn't you pull your dress up first...?" 

And I remembered a fleeting moment... as I copiously relieved myself... in a seemingly never-ending stream... wondering whether peeing through my dress... would show... and soothingly reassuring myself... that it could not possibly... because the dress I was wearing... was made of a very pale... pastel green light cotton...!

(In my own crazy... logical way.. I had stupidly hoped/assumed... that... because water was colorless... and the color of my dress... was also almost as colorless... that a water/pee stain... would never be visible... never leave a trace...!) 

And all the way... across the huge school grounds... and up the never ending staircase... to the classroom... mostly the girls... kept up their scornful shouting of...: 

"Shame on you...!"

With their taunting... they derisively ran two of their right hand fingers... across their left hand fingers...

And my beet red ears were ringing... with the sound of their sing-songing... jeering chanting of...: 

"Grazi Long legs peed in her pa-ants...!"

They kept up their cruel litany... over and over... relentlessly... their vicious taunting... and finger gestures... only abruptly stopping... when tall... handsome Reverend Pott... suddenly entered the classroom...

And all I could do... was sit... most uncomfortably... on my wet... damp patch... not daring to squirm... in my seat... staring down at the desk... in front of me... unable to look up... 

And even though... I could not raise my head... I tried my best... to conjure up some feeling of dignity... inside myself... although most of what I miserably felt... was overwhelming shame...

And I found myself desperately praying... for the ground to swallow me up... because now even my darling Guido... whom I had only just recently... declared my undying love to... on a club dare... would know all about the disgusting thing... I had done...  And I dared not look around at him... sitting right behind me... for fear of seeing the look of utter disgusted contempt... on his face... 

And then... as rotten bad luck would have it... as I sat there... wanting the whole dreadful hour... to be over and done with... as quickly as possible... so that I could enjoy my favorite French class... which was next... I suddenly heard my name called out...! 

And looking up... startled out of my wits... saw... to my utter dismay... that Papa Bear... with a huge... friendly smile... on his face... was beckoning his darling Goldilocks... to come up to the head of the classroom... to draw a simple triangle... on the blackboard... for him...!

I wanted to die... right then and there... simply vanish off the face of the earth... into thin air... loath to have my dearest Papa Bear... see my great shame... 

But I knew... with a sense of enormous doom... that there would be no escape for me - I could hardly be expected to be excused... right at the beginning of class...

So... quaking in my white summer canvas shoes... and socks... my heart pounding fearfully... feeling dreadfully self-conscious... I got up slowly... and shakily... to my feet... 

And as I sidled up the excruciatingly long... long mile... up to the blackboard... sideways... utterly mortified... to have Papa Bear... see my tell-tale backside... I could hear the snickers... and half-suppressed giggles... of my classmates... behind me... and they sounded like thunder... to my reddened with shame ears...

Thinking my behavior very odd... to say the least... the good handsome Reverend... dressed in his customary... long black cassock... mistakenly thought... that I was hiding something incriminating... behind my back... 

And becoming increasingly annoyed... because the class was by now... openly laughing... he demanded... that I show him my hands... And when he saw that they were empty... and the class still kept on guffawing loudly... he commanded me... abruptly... to turn around... 

I pleaded... and begged him... with my eyes... to please not make me turn around... but now with his hands... on his hips... he started tapping his foot... becoming increasingly impatient with me...

So I very slowly... inched my body around half way... and stopped... for the life of me... simply unable to go on...  Whereupon... he reached out... grabbed me by my arm... and swung me around... the rest of the way... 

And when he saw the big... dark... wet... tell-tale circle... on my backside... he gasped out in shock... his mouth dropping open... thoroughly aghast...

Then... as I stood before him... trembling with quite the deepest shame... I had ever felt in my life... even much worse than the first time... when I had lied... to my adored Mummie... when I was about four... I saw heart-stopping disappointment... in his beautiful grey eyes... that his darling Goldilocks... such a pure little lady... so graceful... and so chaste... in his eyes... could have soiled herself... so disgustingly...

His face becoming red... as it suffused with anger... he pointed to the door... and almost sputtering... shouted out...:

"You filthy... dirty girl... g-go to your room... and change your d-d-dress... at once...!"

And unable to meet his disapproving glare... the tears of utter mortification... stinging my eyes... I hastily left the classroom... almost running... 

And the last thing I heard... was my adored Papa Bear... thundering at the by now roaring with laughter class...: 

"Be silent this instant...!"

...whacking his cane on the desk... for emphasis... but unaccustomedly so hard... that it broke... snapping in two...!

And by the time... I reached the door... of the dormitory... racing down the stairs... as if the very devil... were chasing after me... I was determined... never ever... to set foot in that classroom... ever again... wanting to find some dark hole... in a corner... and disappear down it... forever and ever...!

"Maybe I can disappear down a hole... just like Alice in Wonderland..." ... I heavily sighed glumly... to myself... on the brink of feeling... quite the greatest despair... of my life... 

And when I reluctantly told Mrs. Mendoza... our Portuguese/Hawaiian dormitory housemother... for the past two years... about the disgusting thing... I had done... all I could do... was nervously hiccup out... my tale of woe... to her... in fits and starts...

And instead of scolding me also... as I expected... she surprised me... by exhibiting such a warm heart... so full of loving understanding... and compassion... that her warm sympathy... made the tears... that I had been bravely trying to suppress... burst forth... and with the sobs... tearing out of my throat... I flung myself into her arms...

But she held me away from her... and quickly whisked off my offending dress... deftly rolling it up... and tossing it into the laundry basket... in the adjacent bathroom... making the glaring evidence... of my shameful crime vanish... in a flash... as if it had never happened...! 

Then... gently sitting me down... on my bed... she sat down... next to me... and enveloping me... in her arms... she cradled me... close to her breast... murmuring reassurances... rocking me back and forth... letting me cry myself out... in her arms... my vest and panties... getting even more drenched...

Then... when I had no more tears left... to shed... she quickly whisked off my sopping wet underwear... as well...

Then leading me to the bathroom... she tenderly gave me a wipe down... with a nice warm cloth... soaked in soapy water... as I... now almost as tall as her... stood naked... at the basin... feeling numb all over...

Then after she dried me off... leading me back to the bedroom... she produced a clean set of vest and panties... from the chest of drawers... and handing them to me to put on... she went to the wardrobe... of the room... which I no longer shared with her daughter... Elena/Constanza... who was a few years older than me...

We had become separated... when she... consumed with jealousy... and fiercely hating... and despising me... because of the very special... close loving bond... her mother and I... shared together... the two of us... having instantly connected... as soon as we met... when I was only six years old... had smashed my Shirley Temple doll... a precious present from Papa... from New York... when I contracted chicken pox...!

Coming back with a clean... crisp... fresh-smelling... pastel blue dress - one of the other colors... that were part of our summer day wear of pastel pink... blue... yellow and green dresses... simple outfits... that were beltless... with white Peter Pan collars... and white... short sleeve cuffs... made of lightweight... non-restricting cotton...

Mrs. Mendoza tenderly slipped it on... over my head... all the while... clucking away at me... affectionately... her warm brown eyes... and her light olive-skinned face... just like my mother’s... full of love... and understanding... as if I were her very own child... for she had indeed... become like a mother to me... ever since we came into each other’s lives... when I was six... as a permanent boarder... at the ISY...

Then... taking me firmly... by my shoulders... looking me straight in the eye... she told me... her charming Latin accented voice for once... unaccustomedly earnest... and grave... that I would have to face my classmates... and the sooner the better... Otherwise... for the rest of my life... I would know myself... to be nothing more... than a coward... 

And making the sign of the cross... she told me that she would pray... for all the sweet Angels of Heaven... to Surround me... to Protect me... and Give me Courage... as I returned to my classroom... 

And giving me a pat on my back... she gently... but firmly... propelled me out... into the long... long... dark hallway... along which... all alone... and freshly clean... and dressed... I desultorily made my most reluctant way... towards the looming... forbidding stairway... way at the other end...

There were twenty wide steps... leading straight up to the first landing... and bearing abruptly... to the right... fifteen more wide steps... straight up the second flight... 

I know this... for a searing fact... because... for almost an hour... I trudged all the way up... and then down... the bending staircase... of thirty-five steps...!

And each time I reached the top... my heart would be beating so wildly... that I found myself... unable to push back the sliding door... of my classroom... which was the very first door on the right... facing the school grounds... adjacent to the stairway... 

Feeling utterly dismal... and extremely annoyed with myself... at my obvious lack of courage... and with the heaviest heart... I had ever known... I would trudge all the way back down the thirty-five steps again... hoping... with all my heart... that the next time I reached the top... I would be brave enough... to enter my classroom...

I do not recall... how many times... I failed the ritual of... first climbing up the long flight of stairs... to the top... my heart pounding... with trepidation... praying all the way... to my Heavenly Father... to Please Help me...

Then... as I stood at the classroom door... nauseous... with my legs trembling... so badly... that I had to brace myself... against the school hallway... realizing... sickeningly... that I definitely had a very pronounced yellow streak... and had no courage... to proceed further... then going back all the way downstairs... again... to repeat the whole process... over and over... for what must have been almost an hour...! 

At one point... I suddenly came face to face... around the bend of the stairway... with one of the older male students... who smiled warmly at me... and was about to say something pleasant... but upon seeing the grim look... on my face... held his tongue... and hastily passed by me... without a word... with a puzzled look... in his eyes... 

And unbeknownst to me... our Australian athletic coach... Mr. Turtle... who had stopped in at his study... to fetch his tennis racquet... got stopped dead... in his tracks... becoming totally mesmerized... as he watched the whole fascinating scene... from his doorway... of one of his favorite little students... exceptionally tall... for her age... and who ran like the wind... seriously determined... trudging up... and down the staircase... over... and over again...!

But then... it so happened that... just as I reached the top... after the umpteenth time... of trudging all the way up... then all the way down again... all the while fiercely admonishing myself... for my disgusting yellow streak... the school bell... suddenly rang out... loudly... startling me...! 

And somehow... the surprise of it... and the deafening... shrill sound it made... gave me the huge momentum... that I needed... to overcome my shameful cowardice... 

And gripping hold... of the door handle... with both hands... I defiantly flung back... the sliding door... with a loud bang... and with such force... that it almost got thrown off its hinges... and hurled myself... into the classroom...! 

Upon my sudden... unexpected appearance... the whole classroom... fell dead silent...  And there was a strange kind of eerie hush... in the atmosphere... as I... with my head held high... looking neither to my left... nor to my right... but only straight ahead... my whole defiant demeanor... daring anyone to laugh... or sneer at me... boldly strode towards my desk... situated half way down the middle aisle... of five rows of desks...

And not a single sound... could be heard... throughout the whole classroom...!

And even Reverend Pott stood... mesmerized... as if turned to stone... a piece of chalk... held midair... in his hand... a look of utter amazement... on his face... as he silently watched my determined progress... towards my desk... where I sat down... my back ramrod straight... still staring straight ahead... with my head held high... 

And as I sat down... all of a sudden - Oh Joy - I felt ten feet tall... and a surge of pride in myself... tingled throughout... my whole body...!

And as my classmates... filed past me... and out of the classroom... strangely silent... for a change... I continued to sit at my desk... looking straight ahead... my back still ramrod straight... 

Then suddenly... I felt my shoulder being squeezed... and looking up... saw my beloved Guido... smiling down at me...  And as his warm brown eyes met mine... full of love... and respect... he nodded his head... in approval... making my heart leap... with even more intense Joy... 

And then I saw Reverend Pott... smiling down at me also... nodding his head... and I could see... by the expression... in his soft... dreamy grey eyes... that he too... was very proud of me... 

Once again... I had become his precious Goldilocks... and he my dear... dear Papa Bear... and all was right with my world... once more...

Especially when he beckoned to me... to rise from my seat... and come towards him...  Whereupon... smiling fondly down at me... from his great height... tucking my arm... firmly under his... he personally escorted me... out of the classroom...! 

And as we walked down the forever after to me... “staircase of torture...”... together... in perfect unison... our hearts full of love... for each other... it was as if his long... black... flowing cassock robe... was more majestic... and the silver cross... that he always wore... hanging around his neck... shinier... than ever before... swinging grandly... against his chest... which was puffed up... with satisfied pride... and admiration...! 

As a reward... for my outstanding courage... Papa Bear took me to his office... and gave me a coveted sweet... which we were only allowed to have three pieces of... on Saturday afternoons...

And then he personally escorted me back upstairs... to my French class... depositing me... most gallantly... back into my seat... where... just recently... I had sat... miserable... to the very depths... of my soul... making the whole class gape... in awe... at Reverend Pott’s singular attention... to the pupil he had just recently called... with utter disgust in his voice... a “filthy... dirty girl...”! 

Magically... in the days following... not a single solitary soul... at the school... snickered... or teased... or looked at me sideways... or whispered behind my back... nor even referred... to the ugly incident... of that ghastly... shameful afternoon... not even slightly... ever again...! 

And I concluded that... either I had fully earned everyone’s undying respect... aided and abetted greatly... by Reverend Pott’s personal approval...

Or the Angels... of our Heavenly Father... whom Papa Bear... worshipped and adored... with all his heart and soul... just like his darling Goldilocks did... Had Miraculously Wiped out... all memory... of that shameful incident... from everybody’s minds... for good...! 

Which latter reasoning... I much preferred... to believe... Is What Happened... for I was forever a soul... who always believed... in Divine Miracles... more than anything else...!

But then... it was quite possible... that Papa Bear... during my absence... had forbidden the entire class... to ever again make any comments... or reference... to Graziella's unfortunate "accident"... ever again...!

And as I walked back... to the Swiss Dauphin Hotel... that day... after my most awkwardly embarrassing adventure... on the ice rink... I chuckled to myself... marvelling at how it seemed... that... giving in gloriously... to my careless... willful... impulsive streak... managed... somehow... to always get me... into hot water... rueful entanglements... and embarrassing... painful trouble...!

Chapter 4

The Five Musketeers...!

Soon after... now fully recovered... from the idiotic foolishness of my rash act... on the ice rink... at Rockefeller Center... which I kept all to myself... far too ashamed... to confess my stupidity... to anyone... not even to my adored sister Prima... I awoke one morning... to another lovely... sunny... and mildly warm day... and not daring to venture too far afield... on foot... from the safety... of the hotel... I went to Central Park... which was close by... and was introduced... for the very first time in my life... to the brashness... of the American male teenager...!

And as I walked past these three boys... I became extremely annoyed... by their insolence... as they whistled their admiration... in unison...!

I tried to ignore them... keeping my head held high... but they insisted... on audaciously... following at a short distance... behind me... one of them calling out...: 

"Hey... cutie pie... how's about a date...?"

 

... And then another one of them ... in a deeper... huskier voice... saying... cajolingly...:

“Hey gorgeous... hows about steppin’ out with me tonight...?”

The boys I had known... at the ISY... from all over the world... except for "dirty nasty Walter”... - who had been an American... come to think of it - had always either ignored girls... altogether... but not particularly rudely... or... if they happened to notice them... usually treating them... by and large... as equals... displaying some form of respect... and even chivalry... at times... which would always make the girls feel good about themselves... and especially more feminine... 

But the intrusive way... in which these strange boys... were boldly accosting me... a girl walking all alone... through the park... in broad daylight... gave me an unpleasant... shivery feeling... of being undressed... and exposed... vulnerable to their combined... overpowering male force...! 

At the same time... their suggestive remarks... and a kind of derisive look of lust... in their eyes... as they stared hungrily at me... made me feel very much inferior to them... as if I were nothing more than a body... at their disposal...! 

And becoming very aware... of all their unpleasant... intrusive behavior... towards me... as they fluctuated... between walking behind me... and skipping backwards... right in front of me... with huge grins on their faces... gave me an instant... innate understanding... that they were all obsessed with "sex..."... which puzzling... other meaning of the word... Prima had so wonderfully explained to me... after that frightening run-in... with the ship’s handsome French Radio Operator...

And I realized... that these three boys... absolutely refused to look upon their female counterparts... as intelligent human beings... preferring to regard them... as nothing more than mere pieces of meat... to be conquered into physical submission... and then used... for their own selfish... sexual gratification...!

I did not appreciate... one little bit... the way the boys' impudent... unwelcome attentions... made me feel... but at the same time... all five foot eight of me... was determined... not to allow their insolent pestering... to intimidate me... into keeping a wide berth from them...  Why... I had just as much right to be there... strolling through the park... as they did...

Full of purpose... to earn their respect... and make them see me in a different light... the very next day... as I determinedly ventured... into Central Park again... this time hoping to encounter... the very same boys... for a show down... I was relieved to see them... as spotting me... they immediately went through their usual routine of sexually taunting me...

But then... I took the wind... out of their sails... by making it a point to stop walking... and turning to them... gave them all a big friendly smile...!

This unexpected behavior... on my part... completely bowled them over... because they were used to a girl walking away from them... as fast as possible... hugely enjoying their victim's fearful discomfort... as they chased after her... through the park... unnerving her... with their wolf whistles... and their shouting of insulting... sexual innuendos... after her fleeing body...!  

Ignoring their startled looks... which quickly turned sheepish... I very naturally... and politely... introduced myself to them... then openly engaged them in normal... intelligent conversation... quite well aware... that my distinct accent... was most probably... foreign to their ears...

And I was soon letting them know... for instance... how many languages I spoke... Japanese... English and French... and a residual smattering of Italian... from babyhood... when Mummie had talked to me in her mother tongue...

Describing to them... also... something of the unusual life... I had led... growing up in Japan... wisely refraining... from telling them about the exciting... dangerous voyage... across the Pacific... deciding to leave that topic... for another day...

All the while I conversed with them... I remembered well... the lesson I had been taught... by my Heavenly Father... after the frightening episode... on board ship... with the French Radio Operator... i.e. never to flaunt my female sexuality... in front of men... in general...  So that... whenever I was in their company... I acted more... like I was one of them... just one of their "tomodachi" pals...! 

And at the same time... without blatantly appearing to... I was coaching them... in how to behave themselves... with females... in general... 

Until... after a few of such encounters... in the park... they began to see me... in a totally different light...  And I saw how the derisive... lustful expressions... in their eyes... gradually changed... from barely veiled contempt... seeing me as nothing more... than a delectable... brainless sex object... to respect... realizing that I was actually... not only a pretty girl... but intelligent... and even interesting to talk to... as well...!

Thereafter... all five of us - Tony... Rudy... Bernie and Solly... as they were called - Tony and Rudy... very handsome... with curly black hair... being of Italian... and Sicilian descent... and Bernie and Solly's Jewish families... having come from Russia and Poland... respectively... became great friends...!

And we called ourselves... “The Five Musketeers...”... with them fondly giving me my easily pronounced... new name of “Gracie...”... although I never told them my real age... letting them happily believe... that I was also sixteen... like they were...!

And when I let them know... how much I had always despised nicknames... preferring to respectfully call people... by their given... or Christened names... they were delighted...

So that Tony became Antonio... Rudy... Rodolfo... and Bernie... Bernard... and Solly... Solomon...

I was all for drawing blood... from pricks of our fingers... and joining them to each others’ ... to mingle our blood... thereby sealing our eternal... solemn pact of friendship... and everybody agreed... except for squeamish... non-descript... roly-poly Solomon...

He was a recent refugee... whose young psyche... had been already... greatly damaged... by his family being forced to live... in the ghetto of Warsaw... where he had seen a great deal of bloodshed... in the slain bodies... of his people... through their senseless persecution... by first the Christian... Jew hating Poles... then by the occupying forces... of the Jew despising Nazis...

And since he and Bernard... who was made of much sterner stuff... went to the same Jewish synagogue... together... Bernard had taken it upon himself... to befriend poor fractured Solomon... becoming like an older... protective brother towards him... for which one could see... Solomon was eternally grateful... looking up to slightly older Bernard... with hero worship... 

And all four of the male Musketeers... of one accord... in tacit agreement... even went so far... as to set themselves up... to be my protector... thereafter defending me... against other groups of insolent boys... whenever I walked through Central Park... on subsequent... warm... mildly sunny days... 

I dearly wanted to ask... my new-found tomodachis... who all loved the Japanese epithet... to teach me how to ice skate... but every time I thought about it... the picture of me... embarrassingly sprawled on the ice... would flash through my mind...

And I would hold my tongue... greatly reluctant for them to see me... in that most unflattering... awkward state... which... I had absolutely no doubt... they would most probably see me in... quite a few more times... before I would finally be able to master the art... of skating across the ice... fluidly... and with grace... 

I had painstakingly come much too far... in earning their collective respect... for it all to come tumbling down... by their seeing the hilarious spectacle... of five foot eight me... awkwardly spread-eagled... on the ice rink...

But as the balmy days went by... we Five Musketeers... became the rescuing heroes... of Central Park... for instance... preventing babies... from being snatched out of their prams...!

While their mothers... or nannies... totally unaware... of the danger... being engrossed in conversation... with each other... were not properly looking after... their charges...! 

Then there were the countless times... when we stopped the roaming pickpockets... smack dab in the middle of their hands.... reaching into pockets... of unsuspecting pedestrians... who were happily enjoying the rare winter sunshine... strolling through the Park... many of them... so grateful to us... that they wanted to reward us... with money... which we would gravely accept... and divide up between us... 

Or we would reward ourselves... by spending the money... at a matinee movie theater... which were so prevalent... in Manhattan... practically on every street corner...! Or we would go to an Automat... and gorge ourselves... on the delectable... “Apple Pie A La Mode...” 

We Five Musketeers... became so well-known... in Central Park... that even the cops... patted us on our backs... telling us that... in catching so many criminals... in their dastardly acts... we were making their jobs... of patrolling the park grounds... much easier... for them...! 

But then... alas... the day finally came... when the Five Musketeers... had to break up... because the winter school holidays... were over... and the boys had to go back to their respective schools... which were all different... and in different parts... of the huge city of New York... 

And although we managed to meet each other... a few times... after school... when it was already becoming dusk... and our time together... was too short... it was never quite the same... as spending all day together... happy and carefree... in sunny Central Park...

Chapter 5

The Most Wonderful... New Discovery Of All... The New York Public Library... At The Beaux Arts Building...!

Feeling downcast and sad... and lonely... after the breakup of the Five Musketeers... wanting to console myself... I wondered what to do next... with myself...  And suddenly remembering the magical "Public Library"... that my sweet little old lady friend... May... had told me about... my heart feeling lighter... I had hurriedly gone in search of it... locating it easily... about five blocks from the hotel... on the corner of famous Fifth Avenue and 42nd Street...

    And as I walked through the huge portals... of the Beaux Arts Building... the entranceway... flanked by enormous... regal looking lions... as guardians... sculpted of pink Tennessee marble... my senses were immediately overwhelmed... by the grandeur... of the enormous establishment... 

And desperately wanting to appear more grown-up... I immediately went into the elegant... Ladies Powder Room... and looking into the huge mirror... which reflected the whole room... in a soft... pinkish glow... refashioned my girlish looking pigtails... into a becoming crown... around my head... exactly as on that magical day in Hollywood...!

And when I reemerged... feeling as if I had hatched out of a silken cocoon... into a beautiful butterfly... I felt absolutely wonderful...

And feeling full of confidence... I walked towards a counter that advertised... "Information Booth"... and politely enquired of the gentleman... sitting there... as to where I could please find the books... written by the great Western writer... Zane Grey...

Whereupon he had smiled... and courteously directed me upstairs... to what I believe... was the third floor...

And when I stepped across the threshold... into a huge room... the unexpected sight of rows and rows of shelves... all neatly displayed... at the front of which were alphabetic signs... with thousands upon thousands of... some short... some tall... lean... fat... and inbetween sized books... their spines of all different shades... was staggering to me...! 

And all I could do was just stand there... gaping foolishly... dumbfounded... taking in the "Silence" signs... placed all about... and the rows of long tables... around the vast area... at which a number of people were sitting... their heads bent... deeply engrossed... in their books... surrounded by stacks of more books... laying flat... or opened... on the tables in front of them...! 

In all my born days... I had never imagined such a treasure... such a feast of reading matter... in one room... and all mine to touch... and leaf through... and absorb my senses in... if I wished to... and costing me not one single red cent...!  Absolutely mind-boggling...!

I finally pulled myself together... and went in search of Zane Grey's "Riders of the Purple Sage"... May’s favorite... and to my delight... not only found it... but a number of other books... written by him... as well... propped up beside the one I wanted to read first... which I eagerly devoured... at one sitting... enjoying it immensely... 

That was the beginning... of a whole new wonderful life for me...  And thereafter... I spent many a happy hour... at the New York Public Library... reading book after book... of Zane Grey's Wild West sagas... 

And then... by chance... discovering a new author... Max Brand... who also wrote tales of the Old West... but there was too much shooting... and killing... in his books... to my liking... and not enough romance... 

I much preferred... the exciting frontier stories of Zane Grey... full of adventure... and always interwoven... with titillating romance... the heroine always depicted... as beautiful... head-strong... and tempestuous... and the hero... a ruggedly handsome... obstinate... honorable... strong and silent type... with enormous courage...

And where... in the end... after numerous battles of wills... when the heroine throws perfume bottles... vases... and anything else she can lay her hands on... at the man who... to her great annoyance... has dared to steal her fiercely independent heart... the hurled with fury... crashing items... always luckily barely missing his head... he finally manages to tame his sweetheart's wild spirit... and she ultimately succumbs... to his overpowering male virility... swooning breathlessly in his embrace... with a long... contented sigh of surrender...

I also got to read... more of Mark Twain's books... blissfully being transported... by his witty words... to the lazy South... as in "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer"... and "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn"... along the Mississippi River... 

And... by intriguing contrast... wafted off to the tropical islands of Robert Louis Stevenson's exciting "Treasure Island"... (#1185 of the Little Cilandak Video Library)... all about Long John Silver... and his perilous adventures... 

And then there was Rudyard Kipling's mysterious... exotic tale of India... "The Jungle Book"... telling of the adventures of Kim... the jungle boy... and his animal friends... the mongoose... Rikki-Tikki... and Babar... the elephant...  (#1592 of the LCVL)

And by total contrast... I was transported... to the Arctic North... in Jack London’s fascinating classics of adventure... “Call of the Wild”... made into a movie... starring the ultra handsome King Clark Gable... and the charming Loretta Young (#1691) ... and “White Fang”... and also the dark... cruel tale of “Sea Wolf”... 

And I wept copious tears... while relishing Harriet Beecher Stowe's heart-wrenching classic... "Uncle Tom's Cabin"... weeping over Little Eva's death...

And sighed deeply... over another classic... Anna Sewell's "Black Beauty"... parts of which made me cry with sympathy...

(Incidentally... this innocent book... is banned in South Africa... merely because of its title... the ignorant Nationalist government... morally outraged... at the author's audacity... of calling a Black person... beautiful... with no inkling... that Black Beauty... is the name of the horse...!!!)

And... of course... I simply had to read James Barrie's classic... "Peter Pan"... all the more enjoyable... because I got to read more... about the Indian Princess... Tiger Lily... whom I had played... in our school production... of the play... 

And then there was Louisa May Alcott's enchanting... heart-warming story... "Little Women"... (#1610)... all about the March sisters... Jo... Meg... Beth and Amy... who were fatherless... and poor... struggling with life... in the nineteenth century... with headstrong Jo... being the eldest... the writer... reminding me very much... of myself...!  

And  Edna Ferber's ultra-romantic "Showboat"... telling the poignant love story... of Magnolia and Gayelord... and the ill-fated Creole girl... Julie... over which exciting tale... I swooned deliriously... (#87 of the LCVL... starring cute Kathryn Grayson... as Magnolia... and handsome Howard Keel... as Gayelord... and hauntingly beautiful Ava Garner... as tragic Julie)

Then there was the strangely hypnotic tale of unrequited love... set in the English moors... all about the ill-fated... brooding... wild gypsy boy... Heathcliff... and his childhood sweetheart... high-spirited... but frail... lovely Kathy... who betrayed their love... in Emily Bronte's classical novel... "Wuthering Heights"... (#578 of the LCVL... starring ultra handsome... Laurence Olivier... and exotically beautiful... Merle Oberon...) 

Sitting for days on end... at the magical Public Library... I avidly devoured books... that opened up whole new horizons for me... strange... eerie tales... like Robert Louis Stevenson's "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde"... (#1017... starring Spencer Tracy and Ingrid Bergman) ... and Oscar Wilde's fascinating... story of morality... "The Picture of Dorian Gray"... (#229) ...

And Edgar Allan Poe's dark... eerie tragedies... like "The Fall of the House of Usher"... (#980) ... and "The Pit and the Pendulum"... his tales of gloom and doom... making me wonder... whether his own life... had been engulfed in unhappiness... and tragedy... (I had no knowledge then... that his young bride... had been buried alive... mistakenly thought to be dead..!) ... Or else... he was gifted... with an incredible imagination... for the awesomely macabre... 

There was also Daphne Du Maurier’s beautifully written... haunting tale of “Rebecca”... which was also made into a movie... again starring ultra handsome Laurence Olivier... and beautiful Joan Fontaine... Prima and Remo’s childhood friend... from the Canadian Academy... of which I have two copies (#94 & #1086)...     

I could go on and on... listing the names of book after book I feasted my senses on... spending countless... fascinating hours... sitting huddled over my treasured pile of books... in the cozy warm atmosphere... of this storehouse of precious gems... while it blew and gusted outside... under grey... leaden... overcast skies...  This magical place of splendor... that could instantly transport me... to any part of the world... I wished to go to... simply by the process... of opening a book... and turning its page...: 

Such as to China... in Pearl Buck's deeply engrossing... "The Good Earth"...  (#1363... starring the most versatile actor... Paul Muni... and lovely Austrian born actress... Luise Rainer... who won an Oscar... for her most moving portrayal... of the meekly humble wife... Olan...) 

Or to the faraway Himalayas... in James Hilton's heart-rending... mystical story... of Utopian Shangri-La... in "Lost Horizon" (#62) ... and his beautifully written... poignant love story... “Random Harvest” (#167)... starring handsome Ronald Colman... and exquisitely beautiful... and ultra charming... Greer Garson...) 

Or to Victorian England... in Jane Austen's witty tale of proud lords and ladies... in "Pride and Prejudice" (#891)... again starring Laurence Olivier... and Greer Garson...) 

Or...  by utter contrast... to the balmy tropics... where the trade winds blow... as in James Michener's fascinating... "Tales of the South Pacific"...  from which... in later years... the wonderful musical “South Pacific”... was made... (#697)

Or yet again to sunny Spain... in Pulitzer and Nobel Prize-winning author... Ernest Hemingway's controversial novel... "For Whom the Bell Tolls" ... (#11)... which tells the exciting story... of the bloody Spanish Civil War... and the poignant love story... of Robert Jordan... an American demolitions expert... and an innocent Spanish girl... named Maria... with tall... lanky... handsome... Gary Cooper...and beautiful Ingrid Bergman... with her quaint... adaptable foreign accent... being teamed together... once again...! And whom fate had decreed... that I meet... in person... on that memorable day... in Hollywood...

These are just a few of the titles... from the books that blissfully transported me to fantasy land... whilst sitting in the Public Library of New York... during our month's stay there...  There are countless other exciting stories... and strange tales... that I eagerly devoured... with my eyes... and keyed-up senses... far too numerous to mention...

But there was one very disappointing episode... when... upon reaching the middle of the book... of the tragic tale of love... between an American soldier... and an English nurse... during World War I... in Ernest Hemingway’s most moving classic... titled “A Farewell To Arms...”... reading on... fully absorbed... in their heartrending love story... with the tears of sympathy... streaming down my face... I realized... as I turned a page... that the flowing continuity... of the great author's writing... had suddenly disappeared...!

And very puzzled... upon closely examining the next page... I saw... to my horror... that the very intimate... continuation... of an explicitly descriptive love scene... had been torn out...! 

Appalled to the very depths of my soul... I picked up the damaged treasure... and took it to the Librarian... on the floor... showing her... with a look of anguish... on my face... the tears still streaking my cheeks... how greatly I had been robbed...  And begging her for another copy to read...

If she had known... that I was not yet twelve years old... no doubt... she would have been horrified... that I was reading such a grown up book... But ignorant of that fact... believing me to be an adult... she was full of sympathy... at my distress... and trying to be very helpful... took it upon herself... to personally find another copy... for me to read...!

But alas... there were no more copies... and unwilling to dishonor the author... whom I respected greatly... by reading the rest of the book... even with only that one page missing... I could not... for the life of me... continue reading it...! 

And I had to wait... for another ten years... before I finally read what ultimately happened... to the star-crossed lovers... and later on... immensely enjoyed the movie... (#426... starring handsome Rock Hudson... as $$$$ and ethereal... Jennifer Jones... as Kathy)... which story line and script... remains pretty close to the book...

I also greatly enjoyed reading... Ernest Hemingway’s other poignant classics... “The Sun Also Rises”... and (#143)... “The Snows of Kilimanjaro”... starring three of my favorite movie stars... ultra handsome... Gregory Peck... and beautiful Ava Gardner... and Susan Hayward...) 

Close to our departure from New York... I did come across the great classic... “Gone With The Wind...”... by Margaret Mitchell... and fearing that I would never get to finish... such a big book... before we left... I reluctantly by-passed it... finally coming across it... in South Africa... some 12 years later...!

And today... I am happy to say... that I have 7 copies... of the multi Oscar winning movie... with its huge cast of superstars...

And I was thoroughly transported... to the deep Old South of gentility... reading all about the tempestuous love story... of the dashing gentleman of the South... Rhett Butler... and the obviously Aries born Scarlett... a tempestuous... willfully impulsive... vixen... making one horrendous mistake after another... chasing after Ashley... the elusive one... longing for him... and carelessly throwing away... true happiness... which was right at her fingertips...

Free-spirited... headstrong... Irish born Scarlett... who also reminds me... very much of my own Aries born self... who also threw true happiness away... not only once... but three times...!

Their poignant love story... is told in the multi-Oscar winning... over 3 hours long movie... starring the hauntingly beautiful... Vivien Leigh... as Scarlett O'Hara... devilishly handsome Clark Gable... as dashing Rhett Butler... beautiful Olivia de Havilland... as delicate... fragile Melanie... and aristocratic looking... Leslie Howard... as her love... Ashley... all gone now... except for Olivia... Prima and Remo's childhood friend...! Available in the Little Cilandak Video Library... being numbered... in order of taping... or purchased...:  (#s 479, 483, 730, 923, 999, 1000 & 1080)...

But I also have the sequel... “Scarlett”... played by lovely Joanne Whalley-Kilmer... and ultra handsome... Timothy Dalton... one of my other favorite actors... under #159... 

An interesting comparison may be... that in her comparatively short lifetime... Margaret Mitchell wrote only two books... and I seem to be following in her footsteps... for at the age of 78 plus... I doubt that there will be a further book... for me to write... besides this one... and its sequel... my Spiritual Odyssey... “From Seven Hells... To Seventh Heaven... SUBUD...”

There are... so far... about 5,000 taped... or purchased Videos... of movies of all kinds... from Comedies... Musicals... Biblical Epics... Thrillers (all of Alfred Hitchcock’s)... Mysteries... Documentaries... True Crime Cases... Historical Docudramas... etc. etc. ... and still counting... in the Little Cilandak Video Library...!

And as far as Ingrid Bergman is concerned... there are quite a number of her movies... such as the Award winning classic... "Casablanca" #56... two copies of Alfred Hitchcock's unforgettable thrillers..."Gaslight" #568 & 1677... and his "Spellbound" #145 & 1668... and "Notorious" #184... "Indiscreet" #591... and "Anastasia" #275... including some very early ones of hers... filmed in Sweden...!

All the priceless videos... have been lovingly taped... or purchased... from various Movie Clubs... all collected... and catalogued... as Muftiah’s additional legacy... to her free books... for the many SUBUD Brothers and Sisters... throughout the SUBUD World... which additional task... besides writing... Allah Almighty God Commanded her... to carry out... over ten years ago...!

He Has also Told her... that these Videos... are for the pleasure... of deserving SUBUD retirees... to enjoy watching... in the peaceful time... of their Golden Years... as they quietly prepare themselves... to leave earth... for their true Home... in Heaven... having been... by that time... after many years in SUBUD... greatly Purified... by The Great Holy Life Force... of their Creator... their Heavenly Father... Allah Almighty God... of both their own... and their ancestors’ sins... as they continue to sincerely... and patiently... submit the whole of themselves to Him... in unconditional surrender... never... ever... neglecting their all important... Latihan Kejiwaan of SUBUD... 

Chapter 6

A Disgusting... Sickening Scene... At Macy's Department Store... And Yet Another Miraculous Deliverance... From Being Kidnapped... Yet Again... By Madonna Guided Xenia... Who Rescues Naive "Grad-zella"... This Time... From The False Kindness... Of A Handsome Stranger...!

One blustery... cold winter’s day... Xenia decided to take me shopping with her... to Macy's... which was reputed to be one of the biggest department stores... in the world... covering an area of six blocks...!

And my head reeled... with happy anticipation... at the exciting prospect... of feasting my eyes... and senses... on all their wonderful merchandise... intriguing products... that I had only seen advertised... in the newspapers...

And as we joyously walked together... arm in arm... through the imposing huge entrance... with Xenia now... barely coming up to my elbow... I was totally unprepared... for the onslaught... of huge crowds of shoppers... all bent on the same idea in mind - to get their greedy hands... on the display after display... of enticing bargains...!

Moreover... I barely had time... to appreciate the heated warmth... of the building... after being exposed... to the bitter cold outside... hard put to keep diminutive Xenia... hanging on to my arm... as our bodies were pushed... shoved... and jostled about...

And we were even subjected... to the point of being forced to go down an escalator... to the floor that we had already been through...! Then having to fight our way back up... to the floor... we had just barely set foot on... before being pushed down again... to the floor below... by the massive crowd of determined shoppers...!

And I found myself musing... to myself...:

"Thank God... they're not in the habit... of tearing off flesh... with their teeth... otherwise... we would have been reduced to blood... and gore... and exposed bones... in no time flat...!"

 

I had never in my born days... seen such blatant... feverish... single-minded avarice... in people... especially women... avidly slavering over mere material objects... not even in Japan... which is known... for its dense population... in urban areas...

That afternoon... I am sad to say... introduced me... to the power... that the acquisition... for material possessions... has... over the American people... and how they are ruled... by the material force... it exerts over them...! 

And when I saw... with my very own eyes... to my horror... three grown women... their faces red.. and almost unrecognizable... as human... literally pouncing... on some small wisp of cloth... openly displayed... among others... on top of a counter... advertising the items... at half price... at the same time... then fighting... clawing... and even kicking at each other... all three of them panting... as they ferociously tugged for possession of it... as if their very lives depended on owning it... I was mesmerized... and sick to my stomach...

And witnessing the whole deplorable scene... made me very ashamed... and disgusted... that these so-called civilized... fellow sisters of mine... were behaving... in such an uncivilized manner - I expected them to go for each other's throats... at any moment...! 

And just as I thought of the probability... my horrified eyes actually saw them... lunging at each other... their fingers curled like eagles' talons... clawing for each other's jugular veins...! 

And in the next instant... they had knocked each others' hats off... and were pulling at each others' hair...!

All this covetous... fierce ferocity... over a little piece of cloth - unbelievable - unless you saw it... with your very own eyes...!

I became so contemptuous... and so enraged... at their appalling behavior... that I found myself descending on them... wanting to vent my wrath and disdain... on top of their pathetic... greedy heads... but was stopped in mid-stride by Xenia... who... recognizing the dangerous glint... in my eye... had quickly grabbed me by the arm... steering me hurriedly away... with the insistence... that it was almost closing time... and that she still had something absolutely vital... she needed to buy... 

I went docilely with her... suddenly fed up with the whole distasteful scene... deciding not to lower myself... to their animal level...

And when we reached the appointed place... way at the back... on the top floor... to my surprise... I noticed that the counter... was curiously bare... of any display stands... or merchandise... in its showcase...! 

I was even more puzzled... when Xenia told me to turn my back... and then... thinking better of it... suggested that I find the exit door... and wait for her... outside in the street...! 

Naturally... I was extremely curious to know... what it was... that she did not want me to see... her buying... and insisted on knowing... but she reddened... and said something... about my being far too young to know... urging me to go...!

And when I finally managed... to emerge on the street... fighting my way... through frantic last minute shoppers... who were trying desperately... to get into Macy's... I suddenly realized... that the terrain... was totally unfamiliar to me... the fact that I had taken the wrong exit door... dawning on me too late...! 

It had snowed... for three days previously... and the pavement was covered... with a thin sheet of ice... and the sidewalk... had little mounds of dirty white snow... at the curb... 

And just as I reached the middle... of the sidewalk... stepping gingerly... on the slippery surface... somebody in passing... rudely thrust their elbow sharply... into my ribs... and I lost my balance... falling down hard... on my bottom... hurting myself... 

Then panic struck me... because from my vantage point... on the icy pavement... all I could see... were pairs of masculine... and feminine legs... moving swiftly all around me... and all I could hear... were the squishing noise... their shoes... and boots made... walking on the slushy snow... right next to my frozen ears... hemming me in... making it nigh impossible... for me to try to get back up on my feet...!

Furthermore... nobody stopped to offer me help... everybody in a rush... to get into  Macy’s... or to the subway nearby... 

And sitting on my behind... in the freezing cold... wet... slushy ground... I thought resignedly to myself...: 

 "Well... Graziella my dear... this is it...  In the final analysis... you are going to be trampled to death... and by a horde of anxious... last minute shoppers... and hurrying subway commuters... no less...!

So you’d better just give yourself up... into the Hands of your Heavenly Father... as you usually do... whenever you are in real trouble...”

 

And just as I surrendered myself... into His Keeping... with a feeling of utter trust and faith... towards Him... inside me... all of a sudden... I was grabbed from behind... around my waist... by a pair of strange arms... which swiftly... and effortlessly... hoisted my shivering body... to my feet... then led me to a tree... that had a protective metal grid around it...! 

And then... Joy of Joys... my Guardian Angel Was There... and Whispering into my right ear... as usual... in that so familiar Voice of His... He Said...: 

"You Will Be Safe Now...!"

I turned quickly around... wanting to see Him... and thank Him for Rescuing me... yet again... but He Had Evaporated... into thin air...!

Bewildered and confused... wondering what to do next... whether or not... to fight my way back inside Macy's... and find Xenia... or just stay where I was... clinging for dear life to the tree... hoping and praying... that she would find me... becoming fearful... of the fast descending winter dark... realizing that it was already around six o'clock... two things happened... at the very same time...!

I was startled... to hear a loud announcement... over the loudspeaker... that Macy's would be closing... in five minutes time... accompanied with a jarring... buzzing sound... and a car... silently gliding to a stop... right in front of where I was standing... clinging to the tree...

Then the car door... to the back seat opened... to reveal a very handsome... well-dressed man... who leaned out... and with a broad smile... charmingly beckoned me to him...! 

And I... in my innocence... believing his gesture of open friendliness... to be sincerely genuine... not giving a single thought to the possibility... that I might be walking into a situation... fraught with danger... smiled right back at him...

My friendly response... encouraging him to become bolder... he asked... in an extremely well-cultured voice... whether he could offer me a lift... remarking that I must be freezing my toes off... 

To which... through my by now frozen-solid face... I tried to speak... feeling the painful "cracking" of my cheeks as... my voice coming out... in an unrecognizable croak... I very politely thanked him... for his most courteous... generous offer...

Then... because he seemed like a nice gentleman... I honestly confided... that I was waiting for my stepmother... to come out of Macy's... adding that we lived... at the Swiss Dauphin Hotel... in the opposite direction... to which his car was facing... but thanking him... nevertheless... for his kind solicitousness...

My gallant... handsome stranger... with his jet black hair... and warm brown eyes... hastily reassured me... that it would be no trouble at all... for his chauffeur... to turn the car around... insisting that it would be his pleasure... to take my stepmother and me... back to our hotel...

And... suggesting that I wait for her... in the comfort and warmth of his car... instead of standing outside... shivering in the freezing cold... so saying... he invitingly opened the car door... even wider...

It was true that by now... my teeth were beginning to chatter... as I alternated... between hanging onto the tree... and hugging my arms... around myself... trying to get warm... in my old... threadbare winter coat...

Wishing for the umpteenth time... that Papa would let me wear my hair down... so that it could cover the back of my neck... which... being exposed... to the bitter winter cold... was already frozen stiff... and which... becoming icy cold... I had just stuffed down... the inside of my coat...

I was sick and tired... of Papa's constant reminders... that I was still a school girl... and far too young... to wear my hair loose... like my sister Prima... And yet... he had said nothing... when I wore it loose... on that memorable day... when I met the handsome British officer... Everett Kingston... who... in the space... of just a few short hours... had become my very first shipboard romance...!

I could no longer feel my feet... through my thin-soled... leather shoes... wishing with all my heart... that I had a pair of nice... fur-lined boots... just like Xenia's... at the same time... thinking what a God-Send... this nice... well-groomed... strikingly good-looking stranger was...

Standing there... shivering... my body becoming more and more numb... but yet feeling the stinging... of the icy wind... that had begun to blow hard... on my exposed face... and through the thin stockings... I was wearing... from my ankles... right up to my never ending thighs... I suddenly thought... I was being an utter fool... subjecting myself... to such misery... and pain... when in the course... of just a few steps... my hurting body... could be cocooned in warmth... and comfort... 

And on impulse... throwing all caution... to the proverbial winds... I decided to take the handsome... gallant man up... on his kind offer... and proceeded to step... limping painfully... towards the inviting warmth... of his car... the pleasant heat of which... I could feel... wafting enticingly towards me...

All I could think of now... was of how toasty warm... it would be in there... and how handsome he was - a striking Clark Gable look-alike - and how nice... and thoughtful he was... to have noticed me... standing on the sidewalk... shivering in the biting cold... probably giving him the impression... that I was much older... than my age... with my pigtails... tucked out of sight...

But just as I lifted my right foot... onto the running board... bending down... to step into the ever so long... gleaming black car... I was suddenly startled... by having my arm yanked hard... and turning my head around... saw that it was Xenia... standing there... holding a large bag... with Macy's logo on it... in her left hand...

And as I reacted startled... and surprised... I couldn't help but notice... that her feet were warmly encased... in fur-lined boots... and her body covered... in her voluminous... fur coat... of rich Russian sable... a recent present... from her beloved Theo...

But when I looked at her face... barely visible... because of the fur hood... covering her head... I saw that it was red and angry... with disapproval... as she scolded... demanding... her voice shrill... and harboring a dangerous edge...:

"Grad-zella...  Vat du yu tink yu arr dooink...?"

"Look... Xenia... this nice kind man... is offering to take us back to the Dauphin Hotel... in the cozy warmth of his car... come on...!"

So saying... I began to step into the open door of the gentleman’s car... once again... but Xenia had a firm grip... on my arm... dissuading me... 

And when the handsome man... flashed his beautiful... pearly white teeth at her... nodding his head... beckoning her... to get into his car... as well... to my amazement... she did not smile back at him... but... seething with righteous indignation... every bone in her body... stiff with resistance... coldly and firmly... declined his offer of a lift... speaking in a clipped voice...!

And when I turned back... to speak to him... to apologize for my stepmother's rudeness... I was startled to see the car door... suddenly slam shut... and the uniformed driver of the car... race off... at break-neck speed...! 

My jaw dropped open... in sheer astonishment... and my brain became very befuddled... wondering why on earth... the car had suddenly sped away...! 

But before I could open my mouth to say anything... Xenia was shaking me hard... and vehemently scolding... in a shriek...:

"Yu must neveerr... eveerr giet into a strenj men's carr... neveerr... neveerr... neveerr...!  Du yu hearr mie...?"

... shaking my arm hard... with each "neveerr"... for emphasis... until my teeth were rattling... even more... 

Then... still seething with outrage... she hurriedly walked me away from the spot... as quickly as her ridiculously high-heeled boots... would let her... towards the stairway... descending to the subway... close by...

And there was no more conversation between us... as we stood in the swaying... jam-packed subway train... hanging onto each other... for dear life...

All through the long... torturous dinner... at a fancy restaurant... that night... with Papa in a very jovial... expansive mood... I could hardly eat... my stomach tied up in knots... fearful that at any second... Xenia would open her pursy mouth... and tell him... contemptuously... and tauntingly... how foolishly naive... his secretly “darling Nadia”... had been...

But although I waited... with baited breath... she never said a single solitary word... about that miserable... frightening... and shocking afternoon...!

And all through that night... back in my bedroom... at the hotel... as I brushed my golden tresses... one hundred times.. I was in a daze... and at a loss to understand... the mind-boggling events... of that most strange afternoon... of firsts...!

First... there had been the unexpected shock... of seeing so many single-minded... frenzied women shoppers... who rudely pushed... and shoved at anyone... who got in their way...!

Then... seeing the disgusting sight of a number of them... fighting each other... like wild animals... over some tiny garment or other...!

Then the scare... of nearly being trampled to death... when I took the wrong exit... and being Rescued... yet again... by my Protective Guardian Angel Friend...!

And last but not least... that odd episode... with the charming... handsome dark stranger... in the sleekly shiny... long... long car... and Xenia’s vehement... strangely hostile reaction... to him... and his kindness...!

And as I lay in bed that night... under the soft... warm blankets... happy to be back... in the cozy... safe haven... of my comfy hotel suite... overwhelmed by that single afternoon's amazing experiences... I confided to my Heavenly Father... all about them...

And feeling Comforted by Him... as usual... I finally went to sleep... thinking for the umpteenth time... what a strangely exciting city... New York... “The City Of The Skyscrapers...”... actually was... and wondering... what my burgeoning life... in the Western World... was coming to...!

Chapter 7

The Biggest Shock Of All... Finding Out... That I Had Narrowly Escaped A Fate... Much Worse Than Death...! That Of Being Kidnapped... For The White Sex Slave Trade... Yet Once Again...!

My education... and crucial enlightenment... were not yet over... Because... to top it all... on the very next morning... my blind... naive eyes were opened... as never before...!

I usually never read the newspapers... because they were full of depressingly bad news... about the war... But for some reason... when I saw it lying on the coffee table... in the living room... I found myself picking it up...

And my eyes... nearly popped out of my head... when I saw... in that day's early edition newspaper... at the very top of the page... a headline... screaming out in bold black letters...:

"CAPTURE OF NOTORIOUS ELUSIVE WHITE SEX SLAVE TRAFFICKER..!"

And underneath it... as large as life... was the picture... of none other... than the handsome man... of the evening before... into whose beautiful... shiny sleek car... I had almost stepped...!!!

My heart pounding... I began to read... all about how this handsome... Clark Gable-look-alike man... had abducted many young girls... from all over New York... and neighboring areas... such as Manhattan... Brooklyn... Hoboken... and New Jersey...! 

And that... because of his cultured good looks... wit... and disarming charm... he had easily and successfully... deceived his naive... innocent victims... into believing... that he was their good Samaritan...! 

And mulling over the article... I had just read... all about how he finally got caught... by approaching a lovely young girl... who turned out to be a police officer... I felt sick to my stomach...

And an overwhelming sense of shame... engulfed me... as the realization hit me... at how easily I... too... would have fallen victim... to his open friendliness... had Xenia not rescued me... in the nick of time...!

Just then... she came into the room... and... still in a daze... I did not have the presence of mind... to try and hide the shocking exposé newspaper from her... but still feeling numb all over... wordlessly handed it over to her... 

Puzzled at first... at her stepdaughter's odd behavior... she gave it a cursory glance...  But when she saw the blown-up picture... of the smiling man... she let out a little gasp... recognizing him right away... 

And curious to read... what the newspaper had to say... she read the whole article slowly... digesting its contents... and the more she read... the whiter her face grew...

When she had finished reading... she slowly put the newspaper down on the coffee table... 

And then... uttering an all-knowing "Aha"... just like Papa did... when he showed what a dumb cluck I was... she turned towards me... ready to scold me... once more... 

But when she saw how thoroughly unnerved I looked... my face white as a sheet... and my body shaking uncontrollably... feeling that I had already learned my vital lesson... and for all time... she refrained from venting any further wrath... down upon my shamed head... 

But when I pleaded with her... with my eyes... still unable to utter a single sound... she exhibited unusual sympathy... and warm understanding... for a change...! 

And patting my hand... in a rare gesture of affection... she reassured me... that she had no intention... of telling Papa... about what had almost happened... the previous afternoon... for he had other worries... more than enough... to occupy his time and attention... straightening out his business affairs... during the short time he still had left... in America... 

My legs were shaking... and I could hardly breathe... as I thought of the narrow escape... I had so recently had - the threat of being kidnapped... seemed to be my Karma... for this would have been my fourth time...!  I desperately needed some kind of reassurance... and to be calmed down... 

And for once... I was glad of Xenia's comforting presence... 

And for the next hour... or so... for the very first time... in our on and off relationship... of five years... we talked together... almost like close sisters... about the events of yesterday... and how it was... that I had not been able to recognize danger... when it stared me in the face...! 

And as I secretly wondered to myself... why it was... that my Guardian Angel Friend... Had Not Warned me... when He Saved me... from being trampled to death... Not to get into a stranger’s car... that would soon be stopping at my side... Warning me... as He Usually Did... whenever I was in grave danger... Xenia broke into my thoughts... by saying... in that irritating... broken Russian accent of hers... always annoyingly using the “d”... and omitting the "i" from my name...:

"Yu no... Grad-zella... all off a sodden... vile I vas shoppink... I hed de stronk filink... det yu weerr in dangeerr... ent det I must go kvickly tu yu...!

Ent nau... afteerr reedink about de capturre off dis bet men... how I nu exekly wheerr to faaint yu... eh...!?...  I soopposset det yu vood be vetink for mie on de street... veerr vee cem in...  So yu tell mie... vy dit my fit tek mie in de oppossit deerection... hmmm...? 

De Madonna Vas Tellink mie... det yu vood bie vetink... outsait det wun doorr... ent yu no how meny exit doorrs dere arr at Macy's...?  Meny meny!  Ent den I see yu gettink in det big bleck carr...!!!"

Shaking her head... Xenia marveled out loud... how... despite all the hundreds of last minute shoppers... pushing... and shoving at her... just before closing time... she had been Swiftly Led... by her Madonna... straight to endangered me...!

Sitting next to each other... on the roomy couch of red velvet... our rare intimacy continued... with me sincerely thanking her... for saving me... from being kidnapped...

Until I made the stupid mistake... of asking her... what the secret thing she had bought yesterday was... insisting that surely I was old enough to know now... after yesterday's close call...

Somehow... I felt that I had grown immensely... in maturity... overnight...!

But to my dismay... she reacted... by instantly closing herself off from me...  And I wanted to bite my tongue off... because the unusual... rare spell... of closeness between us... was broken... and I could have kicked myself... when I saw her face close up... her thin lips drawing tight... with disapproval... 

And she curtly dismissed me... from her presence... stating that she had no more time... to waste on me... angrily talking to me... and reducing me into feeling... as if I was an inquisitive... obstinate little child... again...

That night... tucked safely away... in my warm bed... I marvelled at how... despite the fact... that our peculiar stepmother Xenia... so unnatural... and so repressedly “wooden”... despised and loathed by Prima... mostly ignored by Remo... and barely tolerated by me... had turned out to be the one... who had saved our lives... quite a number of times...!

It was she... who had been instrumental... in preventing us... from being robbed... having our throats slit... and our bodies thrown overboard... on that perilous crossing... from Nagasaki to Shanghai... escaping the Japanese... on a Chinese junk... simply because she happened to speak their language fluently...!

And again... in Shanghai... because some shining jewelry... suddenly attracted her... in a store window... on the opposite side of the street...

And for once... sparkling with “life”... urging everybody to run to the other side with her... she prevented us from being blown to bits... by a bomb... placed under our table... in the restaurant... that we had just emerged from...! 

And yet again... because of her sudden poor eyesight... and necessary medical attention... our departure from Shanghai... was delayed... by one day... so that we were prevented from booking passage... on a ship... also a neutral Dutch ocean liner... but which... alas... was doomed to be torpedoed... with no living survivors...!

And here... my barely tolerated stepmother... Xenia... had rescued me... from a fate... far worse than death... me... who was so often irritated by her... her grating... whining voice... hating the way... she always pronounced my name wrongly... her unnatural mannerisms... her inability to be spontaneously lively... and who always evoked in me... a kind of sympathetic pity... mixed with a tinge of secret disdain...

And as always... I could never quite fathom... nor ever be able to understand... how it was... that this most shallow... fractured woman... could ever be the great love... of robust Papa's life...!

And as I fell asleep... it suddenly dawned on me... that Xenia hadn’t told on me... to Papa... all those times... I had got into trouble... before... because I was the only solitary soul... in the whole wide world... who... since she was seven years old... knew the truth... about her fiercely kept secret... her false “Mask of Beauty”... about which clever duplicity... I had promised her... never to confide... to another single solitary soul...!

Knowing deep inside me... that it was not in my nature... to hold anything... over a person... as a threat... to them... with an easy conscience... I thanked my Heavenly Father... yet again...

Only this time... with more fervor... telling Him how grateful I was... for His Guardian Angel... Sent by Him... to Protect me... yet once again... and also that... despite being unable to love my stepmother... Xenia... as I should... and He Knew how much I had tried to... and was still trying to... nevertheless... He Still Had Guided her... in how to rescue the members of the Rau family... four times... so far...! 

“The Marvels of God... Will Never Cease To Amaze... This Loving Daughter Of His...”

... I murmured to myself... smiling... as I drifted off... into the comforting arms of Morpheus... hopeful for yet another nocturnal visit... to my true Home... Heaven... so that I could tell my Heavenly Father... face to Face... all about the scary... exciting things... that had happened to me... so far... in the awesome “City of the Skyscrapers...”

Chapter  8

Another Very Embarrassing Episode... In The Overwhelmingly Daunting... “City Of The Skyscrapers...”!  

A few days later... over a Saturday morning breakfast... in a cafeteria... located near the hotel... Papa remarked on how nice the weather had turned out... for the month of February... the nasty snow blizzard... over with... and the streets no longer so dangerously slippery... but safe to walk on again...

And then he said something... about how embarrassing it was for him... to see how worn out... Prima's overcoat looked... whenever we went out together... and that it was high time... that she had a new one... adding that her old one... would be good enough... for Graziella to wear... for at least another winter... announcing that that afternoon... would be a perfect time... to take his three girls out shopping...! 

I was not the least bit fazed... at hearing his words... for I had long since become accustomed... to getting Prima's cast-offs... and hand-me-downs... except for shoes... since my feet were definitely already much larger... than hers... although on the small side... for my size... I have been told...

So that... while listening to Papa... I preoccupied myself with wondering... how this shopping excursion of his... would affect Prima's plans... with her current boyfriend... who was none other... than the Philip Morris Cigarettes... bellboy personage...!

And whose smiling... cocky face... one could see... in magazines... and on billboards... and on the sides... of public transport vehicles... all over the great city... as... with hands cupped around his mouth... he advertised...: 

"Call For Philip Morris...!"

He happened to be living in our hotel... and Prima had taken one look... at his pint-sized... grinning... happy self... and decided he was for her... and was soon in the middle of a torrid love affair with him...!

And just last night... I realized... that it was more than just a flirtation... when she confided her frustration to me... over the fact... that our passports... had been taken away from us... because she and "Philip"... wanted to run away together... to Canada...! 

Now I understood... why I had seen so little of her... since we arrived in New York... and I had sympathetically commiserated with her... over her dilemma...

Papa brought me back abruptly... from my musing... when I heard him mention my name... which was very rarely... And smiling at me warmly... addressing me by my name... again... he told me that from now on... while we were in New York... I could wear my hair up...!

And as I glowed... at his approval of my new... recent... magical Hollywood Day hair-do... he went on to say... that we would all be going shopping... together... right after lunch...

So I decided to spend my morning... venturing further afield... on my own... in the great city... 

Instead of going... in the direction of Central Park... or the Public Library... as I usually did... I decided to take a little trip... on the public transport vehicle... all by myself...!

Still feeling quite grown up... since my near-miss kidnapping... of the other day... I boldly set out... walking uptown... and marvelled... when I stood at the curb... of a cross street... to see so many movie theater marquees... all around me... advertising so many different films... at the same time...!

Looking at the astonishing scene... in front of my eyes... reminded me of the scarcity... by comparison... of movie theaters... that showed American films... in cities... where I had lived in... back in Japan... when the norm was that... if we wanted to see a particular American movie... we would think nothing of being willing to travel... for miles... by train... to the next city... to see it...! 

But here... in Manhattan... one easily had the choice of getting to see... at least twenty different American movies... within the space... of a five minute walk...!  And... what was more amazing... two movies in one afternoon... or in one evening... and in the very same theater... because around where we lived... every single one of them... offered double features...!  And for very little money...!

My astonished observations were interrupted... by the arrival of the vehicle... and I duly boarded it... even tendering the exact amount... of the still unfamiliar American currency... jangling in the pocket of... I suddenly acutely realized... was my shabby... ugly green overcoat... 

After I paid my fare... politely wishing the driver... a smiling "Good Morning..."... to which he was totally unresponsive... staring straight ahead... nevertheless... still feeling very grown-up... for I had again fashioned my tresses... into a braided crown... around my head... that morning... after breakfast... with Papa’s warm approval... I looked hopefully down... towards the seating area... and noticed... to my dismay... that there was standing room only... 

So I carefully made my way... still feeling self-assured... despite the driver’s rude snub... to the middle of the car... and taking a firm hold... of the vertical steel hand rail... stood there... patiently waiting... for a seat to become vacant...

And I vaguely wondered... why... of the few men... on the vehicle... not one of them... was a gentleman... who would have immediately stood up... and gallantly offered me his seat... as I walked past him... like the heroes... I had recently been reading about... in the books... at the New York Public Library...

But they all either had their noses... buried in newspapers... and never once looked up... or were in deep conversation... with their female companions... to notice an exceptionally tall young lady... standing in their midst... 

As we progressed uptown... not wanting to miss seeing the exciting displays... in all the big store windows... I stepped forward... needing to bend far down... in order to be able to look outside...

And just as I did so... the doors right in front of me... whooshed open... and the vehicle came to an abrupt halt...  I thought nothing of it... and after a short while... the driver set off... once again... 

Then it so happened that... as something outside... caught my eye again... and I went through the same motions of stepping forward... and leaning down... to get a better look... the vehicle halted... once again... the doors in front of me... whooshing open... once more... 

This process kept repeating itself... several times... and somewhere... in the back of my mind... it dawned on me... how thoughtful the city transportation department was... by making it so convenient for commuters... to the point of affording them... it seemed... numerous stops... after very brief intervals... not thinking of the fact... that nobody seemed to be getting on... or off... whenever the vehicle... came to a halt...!  

I was smiling dreamily... to myself... entertaining warm feelings... towards the city transportation department... when I was suddenly jolted... by hearing a voice... thundering angrily behind me...: 

"Lady...!"

 

And... startled... I looked around... to see that it was the vehicle driver...

And then... to my amazement... and horror... saw that he was pointing directly at me... nodding and saying...: 

"Yes... you... I mean you... Miss...!"

 

Then to my utter horror... all the faces... in the vehicle... looked up at me... in unison... their collective eyes... disturbingly upon me... all conversation stopped...!

And in the deathly silence... that followed... the driver... seeing me looking puzzled... shook his head... and roared exasperatedly... as if to a moron...:

"Lady... every time you step on that there mat... I'm obliged to stop... and open the doors...!"

 

For an instant... I was thrilled... to be addressed as "lady"... once again... reminded of that friendly "Good Humor" ice cream man... back in Los Angeles... making me very aware... of how grown-up... I must be looking... with my braids... that I had fashioned... coiled attractively around my head... that morning... with Papa's approval...

But then the import... of the frustrated driver's anger... sank in... and my face turned beet red... with embarrassment... all my previous sense of self-confident poise... evaporated... in an instant...! 

And I longed for the ground... to swallow me up... 

I expected the passengers... to be furious with me... as well... in the way I had delayed... the ongoing passage... of the vehicle... and awaited their pent up vituperation... to rain down upon my downcast head... 

But... fortunately for me... since it was the weekend... none of them... seemed to be in a hurry... to get to their particular destinations... and... taking in my shame-faced appearance... at a glance... they smiled good-naturedly... with some of them chuckling sympathetically... 

These New Yorkers’ unaccustomed friendly attitude... towards me... helped a little bit... but the look of utter derision... on the driver's red... angry face... and the violent way... in which he had vented his anger... at me... made me start to tremble...

  And I barely managed to stutter... that I was a stranger... in the city... and that this was the very first ride... I had ever taken... on an American public transport vehicle... 

But the words came out all jumbled... and unintelligible... and unable to stand my humiliation... a second longer... I quickly stepped off the vehicle... and fled... still hearing his angry words... reverberating in my ears...

This was my very first encounter... with the hostility... of an American... one on one... ever since I had stepped foot... in the country... about a month ago... and I quivered... at the ferocity... of the man's rage... towards a comparatively complete stranger...!

Now I wanted nothing more... than to get back... to the familiar safety... of our hotel suite... and ran all the way back... as fast as I could... dodging between the milling crowds of pedestrians... not paying too much attention... to their impolite... impatient... pushing... jostling... and even rude shoving... if somebody happened to be walking too slowly... for their liking...! 

And I marvelled... for the umpteenth time... how utterly incredible it was... and so sad... that here were all these people... of all different races... and ages... and professions... and yet... unless they happened to know each other... hardly any one of them... had a smile... or a friendly word of greeting... for the strangers... they rubbed shoulders with... and so closely together... in this most impersonal... "City of the Skyscrapers..."! 

When I finally reached my room... I flung myself down on my bed... and gave myself up totally... to tears of humiliation... and by the vehemence... of my sobs... I realized how greatly shaken up... I had been...

Then all of a sudden... the image of the two dignified... majestic lions... flanking the entrance... to the Beaux Arts Building... flashed into my mind...

And I reminded myself... that they had recently been renamed... "Prudence"... and Fortitude"... to help the shocked New Yorkers... cope with their overwhelming grief... not only because of the fact... that their country was now at war with Germany... and Japan... but also over the recent loss... of so many lives... of their countrymen... at Pearl Harbor...

Then I had a flash of myself... as a little girl... when Papa took me to see the great statue... of "Domburi"... at her shrine... and how he had made me promise... to always face whatever happened in my life... with resilience... and fortitude...

Feeling much better... and calmed down... I wondered what would happen... if I took it upon myself... the next time... I visited the Public Library... to take some cleaning materials... from the hotel's housecleaning staff... with me... and washed down... the dirty looking lions... which I had become quite fond of... and often saw... to my dismay... had little mounds of dirty snow... sitting on top of their noble heads... and paws...

And as far as their general appearance was concerned... the beautiful... Tennessee pink marble... that they had been sculpted out of... was hardly visible... under all that dirty snowy mush...!

Coming back to the present... I spent the next hour... remonstrating with myself... over the recent events... of the ultra embarrassing morning... and tried very hard... to rationalize the public transportation driver's angry impatience... in order to accept his disrespectful rudeness... towards me... 

Picturing to myself... the probable circumstances of his life... I came to the final conclusion... that he must be living... in an environment... that was fraught with the tensions... of living a rat race... in a big... over-crowded... overwhelming city... which easily tended to dwarf one...  And suddenly feeling sympathy for him... I decided to forgive him - even saying a little prayer for him...

Then I reasoned with myself... about ways to avoid future incidents... that would cause me a red face... and decided that I needed to be a little more vigilant... and alert... instead of wafting through life... in a quasi dream-like state... as I so often did... little knowing... that in about two hours time... I would be subjected... to one of the most frightening experiences... of my life...!

Chapter 9

The Enormous... Delighted Surprise... Of Getting My Very First... Beautiful New... Shirley Temple Overcoat...!

Since all I had to look forward to... was getting Prima's old overcoat... I tried my best to steel myself... against feeling envious... at seeing how Papa... would be lavishing money... on his beloved Xenia... no doubt buying anything... and everything... her little heart desired... never dreaming for a single instant... that I... too... was about to become a lucky recipient... of his rare generosity...

I noticed... at lunch time... that he was in an exceptionally good mood... the reason for which I understood... when he first told us... that we could order anything we wanted to... from the menu... then announced that he had cause to celebrate... because he had just finalized... a promising financial arrangement... with the Swiss Rolex Watch Company...! 

I tried my very best... to participate... in the high spirits at our table... but all I could think about... was the new American-made... winter overcoat... that Prima would be getting... and could not stop wishing... that I could also have a brand new article of clothing... that was made in America... which would be my very first...

Of course... I knew... at the same time... that it was a foolish dream... that could never... ever come true for me...  For there was absolutely no reason... under the sun... why Papa would suddenly change his usual routine... of professing that... since I was the youngest in the family... I had no right to expect any special favors... from him...

Often repeating... that it was so easy... to spoil the youngest... in a family... by lavishing too much special attention on him... or her... as in my case... for those times... were strictly to be reserved...  for birthdays... and Christmases... only...

And I would smile secretly to myself... recalling the huge box of golf ball shaped chocolate lollipops... that he had sent me... from New York... to Japan... out of the blue... when I was struck down with chicken pox... when I was about six and a half years old... (not my birthday or Christmas)...

Together with a lovely Shirley Temple doll... standing in the alcove... of a wardrobe... with replica ensembles... of all kinds of outfits... from her movies... with a chest of drawers underneath... on top of which stood all the shoes she had worn... in her different movies...

And then recalling... how Xenia had surprised us... by taking her three stepchildren... to a Chinese tailor... in Shanghai... to order a wardrobe... of light summer wear... for on board ship... although alas... all the bright color patterns... of reds and greens... of the charming tropical palm trees... and exotic flowers and birds... printed on Prima's and my dresses... had faded... and melted into each other... during the sweltering hot... three days we spent... in tropical Java... touring the islands...!

Finally lunch was over... with Remo... as usual... excusing himself... to go off in pursuit of his favorite subject...: music... New York City... having become an awesome Mecca for him... a fascinating place... where he could indulge himself... to his heart's content... in concerts of all sorts... classical... and now... an additional... new exciting genre... called Jazz..!

In fact... during the last week... he had been showing an extraordinary amount of interest... in the media of jazz... a new concept... that was exciting him no end... even talking about exchanging his precious oboe... for a clarinet... especially after he had gone to a Benny Goodman Concert... and heard the incredible virtuosity... of the great musician... himself... in person...!

Papa... Xenia... Prima and I... duly left the swank restaurant... and took a taxi downtown... to a department store... and although I cannot recall... the name of it... I do remember... that we took the elevator up to the top floor... 

And as soon as Papa Rau... with his noble... commanding bearing... and handsome... John Barrymore profile... and now the spitting image of Franklin Delano Roosevelt... the President of the United States of America... as well... was spotted... as usual... he got the red carpet treatment... by having no less than the Manager of the department store... himself... attend to him... in person... giving him his undivided attention...!  

He was a short man... with lively black eyes... and a Clark Gable moustache... that gave him a rakish look... but the way in which he was dressed in a dark... three-piece suit... complete with bow tie... his feet shod in a pair of shiny black... pointed shoes... gave him a most definite... singularly dapper appearance...

Bowing and scraping... treating us... as if we were royalty... he ushered us... into a very elegant looking salon... off to the side of the vast floor... and upon hearing... that the distinguished looking gentleman was there... to buy his eldest daughter... a new winter coat... he took one look at her... and beaming... crowed...:

"Sir... I have just the perfect coat... for your beautiful daughter...!"

Almost mincing on tiptoe... in his small pointy shoes... giving me the impression... that he was about to leap into a ballet jeté... at any moment... he disappeared through a curtain... and emerged a few minutes later... with quite the most beautiful overcoat... that I had ever seen in my life... 

Staring with delight... at its flared style... and large... bold... criss-cross geometric squares... in alternating colors of brown and beige... and its unusual... three-quarter flared sleeves... I could picture myself in it... and hoped and prayed... that Prima would also fall in love with it... so that in a few years time... I would become the proud owner of it...

But such was... alas... never to be the case... for it was made of durable... exquisitely soft... brushed wool... spun from the sheepskins... of the Kashmir region... in India... and Prima loved it so much... that she never relinquished it to me...

Even still wearing it... after she got married... some three years later... in Zurich... when she was only twenty... never even allowing me to borrow it...!

So that the only pleasure I had... was... from time to time... secretly putting it on... when I found myself... all alone... in the privacy... of our shared bedroom... when I could preen... and admire myself... draped in the lightness of it... in front of the mirror...

Xenia's eyes... also lit up with envy... as she saw how perfectly... the beautiful coat... suited Prima... as she stood admiring herself... in the huge mirror... her inquisitive... mischievous brown eyes enhanced... by the perfectly matching brown... in the coat... her luxurious chestnut tresses... of natural curls... flowing over the collar... not looking her age... of only seventeen and a half... but like a grown-up young lady... of at least twenty-one...!

I was standing there... gazing at her... with a mixture of awe and envy... trying my very best... to let my admiration... for the pretty picture she made... shine more from my eyes... than the envy... I was feeling inside... 

But the smiling... bowing... most agreeable Manager... must have sensed... or perhaps even seen... my look of envy... because he suddenly turned to Papa... and brightly said...:

"Sir... I also have the perfect coat... to suit your other lovely daughter...!"

And my heart quickened at his words... with joyful anticipation... but only for a very brief moment... for Papa was already shaking his head in negation... and... in a very firm voice... replied...:

"My youngest daughter... now having reached the height... where she is a little taller... than her older sister... will wear her coat... which is still in perfectly good condition...!"

Naturally expecting there to be no further discussion about it... I was bowled over... to hear the Manager actually remonstrate with Papa... insisting that I should also have a new coat...!

And to make his point... picking Prima's old coat up gingerly... between two fingers... as if the garment was vermin-ridden... he then thrust it away from him... onto the floor... as if it was contaminated...! 

And before Papa could protest any further... he pirouetted off... on his pointy little shoes... returning shortly after... with a very pretty coat... such as I remember seeing Shirley Temple wear... in one of her movies...! 

And sure enough... he proudly announced... that what he was holding in his hands... was a Shirley Temple model... and how it was perfect for me...! 

And before Papa could stop him... he had deftly taken off my ugly green... thread-bare coat... repeated the same action... of throwing it away... onto the floor... with a gesture of repugnance... then swiftly slipped my arms... into the new coat’s sleeves... turning me around to face the enormous full-length mirror... exclaiming... clapping his hands in delight...:

"Now look at your lovely daughter... Sir... doesn't she look quite the picture of exquisiteness...?  Surely you cannot deny her this beautiful coat... it is simply just divinely perfect for her...!"

 

And Papa was forced to look at me... as I stood in front of the mirror... showing off the dark blue coat... made of nubbly wool... with its slightly flared... navy pea coat style... with a row of black buttons... down each side... of the chest... and the collar and slanted side pockets... attractively trimmed... in strips of black velvet - quite the most exquisite... expensive article of clothing... I had ever worn... on my body...

Papa had noticed... at lunchtime... how differently... and more grown-up... I was wearing my hair... liking the way I had fashioned my braids... attractively coiled around my head... like a crown... and had said... to my delight... that he greatly approved... of the way I appeared to be putting my childhood... and childish ways... behind me... more and more... with each passing day...!

And remembering that conversation... and his pleased look of admiration... now... I was hoping and praying... that in buying this coat for me... he would stop the practice... of thinking me only worthy... to wear Prima's cast-offs... and hand-me-downs... in future...

I could see how perfectly... the coat fit my five foot eight frame... but did not dare to admire myself... too much... for fear of Papa not letting me have the coat... after all... 

But then... I saw that both Prima and Xenia were smiling... and remarking how lovely I looked... so that between the Manager and them... Papa was forced to give in... albeit a little short of begrudgingly... for he had not been able to hide the look of admiration... in his own shiny... emerald green eyes... as he watched my reflection... in the mirror... 

Pleased that I was going to get a new coat... after all... Prima gave me a hug... and then she and Xenia went off together... to the Powder Room... nearby...

Chapter 10

A Terrifying Case... Of Mistaken Identity... As Greta Garbo...!!!

As I turned around to thank Papa... with all my heart... I suddenly heard a woman's voice yell out... at the top of her lungs...:

"Greta Garbo...! Look...! There's Greta Garbo...!"

 

And glancing over Papa's shoulder... hoping to also catch a glimpse... of the famous... elusive... beautiful movie legend... I saw a woman... from across the room... about twenty feet away... and saw... to my utter amazement... that she was very excitedly pointing... in our direction... still yelling her head off...! 

I whipped my head around... at the same time... wondering how on earth it could be... that the agitated woman... had seen anybody else... let alone Greta Garbo... since the Manager... Papa and I... were the only other occupants... in that part of the salon...! 

And in the instant it took... for me to realize that... she had - believe it or not - actually been pointing directly at me...! ... she had reached my side... and was clutching at my arm...!

And I became most alarmed to see... that she had a look on her face... so avaricious... as to be almost inhuman...! 

Looking like the proverbial "wild woman of Borneo"... her dark eyes huge... and her face avid... and slack-jawed... almost slobbering... no sooner had she grabbed hold of me... when she rudely thrust an autograph book... under my nose... demanding... that I sign it... gushing imploringly...:

"Oh Greta Ga-a-rbo...! I do so lo-o-ve... and admire you...!  I've seen every single movie of yours...  You're my very favorite movie star...!"

Totally flabbergasted... I tried to explain to the poor... over-excited... simpering woman... that she was sorely mistaken... at the same time... trying to extricate myself... from her iron grip... 

But as soon as she heard my foreign accent... I realized... by seeing the look of mindless adulation... in her eyes... that it was no use... I would never be able to convince her... that I was not the famous movie star... Greta Garbo... who happened to be an exceptionally tall lady... like myself... and like me... spoke with a foreign accent... although hers was Swedish...

And... as bad luck that day would have it... some shoppers nearby... hearing the woman's high-pitched jabbering... became excited also... and all of a sudden... the air around us... was charged with electricity... and it was not long... before the rumor... that the legendary super star... Greta Garbo... was on the top floor... buying a new coat... for herself... spread like wild-fire... throughout the entire department store...! 

And then... to my horror... I saw a mass of humanity... thundering down on us... like a herd of stampeding elephants... their stamping feet... seeming to shake the very walls around us...! 

And the single-minded ferocity... with which they were descending on us... made my blood run cold...!

And I could only stand there... petrified out of my wits... frozen with terror... unable to move... certain that I would be trampled underfoot... at any second...!

I had never been so frightened... in all my life...  much more terrified... than the times... when I was kidnapped... back in Japan...!!!

The frenzied autograph seeker's fingernails... were digging painfully... into my arm... even through the thickness... of the brand new wool coat... and she was hanging on to me... for dear life... 

And out of the corner of my eye... I could see both the Manager and Papa... standing rooted to the spot... a look of utter amazement... on their faces... their eyes bulging with disbelief... their mouths foolishly gaping open...!

Becoming frantic with terror... at the thundering horde’s mindless onslaught... I tried to convince the mass of people... that I was not Greta Garbo... and that the lady shopper... had been mistaken...

Desperate to be heard... and believed... I had to shout my protestations... at the top of my voice... in... alas... my most definitely un-American accent... my voice sounding full of panic... doing nothing to carry conviction... and which fell on deaf ears... anyway...

And then... just before I was engulfed... in the crowd of avid fans... who looked frighteningly wild-eyed... with their arms outstretched... the mass of them... seeming to have materialized... from out of nowhere... the mesmerized Manager... suddenly shook himself... out of his state of immobile shock...

And grasping Papa and me... by my other arm... wrenching me loose... from the demented woman... whispered to us... to quickly follow him... just as Prima and Xenia... emerged from the Powder Room... looking completely dumbfounded... as they took in the amazing scene... of their baby sister... and stepdaughter... Graziella... about to be viciously attacked... by a horde of frenzied autograph seekers...!

And thank God... the Manager had the presence of mind... to briskly whisk us out of sight... behind a long railing of clothes... and through a Fire Safety side door... that led out into the open... which he hastily pushed us through... and remained behind... with his back to the door... to bravely face the horde of bodies... thudding against it... the aggressive sound of which... sent chills up and down my spine... 

And I was so frightened... by the terrifying incident... that I almost vomited on the steps... unable to stop the shaking of my body... and the chattering... of my teeth...

But suddenly realizing... that the Manager... might be seriously injured... by the disappointed horde of autograph seekers... I quickly Sent Up a prayer... for the brave little man's safety...

Now I knew exactly... how celebrities felt... when blindly adoring fans... crazily chased after them... and I vowed... then and there... that I would never... ever... be instrumental... in causing any movie star... that kind of mindless terror... in just such a frightening manner... and I am proud to say... that I never have...  not even once...

In all the commotion... thoroughly unnerved Papa... in going back into the department store... to seek out the Miraculously unharmed Manager... on his own... to pay for our new coats... forgot all about retrieving the old ones... especially Prima’s “still in perfectly good condition” one...

But I was very glad... that I would never ever have to set eyes again... upon my shabby old green coat... the sleeves of which... had suddenly become alarmingly much too short... for my still growing... long monkey arms... anyway...!

Chapter  11

More Fascinating Experiences Of Life... Spending A Rare Precious Time... Alone... With My Beloved... But Also Feared... Papa Rau...!

One beautiful... crisp sunny day... soon after... over breakfast... at yet another cafeteria... close by... Papa turned to me... and said... that since I had been behaving myself so well... like a proper lady... my impeccable manners... impressing everybody... at the hotel... most favorably... making him very proud of me... he had decided to treat me... to a very special outing... all alone with him...!

And he told me... not to venture outdoors that day... because he would be back at the hotel... around eleven... to pick me up... adding that he expected me to be waiting... and ready for him... all decked out in my best dress... and the lovely new overcoat... I was already proudly wearing... 

Hearing his words... made my heart beat happily... with anticipation... and I hoped and prayed... that he would finally be taking me... to the magnificent looking Chrysler Building... where his American Head Office was... to show me the Mecca... where he reigned supreme...

And I wanted so much... to see his empire... the one he had carved out for himself... when he was only twenty-one years old...!  The place where he thrived... at his best... the center... where he concentrated... his considerable business acumen... so cleverly... and so wisely... all over the world...

We had been in New York... for a little less than one month now... and as I got dressed... in my best bib and tucker... having chosen a beige dress... of soft... brushed wool... that had a pullover type of round... folded over collar... I made sure... that my shiny silver bangles... which had been Papa’s Christmas present... on board ship... and whose soft tinkling... always delighted me... and lifted up my spirits... would be displayed prominently... below the cuff... of my long-sleeved dress...

And as I put the last finishing touches... to my thick braided crown... fastening a great big bow of green velvet... at the back of my neck... I found myself wondering... whether Papa... was also being affected... by the giant skyscrapers... as I was... thinking it would be a good... intelligent avenue of conversation... for us to engage in... during our forthcoming outing... together... 

Despite the fact... that we had been living in Manhattan... for quite a while now... I still could not help but feel dwarfed... and overwhelmed... by the towering buildings... that seemed to scrape the sky... whenever I happened to look upward... making me feel very small... and insignificant... in comparison to the wide open spaces of lush Central Park... which always managed to give me a sense... of who I really was... in all the right proportions...

At eleven o'clock sharp... Papa walked in through the vast hotel lobby... and by the expression on his face... I could see that he was very pleased... with my appearance... as I sat very primly... feeling resplendent... in my brand new... dark blue winter coat... with its black velvet trimming... my black gloved hands demurely clasped... in my lap... sitting quietly... on a red velour banquette... waiting for him to arrive... my thick golden hair... coiled in a braid... crowning my head... recently styled in the grown-up way... he now liked very much...

Papa stepped forward... coming to where I was sitting... and bowing... very gallantly... just like he had on that memorable Hollywood Day... on the tour bus... when we sang... impromptu... for the tourists... offered me his arm...

And my heart swelled with pride and joy... as he very courteously... escorted me to the revolving doors... drawing many admiring glances our way... and gently steering me... inside one of the glass partitions... and entering himself... behind me... spun us gaily out into the street... 

Once we were outside... Papa suggested - he was in a very jovial mood - that we venture forth into the city... by walking briskly... on the sunny side of the streets... avoiding the shady... chilly sidewalks... and proceeded to march us forward... my arm held closely... in the crook of his elbow... once more... 

I knew that we made quite a handsome couple... as we strode on together... in perfect unison... with him impeccably turned out... in his expensive... dark grey winter coat... a white silk scarf... draped around his neck...

And although I only came up to his shoulders... the fact that he had specifically thought me worthy enough... to set aside some precious time for me... time which he could ill afford to waste... made me feel ten feet tall... and thrilled... to be especially singled out... to spend this precious day... all alone with my adored Papa... who was interrupting his already constantly very busy business schedule... and I could feel my tingly... happy appreciation... right down... to the very tips of my toes...!  

And what a wonderful education... that day of enlightenment... turned out to be for me...  Papa must have planned the hours... very judiciously... with the intention... of educating me... because I was taken... in turn... through a mathematical... historical... geographical and... of all things... a culinary lesson... as well... all within the space... of that one... incredible day...! 

First of all... he took me to Wall Street... the center of the financial district... even giving me about five to ten awesome minutes... in the interior... of the world famous New York Stock Exchange... explaining to me... while we stood in the Spectators Gallery... which looked down... on the pulsing hub of high finance... and the awesome drama... that was being played out down there... in the huge room... where vast fortunes were made... and lost... in the twinkling of an eye...!

Papa educating me... in this manner... heightened my gnawing excitement... into gut-deep nausea... as he tried to explain... above the roar of shouting... and yelling... of hundreds of people... why some of the men... in their shirt sleeves... had their arms upraised... holding chits of paper... gesturing intensely... to some other men... across the vast room... in some secret signal... known only to themselves... their intense faces strained... and sweaty... with barely concealed anxiety... 

The noise was deafening... but what was even more engulfing... than the noise... was the electricity... in the atmosphere... as if there was a gigantic... holding in of breaths... waiting to see on the boards... and the ticker tapes... above their heads... whether the stocks... and shares... were going to rise... or fall... and whether the shareholders... had become instant millionaires... or bankrupt...!

Finally... I could stomach no more... of the increasingly tense atmosphere... and just then... my tummy grumbled loudly... and Papa hearing it... laughed... and said that I had had enough financial instruction... for the time being... heartily suggesting... that we go and find a nice restaurant... for lunch... 

When we got outside... and could hear ourselves speak again... he asked me to choose any nationality... whose particular cuisine... I might like to taste... 

And... without thinking... the word "Persia"... surprisingly popped out of my mouth... startling even me... because other than the few intriguing poems... I had read by Omar Khayam... the tent maker... world-famous for his earthy poetry... I knew next to nothing... about that mysterious country...! 

I fully expected Papa to protest... at my choice... but to my amazement... he smiled... heartily saying... in that quaint... charming Swiss accent of his...:

"Right you are... a Persian Restaurant it is...!"

And hailing a taxi... soon had us transported... to what appeared to be... a very Bohemian-looking district... of the city... its long narrow street... overflowing with colorful little shops... with strange sounding foreign names... many of them displaying their unique artifacts of exquisitely painted pottery... amazingly life-like wood carvings... and hundreds of brilliantly colored rugs and carpets... out on the sidewalk...! 

And as we walked together... arm in arm... down the narrow thoroughfare... which reminded me somewhat of Shanghai's Chinatown... and the incredible experience... I had had there... when... in all likelihood... I had even saved old Mr. Ruetli... from who knows what awful fate... with the timely Help... of my Guardian Angel... I saw one merchant after another... holding up armfuls... of some exquisitely woven... colorful wisps of silk cloth... or pointing to beautiful rugs... in bright Oriental designs...

And the sidewalks... were bustling with curious pedestrians... who either stopped in their tracks... attracted by some dealer's unusual looking merchandise... or deftly avoided their insistent... beckoning cries... that they stop... and inspect... their beautiful... hand-made works of art...

It was all very heady... for the senses... and I kept twisting... and turning my head around... not wanting to miss seeing... such exquisite handicrafts of people... from all nations... all nestled closely together... on this small narrow street... with its hovel-like... Middle Eastern stores... right next to Oriental curio shops...!

Then... to my astonishment... Papa suddenly stopped walking... and turning... ducked his head under a narrow... low archway... which looked to be of Moorish design... very much like the ones I had seen... in the profuse illustrations... of quite my very favorite book... "1,001 Arabian Nights"... all about Sheherazade... to whom I was often compared... throughout my life... and her curious fate... of being forced... nightly... for those 1,001 nights... to tell the Sultan... fascinating... beguiling tales... in order to stay alive...

And still with my arm... tucked under Papa’s... entered what appeared to be a dimly lit room...

And as my eyes adjusted themselves... to the semi-darkness... a spicily pungent aroma... assailed my nostrils... making me realize... how very famished I was... and looking around... noticed that we were standing... in a little alcove...

But all around the rest... of the smallish room... there were silk cushions... of all shapes... colors and sizes... strewn about... amid very low... round tables... of shiny black lacquer... and the ceilings were draped... with swathes of gossamer silk hangings... and oil lamps were suspended... at intervals... throughout the room... 

And of one accord... through years of habit... of living in Japan... we instinctively both bent down... simultaneously... and removed our street shoes... 

And as I gazed... in stockinged feet... with wonder... at this exotic scene... of Middle Eastern splendor... my eyes wide-eyed with awe... to find such an exquisite jewel... in such an occidental... modern city... as New York... as if out of nowhere... a figure silently materialized... in front of us... and in the dimness... the first thing I noticed... was a gleaming jewel... in the earlobe... of what appeared to be a genuine Persian man...! 

He was stocky... and swarthy of skin... dressed up just like one of the Sultans... in my book... complete with purple silk... bell-bottomed trousers... and a bright red broad sash... around his waist... and over his tunic... he was wearing an exquisitely embroidered... green bolero jacket... encrusted with sparkling... red and yellow jewels...!

And on his feet... were a pair of crimson silk slippers... with pointed... up-turned toes... and his head was covered... with a silky white turban... which had an enormous... gleaming green gem... in the middle... of his forehead... And there was a rakish... wispy red feather... sticking out of it... at the side...

Immediately noticing... our Oriental gesture of respect... he bowed low... beaming from ear to ear... showing a shiny gold tooth... in the front of his mouth... and rubbing his hands together... beckoned to us... in broken English... to please follow him... obsequiously leading the way... to one of the low lacquered tables... in a corner of the room...

We made our way very carefully... following him... and gingerly stepped over the soft cushions... until... stopping at the low table... our host gestured for us... to remove our coats... and taking them... said to please seat ourselves... on the cushions... on the floor... and left us... rubbing his hands together... again... as if to indicate... how pleased he was to serve us... and no doubt... also in anticipation... of having his pockets... bulging with the money... he would handsomely be paid... by the distinguished looking gentleman... and his lovely companion... 

The delectable... enticing aroma... wafting in... through the beaded curtains... at the other end of the room... through which our host had momentarily disappeared behind... was almost more than I could bear...

Because the long brisk walk... that Papa and I had taken... in the crisp winter air... reminding me of all the other times... we had hiked through the rugged mountains of Japan... together... had given me such a huge appetite that... ravenous by now... I would have eaten anything... that was placed before me... even roasted locusts...! ... which I had heard... was a favorite Arab delicacy...!

After a while... I noticed that... for some time now... Papa had been giving me admiring glances... and in particular... noticing the silver bangles... on my left wrist... and just as I was about to ask him... why he kept looking at me that way... he delighted me by remarking... in that fascinating... Swiss accent of his...:

"You know... Graziella... I am very pleased... that you chose such an exotic country...  I expected you to suggest your usual favorite Italian... or Japanese... or Chinese restaurant... which I know... are all already very familiar to you... 

And I see that my plan... to leave this particular part... of your education - the broadening of your culinary experience - up to you... alone... was a very good idea... 

And although I already know... what their main foods consist of... since Persian cuisine... happens to be one of my favorites... I will let it be a surprise for you...  A very pleasant one... I might add..."

Just as he finished speaking... I looked up and saw our beturbaned host returning... with three likewise costumed men... trailing behind him... all laden with steaming platters of food... and exquisitely designed... heavy silverware... and goblets... and pitchers of water... beautifully engraved... and encrusted... with glittering jewels...! 

When they reached our table... our host clapped his hands twice... and as if on cue... the first waiter bowed... and silently placed his platter... in front of us... the ritual repeating itself... with the next two waiters... until there... on our round lacquered table... was a delectable feast... spread out before us... such as I had not seen... since Christmas... and New Year's Eve... on board the Klipfontein... and the tantalizing mixtures of aromas... tickled our noses... the spicier ones... making our eyes smart...

And on that never-to-be-forgotten day... alone with Papa... I tasted... for the very first time... in my life... the wonderful texture of lamb... in the way... it should be cooked... in order to bring out its delicate flavor... 

I had eaten hearty mutton stew... back in boarding school... and even rack of lamb... aboard ship... with its usual customary accompaniment of mint jelly... but somehow... the distinctive... delicate taste of the meat... was drowned... by the heavy gravy... it was swimming in...

But the unique way... in which the Persians cook lamb... very careful... to preserve its tender... distinctive flavor... by the practice of serving it... stuffed with cloves of garlic... combined with stewed fruit... has to be tasted... to be appreciated... to its fullest extent... 

And there is quite nothing in the world to compare... as having a piece of tender lamb... together with a sliver of stewed peach... on top of it... on the tines of a fork... and tasting that combination of meat... garlic... and fruit... together... 

And the accompaniment of steamed vegetables... al dente... succulent and tasty... their texture most delectable... to the palate... and the eye... each piece retaining its bright color... and shape... from vivid greens... bright reds...to golden yellows... some of them attractively wrapped... in pungent-smelling... edible grape leaves... 

There were also all kinds of delicious sweetmeats... as well... some delicately dipped... in honey and almonds... and I only remember... that by the time we were finished... I could hardly get up from the table...!

And the jasmine-scented clove tea... that we were served... at the end of the meal... was my very first introduction... to the herbal tea family... which also became a fast favorite of mine... from that day onward...

As we sipped our cups of tea... made out of delicate china... we felt very much in harmony... with each other... and resting for a while... after gorging ourselves... eating in silence... as usual... because Papa always discouraged any conversation... at the dinner table... I was delighted to see... that Papa had been enjoying himself... just as much as I had...

So I took a deep breath... gathering up my courage... and seized the opportunity... to dare to be the first to speak... for a change... breaking his very strict rule... of only being allowed to speak... when spoken to...

And in the most serious tone of voice... I could muster... I very seriously confided to him... about the queasy reactions... I had been having... to the gigantic skyscrapers... around the city of Manhattan...

My heart beating very fast... I waited for his reaction... half afraid... that he would become very annoyed... that I had dared to open up a conversation with him... and also that I was showing traits of cowardice... which he would not tolerate... in his children... or maybe even laugh in my face... with derision...

But after I had bared my puzzling feelings to him... earnestly and sincerely explaining... how small... and dwarfed... and insignificant... the skyscrapers... always made me feel... as they towered way up above me... in their awesome grandeur... to my great relief... he did not laugh... or scold... or chide me...!

But in an equally grave voice... Papa confessed... how he himself had reacted... in exactly the same way... when he had come to New York... for the first time... some twenty years ago... feeling just as overwhelmed... and awed... as I was feeling... by the immensely tall... towering buildings...!

And how... not liking the uncomfortable feeling... he had had to deliberately implement... a rigidly enforced plan... which was never to look farther up... than the twelfth floor... which incidentally was the day... on which his birthday fell - an excellent reminder for him... 

And that by strictly adhering... to this prudent practice... he had managed to overcome feeling dwarfed... and insignificant... whenever he found himself walking... amongst the gigantic... majestic edifices... that seemed to forever scrape the skies... 

I felt very relieved... to have unburdened myself to him thus... and his honest confession... made me feel closer to him... than ever before in my life...!

Closer even... than... during my babyhood... back in Japan... when I had sat... way up high... on top of his shoulders... as he carried me... on our descent... from what I came to refer to... as our “mae ni no asameshi yama” (before breakfast mountain).. cooing... deliriously happy... that Papa was rewarding me... for having pleased him... with my stamina...

Our daily pre-dawn routine... was to first exercise... rigorously... in his attic gym... then immediately climb up the yama... behind our house... with no drink... or food... beforehand...!

And when we reached the top... we would be in time... to share our very private moment of closeness... watching the spectacular sunrise... together... both of us feeling... full of awe... and wonderment... at God's Magnificent Creation... as if our souls had become one...!

When we felt that we could move... once again... we got to our feet... and left the cozy... exotic oasis... Papa paying our bill... and thanking our host... for his most delicious repast...

And he in turn... grinned with pleasure... from ear to ear... and bowed... and rubbed his hands together... with delight... thrilled that we had been so pleased... with his culinary art...

Watching him being so very pleased... it suddenly dawned on me... for the first time... that throughout the whole time... we had been dining there... for at least an hour... in his unique... Moorish establishment... Papa and I... had actually been the only customers...! 

And before I could stop myself... I exclaimed...

"What a shame... Papa... here in this hole-in-the-wall... little jewel of a place... in this remote part of the borough... is the most delicious food... to be found in the city... and nobody seems to know about it...!"

 

And as Papa beamed his pleasure... at my observation... I vowed on the spot... that I would make it my business... to advertise the Persian's little restaurant... as hard as I could... starting with all the guests... at our hotel...

Becoming enthusiastic... when Papa approved... saying it was a great idea... I breathlessly asked the grinning man... whether he could let me have some advertising material... such as copies of his menu... or business cards... with the name of his restaurant... and address... printed on them... so that I could pass them on to potential customers... 

But he looked back at me with a blank... black stare... unable to understand... shrugging his shoulders... clutching the wad of bills... Papa had handed him... tightly in his clenched fist... 

So I tried to communicate with him... by appropriate gestures... but they drew no response... but an impatient toss of his head... still glaring at me...

And I got the distinct impression... that now that we were of no further monetary gain to him... he had lost all interest in us... and wished us gone...! 

And as we put our coats and shoes back on... I felt sad... at his sorry state of circumstances... for it was blatantly clear to me... that poverty... had made him primarily greedy for money... leaving little room... for any other emotion... in his heart... such as instinctive love... for his fellow brothers and sisters... 

Nevertheless... I did advertise his premises... and my verbal raves... elicited promises... from the hundred or so guests... of the hotel... to most certainly try out the quaint... authentic... out-of-the-way... Persian jewel of a restaurant... I was recommending... so enthusiastically...   

When Papa and I stepped outside... into the full glare of the afternoon sun... the sudden blinding light... hurting our eyes... making us shield them... with our hands... he informed me... that he had yet another surprise for me... one that he was sure would please me...

And ducking into yet another hole-in-the-wall doorway... he emerged shortly after... with an exquisite silk blue scarf... that perfectly matched... the blue of my eyes... and complimented my new dark blue coat... telling me that it was my reward... for having behaved... like a perfect lady... in the little Persian restaurant...! 

And my heart soared with joy... feeling so ecstatically happy... to be on such a wonderful outing... once again... with my adored Papa... on such a magical day... even better... than that magical day... in Hollywood...!  

Quickly hailing a taxi... once again... telling me that he was about to produce... the pièce de resistance... whispering the destination... to the taxicab driver... he soon had us driven swiftly across town... coming to a stop in front of a very imposing looking building... but not a skyscraper...!

I was puzzled... since there was no legend... that I could see... on the edifice... to tell me what it was... but as soon as we entered the great marble hall... Papa... taking my arm... announced that we were standing on the floor of none other... than the world famous... New York Metropolitan Museum of Art...! 

And for the next several hours... as I exclaimed my delight... over each fascinating exhibit... so cleverly displayed... as to be enhanced... to their best visibility... I was transported into a heaven... of international artworks...

From the indescribable gamut... from gigantic... to small oil paintings of portraits... fruits... and flowers... land and seascapes... all masterpieces... engendered by the world's greatest artists... such as Gaugin... Degas... Van Gogh... Rembrandt... Manet... Titian... Toulouse Lautrec... Monet... et al. ... each genius... painting in his unique style...

There were... as well... incredibly life-like sculptures... and statuary... of early humans... and animals... from prehistoric dinosaurs... to existing species...  with plaques... describing their fascinating history... beneath the gigantic tableaus... 

Then there was a vault-like chamber... exhibiting the awesome artifacts... of ancient Egypt... mysterious... and eerie... with its entombed mummies... lying in intricately carved sarcophagi... their sides and tops... etched with strange-looking... hieroglyphic symbols... to admire... but not to touch...

Every chamber... throughout the vast Museum... was like a land of utter enchantment for me... for I had never ever before in my life... been to such a uniquely distinctive place... where... by merely walking through a doorway... I could imagine myself... transported to ancient times... for example... in faraway Lappland... or Alaska... where I could imagine myself... living in an igloo... hunting polar bears... and seals... and eating whale blubber...!

Or sailing up the Nile River... with notorious... beautiful Queen Cleopatra... in ancient Egypt... or indulge in dangerous liaisons... in the royal courts of England... Spain... and France... where intrigue after intrigue... was plotted... often unjustly toppling kings and queens... from their thrones... 

And just as I thought... that I could take no more thrills and delights... and gasps of awe... with Papa very pleased... that he had chosen our outing well... he told me... that he had one last surprise for me... the crème de la crème... the cherry on top of the ice cream sundae...!

And I thought to myself ... my heart pounding... with happy anticipation...:

‘Oh goody... Papa's finally going to take me to his domain...!'

And easily relinquishing... the enticing lure... of the Museum... I docilely left the enchanting building... with Papa... looking forward to at long last... actually see... where he reigned supreme...

But when the taxi finally deposited us... and we got out... Papa proudly announced... that we were about to enter the tallest building... in the city... and also of the world... the "Empire State Building"... and promptly led the way... to a bank of elevators... located inside the huge portals... 

I was not quite sure... whether I was ready... for this experience... but I was loath to show Papa... how my heart... was suddenly in my mouth... and my knees trembling... nauseous with fear... as the elevator zoomed upwards... like the speed of light... it seemed...!

And I was quite certain... that its extremely rapid velocity... would shoot us up... beyond the top floor... and straight up into the sky...! 

Nevertheless... I tried to act... perfectly at ease... although my teeth were gritted... into a fixed grin... on my face...

But when we reached the top floor... in nothing flat... and I was standing... on terra firma once more... I gasped... and rubbed my eyes in disbelief... at the magnificent panorama... spread out before my dumbfounded eyes...

I was shaking... with a mixture of trepidation and excitement... and Papa... understanding perfectly... took my arm... and steered me towards one of the large panes of glass...

And pointing... he gave me a lesson... in American geography... showing me... in the distance... the different important landmarks... surrounding New York City... including the famous Statue of Liberty... which I hoped... was also on his agenda for me... that incredible afternoon... of rare... shared togetherness...

It was a clear day... so that we could see... for miles and miles around... and when he felt... that I had calmed down... he took me out... into the uncovered area... with the intention of walking me all around the top floor...

But... just as we were about to step out... into the late afternoon... still bright sunlight... it was announced... over the loudspeaker... that visitors should please refrain... from stepping out into the open... for it was now dangerously too windy... for outdoors...!

Needless to say... I was terribly disappointed... until Papa told me... that we could spot his office from there... and how it was located... in the second highest building... in the city... and pointing to a uniquely graceful skyscraper... with its petal-like layered... upward sloping rooftop... he proudly announced... that he was showing me... what was called the "Chrysler Building"... which I instantly recognized... from the postcard... he had sent to me... in Japan... from one of his business trips abroad...

How I longed to ask him... to be taken there... to be shown his kingdom... today... right now... but the words stuck in my throat... certain that such audacity... would incur his displeasure... and spoil this wonderful... rare day of closeness... that we were sharing... since the last rare time... when we visited Warner Brothers Movie Studios... together... back in Los Angeles... a few weeks ago...

For I had been very well trained by him... to never ask for anything... but be seen... and not heard... and speak... only when spoken to... and did not have the courage... for another try... on the same day... 

As things turned out... from the very next day onwards... and up until the very last day... in New York... Papa and Mr. Behrens... became extremely busy... in their business affairs... working long hours... even late into the nights... and... alas... I never got to see his financial kingdom... ever... nor get to visit... the famous Statue of Liberty... my two biggest regrets...

Although I did manage to step foot... inside the Chrysler Building... a few days after our special... educational outing... even taking the elevator... way way up to his floor... at the top... to the point of actually daring... to put my hand... on the doorknob... of his office door...  upon which was the stencilled legend... “Overseas Trading Company”...

But then... suddenly becoming terribly afraid... of incurring Papa’s wrath... arriving there... uninvited... lacking the courage... to turn the knob... and actually walk in... very apprehensive... that I would not be welcome... by suddenly intruding... into the sacro-sanct domain... of his work world... with my heart pounding... I started to turn away...

But then... ashamed of my cowardice... I straightened my shoulders... took a deep breath... and taking hold of the doorknob... once more... just like I did... that time... when I peed in my pants... at school... knocked briefly... pushed the doorknob down... and entered... my heart banging loudly... against my chest... bracing myself... for my pater’s outrage...

But... to my utter amazement... the office was completely empty...!  But there was another door... straight ahead... and knowing that my authoritarian father... was behind it... sitting imperiously... on his business throne... completely unnerved me... and I turned tail... and ran away... as fast as I could... terrified that he had heard me knocking... and would be coming out of his office... at any moment... to investigate...

Chapter 12 

Growing Up Too Fast...?!

During our last week in New York... after that frightening... recent debacle... at the department store... being mistaken for Greta Garbo... and that one perfect interlude... alone with Papa... three extremely frightening... traumatic experiences... befell me... one after another... two of them... on the same night... and the third... on the following morning... and it is a Miracle... that I was still able... to retain some modicum of sanity... afterwards...!

One evening... over yet another family dinner... at some swanky restaurant... Papa astounded me... after ordering our entrees... by suddenly... out of the blue... focussing all of his attention... exclusively on me... staring... studying my face... for a very long time... without uttering a single word...! 

His close scrutiny... was most unnerving... to say the least... and made me feel very uncomfortable... and just when I thought I could not bear it a second longer... he thoroughly bowled me over...

Clearing his throat... indicating that he was about to make an important announcement... he said that I had been invited... on the following evening... to the home of a family... in view of what transpired... I shall call... by the name of Breckstein... whose daughter... he believed her name was (I shall call her Jessica) ... I had gone to school with... Apparently... they had left Japan... earlier than we had... settling down in Manhattan... in a grand mansion... on Riverside Drive...

I forget now... whether “Jessica's” father... was a business associate of Papa's... or that he only knew him socially... perhaps from also having been a member... of the Yokohama Country & Athletic Club...

But I do remember that... when he mentioned their family name... it was vaguely familiar to me... however... in all honesty... I simply could not ever remember a girl called “Jessica”... being in my class... 

But I was... nevertheless... thrilled to have been invited... to visit someone's own private home... for the very first time... since arriving in New York - the last time... had been in Japan... to the lovely beach house... of the Gandossis... the parents of my sweetheart... Guido... - so I did not pay too much attention... to the fact... that I could not really place her in my mind...

Then Papa interrupted my thoughts... and startled me... once again... by looking directly into my eyes... searchingly... his own green eyes flashing... like brilliant emeralds... their intense scrutiny... unnerving me... all over again... for it had been ages and ages... since he had given me such singularly undivided... concentrated attention... in front of the family... 

And after what seemed an eternity... appearing... finally... to have found something in my face... that satisfied him... he smiled broadly... the crow's feet at his eyes... softening his features most pleasantly... and said...:

"Graziella... I have been debating... whether to tell you... or not... about some news... I have just received...! 

Now that you seem to be suddenly more grown up... I have decided... that you can handle... what is going to turn out... to be a great disappointment for you...!

You remember our wonderful day together... in Hollywood... and the man who recorded your singing voice...?” 

And as I nodded my head... unable to speak... because my heart was in my mouth...

“Well... I have just received a cablegram from him...  It seems that they are very impressed by you... and your voice... and want you pronto in Hollywood... want to make a movie star out of you... now... just like Judy Garland... and Deanna Durbin... over at MGM...!”

And as my senses reeled... in amazement... he calmly continued...

“Of course... that is absolutely out of the question... since I cannot possibly leave New York... at this time... to accompany you there... not with all my urgent... as yet outstanding business obligations... here...

And to let you go there... all alone... and unprotected... to become prey to some opportunist... who will most likely take unfair advantage of you... is also out of the question...

But I thought at least that you should know... that you made an excellent impression... on that man...!  

So... now that you seem to have put your childish ways... behind you... I have decided to put you to the test... so that you can prove to me... how grown up you are... by allowing you to go out to the Breckstein's tomorrow evening... all by yourself...!"

And when he saw me react... with a mixture of bitter disappointment... at having all my hopes... of an immediate musical movie career... in Hollywood... dashed... and amazement... at his most unexpected words of permission... my eyes as big as saucers... he added... with a wave of his hand...:

"It will be an excellent experience for you... it is high time... that you were more independent... prepare you for your future life in Switzerland... one of the highly cultured countries of Europe... and also for the time... when your Papa will take you back to Hollywood... when you are seventeen...!"

I could hardly believe my ears - Papa was actually trusting brainless... insignificant me... to go out all alone at night...!!!

I did not know... whether to fling my arms... around his neck... smothering his face with kisses... which display of emotional gratitude... in a public place... would have... no doubt... embarrassed him no end...

Or just stretch out my hand... across the table... and shake his hand... expressing my thanks gravely... without showing too much emotion... just like an adult would...

But in the end... I did neither... because I could not move - I seemed to be glued to my chair - and I was in such a tizzy... that all I could do... was just sit there... grinning stupidly... at a loss for words... feeling quite dazed... 

My heart was thumping... to beat the band... and I wanted to pinch myself... to be sure... that I was not dreaming... that Papa was actually putting so much trust in me... his youngest daughter... of only nearly twelve...! 

And then I heard Xenia sputtering in protest...:

"Baat Teodorre...!"

... then falling abruptly silent... as he glared at her... admonishing her with an angry look...!

I was curious to see Xenia's reaction... to Papa's annoyance with her... and cast a surreptitious glance... across the table at her... noticing that the poor woman... was sitting in her chair... as if turned to stone... her eyes enormous... with a hint of tears in them... and her mouth was open... in a perfectly shaped round "O" of surprise...!

She was clearly very upset... at having been verbally chastised... by her beloved husband... not only in public... but in front of his children... as well... a scene that we had never... ever witnessed before...!

And when I looked over to Remo... who was sitting across from me... curious to see his reaction... I was delighted to see... that he had a huge grin... on his face... and as our eyes met... he said... with a lot of gusto... nodding his head vigorously...:

"Atta girl...!"

My big brother's approval... meant the world to me... and seeing the way... in which he was beaming at me... with his green eyes sparkling... made me feel ten feet tall... and very grown up... and I could feel my chest expand... with a wonderful sense of pride...

I was so happy... to be in the company... of what were now my two staunch male champions... my allies... that I was totally unaffected by Xenia... who was now exhibiting her disapproval... by the very manner... in which she was sitting... very stiffly erect... her back ramrod straight... her whole demeanor... forbidding... with not a hint of a smile... cracking her carefully made up... false "Mask of Beauty"... that only she and I knew about... with her having sworn me to secrecy... about it... when I was about seven years old...

The only thing... that marred my joy... was that my cherished sister Prima... was not present... to share this... for me... most momentous occasion - a gigantic turning point... in my life - but she was off somewhere... spending the evening... with her current boyfriend... “Call for Philip Morris...” 

Then I heard Papa's voice... and it sounded faint... as if coming out of a fog... and he was saying something... about promising to draw a map for me... telling me which subways to take... to get to the Breckstein's... then back to the hotel...

And then I heard no more... for... to my extreme annoyance... and chagrin... the room had started to spin around me... and then... to my horror... I was sliding from my chair... onto the floor... fainting dead away...!

When I came to... a short while later... with a sharp stinging sensation... in my nostrils... I was very embarrassed... to find myself surrounded... by the Maitre d'... who was holding a handkerchief of smelling salts... under my nose...!

And there were waiters hovering anxiously... nearby... and some of the patrons... were looking over at me... all with worried looks... on their faces... and remembering the remarkable evening... for an instant... I was terrified... that Papa would be infuriated with me... once again...

Just like the last time... when I had fainted dead away... on that never-to-be-forgotten American Day of Independence... when I was about eight years old... during the Yokohama Country Club Relay Race... upon which he... and many others...  had betted heavily... on my winning it... as their favorite...

And as I raced... towards the adorable miniature American flag... sticking out of the ground... and bent down... to pick it up... and run back to the starting point with it... I experienced... the very first peculiar... frightening... lurching of my heart beat... managing somehow... to win the race... but fainting dead away... just as the prize... of a beautiful... jewel-encrusted sewing box... was placed into my hands...

My public display of weakness... infuriated my father... who would not tolerate any such signs... in his children... to such an extent... that he had snatched my prize... out of my hands... as I fell to the ground... and thrown it down... next to me... stomping on it... and smashing it to pieces...

And remembering his fury... then... I was terrified... that he would renege on his promise...  now that I had... once again... made an embarrassing spectacle of myself... in public...

But when I saw his face... bending over mine... there was a huge grin on it... and he stretched out his hand to me to grasp... and hauling me back up onto my feet... he uttered our favorite Little King phrase... that I had not heard him say... for quite a while... and he said it with much heartiness...:

  "Allez-op... Nov Schmoz Kapop...!"

 

And after he had helped an astounded... dazed me... back to the table... once more... my legs all wobbly and shaky... he seated me down gently... and tenderly inquiring... whether I was all right... to which... in my surprise... at his rare display of concerned solicitousness... I could only nod a shy yes... he returned to his own seat... opposite to mine...!

And sitting back... he took another long... hard look at me... then said... smiling sympathetically...:

"You know... Graziella... your fainting like that... is perfectly understandable... for whenever before... has your Papa surprised you... with such a huge double whammy... eh...?” 

“First I tell you about Hollywood... being very impressed by you and your voice... and then I am letting you go out all alone at night... for the very first time in your life... treating you like a grown-up...?"

Then he bowled me over... once again... by actually reaching over... and patting my hand... in a most rare gesture of affection - I could not even remember... when he had touched me quite like that before... I must have been quite little - which made my whole face suffuse pink... with pleasure...

At the same time... I was conscious... of being very sorry... deep down... that I could not... for the life of me... return his fond gaze... because... for too many countless years now... there had been no affection... to speak of... coming from him... towards me... either physically... or verbally...

He would either... only dole out a display of overbearing... stern... authoritarian... commanding discipline... often accompanied... by frowning disapproval... his manner ever forbidding... with never a kind word of encouragement...

Or... by utter contrast... show... by his demeanor... absolute... cold indifference... often making me quake... with awesome fear.. wondering countless times... why it was that my father... whom I respected... and admired... and loved so much... could not... nay... did not love me...

So this extremely rare display... of open affection towards me... from him... could no longer make me react... in any other way... than with diffident shyness... and an inability... to now accept his sudden turnnaround... wholeheartedly... without reservation... responding to him equally openly... feeling quite natural... 

And even that one wonderful day of education... ranging through the fascinating city of New York... all alone with him - so rare an occasion - was not quite enough... for me able now... to completely let my guard down... What a terrible... terrible pity...

Although secretly... my heart was sad... about Hollywood... at the same time... it was singing... and all I could think of... was of the forthcoming adventure... when I would be sallying forth... into the night... on my very own... for the very first time... in my life... and I could not wait for tomorrow night to come... 

And all the way back to the hotel... walking briskly... arm in arm with Papa... with poor Xenia panting... trying to keep up with us... mincing hurriedly along... in her ridiculously high heeled boots... it was as if I was floating on air... my feet never seeming to touch the ground - I could not remember... ever having been as ecstatically happy...

I hardly slept a wink that night... trying to console myself... that why... in only a few five years time... Papa would be taking me back to Hollywood...! 

But that right around the corner... was a first for me... and I thrilled in anticipation... of what my first night... out on my own... would bring... and all the next day... I was in a state of feverish excitement... waiting for the sun to set... and for the all-important night time... to come... 

And when it finally did come... the daylight hours... seeming to have dragged on... and on... interminably... until I began to wonder... whether the darkness of five o'clock... would ever descend... mysteriously blanketing the earth... I was so keyed up... that I feared triggering off... one of my dreaded... lurching heart beat attacks...

But by the time... it was finally pitch black... outside the windows... and thank God... with my heart still beating normally... I was already all dressed up... in my Sunday best... a purple dress of soft... brushed velvet... enhanced by a wide green sash... and sporting my lovely new Shirley Temple... winter overcoat...

And my now five inch shorter hair... recently cut by Prima... who had to convince me... that it was good to trim one’s hair... from time to time... braided across the top of my head... like a shimmering golden crown... and pinned criss-crossed... at the back of my head... with a large velvet bow of green... covering it... which made me look very grown up... indeed...

Papa's map was securely tucked away... in one slash pocket... of my brand new coat... and the exact amount of money... for the subway... and a handkerchief... tucked away... in my other pocket... 

For a brief instant... I had toyed with the idea... of asking Xenia... to kindly lend me... one of her many purses... so I would present a better... grown up picture... but she was still surrounding herself... with that wall of forbidding unapproachability... that she had built around her... ever since the evening before... no doubt... seething with jealousy... that her beloved Theo... had dared to pay so much singular attention... to his secretly “darling Nadia”... and right in front of her...!

Nevertheless... I was resolved that nobody... but absolutely nobody... was going to spoil my evening for me... because... buoyed up by Papa's trust in me... I was joyfully imbued... with an overwhelming sense... of being good and ready... to face the challenge... of venturing forth... into the night... all on my own little lonesome... 

I was expected... at the Breckstein's at eight o'clock sharp... so I assumed my invitation... was not for dinner... but for dessert and refreshments...  So... to be on the safe side... I went along with my parents... to have some dinner... first...

It was a joy to be with Papa Rau... who was extremely jovial and hearty... complimenting me... on my lovely appearance... embellishing my own high spirits...

But Xenia... who... on any other occasion... could have put a damper on things... was still full of rancor... stiff as a board...  and tight-lipped...

But I would not let her bad humor faze me... not one little bit - this was one occasion... she would not spoil for me... but definitely...!

I was much too excited to eat... and could hardly swallow my food... and thought... logically... that if the invitation... was for dinner... after all... well... I should not really let that concern me... in the least... for I could always put away more food... in my stomach - it seemed as if my rapidly developing... and growing body... had a never-ending appetite... these days...!

All of a sudden... Papa looked at his watch... and said that it was high time... I was on my way... and as I jumped up to leave... he called out...:

"Wait... I'm coming with you... as far as to the steps of the subway station entrance... anyway...  It's quite close by..."

And as he got up... he turned to Xenia... and said...:

"Darling... I suggest that you wait for me here... because we will have to walk very fast...  And you know how hard it always is... for you to keep up with us...!"

To which she responded... by barely nodding her head... her face set... still not uttering a single word... which had been the case... all throughout dinner...

At her persistent sulking... Papa shrugged his shoulders... and abruptly turning away from her... took my arm... and hurried me out of the restaurant...

We walked briskly... for a short block... and both saw the subway sign at the same time... laughing as we said... in unison...:

"Look... there it is...!"

At the top of the stairs... Papa checked me over... to see that I had my map... and subway fare money... and then gave me a fond send-off... smacking my bottom playfully... as I happily skipped down the stairway...

There were no hitches... to speak of... on my way to the Breckstein's...  In fact... the whole thirty minute ride... my very first... on a subway... with the carriage... not too full of passengers... was remarkably easy... 

After I purchased... my transfer ticket... all I had to do... was take two subway trains... to get to Riverside Drive... and the transfer... from one train to the other... was effected... without any hitches... whatsoever...

With the help of Papa's precious map... I got off... at exactly the right station stop... midway... and got on the right train... for the final destination... without any trouble at all - everything going... as smooth as silk...

And I had absolutely no idea... or inkling... whatsoever... of the horror... and devastatingly shocking events... that were in store... for ultra sensitive me... not only on that terrifying night... but on the following morning... as well... which were to open wide... my innocent eyes... and change my heretofore... largely naive outlook on life... irrevocably... and forever...!

(Bearing in mind... that I had no memory... of my babyhood sexual abuse... at that time... not since I was seven... when my Heavenly Father... Mercifully Removed... all awareness... of that terrifying... helpless period... from my consciousness...)

(Those horrendous... disgusting two years... from about two to four... are fully described... under "Heavenly Visitations..."... for which I beg forgiveness... of my readers... for their graphically descriptive... repulsion evoking episodes...!)

End Of Part IX-A - Twelve Chapters

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