Chapter 1
Papa Rau Contacts His Secretly “Darling Nadia” ... Out Of The Blue... After Fifteen Years... Of Total Non-Communication... Between Them... Because Of Two Gross Betrayals... By Him... Towards Her...!

The very last time... Papa's secretly "Darling Nadia"... forced to address her by her given name... of Graziella... because of his Russian wife's fierce... possessive jealousy... resentful that he would call his daughter... by a Russian name... ever saw him... here on earth... was when she was about seventeen...!!!

It was at the Zurich Airport... with him... sending her off... to England... for secretarial training... instead of sending her to Italy... for further operatic voice training... as he had promised to do... if she worked hard... at her school studies... which she had... graduating with honors...

And having broken his promise... to her... she was so devastated... and heartbroken... that she had lost her voice... entirely... and could not sing a single note... for the next four years... not until she became her lover... popular celebrity... John Massey’s vocalist... in his dance orchestra... in Johannesburg South Africa...!

And when Papa had sent her... off to England... for secretarial training... because he was going back... to Japan... and did not want... to leave her alone... in Zurich... under the bad influence... of her alcoholic sister Prima... they had parted... vehemently arguing... about which gate... to go through... at the Zurich Airport...!

So that there had been... no Goodbyes... or even a hug... nor a hasty... called out "Bon Voyage..." send-off... between them... hers for his forthcoming trip... back to Japan... and his... for her trip to England...!!!

In 1963... some fifteen years... after her last contact... with Papa Rau... now living in Pretoria... the capital of South Africa... and being in her 2nd year in SUBUD... and known to everybody... as Nadia/Grazia Scott... whilst sitting at her desk... working as a Private Secretary... and translator... for a Legal Patent Attorney... out of the blue... one morning... she noticed a properly stamped envelope... addressed to her... as "Graziella Nadia Rau... c/o The Swiss Consulate... Johannesburg... South Africa..."!

And flabbergasted... she wondered how on earth... such an addressed letter... to her... in her very old name... way down in Johannesburg... had arrived on her desk... miles away... up in Pretoria...!

Jumping to her feet... she went to the mailroom... and asked the man in charge... how the letter had landed... on her desk... and he told her... that it was lying... on the floor... just inside the main office door... when he came to work... early that morning...!

And since the name Graziella... and Grazia... as they knew her... were so similar... and seeing the word "Swiss"... he naturally assumed... that the letter... must be for her... the only one... in the office... who spoke English... with a markedly foreign accent...!

A little apprehensive... at seeing the name "Rau..."... a name... that had not been hers... since as long ago... as 1957... just before she married... her very first husband... Brian... when she was about twenty-seven... in Bulawayo Southern Rhodesia... and her name... changed to Scott... she wondered who on earth... could be writing to her... from such a distant past...!

Puzzled... and feeling uneasy... she looked at the upper... left hand corner... to see who the sender was... and to her great astonishment... saw that the letter... she was holding... in her trembling hand... was from none other... than her President Theodore Roosevelt... and great actor... John Barrymore... doppelganger... Theodore "Papa" Rau... writing to her... from New York... USA...!!!

And she wondered... how on earth... the letter had arrived... at her office... where she was known... either by the name Nadia... that she used... as an entertainer... or as Grazia Scott...!

Although the Swiss Consulate... in Johannesburg... had known her... as Graziella Nadia Rau... when she worked for them... briefly... way back in 1951... she had never informed them... of the change... in her marital status... and her subsequent married name of "Scott"... because of the fact... that she had married Brian... in Southern Rhodesia..!!!???

Here she would like to move forward in time... and mention... two more Miraculous Mail Deliveries... which Occurred... in her most extraordinary SUBUD life...:-

For instance... one can wonder... how on earth... did Beloved Bapak's reply... to Farlan and Muftiah's letter... to him... in 1975... describing their extraordinary coming together... through the Latihan Kejiwaan... practically as strangers... without really knowing each other... or dating...!!! ... Reach Farlan... way down in Watsonville... when the return address ... given to Bapak... was Muftiah’s... way up in Fairfax... Marin...!!!???

And furthermore... how on earth... had Muftiah's original "Open Letter..." of January 3rd ... 1987... arrived... at the very doorstep... of stranger... SUBUD Brother... Vartkes Derounian... who... disowned by his family... and in despair... was about to commit suicide... in the devastating... war-torn city of Beirut... Lebanon... where there was no Postal Service... to speak of... whatsoever..!!!???

Miraculous Angel Postal Service...???!!!

Oh yes indeed... she does believe so...

For all three letters... were vitally important...!:

Papa Rau’s Letter... got him ultimately... Gloriously "Opened..." ... and "Awakened..." ... into the Miracle of SUBUD... although posthumously... the extraordinary Spiritual Event... described below... and confirmed by Beloved Bapak... as a True Experience...!

And Bapak's all important Letter... was approving... and Blessing... Farlan and Muftiah's forthcoming... Jiwa To Jiwa... Marriage...!

And last... but not least... Muftiah's "Open Letter..."... Commanded To Be Written... by Almighty Allah... to her dear SUBUD Brothers and Sisters... all over the SUBUD World... stopped Vartkes... from committing suicide... giving him... a new lease on life... including his making plans... to immigrate to the USA...!

And she finally met him... for the first time... in person... soon after she Was Allowed... by her Beloved Creator... her Heavenly Father... Allah Almighty God... to rise from her seven year long period... of being totally bed-ridden... due to the many God Willed Strokes... suffered...!!!

She has written... about their strange relationship... under a separate Part... titled... "The Strange Saga... Of Vartkes And Muftiah..." ... as indicated... in the Table Of Contents... of her Spiritual Odyssey... "From Seven Hells... To Seventh Heaven... SUBUD..."

Getting back to 1963... Grazia was almost afraid... to open the mysterious envelope... and sat there... at her desk... trembling... overcome with mixed emotions...

But then... curiosity getting the better of her... she pulled herself together... and slit it open... wondering what Papa... would have to say to her... after all those years of total silence... and utter non-communication between them... whatsoever...

And she realized... that their relationship had ended... with his second gross betrayal... when she was two weeks short... of her eighteenth birthday... in England... where she was falsely accused... of being a lesbian... with her very best friend and classmate... Clara... who had been so kind to her... even taking her to see a renowned Harley Street specialist... when she started to suffer blackouts... soon after her brutal sexual assault... by a young German POW...!

And her adored/feared Papa... had broken her heart... and trust... for good... when he vicariously believed... her accusers... who were total strangers to him... and sight unseen...!!!

All the while... she was a student... in England... at the Kensington Secretarial College... Papa had written typed letters to her... once a week... regularly... first sending his letters... by airmail... then sending the same letters... by seamail... making sure... that she got all of them... and always addressing her... as his Darling Nadia... although the envelopes... were addressed to Graziella Rau...!

He had also arranged for her... to get special... monthly food packages... in a country... that was still suffering... from the effects... of the War... the population... largely living... on food ration coupons...

And what she read... now... in her office... in Pretoria... was almost like his usual tone... of business letter... only completely handwritten... telling her... that he felt... she ought to know... that her Russian stepmother... Xenia... had passed away... but ending his letter with...:

"I have always loved you..."!

In all the years... she had known him... she had never heard anything... remotely sounding of "love"... from him... ever... neither spoken... nor physically demonstrated... nor written... his typed letters... and written postcards... always having ended with... "Regards Papa..."... in his own handwriting...

Thoroughly overwhelmed... with emotion... and disbelief... at seeing Papa Rau's words of love... in front of her... and in his own handwriting... instead of typed... as usual... she had keeled over... in a dead faint...!

The very next day... fervently asking her Heavenly Father... to Help Her... she wrote back... to Papa Rau... telling him that... if he had written to her... simply as a bid... to get her sympathy... because of the love of his life... Xenia's passing... she was not interested... in keeping communications... open between them...

However... if he truly wanted... a real father/daughter relationship... she would be more than happy... to engage... in sincere correspondence... with him... once again...

He immediately replied... so very eager... to be in contact... once again... with his "Darling Nadia"... (once again... calling her by his favorite Russian name... for her... ever since she was a baby... now that he was no longer saddled... by Xenia's neurotic... possessive jealousy...)

Chapter 2
Papa Rau And His Secretly “Darling Nadia”... Enjoy Three Years... Of A Loving Relationship... Through Regular Correspondence... With Each Other... Leading To His Interest... To Become Gloriously... Inwardly “Opened”... And “Awakened...” ... Into The Miracle Of SUBUD...!

Thus began a series... of truly loving... affectionate letters... between them... during which time... she married hotelier... French/Dutch René Heere... a charming bon vivant... who was the spitting image... of the French heartthrob... Charles Boyer... in 1964... and during which... her Papa... noticing something... about his daughter... that was mysteriously appealing... was then told... by her... about SUBUD...

In her teens... they had briefly been Christian Scientists together... in Zurich... happily walking... arm in arm... to church... together... on Sundays... with his secretly “Darling Nadia”... now as tall as he was... at five foot ten... until Xenia's neurotic... possessive jealousy... ended it... especially... when Papa presented her... one day... with the book... "Mary Baker Eddy"... chronicling her fascinating life... and how she became... the founder of Christian Science...

Although Papa... no longer went with her... to church... on Sundays... she went on... on her own... even becoming... a Sunday School teacher... for them... at the age of 15...!

So that... discussing Spiritual matters... together... came very easily... and naturally... to them...

And trusting his “Darling Nadia”... implicitly... because he knew... full well... how serious she was... about her utter devotion to God... he quickly expressed his desire... to join SUBUD... not feeling the need... to read anything... about it first...!

Chapter 3
Papa Rau Reminds His “Darling Nadia”... How She Proved... The Christian Science Principle... Of Mind Over Matter... To Her Doubting Brother... Remo... Who... Very Impressed... Invites Her To Become His Jazz Singer... In His Band... Ray Randon & His Hep Cats...!

In one of his letters... Papa recalled to her... how... as an ardent Christian Scientist... at the age of 15... her brother Remo... had teased her unmercifully... about proving to him... that the Christian Science Principle... of Mind Over Matter... really worked...

So... one night... fed up with his taunting... and jeering... once again calling her "Crazyella"... and "Gasiella"... and "Flighty Featherbrain"... like he used to do... in Japan... because her head... was always dreamily in the clouds... and one foot of hers... was always in Heaven... Graziella decided to take him in hand...

Summoning her tall... handsome... Errol Flynn look-alike... 20 year old genius sibling... from his attic room upstairs... she told him... that she was going to prove... Christian Science... to him... once and for all...!

And firmly taking him... by the hand... she had led him downstairs... into the kitchen... of their top floor apartment... the whole of which... their family occupied...

And turning on... the hot water tap... over the kitchen sink... waiting until it was boiling hot... with the steam rising upwards... she calmly looked up at her big brother... and said...:

"Remo... I am going to put my open right hand... under the boiling hot water...!

And because I have utter faith... in Mind Over Matter... which is the main Principle... of Christian Science... this stream of boiling hot water... WILL NOT... burn my hand... not even in the slightest...!"

And she proceeded to confidently hold out... her open right palm... under the streaming... scalding hot water... for a few minutes... all the while... looking up... at her 20 year old... 6' 3" brother... with the utmost calm... absolutely convinced... that her hand... would not get burned...!

And it didn't... nor did her palm... even turn red...!

This successful demonstration... of Mind Over Matter... stopped Remo cold... who stood there... gaping in awe...

And he never again teased her... about Christian Science... or anything else... ever again... her sincerity... creating a healthy respect... for his little sister... from then on...

In fact... wanting to make amends... he invited her... to become his jazz singer... at his weekly jam sessions... where he played clarinet... and piano... calling his jazz band... Ray Randon And His Hep Cats...!

And he ultimately complimented her... on her perfect voice pitch... when she sang... "On The Sunny Side Of The Street..."... "Basin Street Blues..." ... and her all time favorite... "The Birth Of The Blues..."... just to name a few...!

So... a jazz singer... at 15... and a fledgling opera singer... at 16... at the Zurcher Staatsoper...! (Zurich State Opera House)

That magical time of closeness... between them... alas... was not to last... for... having reached... the age of 20... Remo was called up... for compulsory Military Service... in the Swiss Army... contracted Tuberculosis... and spent the next seven years... in a sanatorium... way up in the alps...!

The cruel... and narrow-minded irony... was that he was only treated... for the one lung... he was admitted... to the sanatorium for... even though the second lung... was also becoming diseased... with the doctors ignoring that fact...!

And he almost died... but due to excellent blood... he recovered... although his hopelessly diseased lungs... had to be replaced... by artificial ones...

And when Graziella went to visit him... there he would be... lying flat on his back... with sheet music... in his hands... busily working out intricate orchestrations... for various musical instruments... for his trilogy... of a modern opera... he had composed... naming the first “Crista”... which had garnered rave reviews... later on... when it was presented... at the Zurcher Staatsoper... !

Chapter 4
Grace’s Sudden... Final Disenchantment... With Christian Science... Even Though... In The Depths Of Despair... About To Commit Suicide... When She Was Only Thirteen... It Miraculously Saved Her Life...!

Two years later... as a student in London... now known as Grace... she went to the Christian Science mother church... eager to become a member...

But upon being asked... whether she smoked... or imbibed in alcohol... believing her... to be in her twenties... instead of only 17... for she was already five foot ten and a half... her interviewer thoroughly dismayed her...

Especially when she was told... by her... that they did not accept... such "weak people"... into their church...!

And she was so appalled... to hear... that they exercised... such unfair restrictions... "Playing God...” ... that she very curtly told her interviewer... that she had changed her mind... could not possibly join... an organization... that kept the poor... desperate souls... who were especially more truly... in need of help... away from God...!

And she walked out... and away from Christian Science... for good... never looking back...!

Chapter 5
Praise Be To God... When Her Papa Theodore Rau... Asks To Be “Opened...”... Into SUBUD... His “Darling Nadia”... Immediately Contacts SUBUD New York... But Alas... To No Avail...!

When Papa asked to be “Opened” ... into SUBUD... Grazia immediately wrote... to SUBUD New York... telling them... about her father's interest... to join SUBUD...

And making sure... that they understood... that he was... an elderly gentleman... of 78... she politely requested... that the relevant Helpers... contact him... to make arrangements... to go and visit him... at his apartment... on Riverside Drive... and not expect him... to come to their SUBUD House... and to please reply... as soon as possible...

She waited and waited... but there was no reply... from SUBUD New York... not even after her second letter of appeal to them...!

And then Papa... wrote to her... telling her... that he had fallen... while celebrating... the Swiss national holiday... on August 1st... at the Swiss Club... and was in hospital... with an annoying case... of water on the knee...!

This was a man... who all his life... had been dedicating himself... to excellent health... and rigorous exercise... and mountain climbing... and who neither smoked... or drank... and was never struck down... so very proud... that he had never been sick... a day in his life... plus he was a Karate and Judo champion... many times over...!

But when he was fifty-two... two huge... strange maladies... one after the other... afflicted him... the first... when an extra tooth... grew downward... into his throat...! And the second... had something to do with his stomach... for he was put on a strict diet... of only steak... and Zwieback with butter... for a few years...!

Nevertheless... Nadia could well understand... how "annoying"... his accident at the Swiss Club... was for him...!

So she wrote once again... to SUBUD New York... requesting them... to kindly send Helpers... to her father... in hospital... and to please... inform her... of his subsequent "Opening..."

Then came a short letter... from Papa... telling her... that his illness... had developed some complications... and that he was now suffering... with pneumonia...!

... And still no reply... whatsoever... from SUBUD New York...!

Chapter 6
True Evidence... Of The Power... Of The Latihan... Of SUBUD... Activated By The Great Holy Life Force... Of Almighty God...!

Grazia is moving forward in time... to about a year later... here... to share with her hopefully many readers... an extraordinary personal Experience... Proving to yours truly... how truly Powerful... the Latihan... Activated by The Great Holy Life Force... of Almighty God... is...!

In the beginning... of Grazia’s marriage... to French/Dutch hotelier... René Heere... crazy in love with him... she would get heartsick... at seeing him drunk... all the time...

The reason he would get so drunk.. was because... as Manager of the Cellar Restaurant... and Ladies Cocktail Bar... of the Hotel Residensie... in Pretoria... whenever the patrons... with whom he was very popular... ordered a round of drinks... they would always include a drink for him... as well...

And his drink was always whiskey... neat... so that there would be about forty drinks of whisky... lined up on the bar counter... waiting for him... inbetween his duties... And naturally they were all drunk on an empty stomach... because he never ate... until the last customer... left the restaurant and bar... which could be as late as two... or three... in the morning...!

Grazia was no longer able... to go into the Ladies Cocktail Bar... on Latihan nights... to entertain their guests... as she usually did... because there was always a Black Force... like a huge Obelisk... which Would Rise Up... in front of her... Stopping her... the moment she touched... the bar's swinging doors...!

Plus there was the fact... that she was very aware... of the pitiful... lost... wandering souls... she would encounter... hovering at the entrance... to the hotel... waiting for some weakened drunk's body... longing to possess it... so that they could once more... enjoy the pleasures of life... vicariously through him...!

So very late one night... after her Group Latihan... home upstairs... in their elegant hotel suite... seeing her husband come in... as usual... with glassy eyes... and weaving... all over the place... and slurring his words... with his breath stinking of alcohol... on the spur of the moment... Grazia decided... then and there... to surrender herself... in Latihan... right in front of him... on his behalf... to help him...!

And closing her eyes... still feeling very quiet... Grazia surrendered herself... in utter trust... and faith... to her Beloved Heavenly Father...

And within seconds... the most Amazing Thing Happened...!

Her Whole Body... Started Weaving... Just Like Her Husband's Body Was...!

Furthermore... Her Head Felt Dizzy... And She Felt Horribly Nauseous... And Could Even Feel... Her Tongue... Getting Thick And Furry...! And There Was An Awful Taste... Of Abhorred Alcohol... Filling Her Mouth...!

Getting Sicker And Sicker... And Getting To The Point... When She Was About... To Throw Up... Now Thoroughly... In The State Of Drunkenness... The Vibration Of The Latihan... Inside Her... Suddenly Stopped Abruptly...

And opening her eyes... she saw an incredibly transformed René... Who Was No Longer Drunk... But Suddenly Stone Cold Sober...!

He Was Standing Perfectly Still... In Front Of Her... With The Most Amazed Expression... On His Face... His Clear Round Brown Eyes... Filling With Tears...

He wanted to take his wife... into his arms... to thank her... but she had to run past him... to the bathroom... where... Still In A Surrendered State... She Was Made... To Vomit Her Heart Out... For About Ten Minutes... Until All The Horrible Nausea... And Awful Taste Of Alcohol... In Her Mouth... Was Gone...!

When she rejoined her husband... later... having Received... To Wash Her Body... And Shampoo Her hair... First... now as sober... as he was... with her body and hair... squeaky clean... she felt wonderful... as if she had done something... very Holy...!

And after René took his own shower... they sat up in their king size bed... together... feeling very close... to each other... and talked... into the wee hours... of the morning... their voices hushed...

They were both full of wide-eyed wonder... and awe... marveling about The Amazing Miracle... Of What Had Just Transpired... She Becoming Drunk... In The Blink Of An Eye... And He Becoming... Stone Cold Sober...!

It Was As If... The Moment She Surrendered Herself... To Her Creator... He Had Instantly Transferred... Her Husband's Inebriated... Alcoholic State... To Her...!

And still speaking in whispers... they both acknowledged... to each other... how truly Extraordinary... the Latihan Really Was... Activated by The Great Holy Life Force... of Almighty God...! And How they Most Definitely... Had Experienced... The Proof... And Evidence... Of Its Amazing Power...!

Yearning for... and loving that wonderful... close feeling... between them... which was so rare... Grazia obliged her adored husband... a few more times... with the exact same... Horrible Drunk Feeling... and with the same Miraculous Result... and wonderful closeness... between them... afterwards...

But then the night inevitably came... when Grazia Got Stopped... And Not Only Stopped... But Told... In No Uncertain Terms... That She Was Not Allowed... To Help Purify... Her Husband’s Alcoholism...!

For He Was To Receive Purification... Of His Alcoholism... Through His Own Surrender... To God...

And then came the Bombshell... where she was Told... furthermore... that There Was To Be... No More Sexual Intercourse... Between Them... When He Was Drunk...!

(The full story of her stormy... Hellish... three year marriage... to charming... bon vivant... alcoholic... and actively bi-sexual... unfaithful husband... René Heere... is told under the relevant Part... titled... “The Hellish Roller Coaster Ride Saga... Of Grazia and René...”)

Chapter 7
Hallelujah...! ... Papa Rau... Finally Gets “Opened...” ... Albeit Posthumously... Through His “Darling Nadia”...!!!

In the third year... of their warm correspondence... with each other... Grazia got divorced from René... her Beloved Heavenly father... Finally... Having Commanded Her... To Do So...!

Perhaps because René had decided... after two years... not to Latihan anymore...! Hence there would no longer be any opportunity for them to Grow and Develop Spiritually... together... as a married couple... Therefore... no reason... to stay married to each other...

René had confided to her... how the Exercises... He Was Guided... By The Power Of God... To Perform... were too Painful... With The Great Holy Life Force... Of Almighty God... Always Forcing Him... To Go Down... On His Knees... Bend Way Over... Until His Head... Was First... Touching The Floor... Then... Being Ground Hard... As If Boring A Hole... Into It...!

The Kind Of Sobering... Spiritual Exercise... That Seemed To Be Given... To SUBUD Alcoholics... In General... Male And Female...!

(As this soul ascertained... not only through her own alcoholic sister... whom she had brought into SUBUD... but also from other alcoholics... she had spoken to... throughout her SUBUD years... as her Beloved Bapak’s helper...)

But especially... when the momentous day came... when René Was Suddenly Told... By Almighty God... During His Latihan... That He Would Now No Longer Have A Desire... For Alcohol...!

René was the eldest son... of an alcoholic Dutch father... whom he loathed and despised... with a hopelessly helpless... cowed French mother... and with thirteen siblings... inheriting his father's curse... and drinking... ever since he was a young boy of fourteen...!

Not wanting to give up alcohol... which would have included... giving up his homosexual liaisons... with his drinking buddies... at the German Club... he had given up SUBUD instead... to his dying regret...!

Because not two years later... prophetically claiming... to his darling Grazia... that he would be dead in a year... if she left him... he died of hepatitis... at the comparatively young age... of only 47...!

And a few months later... this soul was sent down to the very Pits of Hell... with a Document of Release for him...!

Grazia was now happily working... and living... at the prestigious Ambassador Hotel... as its Receptionist... Assistant Manager... and Public Relations Officer.... because of her many languages... very relieved to be free... of her Hellish... three year marriage... to René...

And on the 11th of April...1966... a cablegram arrived for her...

Thinking it was a belated... birthday greeting from Papa... she was quite surprised... to see... that it was from her brother Remo... in Switzerland...!

But it wasn't a birthday greeting from him... He was informing her... that Papa Rau... had passed away... on the 10th... the day her birthday... had always been celebrated...!

Suddenly realizing the implications... of what she was reading... she went totally berzerk... crying out...:

"But he can't go... he hasn't been "Opened" yet...!"

And she was inconsolable... distraught with grief... and horror... and fear... for her Papa's soul... recalling how her Beloved Spiritual Father... Bapak... had told his SUBUD children... how vitally important it was... for human beings... to become Inwardly “Opened...” ... and “Awakened...”... before they left earth...!

And Grazia... thoroughly undone... and in a foggy daze... repeated the same mantra... over and over... to anyone... and everyone... within earshot... completely out of control... and alarming some of the hotel guests...!

Her boss... the kindly Manager... Mr. Witthoff... upon seeing... that Grazia had become quite hysterical... called up her best friend... Esmé... whom she had brought into SUBUD... and who... like Richard... was also a Scorpio... and also psychic... for help...

And she immediately... agreed to come... for apparently... as they worshipped Almighty God... in the Latihan together... as usual... in Grazia's bedroom... upstairs... a week or so earlier... the picture of Papa... propped up... on her bedside table... seemed to "speak" to her... telling her... that his daughter... would be needing her soon... and to please... be there for her...!

(How about that... Papa's soul knew... in advance... that his time on earth... was about to end soon...!)

Esmé... an Afrikaans lady... and Grazia... were in the habit... of doing the Latihan... in Grazia's room... because Esmé's Yugoslavian boyfriend... was in charge... of the hotel's Liquor Department... and she would come to the hotel... after work... to pick him up...

Upon arriving... a short while later... seeing Grazia's uncontrollable... distraught state... beautiful... tall... raven-haired Esmé... very calm... and serene... gently suggested... in her quaint accent... that they go upstairs... to her bedroom... and surrender together... to God... in Latihan... on behalf of her father...

And Grazia calmed down... instantly... agreeing... that it was a wonderful idea... and let her dear SUBUD Sister... lead her upstairs... in the lift... to her bedroom...

Their Latihan together... began quietly... with Grazia... as usual... Receiving To Softly Sing Praises... To Her Beloved Heavenly Father...

But then... to her utter amazement... all of a sudden... she Experienced... Quite The Most Astonishing Sensation... For She Could Feel... Papa Rau's Distinctive Male Essence... Inside Her...!!!

From when she was very little... in Japan... she had heard the stories... from her succession... of village Amahs... how in the Far East... when family members died... their souls were known... to enter the bodies... of their closest loved ones...!

But this was the very first time... that it had happened to her...!

And The Longer... She Felt His Presence... The More She Realized... That Papa Was Quite Happy... And Content... To Be Inside Her...!

But That Really... And Truly... It Was Not Right For Him... And That He Should Be Seeking... His Own Divine Light... To Follow...!

In Terrible Conflict... For It Was Very Pleasant... To Feel Papa's Familiar Essence... Inside Her... Nevertheless... Beseeching God’s Help... She Received... Speaking Out Loud... How To Gently... Persuade Him... To Leave Her Body... And Go On... Upwards... Towards His Own Divine Light... Which Would Lead Him Straight Up To Almighty God... His Loving Creator...!

Glancing towards Esmé... wondering what her reaction was... to the incredible Words... she Was Being Made To Say... to her loved Papa... Grazia was shocked to see... that her dear SUBUD Sister... Was Being Given... The Experiencing... Of Papa's Sick... Physical Condition... And She Seemed To Age... Enormously... Her Youthful Body... All Bent... And Twisted...!

And Grazia... feeling embarrassed... that she had seen something... that was none of her business... quickly closed her eyes again... concentrating only on her own surrender... to her Beloved Heavenly Father... And Feeling The Gentle Vibration... Of His Great Holy Life Force... Pulsating... Even Stronger... Inside her Being...

And Then... Like A Gentle... Puff Of Smoke... Grazia Felt Papa Rau's Essence... Leave Her Body... And Then Saw His Spirit... Spiraling Upwards... Towards Heaven...!

And then... as their most unusual Latihan ended... with Esmé... fully restored to her youthful self... once again... they looked at each other... and both exclaimed... at the same time...:

"Let’s play some music...! “Papa...!” (exclaimed by Grazia)... “your father...!” (exclaimed by Esmé...) ... would love that...!”

And Grazia’s room... was now Filled... With An Incredible Sense of Light... And Joy... And Blissful Happiness... as melodious music... filled the atmosphere...

And feeling as light as a feather... all Grazia's grief... and anxiety... about Papa Rau... and his soul... were gone... as if evaporated... into thin air...!

Later on... to make absolutely sure... she asked her SUBUD Men Helpers... To Please Receive... From Almighty God... whether her most unusual Latihan Experience... Had Actually Resulted... In Her Father... Becoming "Opened..."!

And they came back to her... shortly after... thanking her... for it had been a most... interestingly unique "Receiving"... for them... confirming for her... from Bapak... whom they had written to... about the unusual Event... that she had indeed... Had A True... Spiritual Experience... And That Her Father... Had Indeed... Been Spiritually “Opened...” ... And “Awakened...” ... Into SUBUD... Albeit Posthumously...!

Chapter 8
Grazia Waits And Waits... Then As Laura... Finally Has A Wonderful Heavenly Visitation... From Her Beloved Papa... Five Years Later...!

Now content... that her dear Papa... was truly on the Spiritual Path of SUBUD... Grazia naturally... found herself... expecting to feel... his unique Presence... whenever she sincerely... and unconditionally... surrendered herself... in Latihan... To Almighty God... Her Beloved Heavenly Father...

And she was increasingly disappointed... when he failed... to Make an Appearance... like her fiancé Julian had... shortly after his suicide... on the very eve... of their wedding...!

And she eventually gave up... all hope... of ever getting a Heavenly Visitation... from her adored Papa...

(The poignant... tragic story... of the odd relationship... between Julian and Graziella... can be found under the relevant Part... of the Table of Contents... describing her turbulent life... in Johannesburg... South Africa... in her Spiritual Odyssey... "From Seven Hells... To Seventh Heaven... SUBUD...”)

One night... shortly after arriving in Miami... in the USA... in 1971... some 5 years later... she was awakened... from a deep sleep... and immediately sensed... the Distinct Essence... of her dear Papa Rau... in her bedroom...!

And she was so delighted that... finally... he had come to "Visit" her... in Spirit... and spent the next hour... happily conversing with him...

And to her amazement... she saw that he was Youthful... and full of Vibrant... Energetic Vim and Vigor... exactly as she had known him... growing up... under his roof... when he had been so health conscious... exercising his body daily... and being both a Judo and Karate champion... many times over... and not at all... the 81 year old man... he was supposed to be... at the time of his passing... into the Glory... of his Eternal Afterlife...!

During their happy reunion... he told her... that he knew... she had been expecting... him to "Visit" her... in her Latihan... but he had not... been able to... because he had had... to undergo... some rather painful Purification... for the past 5 earthly years...!

And that it was only now... that he Was Allowed... to be with her... his “Darling Nadia...” ... whom he had always loved dearly... and how their Merciful God... Understanding... all about his wife Xenia’s possessive jealousy... Was Allowing Him... to continue... to call her... by his own... very special name... for her... although... he was very well aware... that her SUBUD Names... had progressed... from Grazia... meaning "Big Grace of God..." ... to Laura... the very name... of her ex husband Jacques/Mark's Dream Girl...!!!

Listening to her Papa... his Darling Nadia... was thoroughly flabbergasted... that he was so "Tuned In..." ... to her life...!

And expressing her delightful amazement... said she understood... all about Purification... having endured... some pretty painful episodes... herself... of distasteful self-awareness... and God’s Cleansing... of her dirty self... from time to time... each time... Receiving...:

"Old Self Dying...!"

Which had led her... to coin her favorite... tongue-in-cheek phrase... to better endure them... of...:

"It Always Gets Worse... Before It Gets Worse...!"

Because... no sooner were you through... with one phase... inevitably... after a short respite... there would always be another bout... of Heaaaavy Purification...!

But there was also... always an innate “knowing...” ... inside her... that her Beloved... Heavenly Father... In His Everlasting... Loving Mercy... and Compassion... Never... Ever Gave... Any Of His Created Souls... More Painful Purification... Than They Could Handle... And Endure... At Any Given Time...!

And Papa laughed... agreeing with her... telling her that... he had come to learn... in SUBUD Heaven... that in the Process... Of Spiritual Growth... And Development... In SUBUD... although extremely serious... you had to have a sense of humor...!

When at one point... she asked her dearest Papa... whether he was now happy... in SUBUD Heaven... he replied... that the word "happy"... was merely a word... invented by mortals... and could not even begin... to describe... how Blissful... And Joyous... it was for him... in the Glorious Afterlife... Of Eternity...

And when she asked him... whether he was pleased... with her progress in SUBUD... he replied that no father... could be more proud... of his daughter... than he was... and that she should continue... as she was doing... and declaring... with great fervor...:-

“For Only The Divine Power... Of God's Great Holy Life Force... Experienced... In The Latihan... Of SUBUD... Can Alter... And Perfect... A Man's Flawed Character...!

And No Psychiatrist... Or Psychologist... Or Even Hypnotist... Can Ever Permanently Change... By One Iota... The Intrinsic... Innate Nature... Of A Human Being...

For Only Almighty God... And He Alone... Has That Power...!”

Then... becoming serious... Papa told her that... the real reason... he had come to "Visit" her... and that he had to leave... right after... was to warn her... not to accede to something... she would be asked to do... shortly...!

Adding that... although He Was Not Permitted... To Speak... Negatively... About Anything... Nevertheless... He Had Been... Given Permission... to warn her... because she was so cherished... to him... as his precious daughter...

Chapter 9
Papa's Darling Nadia... Reflects Back Upon Her Life... With Her Adored... Yet Feared Papa... With Some Of The Memories Happy... But Most Of Them... Full Of Fear... And Nervous Apprehension...!

After Papa Rau left her... his “Darling Nadia...” ... lay awake... remembering... how happy... they had been together... and how his Present Male Essence... Was So Cleanly Loving... And Youthful... Making Her Feel... As If She Was His Very Special... Cherished Little Girl Again...! ... before "emotionally fractured" ... possessively jealous Xenia... came into his life... when she was about five...

Dreamily recalling... hiking through the beautiful... already familiar countryside... of their Beloved Nippon... together... just the two of them... jabbering away... to each other... in Japanese... and always stopping off... at a traditional Nippon no Yadoya... (inn)... for some delicious Sukiyaki... Sushi... O Yaku Domburi... or Teriyaki...

And the Yadoya... would be familiar to her... and she would always recognize... the owner's family names... from her last Japanese incarnation...!

And her Papa... now an ardent Christian Scientist... who believed in reincarnation... would be awed... and delighted... proudly informing the surviving family members... of how his young... white skinned... blue-eyed... golden haired daughter... used to be a Nipponese... the daughter of a prominent... ruling Shogun... in her past life...

And then there were those glorious times... at the "Kokyo no Yuya..." ... (traditional communal bathhouse ... when she was a tyke... happily splashing about... stark naked... in the different pools... of water... with her adored Papa... and together with other Japanese families... of stark naked mothers... and fathers... with their adorable... little children...

And then... Laura could not help... but wonder... whether his "Five Years Of Painful Purification..." ... had something to do with... how cruelly he had tortured her... for a little over a year... from the age of ten... in their two storey house... on the magnificent Bluff... in Yokohama... Japan...

Recalling how every single week night... right after dinner... he would lock her inside the brightly lit... small wash room... of what she came to call... the “Chamber of Horrors”... for hours on end... barefoot... and dressed only in her silk kimono... very aware... that she was stark naked underneath... as he ordered her to brush her teeth... wash her face... in cold water... then watch her urinate... making sure... that she would not stain the expensive silk kimono... he had bought her...

Then ordering her sternly... in guttural Japanese... to sit perfectly still... on the toilet seat... until he returned for her... he would then open the small window... above the sink... to let in the swarms... of the dreaded... huge... flying... dive bomb “aburamushis”... to attack her... and abruptly leave the "Chamber of Horrors..." ... locking her in...!

(They are the species of cockroach... like the Palmettos... she had come across... in the port city of Durban... South Africa... and years later on... in Hawaii... and now also here... in the South of the USA... in Grand Bay... Alabama...!)

His continued... diabolical cruelty... ignoring the fact... that she fainted dead away... from sheer terror... every night... as they found their way... underneath her kimono... and crawled... all over her naked body... was to force her to overcome... her lifelong terror of them... for he would... “tolerate no weaklings... living under my roof...”!

(The horrendous ordeals... she was subjected to... by her stern... authoritarian patriarch... until an overnight Miracle... Delivered her... from her torment... just after she turned eleven... is more fully detailed... in her book... "From The Shadow... Of The Rising Sun... under Part I-B... Chapter 8...)

And then there were those times... when he would suddenly hurl impossible math questions... at her... and jeeringly dismiss her... sending her to her room... without dinner... because her mind always went blank... with shock... when he suddenly pounced on her... making her unable to give him the correct answer... derisively calling her... a “brainless dumb cluck” ...

Always treating her... with excessive... authoritarian... harsh discipline... especially in front ot his wife... because of the never ending conflict... between his secret love for her... his “darling Nadia”... and his strange love... for his jealous... neurotic... and possessive Russian wife... Xenia...!

And even with the time... Papa had tried to kill her... first kicking her... in her stomach... then choking her to death... in Zurich... because he had fallen in love with her... his stepdaughter... when she turned sixteen... having reached his height... of five feet ten inches... when she turned fifteen...!!!

Puzzled for many years... she since came to realize... that he had fallen in lust with her... because he had caught her... when she was sixteen.. dancing ballet... stark naked... with a ballet dancer... from the Opera House... in the light of a full moon... one night...!

(This soul's tumultuous ten years of life... in Japan... which included being kidnapped... not just once... but three times... between the ages of four and seven... and those terrible instances... of torturous Hell... in Yokohama... Japan... and five years of Hell... in Zurich... Switzerland... are fully described... in "From The Shadow... Of The Rising Sun..." ... and in her Spiritual Odyssey... "From Seven Hells... To Seventh Heaven... SUBUD..." ... respectively...)

And Papa's "Darling Nadia" ... Laura... marvelled... how... despite all those excessive... inflicted cruelties... of discipline... towards her... with no affection... whatsoever... tendered... not after she was five years old... when neurotic Xenia... came into his life... Almighty God Had Chosen Her... Papa Rau’s eternally disappointing... “brainless dumb cluck”...!

Recalling only three magical days of closeness... between them... when they were alone together... after his marriage to Xenia... when she was six years old...!

The first occasion... was in Yokohama... when she was about eleven...

and he had accompanied her... to St. Maur’s Catholic Convent For Girls... to clear up a misunderstanding... to the nuns... then taken her to her piano lesson... then to lunch afterwards... at a Japanese restaurant...

The second... was a magical day... in Los Angeles... when she went on a fascinating Hollywood Tour... alone with him... and they entertained the bus passengers... by singing duets together... then managed to get her voice recorded... at Warner Brothers Studio...!

And the third... was a very special... educational outing... also alone with him... in New York... both wonderful events... when she was almost twelve...

Only three memorable... very rare occasions... when Papa Rau... and his secretly “Darling Nadia”... were out... alone together... where he was quite pleasant towards her...!

Besides those few Sundays... when they had gone to the Christian Science church... alone together... when she was fifteen...

And Yet It Had Still Been... The Will Of Almighty God... her Beloved Heavenly Father... That Her Papa Rau... who was actually not her real father... Get Inwardly "Opened..." ... And "Awakened..." ... Through her... as his channel... the one he had much more often... abused... so harshly... at the age of five... when possessively jealous Xenia... came into his life... then from ten to seventeen... and not the New York SUBUD Helpers... who never replied to her letters to them...!!!

A few weeks later... SUBUD Members... were asked to invest... in Bank Susila Bakti... in Indonesia... and remembering Papa's Heavenly Warning... she declined... when asked to invest...

And was glad... that she did so... because of the resultant complications... it had caused... particularly for SUBUD Members... in the USA..!

And because... she was still an alien... as far as the US government was concerned... it probably... would have been... much worse for her... maybe even deportation...!

Chapter 10
About Two Years Later... Laura Has Another Heavenly Visitation... From Her Beloved Papa... Only This Time... Witnessed By Her Santa Cruz California... SUBUD Brothers And Sisters...!

Yet another two years... were to pass... before Laura... was “Visited...” by her Beloved Papa Rau... once again...!

And it happened in Santa Cruz... about a month after she arrived there... from San Francisco... while she was driving her car home... after working for the Catholic Church... as their lowly paid cleaning woman... one day... about a month... before the Holy Fasting Month Of Ramadan...!

She was working for the Catholic Church... as Penance... because her Heavenly Father... Had Put her into a State of Disgrace... after Paralyzing her whole body... While Conveying to her... His Great Displeasure... at her defiant willfulness... of disobeying... her Guardian Angel Friend's Warning... Not To Sign Her Husband Mark's Divorce Papers... even though he was already happily living... with another lady love... who met his passionate needs... which she could never do... because of her deep-seated sexual trauma... caused by her brutal sexual attack... by a German POW... when she was seventeen... and she was glad for him...!

When all of a sudden... there her Beloved Papa Rau was... sitting right next to her... a split second... after she felt... his Distinct... Loving... Male Essence... And Still Looking... So Vibrantly Youthful...!

And he happily told her... That He Had Been Given Divine Permission... To "Visit" ... With Her... For Three Days...!

Now six foot two Laura... who was about forty-three... and still by the Grace of God... looking twenty years younger... was thrilled... to have her adored Papa... beside her... once again...

And they chatted away happily together... in her car... at home in her apartment... everywhere... totally relaxed... in each other's loving company...

And the most incredible thing... was that with his Vibrant... Youthful Energy... Being Constantly Conveyed to her... and Surrounding her... she did not need to sleep at all... not even a wink... throughout all those precious seventy-two hours...!

Then alas... the third night came... and she knew... that her Beloved Papa... would be leaving her...

During the incredibly wonderful... three days and nights... of her Beloved Papa's Heavenly Visitation... he had told her many wonderful things... about his Perfect... Blissful Afterlife... in the Paradise... of SUBUD Heaven...

And as his Darling Nadia... sadly bid her Beloved Papa... farewell... as she drove to the Santa Cruz SUBUD House... for the scheduled Group Latihan... on the third... and last night... the very last thing... Papa ever lovingly said to her... was that... once he was gone... she would not remember... all that he had conveyed to her... about his Joyous Afterlife...!

For if she retained the memory... she would fall into a deep depression... because her soul would be filled... with an almost unbearable longing... to go back home... to her True Home... in SUBUD Heaven... to be with him... for all Glorious Eternity...!

There was also the fact... that it was the Will of God... that she was to live on earth... for quite a few more years... with important work to do... for Him... and that her continued life on earth... would be much too painful for her... with all that Euphoric Knowledge inside her... making her lifelong yearning... to go home... to her true home in Heaven... even more powerful...!

As Laura's Latihan Kejiwaan began... she had no idea... that her days of being Laura... were about to come to an end... and that henceforth... she would be known... as Muftiah... and that she would be Receiving To Sing Praises... To Almighty Allah... and no longer Almighty God...!

So... with her... As Usual... Receiving To Sing Praises... To Her Heavenly Father... she suddenly sensed Papa’s Loving Presence... once again... then Saw him... Quietly Standing Beside her... With His Head Bowed... In Worshipful Surrender...!

And she was absolutely delighted... that he was still with her... overjoyed... to be Worshipping Almighty God... Their Heavenly Father... In The Latihan Kejiwaan... Of SUBUD... together... with his dear self... and for the very first time...!

And then... to her utter amazement... she heard the voice... of her barely known... SUBUD Sister Helper... Halimah Van Tuyl... say scoldingly... in a loud voice...!:-

"What do you think you're doing... in the Ladies Latihan Hall..? You don't belong here...!

Go on... get out...! Go to the Men... where you belong...!!!"

Laura was so astonished... and utterly flabbergasted... because she had thought... her precious time... with her beloved Papa... to be totally private...!

And she was in... for another unexpected surprise... when... as she left the Ladies Latihan Hall... after Group Latihan... about an hour later... her dear SUBUD Brother Helper... Machmud Kennedy... was emerging... from the Men's Latihan Hall... and coming towards her... with a great big smile... on his face... said...:

"We had a visitor tonight... in Latihan... Laura... your father...!

And we had a wonderful conversation together... about you... and how proud... he is of you... You know he loves you very much..!!!"

And we also talked about SUBUD... and how your father Was Told... in Heaven... that the SUBUD Way... of worshipping our Creator... is the True... and only Way... to worship Him...!"

Recently... Machmud had told his wife... whose SUBUD name... was also Laura... that he regarded her... as his material wife... and that he would like to have... this Laura... for his Spiritual wife...!

What Muftiah now realizes... and knows... with utter certainty... as a Spiritual Truth... is that...:-

The Extraordinary... Truly Is The Ordinary... Just As Our Wonderful... Wise... Beloved Spiritual SUBUD Father... Bapak... Told Us... His Subud Children... And that There Truly Is... No Real Separation... No Division... Between Heaven... And Earth...!

And she now... at the ripe old age of seventy-nine... looks forward... to eventually being reunited... with her Beloved Papa... in SUBUD Heaven...

She has also Been Informed... that she will be meeting... her real father... Englishman Arthur Cannon... as well... a man who only caught... a glimpse of his daughter... as a two and a half year old... sitting... and gurgling happily away... in her pram...!

For Judo Black Belt Champion... Theodore Rau... was already... lunging at him... engaging in fierce combat... over her... and poor hapless Arthur... although tall... and graceful... was no match... for his skillful opponent... and lost...!

And the victor... glowing with pride... had contemptuously urinated... on his adversary... as he lay on the ground... at his feet... defeated...!

There were to be no more delightful... Heavenly Visitations... from her Beloved Papa... or anybody else... except for periodic ones... from her Beloved Bapak... and then her Contessa mother... who First Invaded Her Body... For Ten Days... then Asked Permission... To Worship God With Her... In The Latihan Kejiwaan... Of SUBUD...! As already described above...

And it wasn’t until she was in her seventy-second year... of life... and in her 41st year in SUBUD... for this humble to God SUBUD soul... known as Muftiah... for about thirty years... to Experience... quite the most extraordinary Heavenly Visitations... of all... Seven Of Them... One After The Other... as follows... in Part IV...:

End of Part III - Ten Chapters ...read more in Part IV

Read More By Muftiah
From The Shadow... Of The Rising Sun
From Seven Hells... To Seventh Heaven... SUBUD
Heavenly Visitations...

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Are You Happy... And At Peace... With Your Life...? If Not... You Are Invited... To Visit The MIRACOLO Website... Where You Will Find A Blessed Avenue... Leading To Miraculous Healing... As Well As Spiritual Counsel... Received For Suffering You... By Your Inwardly Loving... Kindred in Spirit Sister... Muftiah... Solely Through The Perfect Power... Of Her Creator... Her Beloved Heavenly Father... Allah Almighty God...