Chapter 1
On The First Visitation Day... Of Seven... Muftiah Is Joyfully Reunited... With Her Beloved Soul Mate... Richard... Sent Down To Her... On Earth... From SUBUD Heaven... By Her Beloved Heavenly Father... Allah Almighty God... On A Very Special Mission...!

Today being the 14th of October 2002... your Inwardly loving... and Spiritually connected... SUBUD sister Muftiah... Has Been Commanded... once again... by Allah Almighty God... to share... with all of her dear SUBUD Brothers and Sisters... throughout this SUBUD World... as well as with the rest... of the specially God Chosen souls of mankind... who have been led to this Holy Website... SUBUD Stories... by His Angels... the quite extraordinary... unique... Spiritual Experiences... of her past Seven Days and Nights...!

Beginning... on the incredibly awesome morning... of October 7th 2002... when she was about seventy-two and a half... and in her 41st year in SUBUD... and by the Grace of God... still looking twenty years younger...!

As Muftiah awoke... she suddenly became aware... of the distinctive Presence... of the most interesting... fascinating man... she has ever known... her Beloved soul mate... Richard... for whom she had reincarnated herself... after drowning herself... as a Nipponese... in her last lifetime... and who Had initially Been Chosen... by Almighty God... to be the Channel... to personally... “Awaken... And “Open...” ... her Inner self... when she was in her thirty-first year of life on earth... and living in Johannesburg South Africa...!

Richard was one of the very first men... to be Inwardly “Opened...” ... and Awakened...” ... in the Western world... by the Holy Man of God... Muhammad Subuh Sumohadiwidjojo... the founder of SUBUD... himself... at Coombe Springs... England... in 1957... where Richard was attending... the Gurdjieff Seminar... as a member ... hosted by John Bennett... who had invited this Holy Man of God... to come to the Western World... to introduce SUBUD to it... for the very first time...

And subsequently... Richard was chosen by Muhammad Subuh... becoming known to his SUBUD children... as Bapak... to go to South Africa... and spread SUBUD... throughout the country... with Richard becoming a Divine Channel... For Passing On The Contact... Of God’s Great Holy Life Force... to hundreds... of particularly worthy in the Eyes of God... South African souls... not only White... but Colored... and Black... as well...!

Where the worthy in the Eyes of God... Colored... and Black citizens were concerned... Richard was always in danger... of becoming arrested... whenever he was Commanded by God... to "Open" them... because of the cruel and inhumane... prevailing Apartheid system... where White South Africans... socializing with them... was strictly forbidden... and only permitted... in the work place...!

But during those initial three years... and beyond... of introducing SUBUD... for the very first time... to South Africans... of all races... and color... Richard was Always Protected... by the Angels of God... on his Holy Missions...!

And Richard would even Receive... to Pass On The Contact... Of God’s Great Holy Life Force... to many suffering... worthy in the Eyes of God souls... terminally ill... lying in their hospital beds... deathly afraid to let go... desperately clinging on to life... even though they were in such agony... that morphine... no longer gave them any relief...!

And he would patiently sit by their bedsides... talking to them... and gently easing their fears... so that by daybreak... now also... Gloriously Inwardly "Opened..." ... and "Awakened..." ... they would be eager to leave earth... to go to their eternal rest... and joyful Afterlives... in SUBUD Heaven...!

After which... Richard would always come to his beloved Grazia's flat... bringing a wonderful breakfast... with him... for them to enjoy together... while he described the night's events... at the hospital... with her...

And here he was... her Dearest One... who still looked exactly... as in those years... when she had known him... in their thirties... Tall... Dark... and Movie Star Handsome... So Youthful... And Full Of Vibrant Energy... Standing in her bedroom... at the foot of her hospital bed... in her house... in Grand Bay... Alabama...!

And he quietly told her... that he had Been Sent down from SUBUD Heaven... by Almighty God... to Visit her...!

And being accustomed... to be so automatically... and unconditionally surrendered... to her Creator... her Heavenly Father... Alllah Almighty God... throughout her days... and nights... as He Kept Frequently Reminding her... “Allah Guiding...”... and “Obey Allah...” ... in the Process... of His Willed Training of ... “Now Inner Life Only... No More Outer Life...” ... over the past 34 years... and over the past 27 years... Frequently Reminding her... That It is Time for her... To Be Ready To Leave Earth... it took her... quite a while... to realize... that something... most extraordinary... was taking place...!

For by the evening... of the First Glorious Heavenly Visitation Day... of her wonderful reunion... with her beloved Richard... she realized... that the daylight hours... had been spent... happily conversing with him... endlessly catching up... on their lost 38 years... and feeling warm and tender... towards each other...

And with Richard bringing her... the warm ambience... of the six years... they had been in each other’s lives... it did not take long... before she was feeling... as if she had seen him just yesterday... and not 38 years ago...!

And now... feeling more and more relaxed... in his precious company... she was hesitatingly... beginning to voice her intimate feelings... and gradually... opening herself up to him... as she had never been able to... when he was beside her... on earth... for she had been in such awe... of his magnificent... self-assured... charismatic... noble self...

When her beloved Richard... finally reluctantly took leave of her... he tenderly promised her... that he would be back... the following day...

Chapter 2
On The Second Visitation Day... As Promised... Richard Comes Back... To His Beloved Soul Mate... But This Time... Becoming A Catalyst... For Her Deepest... Darkest... Most Painful... And Shameful Confessions...!

On the Second Visitation Day... the 8th... upon awakening early... Muftiah felt her beloved Richard’s magnificent Presence... then Saw his Handsome Self... Standing at the foot of her hospital bed... once again...

And she continued... to delight in him... as she had been doing... the incredible day... and evening before...

And when her Beloved... suddenly suggested... that they breakfast together... like they used to... in Johannesburg... after his hospital visits... she was utterly delighted... as he accompanied her... to the kitchen... where he expressed a desire... to taste some good old-fashioned... English Orange Marmalade...!

And he was amazed... when she also showed him... her favorite Philadelphia Cream Fruit Spreads... which... upon tasting... generously slathered... on cinnamon raisin bagels... for the very first time... in his life... became his favorite... also...!

But Muftiah very quickly learned... that this Second Visitation Day... overjoyed to have her Beloved... back with her... once again... was going to be quite different... from the First...!

For this was to be a day of confession... for her... where she was to reveal herself to him... as never before...!

And before she knew it... she was Being Made... to confess her deep regret... and great remorse... to him... revealing intimate things... about herself... that she had deliberately kept hidden from him... when they were in each other’s lives... on earth...!

And as she Was Compelled... to relive... their most enlightening SUBUD past... her whole body convulsing... in heart-rending sobs... she gradually confessed... her innermost secrets... as they came... to the surface... of her Inner memory... for her “head is dead”... she has forgotten a great deal... often confused... as to the accuracy... of the sequence... of when... and where... significant events... actually happened...

The lapses of which... her beloved Bapak... during his special Visitations to her... has assured her... is not important... for only the content... of her different... and many unusual Spiritual experiences... matter...!

Furthermore... Bapak keeps reminding her... how the world is starving... to hear about peoples’ Spiritual Experiences... to prove to them... that Almighty God... their Ever Loving Creator... Does Actually Exist... so that the more she repeats... her unique stories... where her Heavenly Father... Allah Almighty God... Is Featured so greatly... and So Often... in her unusual... turbulent life... which Has Been Monitored... and Protected by Him... through His Guardian Angel... Assigned to her... in various contexts... the better...!

Gradually... bit by bit... Muftiah... feeling more and more... like the Grazia persona... she had been... back then... hesitatingly revealed herself... to her beloved Richard... and also to herself... he who had always... been her wonderful catalyst...!

And by mid morning... of this Momentous Second Visitation Day... she found herself... Being Made... to confess to him... why she was unable... to marry his wonderful... noble... psychic self... when he asked her to... he of the hypnotic... and beautifully expressive... emerald green eyes...

She had always been aware... that his sensitive self instinctively knew... that there was something “off kilter” ... about her... although he never brought it up to her... suggesting that they talk about what he knew... she would never be able to express in words... and now she was confirming for him... that what he had felt about her... then... had been true...

Finally able to tell her Dearest One... feeling greatly ashamed... how flawed... she had felt herself to be... as a woman... but yet... still unable to quite fully explain to him... why... much too ashamed... and embarrassed... to reveal to him... how the intimate act... of sexual intercourse... had always been a most unpleasant... and frightening ordeal... for her...

The intimate act always evoking... the very horrifying memory... of her terrifying moments... with the handsome young German prisoner of war... who had so roughly attacked her... sexually... when she was an ultra-sensitive... head-in-the-clouds... one foot in Heaven... young virgin of seventeen... living in England... as a student...

(The full story of that devastating experience... which caused a lifelong... deep-seated sexual trauma... inside her... can be found in Part VIII “EUROPE...” ... under the relevant Chapter Heading... in the Table of Contents... )

And deeply saddened... and ashamed Grazia... could only confess... to her beloved Richard... how unfair... it would have been for him... born a Scorpio... and supposedly ruled... by his strongly developed... sexual male force... to be saddled... with an inadequate... flawed sexual partner... for life...

Richard listened quietly... to his emotional... crying beloved... and despite dreading... that all her private... revolting revelations... might be filling him with distaste... and perhaps even disgust... she was... nevertheless... Compelled to continue... on and on... revealing her innermost... deeply flawed female self... to him... as she had never been able to... to anyone else... ever before... in her lifetime... because she never... really knew how to...!

Richard had always treated her... with the utmost courtesy... and shown her the greatest respect... and admiration... and here she was... showing him... who she truly had been... back then... flawed... inadequate... and not nearly able... to measure up to him... in intelligence... and self confidence... and especially sexually...

Extremely confident... in her working life... by utter contrast... she had felt totally out of depth... in man versus woman relationships... and often felt... at a loss... in her intimate associations... with them... her sense of female inadequacy... glaringly apparent... every time... she found herself attracted... to a rare... markedly masculine man... who interested her more than usual...

As Richard quietly... and patiently... listened to her... slowly and painfully... unburden herself... fully aware... that she was not able... to reveal the depth of herself completely... he tenderly reminded her... how he had been... a catalyst for her... once before... when... nestled in his loving arms... he had finally... brought out of her... the tears of anguish... and sorrow... that she had been... forbidden to shed... when she was six years old... when her precious Mummie... went away... on her honeymoon... with her new husband... dear Uncle Alfred...

And how the American Christian Science lady friend... of her mother’s... in whose care... she was left... had told her... that if she cried... for her Mummie... she would make her Mummie... very unhappy... and surely she wanted her Mummie... to be happy... on her honeymoon...!

When Grazia finally... quietened down... fearing the worst... she was utterly delighted... when her beloved Richard... tenderly told her... that he loved her... heartfelt sentiment... that he had never expressed to her... in words... when he was on earth... even though they were engaged... to each other... with the Blessing of Bapak... who insisted... that they always be chaperoned... and were never alone together...!

They shared such a deep... Inner Bond of Oneness... that neither of them... ever thought it odd... that they never ever thought... of kissing each other... on the lips... but delighted to be in each other's presence... once again... they always expressed... their great love and affection... for one another... only by giving each other... great big bear hugs... with great big grins of joy... on their radiant faces...!

It is also possible... that Richard instinctively knew... that his beloved... sensitive Grazia... was very squeamish... about French kissing... This was true... because when she was about fifteen... at her sister's French best friend's engagement party... held in their apartment... her roaring drunk fiance... suddenly grabbed her onto his lap... as she was being useful... walking around the room... serving trays of canapes... to the roomful of grown-ups... and stuck his tongue... deep down into her throat... making her gag with shocked horror... and revulsion...

As her Beloved... said those three precious words to her... she felt a Wave Of Engulfing Love... from him... and marvelled... and thrilled... as she felt... the same kind... of Voluptuous... Sexual Waves Of Feeling... she had Experienced... by the Grace Of God... that momentous day... a few years earlier... When She Was Suddenly Told... By Her Lifelong Guardian Angel Friend... That she Had Reached The End... Of Her Sexual Trauma Purification...!!!

And this is exactly... how she... as Muftiah... found out... for the very first time... to her utter amazement... that she had actually been suffering... with a deep seated... sexual trauma... ever since she was seventeen...!!!

She was thoroughly bowled over... by her Guardian Angel Friend's Revelation... because somehow... as she grew older... and concentrated herself primarily... on seeking Spiritual Growth and Development... she had come to convince herself... that she was too Spiritual a soul... to have any lowly sexual feelings... towards the man... she happened to be in love with... but always only... with all her heart... in what the French so aptly call... Amour de Coeur...!

But first... here is extracted... from Part VIII "EUROPE"... the full story... of that fateful evening... and the horrendous episode... of a terrifying sexual assault... which lasted but a few minutes... but which consequently resulted... in over forty-seven years... of the most terrible... deep affliction... for this ultra sensitive soul's female psyche... which impacted greatly... and negatively... on her already turbulent life...!

Chapter 3
The Most Frightening Day... By Far... In An Ultra Sensitive... And Innocent... Seventeen Year Old Virgin's Life... When She Is Subjected... To A Most Brutal... Violent Sexual Assault... By A Handsome Young German... Prisoner-of-War...!

Although at the time... of Richard and Graziella's momentous reunion... when she was only 3l... but by the Grace of God... still looking ten years younger... she had felt inadequate... as a woman... ever since she was a sensitive... head in the clouds... teenage student... living in England... in the habit of daily conversing away... with her Heavenly Father... as she had been doing... ever since she was a little tyke... in Japan...

Because at the tender age of seventeen... her world was shattered... one momentous... fateful day... by the most ghastly experience... of personal violation... that would tragically change her life... and which no single female... at whatever age... should ever... ever suffer... at the hands of another human being...!

Aries born Graziella... known in England... mostly as Grace... and still dreaming of an operatic career... was positively optimistic... by nature... but ruled... alas... by self-destructive willfulness... and impulsiveness... following which... had often caused her... painful consequences...

Her very best friend... in Zurich Switzerland... exotically beautiful Kathleen Schwarz... born in India... and in whose veins... coursed an interesting mixture of Greek... Irish and Swiss blood... was in England... on holiday... during summer... at the time... staying at her uncle and aunt's house... in Folkestone... near the famous White Cliffs of Dover... and she invited her best friend Graziella... to come up from London... where she was enrolled... as a student... at the Kensington Secretarial College... and join her... for three weeks...

As a matter of fact... they had met each other... on Graziella's very first day... of going to school... in Zurich Switzerland... when just turned 12... and having recently arrived there... from Japan... she had come face to face... in the street... with quite the most beautiful young girl... she had ever seen... in her life... and who was almost as tall as she was... at five foot eight...!

And she was even more surprised... and utterly bowled over... to be addressed... by her... not in German... which would have been normal... but in very cultured English... saying...:

"You seem to be lost... Can I help you...?!"

Thus began a unique... and enduring friendship... between Kathleen and Graziella... which was to last many... many years... although they were never... at the same school... together... Kathleen being a year older... and despite the fact... that being Catholic... after spending quality time... together... would always make her... run off to church... to confess the intimate... taboo subjects... of the church... such as Graziella's favorite... of reincarnation... that they had naughtily discussed... together...!

Happy to be reunited... with each other... once again... Kathleen and Graziella... enjoyed a happy reunion... chattering away... in Kathleen's bedroom... catching up on each other's lives...

Kathleen's uncle and aunt... were just like two love-birds... and had never married legally... and over the next days... and nights... Graziella would watch them closely... as they cooed... to each other... sending each other... sly little winks... in the secret language... of their special love... both silver-haired... and slender... always beaming with happiness... and she would envy them... hoping that one day... she would also... find a love like that... so open... and honest... utterly unabashed... about their utter devotion... to each other...

And they had been together... some 35 years... childless... and never a cross word spoken... between them...! They were the shameful secret... of Kathleen's Swiss father's family... insisting... that a piece of legal paper... would not mean anything... or enhance their love... for each other... by one iota...!

So there they were... happily tucked away together... in their little cottage of love... living in sin... in a quaint... picturesque corner of England...!

The cottage was too small... for another guest... and the chintzy couch... in the parlor... much too short for her to sleep on... so Graziella stayed... in a similar cottage close by... in a room... that Kathleen had rented for her... which was owned... by quite the oddest people... a suspicious... unfriendly... unsmiling mother... and her equally unfriendly... huge... burly son... who also never cracked a smiled... both of whom gave Grace the willies... making her feel very uncomfortable around them...

Room and board... consisted of breakfast only... where nervous... edgy Graziella... was forced to sit at the kitchen table... on a hard wooden chair... in a dimly lit room... with no conversation whatsoever... and always be reluctantly served... only two pieces of salty... fried kippers... and a hot cup of tea... never any porridge... eggs or toast... and with taciturn... tight-lipped mother and son... always making her feel... as if she was stealing their precious food... out of their mouths...!

So that Graziella... as she kept growing and growing... was always ravenous... when she got up from the kitchen table... politely excusing herself... with never a response... from mother or son... and dashed next door... into the friendly... brightly lit cottage where... by utter contrast... she was always warmly welcomed... with hearty conversation... digestive biscuits... and hot cups of tea... reminding her of her precious times... with motherly Mrs. Murray... from Wales... back in Yokohama... with Kathleen's dear uncle and auntie... always fascinated... and never tiring to hear more... about her unusual life... growing up in Japan... insisting that she should write a book about it all...!

There were times... especially on Sundays... when she walked in... while they were breakfasting... and she would enviously watch them... heartily consume eggs and toast... politely declining... when she was offered some... keenly aware... that Kathleen was paying for her bed and breakfast next door... and not wanting to let her know... how stingy... and frugal... and eerily unfriendly... the mother and son were... offering her only kippers and tea...!

Lunch with them... usually consisted of sandwiches... and Graziella was introduced to young Queen Elizabeth's favorite... a delicacy made up of crustless triangles of thinly sliced white bread and cucumbers...

And in the evenings... all of them would be in the kitchen... happily preparing the delicious dinner together... where Graziella was introduced... to the traditional... tasty English Shepherd's Pie... and a delectable... filling dish... oddly called Yorkshire Pudding... which was savory... and not sweet...!

About a week later... one fateful afternoon... the two best friends... whilst browsing... through the uniquely English... fascinating little quaint shops... of Folkestone... together... were approached by a man... on the cobbled street... who... noticing that they were strangers... remarked... that it had been rumored... throughout the town... that there were two young girls... in the area... who spoke German...

And when Kathleen and Graziella acknowledged... that they were the two girls... they were told... by the man... of a farm nearby... that billeted some German prisoners-of-war... earning their keep... as field hands... and that they had been... the very first young men... captured... and paraded... through the streets of London... shortly after the outbreak... of the War...!

And since they were quite nice chaps... really... never even killed anyone... just very young lads... when they were taken prisoner... perhaps the two girls... would like to keep them company... Lord knows... save for the farmer's wife... who fed them... and assigned them... their daily chores... they had enjoyed... no young female company... whatsoever... in eight years... and it might be... a nice change... for them... to make the acquaintance... of two such lovely... charming young girls... who spoke their language... as well...

The stranger beguiled them further... suggesting that... perhaps... the girls could take the young lads... for a walk... in the evenings... after they finished their chores... just for a harmless hour or so... he cajoled... since curfew was at 6 p.m... No hanky-panky... just nice friendly companionship...

Emphasizing that it would be a pleasant boon... for the young lads... to be conversing... in their own language... once again... for a change... and with two such lovely... decent young girls...!

And feeling sympathy... for the poor... probably home-sick young boys... who had never actually... been in combat... Kathleen and Graziella agreed... to give them a try... After all... what evil could befall them... in one hour... of daylight... surely nothing... if they stuck together...?

And they made a solemn pact... not to separate... from one another... no matter how much... they happened... to especially like... a particular boy prisoner...

The very next evening... they tried to put on... a brave front... and presented themselves... at the farm... dressed in their Sunday best... feeling a little apprehensive... not quite knowing... what to expect...

But when they were introduced... to the contingent of some thirty-five inmates... of varying ages... in their large bunkhouse... they were very pleased... at how cordially... and politely... they were treated by them...

They quickly noticed... that there were some older prisoners... who smilingly let them know... that they were married... and how inappropriate... it would be... for them to betray their wives... by going for a walk... with such lovely young... "hubsche Madchen" (pretty girls)...

And so the choices... finally narrowed down... to two handsome... single young men... obviously from good families... who were very polite... well-spoken... well-mannered... and well-educated...

And the four of them set off... into the woods... nearby... for about a half hour's walk together...

On the first evening... they could only spend... about half an hour together... for much of the time allotted... had been taken up... by introductions all around...

So they tentatively conversed... with each other... in German... shyly getting to know... one another...

After a while... Graziella noticed... that the two young men... seemed to be utterly fascinated... and captivated... more by Kathleen's exotic dark beauty... and her beautiful... velvety... enormous dark eyes... than her own blue-eyed... blonde looks... so prevalent and common... throughout Germany... and had very little... to say to her... somewhat intimidated... by her unusual height... of now five feet ten and a half inches... and actually... practically ignored her...!

One of them... was a dark-haired... soft-spoken young man... from Bavaria... and the other... a blue-eyed handsome blond... over six feet tall... hailing from Berlin... and Kathleen and Graziella learned... that they had been architect students... together... at the Berlin University... when they were drafted... into Military Service... eight years earlier... in 1939... at the age of 18...!

During the week that followed... Bernard... the Bavarian... and Kathleen... seemed to gravitate... towards each other... naturally... and Reiner... the Berliner... resigned himself... to making do... with the left over... obviously uninteresting Graziella...!

And before long... moony-eyed Kathleen... so engrossed... with her budding romance... with Bernard... forgot all about... their solemn pact... not to separate... from each other...!

And sure enough... the evening finally came... about a week later... when they did go off... together... in separate pairs... into the dense woods... bordering the steep white cliffs of Dover...

Graziella... now finding herself... all alone... with her obviously reluctant companion... quite a bit taller... self-assured... handsome... blond... 26 year old... who was the aristocratic son... of Count Von Something or other... and the ideal male specimen... for Hitler's dream... of a perfect Aryan race... instinctively knew... that she must be very careful... not to arouse his libido... After all... it had been eight long years... since he had been... in the company... of any young female...

So she very carefully... engaged him in conversations... about literature... animatedly discussing the merits of famous German authors... such as her favorites... Goethe... and Schiller... and the Greek philosophers... Aristotle... Socrates... and Plato...

Noticing that Reiner... had her undivided attention... raptly listening to her... she went on... to discussing her favorite composers... with him... as well... like the German born... Richard Wagner... being her most favorite... whose music... our Beloved Bapak said... was the most Divinely Inspired... of all the composers... and concentrated very hard... on giving Reiner... the impression... that she was a very serious... studious person... although she knew she gave the unfortunate appearance... of a superficial... flighty airhead...!

(The epic biographical movie... "Wagner"... starring Richard Burton... as the famous composer... is #29... of the "Little Cilandak" Video Library... now numbering over 7,000...!)

(At the time... because of her 13 year separation... from her mother... when she was 6... she had no idea... whatsoever... that she herself... was descended... from a noble family... her mother... being Contessa Vera Quarta Turin... of Italy... and that they had bestowed their French family name... of Turin... ("Torino" in Italian)... to the city... that they ruled over...!)

And Graziella was delighted... when Reiner gradually responded... to her obvious intelligence... impressed... by her vast knowledge... of classical literature... and music... especially when she told him... how she had been chosen... to sing... by the Zurcher Staatsoper... as only one of six... from some 250 refugee... professional divas... from all over Europe... the year before... when she was only 16... and how it was... her life long dream... to become an opera singer... (also a saver of "lost souls"... ever willing... to be her Beloved Creator's soldier... His slave... but she was much too shy... to share that burning... secret ambition... with him...)

On the following evening... Reiner looked forward... to Graziella's company... treating her... with great courtesy... and respect... and they continued... with their serious conversation... and she heard... all about his dreams... of becoming a renowned architect... just like his father... and grandfather... before him... telling her... that there were some quite famous buildings... in Berlin... that had been designed by them... Reiner getting so absorbed... in his favorite subject... that they nearly missed... the 6 o' clock curfew...!

Graziella was pretty proud of herself... and how wisely... she was handling... her handsome young Berliner... and wanted to tell Kathleen... all about it... But her bosom friend... was off in the clouds... somewhere... moony-eyed... walking around in a daze... crazy in love... and was impossible... to be around... let alone talk to...!

Then the fateful day came... about a week later... when Graziella... got her period... And for some idiotic... asinine reason... she thought she would be "safe"...!

And when they picked the young men up... at the farm gate... at the dot of five... as usual... she was in exceptionally high spirits...

And as they split up... with she and Reiner... wandering off... into the dense woods together... she was absolutely certain... that no harm... could possibly befall her... surely not... while she was bleeding... down there... surely not... while she was menstruating...!

And in total contrast... to her previous... cautious behavior... tired of being so serious... yearning to fully express... the essence of her femininity... she was now foolishly throwing... all caution... to the winds... yearning to follow... the wild... exhilarating impulse... that suddenly flared up... inside her...!

And she daringly began... to flirt with him... laughing gaily... as happy as a lark... reveling in her femaleness... tossing her loosely flowing... long golden crown of glory about... skipping along the footpath... and casting flirtatious looks... back at him... dodging behind the gigantic trees... teasing him... mercilessly... having grown to like him... more and more... with each serious discussion... they had enjoyed together... admiring his intelligence... impeccable manners... and his aristocratic bearing...

As she ran... and skipped along... feeling gay... and carefree... as never before... in the admiring company... of such an attractive member... of the opposite sex... she was suddenly caught around her waist... and thrown down onto the soft grass... by him...!

Laughing giddily... thrashing around in fun... as he overpowered her... and thoroughly enjoying... her very first experience... of such close... intimate contact... with a much taller... and such a handsome young man... she became aware... vaguely... that something was not quite right...

But she pushed away... the sudden feeling of uneasiness... inside her... and still laughing... and giggling away happily... continued to enjoy... the exhilarating sensation... of being enveloped... for the very first time... in a handsome young man's strong arms...!

But then... she happened... to look up... into his face...

And got the heart stopping... biggest shock of her life...!

For she could no longer... see the brilliant blue of his eyes... they had rolled back... until only the whites... were showing... and his handsome... sun-tanned face... had become bestial... his jaw locked... in a petrifying rictus grin...!

And he was grunting... and panting... very heavily... like a ferocious wild animal... while tearing at her clothes... and oh horror... seemed to be trying to push himself roughly... inside her...!

Graziella... now petrified out of her wits... and realizing... that she was in terrible trouble... for she could no longer... recognize her dear friend Reiner... at all... cried out... in sheer terror...:

"Oh God... Help Me...!"

And in an instant... she heard the familiar Voice... in her right ear... as usual... of her lifelong Guardian Angel Friend... from when she was about four years old... when He rescued her... from becoming kidnapped... for the lucrative... Oriental Sex Slave Trade... Commanding her...:

"Laugh At Him...!!!"

And instantly obeying... she laughed... as loud... and as hard... as she could... sounding somewhat hysterical... crying out... with The right German Words... Being Given to her... Coming... somehow... out of her terrified... constricted throat...:

"Oh Reiner... Du Bist So Laecherlich... Und So Idiotisch...! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha...!" (You Are So Laughable... And So Idiotic...)

And Hallelujah... The Miraculous Words... Given To Her... To Utter... Had The Desired Effect... Working Like Magic...!

Because... in an instant... cultured... aristocratic... well-mannered Reiner... came back to his senses...

And looking down... horrified at what... he had just done... to such a young girl... unable to look her... in the face... he flung himself off her... and jumped up... racing towards the steep cliff... close by...

In a daze... Graziella... now bleeding profusely... all over the grass... for he had ripped off... her panties... and Kotex pad... instantly realized... that cultured Reiner... appalled at having lost control of himself... disgusted... that he had behaved... so abominably... towards her... was about to throw himself... off the steep cliff nearby...!

Somehow she managed to crawl after him... and grabbed him... by his ankles... as he stood poised... over the steep cliff... ready to jump...

And looking up at him... with everything... that was inside her... she earnestly pleaded with him... telling him... that it was she... who had foolishly... provoked... his attack upon her... and that it had been... all her fault... and none of it his...

Insisting... that she should never have flirted... so outrageously with him... begging him to please... please... not blame himself... and come away... from the dangerous cliff...

Somehow... Graziella managed... to convince Reiner... not to kill himself... and noticing... that she was bleeding... very badly... he turned his attention to her... and tenderly... helped her up... ripping off his shirt... to place between her now bloody legs... helping her... to put her disarranged clothes... in order... sans panties... and Kotex pad... which were lost forever... in the thick grass...!

And they staggered along... back to the farm... where she left him... just in time for curfew... with Reiner arguing... all the way back... that he should stay with her... summon a doctor... feeling so helpless... because... after all... he was still a prisoner-of-war... and there probably... would have been... some very dire... serious consequences... for him... if it was discovered... that he had sexually assaulted... an underage... young virgin of 17...!

She doesn't remember... getting back to the eerie cottage... but she does remember... sitting on the throne... all night... hemorrhaging badly... feeling miserable... trembling with shock... and guilt... and remorse... feeling so weak... that she was even unable... to stand up... to wash herself... and Reiner's bloody shirt... and stagger to the guest bedroom... for a fresh Kotex pad... then crawl into bed...

All the while... Graziella miserably sat on the throne... she prayed fervently... ever fearful... of waking up the scary mother and son... who... wanting to use the only bathroom... in the cold dank cottage... might come pounding... on the locked door... at any moment... demanding to be let in...!

But her fervent Prayers Being Answered... nobody disturbed her... throughout the endlessly long... sleepless night... of excruciating painful cramps... and copious... frightening bleeding... accompanied with enormous feelings of guilt and remorse...

And very early next morning... much too ashamed... to let anyone see her... Graziella... still feeling very weak... on trembling legs... somehow... managed to stand up... to wash herself... using the large ewer of cold water... and small piece of provided soap... and stuffing wads of toilet paper inside her... crept into the guest bedroom... where she quickly put on a fresh Kotex pad... changed her torn dress... nervously crept back... to the little bathroom... to dispose of all the bloody toilet paper... hurriedly washed Reiner's bloody... checkered shirt... leaving it there... then went back to her room... to pack her suitcase... and... like a thief in the night... left the little cottage... walking to the train station... while it was still dark... and waited for an hour... for the train... that would be taking her... back to London... being the only passenger...!

Her whole body... was still shaking... so badly... and she was so deeply mortified... and shocked... and riddled with guilt... that her fingers... could not even hold a pen... to write... to leave a farewell note... of explanation... and thanks... for her best friend Kathleen... and her dear... sweet uncle and aunt... in their mail box...!

The upshot... of her asinine... self-provoked attack... was that... about two weeks later... she got a letter from Reiner... from his hospital bed... apologizing profusely... letting her know... how utterly devastated he was... at what he had done to her... and how filled with remorse... and self-loathing... he was unable to believe that he... who had been raised... to respect... and honor all women... as delicate creatures... to be treated... with the utmost of courtesies... could have violated her innocent young self... so despicably...

So... feeling that... he was unfit to live... he had thrown himself... off the cliff... on a borrowed motorcycle... from the farm... at the very spot... where she had stopped him... but instead of... heroically killing himself... for her... had managed... Miraculously... to only break a leg...!

And now... he had the most wonderful news for her... the years of captivity... were at an end... he would soon... be returning home... to Germany... and the only way... he could undo... the terrible wrong... he had done his precious... sweet Graziella... was to beg for her hand... in marriage... pleading... and promising... to spend the rest of his life... making up his wrong to her... determined to make her... the happiest woman... in the world...!

Back in London... Graziella had her own problems... with blackouts... and fainting spells... happening... more and more frequently... and the last thing... on her mind... was Reiner... and his honorable marriage proposal... knowing full well... that he really was not... in love with her... and was only making... the gallant gesture... to appease his guilty conscience...

And when she fainted... yet again... in class... one morning... a kindly class-mate... taking pity on her... took her to see... her own prestigious... psychiatrist doctor friend... on famous Harley Street...

His name was Dr. Gordon... and after hearing... Graziella's pathetic tale of woe... noticing her agitated state... suggesting he examine her... gently told her... afterwards... that the ordeal... that every young girl fears... but has to face... in her life... the pain... of losing her virginity... was now... for her... at least... behind her... something that she no longer... needed to fear... and dread...

Then he sat her down... in his office... and asked her to tell him... all about herself... and her life... and describe her family relationships... to him...

And when she finally finished... he remarked... with astonishment... that... if he had not seen her sitting there... in front of him... listening to her talk... about herself... he would have thought... that he was hearing... the fascinating life story... of an experienced... woman of the world... of at least 40... instead of the young 17 year old... that she was...!!!

Adding that... he had never heard... such maturity of compassion... and perfect understanding... coming out of the mouth... of someone so young... before... for he could see... that she knew perfectly well... why those... in power over her... had behaved towards her... as they had... giving intelligent reasons... to explain away... their hurtful behavior... towards her...

From her indifferent... self-absorbed... exquisitely beautiful... imperiously proud mother... to her loved/feared Papa Rau... who... initially... had adored his "darling Nadia"... but after marrying a neurotic... possessive... and jealous... Russian emigree... when she was only six years old... his emotions raggedly torn... between his two loves... he had ultimately chosen... his beloved wife... becoming cold... and distant... and cruelly authoritarian... towards the daughter... he was now forced... to call Graziella... only... to her gentle... kindly... Bavarian stepfather... Alfred... who alas... had been in her life... for far too short a time...

And the good doctor told her... that the only way he could help her... was if she had been bewildered... questioning him... to explain to her... why she had been treated so cruelly... so clearly... there was nothing he could do for her... to help her...! But he hoped that his explaining away... the terrifying loss... of her virginity... would stop her fainting spells... And Praise God... Dr. Gordon was right... for there were no more of them...

About a year later... briefly reunited with Kathleen... back in Zurich... Graziella was flabbergasted... to learn... from her... that her romance with Bernard... ended abruptly... when he and Reiner... returned to Germany...!

And how Reiner... unable to forget her... mesmerized by her exotic beauty... had kept writing to her... and had proposed marriage to her... six months later...!

But she turned him down... and when he wrote... that he would be coming to Zurich to see her... to try and convince her... to change her mind... in order to avoid him... she went for a holiday... to Athens Greece... met a handsome young Greek there... fell in love with him... got engaged... and was going back there... to marry him... which she did... a month later...

And the two best friends... Kathleen and Graziella... never saw each other again... although they kept up a lively correspondence... with each other... for years...

And during all those years... Graziella was never able to confide... her terrifying ordeal... with Reiner... to her best friend Kathleen... still much too ashamed... and embarrassed... to let her know... how her own impulsive foolishness... had caused... what was to tragically scar her... for life...!

Nor did intuitive... psychic Kathleen... who was ever in conflict... with her church... who frowned down upon her natural... God Blessed... Spiritual Gift... which she shared with her Greek mother... claiming it was from the devil... and not from God... ever question her... about her abrupt departure... from Folkestone... without any explanation... whatsoever...!

Furthermore... Graziella was unable... to confide to her best friend... how devastated she had been... to learn that dear Dr. Gordon... who had written to her Papa... to ask his permission... to legally adopt... his daughter Graziella... convinced that she would be a good influence... on his six unruly daughters... had actually lied to her... about no longer being a virgin...!

She should have realized... that the Timely Appearance... of her lifelong Guardian Angel Friend... had actually Prevented her... from being raped... and that she was still a virgin...!

A devastating... heart breaking... and soul wrenching discovery she made... about a year later... on the very night... of her eighteenth birthday party... when upon numerous... taunting dares... from her intoxicated sister Prima... about always being a Miss Goody Two Shoes... and Holier Than Thou... desperately wanting to find favor... in her beloved sister's eyes... she had gone to bed... that very night... not just with any stranger... but with a famous Swiss football idol...!

(That tragic night... which was also devastating... for the handsome young sportsman... Paul... who had vowed to himself... never to violate a virgin... unless in his marriage... is fully described... in Part VIII EUROPE... as well as her turbulent life... after returning to Switzerland... from England...)

It is ironic... that fact is truly stranger than fiction... because there have been... not only one... but three "Reiners"... who featured significantly... in this humble to God soul's topsy-turvy life...!

The first being baby Swiss Reiner... whose life... God Made her Save... aboard the ocean liner Klipfontein... when she was almost twelve... the second... German Reiner... who almost raped her... when she was seventeen... and the third... Reinier... an alcoholic... brashly unfaithful... actively bi-sexual... bon vivant... French/Dutch charmer... being the spitting image... of the French heartthrob movie star... Charles Boyer... who put her... known as Grazia... through a three year marriage... of a living Hell... when she was thirty-four...!

Chapter 4
This Soul's Lifelong... Guardian Angel Friend... To Her Utter Amazement... Reveals Her Fifty Years Of Deep Seated... Sexual Trauma... To Her...! Then Informs Her... She Is Now Purified... Of Its Terrible Affliction...! Then Lets Her Feel Sexual Arousal... For The Very First Time... In Her Life...!

All the while... over the years... as this trying to be humble to God soul... primarily sought... Spiritual Growth... and Development... she erroneously believed... that she had become... too Spiritual a person... to have any lowly arousal of sexual feelings... of the flesh... for a man... her feelings of attraction towards him... always being... only through what the French so aptly call... “Amour de Coeur” (love of the heart”)...!

A scintillating... euphoric feeling... in her heart... that she loved to revel... and glory in... but which her Heavenly Father... Would Always Abruptly Cut Short... very soon after she fell in love... with a particular man... in her heart... especially after her Inner self... was “Opened...”... and “Awakened...” ... into the Miracle of SUBUD...!!!

About four years ago... now about sixty-eight years old... but still... by the Grace of God... looking years younger... one morning... Muftiah was sitting... in her recliner... placidly watching... one of the only two favorite soap operas... she has strictly disciplined herself... to enjoy... weekdays... on TV... being “The Young & The Restless...” and “The Bold & The Beautiful...” ... taking up... only an hour and a half... of her time...

Watching the former... she became aware... that the constant... Baseball Pressure... in her head... not unlike the sensation... one feels in one’s head... while swimming under water... caused by the many God-Willed Strokes... was very pronounced... that day... and there were strange... trickling sensations... inside her head... as well...!

For she had Been Made to suffer... numerous God-Willed Strokes... here in Alabama... as well... her body... on those occasions... Becoming Completely Paralyzed... unlike in California... over twelve years earlier... when only her left side... froze numb... the many Strokes... she stopped counting them... after the 37th...! ... eventually causing... an additional heart condition... medically diagnosed... as “mitral valve prolapse....”!

This... in addition to her lifelong affliction... of “paroxysmal tachycardia....!” ... ever since that memorable... Fourth of July... American Day of Independence... in 1938... when... at the age of about eight... during a relay race... which she won... as she bent down... to pick up the miniature American flag... stuck in the ground... she experienced the very first... of the peculiar lurching... of her heartbeats... followed by instant... frightening draining... of her strength... which once again... is flaring up... more frequently... than usual... these days...

And as she watched the TV screen... absorbed in all the complicated love relationships... going on... she suddenly heard a very familiar Voice...!

And The Voice... Was None Other... Than That Of her Guardian Angel Friend's... A Beloved Voice... Which she Had Not Heard... Ever Since October 28th ...1982...!

When... utterly amazed to find herself... still alive... after Having Been Told... a month in advance... That... Just Like Grace Kelly... she Would Be... “Dying Of Stroke... At 4.a.m... On The 28th Day Of October 1982...!” ... He Had Reminded her... That Grace Kelly Had Died... Of The Second Stroke... And Not The First...!

Now Speaking to her... in her right ear... as usual... ever since she was about four years old... when He Rescued her... from becoming kidnapped... for the thriving Oriental Sex Slave Trade... she heard Him Say... to her enormous astonishment...:

“You Are Now Purified... Of Your Deep Seated Sexual Trauma... Caused When You Were 17 Years Old... Living In England...!!!”

And as Muftiah sat there... stunned... to the very depths... of her soul... at the amazing... totally unexpected Revelation... from her Dear Guardian Angel Friend... after a little while... she began to Experience... for the very first time... in her life... Waves... And Waves... Of Wonderful... Overwhelming... Sexual Arousal... as she sat there... all alone... in her recliner... in front of the TV...!!!

And her eyes filling with tears of Joy... she marvelled... full of awe... and wonder... at the Miracle... Of The Latihan Kejiwaan... of SUBUD... Showing her... that... Hallelujah... and Amen... at long... long... last... she was finally... a normal woman... with normal sexual feelings...!!!

At long... long last... she understood... what she had read described... in books... and enviously heard about... so long ago... from various girl friends... and even from her lovers... and husbands... some of whom had been Frenchmen... who have an innate... instinctive understanding... of the psyche of the female... of whatever age... like no other countryman...

And as the Undulating Waves... continued to Engulf... her whole being... making her shiver... with delight... and Blissful Happiness... and making her feel... the essence of her female self... as never before... she found herself wondering... whether a real marriage... with her beloved husband... Farlan... would now be resumed...

For over the thirty-three years... of their association... with each other... with all the trials... and ordeals... that they had gone through... together... she still had deep... sympathetic feelings... of love and affection... for him...

Since a heart-to-heart relationship... between them... had very rarely... Been Allowed... by Almighty Allah... now that she was... finally... sexually awakened... finally normal... as a woman... and still ever a romantic... at heart... maybe Almighty Allah... Would Finally Permit them... to enjoy a normal husband and wife relationship... with each other... once again...

And to her great consternation... immediately Received... as usual.... A Very Definite... Abrupt...:

"Your Love Is Over!"

And the wonderful... Voluptuous Waves Of Melting Feeling... Inside Her... Stopped Abruptly... as well...!

Muftiah would Receive these same... Abrupt Words... about her Love Being Over... ever since Almighty Allah... Ended the sexual side... of their marriage... for good... on September 5th 1982... after only seven and a half years... of very intense Purification... Brought About... right after He... Very Aware... of His loving daughter's deep seated sexual trauma... Would Command them... through her...to Unite with each other Sexually.. but only Once... Every Two Months...!

And also... whenever she would find herself... even just barely thinking... fondly of Farlan... or beginning... to consider him... once again... as her husband... because there had been no God-Willed Strokes... for a while... and being aroused... in her romantic feelings... towards him... probably because... of her melting reaction... to his having been exceptionally tender towards her... just moments before... affectionately calling her “Muti...”!

There were a few times... over the 26 years... when... as Muftiah became... more herself... not so sickly and weak... the Strokes... and the baseball pressure... in her head... having abated somewhat... not wanting to presume anything... since they had never Received.. to get legally divorced... from each other... they tried to resume... being a normal... husband and wife... for each other... again...

But every single time... they tried to be sexually intimate... with each other... they Would Be Stopped... And Shown... In No Uncertain Manner... And In Very Specific Ways... that any sexual intimacy between them... Was Strictly Forbidden...!

For instance... as Muftiah lay happily... in her Beloved Farlan's arms... expecting to be loved by him... who was such an excellent... unselfish lover... who would always Receive... the Perfect Way... to relax her fears... and trepidation... she Would Suddenly Be Seized... With The Most Irritating... Of Coughing Fits...!

Or Her Whole Body... Would Be Made... To Suddenly Break Out... In The Most Repulsive... And Embarrassing... Stinking Sweat...!

And There Were Even Humorous Ways... They Were Stopped... From Being Sexually Intimate... With Each Other... such As Muftiah Receiving... Uncontrollable... Irritatingly Loud... Hysterical Laughter... Or Unstoppable Hiccups...!

And Farlan And Muftiah... Soon Learned... That... Not Only Was Sexual Intercourse... Between Them... Strictly Forbidden... But Also Any Other Form... Of Giving Each Other... Any Sexual Pleasure...!

Only Solitary Masturbation... Was Allowed... And Only Through Spontaneous Guidance... Received Usually About Once... Or Twice... A Month... Or So... At Least for Muftiah... And Was Only Permitted... In A Received State... Of Obeying Allah Almighty God's Will... thus the very Intimate Act... Would Be Protected... through Surrender... To Him... In The Latihan Kejiwaan... Of SUBUD...

And Muftiah came to understand... that since the Essence... of Farlan’s true mate... Ismana... Muftiah’s little “Itoko” (cousin)... from her last Japanese incarnation... resides in his Jiwa (soul)... and has been residing... inside him... now... for over 26 years... with only one meeting... between them... alone with each other...! ... she no longer has any right... to regard herself... as the most important woman... in his life...

Imagine... it had taken some thirty-seven SUBUD Years... of this ultra- sensitive soul's diligent... patient submission... sincerely surrendering herself... unconditionally... to her Beloved Creator... her Heavenly Father... Allah Almighty God... for the Miracle... of her terribly afflicting... soul-deep... sexual Trauma Purification... to finally... complete its Divine Course...!!!

Unconditional surrender to Almighty God... meaning that she neither prays for... nor asks for... nor hopes for... nor expects anything... for herself... from Him...

Except that she continue... to be Blessed... to Receive His Perfect Will for her... Given to her... through the Miracle... of the Latihan Kejiwaan... Of SUBUD... as she continually feels... the Gentle Vibration... of the Great Holy Life Force... of her Creator... her Beloved Heavenly Father... Allah Almighty God... inside her being... which Guides her thinking... and actions... so Perfectly... and always with a feeling... of utter faith and trust... in Him...

First... continuing... for about twelve years... to worship her Beloved Heavenly Father... as a Christian... and Being Renamed by Him... as Grazia... then Laura...

Then... up to now... for about thirty-seven years... ever since her Loving Creator... very Aware of her impulsive... defiant nature... renamed her Muftiah... and Commanded her... to henceforth... worship Him... as a Muslim... and no longer as a Christian... but only Inwardly... and not to study the religion... with her heart and mind... Islam meaning... for her... "Total Obedience... And Surrender To Allah..." ... and for her... to henceforth... address Him... as Allah... and no longer... as her Heavenly Father... or Almighty God...!

Oh Praise... Praise... Praise Allah Hu Akbar... Forever And Ever... Amen... He Who Has Blessed this Loving soul of His... so Greatly... By Carefully Monitoring her life... and Affording her Divine Protection... through her very own... Communicating Guardian Angel... ever since she was about four years old... and then... when she was thirty-one... "Opening..." ... and "Awakening" ... her Inner Self... so that she could constantly feel... the gentle Vibration... of His Great Holy Life Force... inside her being... Thus her thoughts and actions... are always Perfectly Guided... and she is living the Miracle... of a SUBUD Life... which is full of Grace... Inner Peace... and Harmony... with all those around her...

Chapter 5
This Trembling With Fear Soul... Must Confront... And Overcome... The Most Terrible Experiences... Of Her Life... Starting With Her Devastatingly Shameful... And Utterly Helpless... Babyhood Sexual Abuse... The Horrible Memory Of Which... Her Merciful... Loving Heavenly Father... Had Removed From Her... When She Was About Seven Years Old...!

Once again... her beloved Richard... Visited his Beloved soul mate... in Spirit... on October 8th 2002... precisely one month... before the Holy Fasting Month... of Ramadan... and told her... that he would be remaining close to her... so that he could escort her... back home to Heaven... with him... when it was the right time... for her to leave earth...

But before she passed over... into the Glory... of her Eternal Afterlife... in Paradise... with him... speaking to her with great loving tenderness... her Beloved Richard told her... that he was to be her catalyst... once again...!

Because... before she could leave earth... she had to face... and confront... and overcome... everything... that had happened to her... even the most terrible... and the most shameful events... and experiences... of her life... the ghastly memories of which... she had buried... deep... deep down... inside herself...!

And with all the gentleness... in the world... as Grazia/Muftiah... trembled in fear... her heat beating very fast... her beloved soul mate... who had always had... such a deep... Inner understanding of her sensitive psyche... tenderly helped her... to recall... up... up... up... from the very depths... of her soul... and into her awareness... the frightening... horrendous ordeals... of her earliest childhood... in the Far East...

Terrifying baby years... that... when she was about seven years old... with all the memory... of her shameful babyhood sexual abuse... weighing heavily inside her... she had begged her Heavenly Father... on one more day... of a shocking event... to her sensitive self... to Please let her come Home to Him... in Heaven... and if not... then to Please let this lifetime... be her very last reincarnation... on earth... because there had already been... far too many shocks... in her very young life...!

With no idea... that she was to be kidnapped... for the Oriental Sex Slave Trade... yet once again... that very night...! And by the very same Daiku-san... that she had beaten up... when he so lewdly exposed himself to her... that very morning of shocks...!

And Hearing His loving daughter's fervent plea... her Merciful Heavenly Father... Had Removed... all traces... of the horrendous ordeals... of her two years of babyhood... sexual abuse... from her memory...!

And then He delighted her... by Giving her a Beautiful Gift... Showing her... the Glory of His Wondrous Creation... in all its Splendor... in Living Technicolor... as Seen through His Eyes...! (All fully described... in her first book... "From The Shadow... Of The Rising Sun...")

Burying the horrible... helpless experiences... so deep down... into the farthest corners... of her soul... and that now... at the ripe old age of seventy-two... were Being Commanded ... by her Creator... through Richard... to gradually resurface... some sixty-five years later...!

Her beloved Richard... who.. as her Englishman betrothed... had betrayed her... with her little "itoko" (cousin)... in their previous Japanese incarnation... together... and for whom... to “save face” ... she had drowned herself... was now gently taking her back... with him... to her very earliest years... in Japan... just like he did before... when he broke the barrier... of her being forbidden to cry... when she was six years old...

Such as being kidnapped... for the ancient... thriving Oriental Sex Slave Trade... not just once... but three times... her snow white skin... blue eyes... and naturally curly... long... golden blonde hair... being a rare... coveted commodity... throughout the Far East...!

(Those terrifying events... and how she escaped from her captors... always with the Help of her Guardian Angel Friend... first at the age of four... then five... and again at seven... and almost again... at the age of almost twelve... in New York... she remembered vividly... and wrote all about... in her first book... "From The Shadow... Of The Rising Sun...")

And now... with her once again... after some thirty-six years... only this time... in Spirit... her beloved soul mate Richard... a gracefully tall... handsome... perfectly proportioned Adonis... of a man... with his beautiful... expressive green eyes... and thick chestnut hair... born under the intriguing sign of Scorpio... was being her most helpful catalyst... as before...

Helping his cherished Beloved... to bring the deeply buried... terrifying events... ... up... up... up... from the farthest recesses... of her soul... to the surface of her awareness...

Making her relive... the frightening sexual abuse... of her babyhood... in Kobe... Japan... when her little two and a half year old body... was sold... by her various village Amahs... to coarse... low-class Japanese men... mostly Daiku-sans...! (construction laborers)

The horrible recall... of those frightening... helpless... terrifying afternoon hours... the very first of her Seven Hells... in her beloved Nippon... Land of the Rising Sun... had been buried... deep down... inside herself... ever since her Heavenly Father... Had Mercifully Removed them... from her consciousness... when unable to take any more shocks... in her very young life... when she was about seven... she had begged Him... to please let this be... her very last reincarnation... her very last lifetime... on earth...

This trying to be humble to God soul... is now compelled... to describe the disgusting details... of her babyhood sexual abuse... with those of you... who love God... like she does... or who are lost... and sincerely trying... to find your way back to Him... here... through this Holy Website... called “SUBUD Stories...” which the Angels of God... have Led you to... set up by Farlan... through the suggestion... of our Beloved Spiritual SUBUD Father... Bapak... during his many... recent Heavenly Visitations... to his ever faithful SUBUD daughter... Muftiah...

And to her many uniquely Blessed... kindred brothers and sisters... as her witnesses... she asks for their forgiveness... for the obvious offensiveness... of her terrible... following narrative... which her Heavenly Father... Allah Almighty God... for Reasons... Known Only To Him... Is Now compelling her... to share... with all of her Specially Chosen by Him... kindred brothers and sisters... everywhere... throughout the earth...

And she hopes... and prays... that the following words... of disgustingly graphic descriptions... will be invisible... to all pedophiles... for she does not wish... to be Spiritually responsible... for being instrumental... in arousing their unnatural libidos... actually doubting... that any of them... unless truly repentant... are worthy... To Be “Tapped...” ... On Their Shoulders... By An Angel Of God... To Be Led To This... Bapak’s Holy Website... “SUBUD Stories...”

Chapter 6
Odd-looking... Tall For Her Age... Little Sera-chan’s Two And A Half Year old Body... Is Sold... By Her Succession Of Amahs... To Be Viewed... In The Village Of “Kutsukake”...! (Put On Your Shoes)

Soon after about two and a half year old... "Tzi-Tzi"... to her adored... exquisitely beautiful Mummie... and "Darling Nadia"... to her adored handsome Papa... left Peking... China... with them... and she met her eight year old sister... Prima... and seven year old brother... Remo... for the very first time... with the whole family... moving into their new house... in Kobe... the news quickly spread... throughout the “mura no Kutsukake” (village of “Put On Your Shoes”) ... nearby... through her various village Amahs... in whose care.. she was left... that there was a “yoso no chiisai sozobutsu” (strange little creature) ... living in their midst...!

“Akambo no shojo” (a baby girl) ... who was very odd looking... not only because... she was tall... for her age... and did not resemble... any one of the other members... of her family... with her snow white skin... long curly golden hair... and blue eyes... but she spoke fluent Japanese... and not only Japanese... but Hiragana... the language of the upper classes... without ever having been taught the language...!

And all the “sommin” (villagers) ... of “Kutsukake” ... became very curious... to see this strange little “sozobutsu”... for themselves... speculating... about where she came from... and how come... she already knew so much... about “Nippon no densetsu” (Japanese traditions) ... and “shukan” (customs) ... as well as all about the “hoten no meiyo” (codes of honor) ... especially those of the Bushido... according to her Amahs...!

These succession of village Amahs... quickly became aware... that the little baby "akambo"... whom they were naming “Sera-chan”... because Graziella was nigh impossible... for them to pronounce properly... was expected to be fully... in their care...

Because the “rippana chichi O-to-san” (handsome father)... was far away... abroad on business trips... for very long periods... at a time... and the “utsukushii uchi no fujin” (beautiful lady of the house) ... was always going off... to the Country Club... every afternoon... no doubt... winning yet another... tennis championship trophy...

And little Sera-chan's various village Amahs... decided to take advantage... of their long absences...

So her very first Amah... Kumiko... hatched the idea... to parade her little Sera-chan... around “Kutsukake” ... and for some Yen... allow the “sommin” ... to view her long body...!

And every weekday afternoon... as soon as her “utsukushii haha” (beautiful mother) ... had gone off to the Yokohama Country & Athletic Club... to play tennis... of which she was a champion... Amah Kumiko... would take the hand... of her precious little “akambo no shojo” ... who was walking quite well... by now... and take her down to “Kutsukake”...

But when they reached the outskirts... of the “mura” ... she would stop... and pick up her “akambo no shojo”... in her arms... and carry her... for the rest of the way... into “Kutsukake” ... so that... for some Yen... each curious “sommin” ... could take a good look at her... while cradled safely in her arms...

And as the excitement grew... over the “yoso no chiisai sozobutsu” ... who was so different looking from them... yet spoke their language... fluently... the “mura no kouritenshu” (village shopkeepers) ... one by one... would invite Kumiko inside... their dingly little “mura no kojos” (village shops)... and pay her handsomely... if she would allow them... to just touch the little creature’s amazing... “kin iro dotta no ke” (golden colored hair) ... which was so shiny... and long... and naturally curly...

The very first time... her Amah Kumiko... carried her inside... one of the “mura no kojo” ... and the “kouritenshu” ... gently ran his fingers... down her flowing tresses... little Sera-chan laughed happily...

Because... like all the “neko” (cats)... which loved to be petted... and caressed... by her... purring away... happily... she... comparing herself to them... also loved to be petted... and caressed... which her exquisitely beautiful... regal looking... very tall... adored Mummie... of whom she was in such awe... never did... not even once... neither when they lived for over a year... in Peking China... nor here in Kobe...!

All the rare... personal attention... thrilling her down to her toes... little Sera-chan suddenly noticed a doorway... at the back of the “kojo” ... which had rows... and rows of sparkling glass beads... of all different colors... covering it... from top to bottom...

And becoming quite excited... she wanted to know... what was behind the intriguing looking... magical doorway... but they told her... that what was behind those colored “maku” (curtains) ... was a great... special “himitsu” (secret) ... and entry into it... had to be honorably earned...!

And thus... little Sera-chan... inadvertently... gave them the brilliant idea... to use the back room... for their profitable purposes...!

Chapter 7
Little Sera-chan... Who Can Easily Recall... Her Last Incarnation... As A Nipponese... Is Slowly... And Cleverly Brainwashed... Into Believing... That She Is Still Nipponese... And Just Like The Greatly Admired Geisha... Born To Be A “Koi Mega-mi...” (Love Goddess)... In This Lifetime...!

Displaying the little “akambo shoju” ... around Kutsukake... worked for a while...

But as the little "akambo"... seemed to be quickly growing taller... becoming too big and heavy to carry... a diabolical plot was hatched... between Kumiko... and the “kouritenshu” ... to hold private inspections... of the little “chiisai sozobutsu” ... in the back rooms... of their “mura no kojos”...!

And over the following months... they very cleverly... and slowly brainwashed... the “chiisai akambo” ... as she quickly grew taller... and bigger... and older... and often... openly discussed her last Nipponese incarnation with them... into believing... that she was still Nipponese... and born... in this lifetime... to be a giver of happiness...!

A “Nippon no Koi Mega-mi...!” (Japanese Love Goddess)... just like the greatly admired Geisha... being the female extension... of the male “Ho Tei” ... the bringer of “Kofuku...” (happiness) ... whose revolting looking statue... was proudly displayed... in every little dingy “kojo”...!

And that all the “Kofuku” ... was right there... behind the sparkling beaded “maku” ... and all she had to do... now that her “chichi” (father)... had presented her... with beautiful... expensive silk kimonos... to honor her... as a “Nippon no Koi Mega-mi...” ... was to step through them... for she would soon earn the “meiyo” (honor)... to do so...!

Thus the weekly afternoons... became a sacred ritual... of walks down to the “mura no kojos” ... with each new village Amah...

Little Sera-chan never knew... why her village Amahs... never seemed to last... but they all seemed... to know each other... and passed on... how extra money... could be earned by them... through the strange “chiisai shojo” ... who remembered her past life... as a Nipponese... and therefore knew their language fluently...!

Chapter 8
Little Sera-chan... Finally Earns The “Meiyo” ... To Go Behind The Mysterious “Maku”... And She Is So Happy... To Be So Greatly Honored...!

Now that little baby Sera-chan... was almost three years old... and each village Amah... quickly becoming very aware... that her “O-Ka-san” ... barely paid any attention to her... having her... for the most part... all to themselves... the day finally came... when between her latest Amah... Ayesha... and one of the more prominent “kouritenshu” ... they decided... that their precious little "Koi Mega-mi"... had finally earned the “meiyo” (honor)... to step behind the fascinating... sparkling... beaded “maku”...!

And on this very special afternoon... as her Amah Ayesha... prepared a highly excited Sera-chan... for their usual walk... down to the village... she decided to go all the way... in transforming her cleanly washed... and powdered... precious little Sera-chan... into a genuine... “Nippon no Koi Mega-mi...”

Cooing to her... all the while... how special a "Koi Mega-mi" she was... and as usual praising the Geishas... to the skies... she took off her European play dress... and put her extra long slim body... into one of the traditional kimonos... that her “chichi” ... had recently given her... choosing a brilliant red silk one... and closing it with a golden “obi” (sash) ... then removed her shoes... replacing them with traditional “tabi” (socks) ... and “getas” (wooden clogs) ...

Now thoroughly transformed... into a “Nippon no shojo...”... which felt very familiar to little Sera-chan... with her heart... beating very fast.. she held tightly... onto Ayesha’s hand... as she led her... inside the dimly lit... little “mura no kojo” ... down in “Kutsukake” ...

As soon as they were inside... having removed their getas... and left them outside... after the obligatory series... of bowed... polite greetings... of “Konichi-wa” ... there was always... first the ritual... of being forced... to rub the obscenely bulging tummy... of the ceramic edifice... of the “Ho Tei” ... the bringer of “Kofuku” (happiness)...

And little Sera-chan... would always cringe... hating to touch... the enormously bloated belly... of the odiously grinning man... with his fat rosy cheeks... squatting obesely... on his black lacquered pedestal...

Now that she had... at last... earned the “meiyo” ... to go behind the mysterious... sparkling beaded “maku” ... she tried to bravely swallow her revulsion... of having to first touch the “Ho Tei” ... in honor of him...

Chapter 9
The Little “Koi Mega-mi”... Is In For The Shock... Of Her Very Young Life... When She Finds Out... What Being A “Koi Mega-mi” ... Really Means...!

But when little Sera-chan... stepped through the beaded “maku” ... she saw that it was just an ordinary “heya” (room) ... although dimly lit... by a “chochin” (lantern) ... and a large urn of “ko o taku” (burnt incense) ... in the corner...

Then she was startled to notice... that there were quite a number of men there... who were all sitting on their haunches... in a circle...!

And little Sera-chan’s heart... started to beat faster... in fear... for... except when her adored Papa... took her with him... to the "Yayu"... for their nightly bath ritual... and she saw many men... women... and children... all stark naked... and the adorable little ones... happily splashing about... in the different pools of water... with her... she had never been... in the company... of only strange men... and so many of them... in a room... before... and held on... to her Amah Ayesha’s hand... even more tightly...

The assembled men’s curiosity... was instantly aroused... at the sudden... rare appearance... in their midst... of this little blue-eyed... golden-haired... white-skinned... tall... "sozobutzu"... beautifully dressed... in their traditional kimono... as they sat around her... on the tatami... bare-chested... dressed in their traditional... dark blue... loose trousers... and open tunics... called “Happi...” ... down the wide lapels of which... in white Japanese lettering... boldly showed... their professions... as “daiku-sans” (construction laborers) ...

Chapter 10
The Frightening Daiku-sans... With Their Muscles Bulging... Begin To Give Their Helpless Little "Chiisai Hadaka No Koi Mega-mi"... (Little Naked Love Goddess)... "Shisatsu" (Inspection)... In The Back "Heyas" (Rooms)... Of One "Mura No Kojo" (Village Shop)... After Another...!

So it began... afternoon after afternoon... week after week... as soon as her adored... exquisitely beautiful... tall... queenly Mummie... left for the YCAC... little Sera-chan's current Amah... would quickly transform... her European self... into a Nipponese... with her afternoon rituals... of being a helpless... and frightened... “Nippon no Koi Mega-mi” ... rarely varying...!

Her very early morning rituals... before dawn... with her adored Papa... whenever he was back home... were an utter contrast... His single-minded intention... to make a world class champion athlete... out of his Darling Nadia... was born... ever since he saw how unusually long her body... legs... arms and fingers were... already at just two months... when he came to Italy... to check up on the story... about her Miraculous birth... which was reported... in all the newspapers... for himself...

As he gazed down... at the little Miracle baby girl... in awe... he recalled the humiliating scandal... that had smeared his good name... when his much younger wife Vera's love affair with a married man... was exposed... because his insecure... neurotic wife Margaret... had dramatically shot herself dead... in the middle of the dance floor... at the YCAC... whilst hurling screaming accusations... at the Italian harlot... who had wrecked her marriage...

And now he recalled... how he had flown... into a towering rage... although by then... they were both indulging themselves... in love affairs... of their own... reminding himself... how he had contracted... for her hand in marriage... from her formidable grandmother... a tireless champion... campaigning for women's rights... throughout male-domineering Italy... when she was only sixteen...

And he remembered... how his innocent young wife... now pregnant with his child... conceived aboard ship... en route to Japan... his home... was quite a bit in awe of him... her twenty year older husband... becoming a Black Belt Karate champion... when he was twenty-one... an honor very rare... for a European... and his magnificent physique... as he rigorously exercised... his body daily... and proudly paraded around the house... stark naked... with heavy weights... attached to his penis... and hanging from it... to enlarge it... and that she had subsequently borne him a daughter... at sixteen... and then a son... at seventeen...

And then he was remembering... how his young... twenty-two year old wife Vera... had stood there... in front of him... trembling... as she summoned up the courage... to inform him... that she was again pregnant with child... and that because he had insisted... on continuing to exercise his conjugal rights with her... convinced that regular... daily sexual intercourse... was vital to one's health and wellbeing... she was not sure... whose child she was carrying... his or Arthur's her lover... and fully aware... that her husband was engaging in love affairs of his own... whenever abroad... shyly telling him... that for the very first time in her life... she had truly fallen... deeply in love... with a man... who did not treat her like a trophy... that he had won... like he did... but saw her as someone... who mattered... a woman... who had feelings... and thoughts of her own... and he made her very aware... of her own femininity...

Recalling the unexpected spurt of angry jealousy... that swept through his chest... that another man... had usurped his place... in his wife's heart... flying into a towering rage... he had whipped out his pistol... from a desk drawer... and shot at her... aiming for the thing... that was protruding from her belly... once again... after some five years...

But Vera had instinctively lifted up her arm... across her abdomen... to protect what she fervently believed... was her beloved Arthur and her precious love-child... so that her husband Theodore's deadly bullet... only grazed her arm...

marriage wseeied manss to be put through a rigorous series... of gymnastic exercises... with him... up in the attic... of his makeshift gymnasium... with the miniature dumbbells... that he had had... specially made for her...

Immediately after which... they would climb... up the “yama” ... (mountain) ... behind their house... together... with no food... or drink... beforehand... to watch the spectacular sunrise... in the East... at the very top... after which... Papa... pleased at her athletic performance... as a reward... would always carry her... crowing with delight... on his shoulders... for the descent...

From her first Amah Ayesha... through to about twenty of them... there would first be the traditional tea ceremony... where everybody partook... of fragrant green cha... out of tiny... delicate... see-through bowls... made of fine rice porcelain... on which exquisitely painted birds... and colorful flowers... were painted...

And after everybody nibbled... on small sushi squares... stuffed with different kinds of tasty fillings... small seasoned rice balls... covered with sesame seeds... and small squares of seasoned tofu... with their “hashi” (chopsticks) ... her current Amah... would gently lay... her precious little “Koi- Mega-Mi”... down on the tatami... with her head nestled... in her Amah’s lap...

And her small hands... would lovingly stroke... little Sera- chan’s long... golden hair... and massage her head... hypnotically lulling her... into an almost somnolent state... while the atmosphere... around her... was seductively permeated... by the scent... of sweet-smelling “ko o taku” ...

&&&&

FROM HERE DOWNWARD... OF A VERY LONG PART IV... THE TEXT IS BEING RE-EDITED... SO PLEASE FORGIVE ANY ERRORS...

Shyly... and deferentially encouraged... by her Amah... saying “Dozo...” (please) ... emboldened usually... about five to seven... of the men... at a time... to inspect baby Sera- chan’s snow white... little body... underneath her kimono...

And always in uneven numbers... for the Japanese are very superstitious... about even numbered people... being assembled together... at the same time... in the same place...!

And becoming bolder... they would undo her obi... and open up her latest expensive silk kimono... that her adored Papa... had just given her...

And exclaiming over the exceptional length... of her body... her legs... arms... and fingers... they would gingerly poke... and prod... at the strange... ... white-skinned little “sozobutsu” ... lying there... exposed... helplessly... in front of them...

While all the while... her Amah would soothe... her rising fears... cooing to her little Sera-chan... or Grasera-chan... their version of Graziella... for the Japanese... have great difficulty... in pronouncing the letter “L” ...

But more often... by the scores of frighteningly muscular... coarse... low-class... guttural daiku-sans... in the almost pitch black darkness... of one back room... after another... of the dingy little “mura no kojos” ... nearby...! And while they poked... prodded... and pinched her... her Amah... would tenderly coo to her... telling her... how valuable she was... softly murmuring... that she was her “Kokana no chiisai Nippon no Koi Mega-mi” (precious little Japanese Love Goddess) ... born to give “yorokobi” (delight) ... as she felt the disembodied... rough hands... of the men... roving all across... her little body... There were times... when she could not help but feel delighted... when their feathery touches... and nibbling wet tongues... in her innocence... made her want to purr... like a kitten...! For little Sera-chan... was just like a “neko” (cat)... because she loved to be petted... and stroked... and if it wasn’t for her Amahs... who fussed over her... affectionately calling her... their very special little “akambo no ningyo” (baby doll) ... she would never have gotten... any physical affection... at all...! She was utterly blinded... by her adoration... for her imperiously proud... exquisitely beautiful... queenly mother... And little Tzi-Tzi never realized... that she was barely tolerated by her precious Mummie... for her very presence... was a constant reminder... of her public humiliation... disgrace... and scandal... at the YCAC... when... while pregnant with her lover’s child... when she was about 21... his scorned wife... had dramatically shot herself ... in the middle of the dance floor... whilst hurling accusations... at the adulterous lovers... entwined in each other’s arms... dancing...! And although forgiven... and taken back... by the Country Club... two years later... as their star tennis champion... her 23 year old... Contessa mother... could never cuddle her embarrassing... repugnant... love-child daughter... nor pick her up lovingly... in her arms... or even give her a kiss...! The only times... that Tzi-Tzi felt her touch... was to be patted... on top of her head... in dismissal... told to be a good little ... and go off and play by herself... because Mummie was very busy...! CHAPTER 21 NEWS ABOUT THE LITTLE “KOI MEGA-MI”... SPREADS QUICKLY... THROUGHOUT KUTSUKAKE... AND EVEN MORE COARSER... AND CRUDER DAIKU-SANS... COME TO THE MURA NO KOJOS...! But there were times... when little Sera-chan... was even more ly afraid... Especially by the even more frightening... even coarser... and rougher daiku-sans... with their muscles bulging... when they took out their glittering knives... and expertly slashed... into her groin... curious to see... whether the “kin no akambo no “chi” (baby’s blood) ... flowed... as red as theirs did...! After the first time... little Sera-chan’s body was slashed at... her Amahs made sure... to bring special herbal poultices... with them... the soothing application of which... to her pierced groin... would instantly... like magic... stop the pain and bleeding...! And knowing that their little akambo’s haha... never saw her daughter’s naked body... because they alone bathed her... the succession of Amahs... were not in the least concerned... that their profitable business... would be found out... and punished by their employers...! (She still bears the scars... of those sudden... terrifying slashes... today... the marked evidence of which... for years... puzzled her...) As little Sera-chan... spoke fluent... high-class Hiragana... already as a two year old... whilst living in Peking China... without having been taught the language... by anyone... and before ever setting foot... on Japanese soil... in this lifetime...! ... with her heart beating faster... in increasing fear... and terror... and pain... as she felt the blood... from her slashed groin... trickling down her long... bloody thighs... she would hear her Amah... sternly admonishing... the guttural male voices... Speaking in low-class... common Katakana... to them... she would insist... that there were to be... no telling marks... upon the little “Koi Mega-mi...” ... her “kokana no chiisai karada” (precious little body) ... was not to be violated... no “kampa” (penetration) ... allowed... into her “shu-shu...” (colloquial term for vagina) ... nor into her “komon” (anus) ...! Her shu-shu... held little interest for them... anyway... for that area... of the body... was sacrosanct... to the male of Nippon... only to be enjoyed... with women... and for producing babies...! Although they did... sometimes... out of curiosity... spread the little Koi Mega-mi’s legs apart... and seeing that she had the same female organs... as their own “onna” (countrywomen)... open up her shu-shu... with their fingers... and sniffing at her... flick their tongues... across her tiny “botan” clitoris button)... to see... whether it would make her jump... like her Amah’s did...! Since Japanese women... are generally small-breasted... the males of Japan... like to concentrate their attention... primarily... on their round buttocks... an area of the female anatomy... which fascinates them... no end...! So... true to form... the inspecting group of daiku-sans... wanted to see... what kind of “O-shiri” (buttocks)... the little “sozobutsu” had... And reminding her Amah... their voices raised... in loud... guttural protest... and in rising anger... that they were paying her a lot of Yen... so that they expected... at least... to have some enjoyment... from this “chiisai kisu no sozobutsu” (little odd creature) ... they ignored her feeble protestations... that little Sera-chan... was to be returned... to her parents... intact... So her Amah... who had been trained to be subservient... to all men... defeated... and greatly outnumbered... would gently turn her “kisu no ningyo” (precious little doll) ... onto her stomach... still holding her head... in her lap... and still continuing to massage her head... and caress her hair... murmuring reassurances... to her... And she would allow the men... to content themselves... after greatly admiring her snow white... round little “dobutsu no shiri” (backside) ... and patting it... affectionately... with stuffing soft objects... inside her “komon” (anus) ... with the left over rice balls... and tofu slices... which they would then dig out... with their tongues... and eat... smacking their lips... with great relish...! And little Sera-chan... their helpless Koi Mega-mi... with her face... in her Amah’s lap... her heart beating very fast... with mounting fear... and trepidation... would hear their guttural voices... behind her... as they nibbled... and licked... her “komon” ... exclaiming... with delight...: “Kono momo no yoni O-shiri wa... totemo supai desu... ne... totemo oishii desu... ne...?” (This peach-like backside is very tasty... isn’t it... very delicious... isn’t it...?) And there would be an excited chorus of... “Hai hai... totemo supai desu... totemo oishii desu...!” (Yes yes... very tasty... very delicious...!) And little Sera-chan... despite her fear... and apprehension... could not help but feel pleasure... as her sensitive nerve endings... were being stimulated... by their hot nibbling tongues... Then they would put their fingers... into her trembling with terror mouth... forcing some kind of special... sweet-tasting liquid... down her throat... which would quickly induce... odorless diarrhea...! And they would all watch... with fascination... as she defecated... in front of them... with a great deal of embarrassing noise... spreading her cheeks apart... so that... in the light of the “ko” (incense)... and “rosoku no hi” (candlelight) ... or “chochin” (lantern) ... they could see... how she expelled... all the things... they had inserted... into her fascinating “komon”...! And they loved... to stick their tickling fingers inside her... and also to use their tongues... sucking... to get all of it out... greedily gobbling up her ka-ka smeared objects... of pieces of Sen... buttons... smooth little pebbles... from one of the village ditches... whatever small objects... which they had pulled... out of their pockets... and could be pushed... inside her “komon” ...! And sometimes... despite her ... the continuous sensation of their fingers... and tongues... inside her... would give her a pleasurable feeling... just like when her Amahs would powder her... between her legs... and pat her backside... with powder... after her bath... making her crow with delight... And then there were times... when... after they had had their fill... of their “chiisai Koi Mega-mi”... sexually aroused... their soseiji bulging... they would turn to her Amah... negotiate terms with her... and perform “shitsu” (fornication) ... unabashedly copulating... on the tatami... right in front of little baby Sera-chan...! And as she watched... fascinated... as they grunted... and panted... their bodies... closely entwined... her Amah’s face... and body... covered in glistening sweat... as she made funny little noises... little Sera-chan... would become deathly afraid... that the daiku-sans might want... to join their bodies to hers... in the same way... some afternoon... And she trembled... terrified... that what she was seeing... was to be her “saigo no ummei” (ultimate destiny) ... as a “Nippon no Koi Mega-mi” ... when they thought her old enough... For by the age of three... she was already thoroughly brain- washed... believing herself... to be Nipponese... and like all Nipponese females... existing only for the pleasure... of “Nippon no ningen” (Japanese men) ... just like an accomplished Geisha... that all her Amahs... were always praising... to the skies... to her...! There was one particular daiku-san... who always made her cringe... with mounting horror... for not only did he like to slash... at her little body... with his sharp knife... but he also liked... to smear her little face... with his left over “seieki” (semen) ... taking advantage of the fact... that she was unprotected... because her Amah... was in the corner... of the room... getting dressed... And swaggering up to her... as she lay stark ... cowering... in fear... holding his soseiji... in his hand... squeezing out the last few drops... and with a look of utter contempt... on his face... he would roughly rub it... all over her little face...! And she would invariably... smell the pungent odor... of his seieki... and taste it on her lips... which would make her grimace... with revulsion... and which repulsive reaction... would make him go off... into a high-pitched giggle... that sounded... as if he was quite insane... alarming her... and her Amah... who would quickly rush to her side... to protect her kokana Sera-chan... During those years of little Sera-chan’s babyhood sexual abuse... not a single one of the ningen “kouritenshu” (village shop owner)... or “daiku-sans”... ever spoke to her... or engaged her... in any kind of personal conversation... looking down upon her... merely as a body... that they had paid for... to be at their disposal... to do with... as they pleased...! And when she... very puzzled... asked her Amahs... about it... they would tell her... that she was now so exalted... as a Love Goddess... that no man... would ever dare... to talk to her...! CHAPTER 22 LITTLE TZI-TZI... BY THE AGE OF FOUR... THINKS OF TRYING TO GET HELP... FROM HER ADORED MUMMIE... OR ADORED OLDER SISTER... PRIMA... BUT FEELS TOO INTIMIDATED... AND ASHAMED TO...! Helpless little Sera-chan... could have so easily... been spirited away... by her village Amahs... some afternoon... and taken by them... to be sold to a Geisha House... and she would have been lost... to her careless... indifferent family... forever...! Because... even though little Tzi-Tzi... shared a bedroom... with her six years older sister... Prima... even sleeping in the same bed with her... there was nobody... of her family... that she could turn to... for help... during the day... Prima... and her five years older brother... Remo... were always both away... becoming educated... at the Canadian Academy... together with their best friends... the two sisters... Joan Fontaine... and Olivia De Havilland... who were to become... very famous movie stars... one day...! Besides... at ten years of age... Prima... who was mature for her age... because Mummie... having given birth to her... when she was only sixteen... had never treated her... like a daughter... but like a younger sister... was already boy crazy... So she was hardly... ever at home... often coming home with Mummie... from the YCAC... having spent the afternoon there... with her current boyfriend... after school... And Remo... at nine... was taking piano lessons... after school... so he also came home late... often just in time for dinner... And whenever she saw her adored Mummie... and sister... coming home together... looking like each other... and always happily relaxed... she would feel like an intrusive outsider... more and more... with each passing day... Being born of a sunny disposition... Tzi-Tzi would greet them joyously... but they would quickly make her feel... as if she was a nuisance... intruding on their close intimacy... usually ignoring her... for the most part... And the feeling of intimidation... and puzzling rejection... would follow her... right into bed... where all she could do... was snuggle up close... to her adored older sister... much too ashamed to tell her... what was being done... to her helpless little body... by different men... in the afternoons... which usually terrified her... but also sometimes... made her feel nice and tingly... CHAPTER 23 LITTLE SERA-CHAN... GETS AN EDUCATION... ABOUT THE FEMALE ANATOMY... FROM HER VERY FAVORITE... AND LAST AMAH... SUZUKI...! When Sera-chan was almost... four and a half years old... and already quite tall... her very favorite... brand new Amah... Suzuki... who was young... and very pretty... for a change... and who was from the city of Kobe... suddenly came into her life... And her sexual abuse... came to an abrupt end... when all her village Amahs... were suddenly dismissed... and replaced with only Suzuki... as her very special companion...! Sera-chan fell in love with her... at first sight... and they enjoyed... a very close relationship... feeling as if they had known each other... in a previous incarnation... soon easily talking to each other about karma... and the eternal law... of cause and effect... such as... “As you do unto others... so shall it be done unto you...” Suzuki was very tender... towards her “kokana no chiisai ningyo” (precious little doll) ... and one night... she... who knew nothing about Sera-chan’s afternoons... of being a “Koi Mega-Mi”... decided it was time... to educate her... So... she very naturally showed her... after bathing... and powdering her... what her little “botan” was for... but only when she grew up... to be a young lady... And she showed her... how she could bend way over... and pleasure herself... by licking her botan... with her own tongue...! She also took her to her room... at the back of the house... the following afternoon... and showed her... her collection of “banwas” (little balls made of steel) ... that she liked to insert inside... into her own shu-shu... to pleasure herself with... whenever she wanted to... And she very naturally... and carefully... showed her kokana no chiisai Sera-chan... how wonderful... a female looked like... inside her shu-shu... comparing themselves... Suzuki with a big shu-shu... and little Sera-chan... with an identical... tiny little shu-shu... Telling her... how proud... she should be... about her female body... and its tantalizing parts... for the “ningen” (men) ... had nothing so mysterious... and so secretly hidden...! Everything they had... was hanging out... and was all visible... for all the world to see...! And Suzuki told little Sera-chan... how the ningen would hang... very heavy objects... from their “soseiji” ... to enlarge them... This made her understand... why her handsome... Papa Rau... whenever he was back home... kept hanging... heavy round metal balls... onto his “soseiji” ... suspended from a leather thong... worn around his hips... as he walked around the house... stark ... or just wearing a “fundoshi” (a kind of diaper for men) ... whenever his “Nippon no jimu doryo” (Japanese business colleagues) ... came to the house...! Papa’s darling Nadia... as he called her... was quite used... to seeing bodies... For whenever Papa was home... he would always take her with him... to the Yayu (Communal Baths) ... every evening... at six o’clock... beginning that nightly ritual with her... right away... as soon as they moved into their new house... when she was about two and a half years old... And she would happily splash around... stark ... in all the different pools... with her adored Papa... and all the other stark ... Japanese men... women... and little children there... Suzuki being so intimate with her... finally made little Sera- chan feel... as if she could tell her... all about her happy times with Papa... at the Yayu... when she saw all the bodies of men... women and little children... Thus Suzuki was preparing her... for her customary “josei no kaishi” % sexual initiation)... by the O Baa-san (village elder) ... a few days later...! That momentous event... Was Not Removed... from her memory... by her Heavenly Father... and she wrote all about it... in her first book...... “FROM THE SHADOW OF THE RISING SUN...” Now that her memory... was being restored... through Richard... she recalled asking Suzuki... after her “josei no kaishi”... whether it had been a further education for her... as a “Nippon no Koi Mega-Mi” ... for the “kouritenshu”... and “daiku-sans”... of “Kutsukake”... And at first disbelieving... then horrified... Suzuki had become outraged... at hearing... how all her succession of village Amahs... had sold her to them... and how her little body... for many... many afternoons... ever since she was a little baby... was inspected... probed... pinched and licked... in the back rooms... of the muros... She wanted to immediately notify her parents... but little Sera-chan... feeling greatly ashamed... begged her... with all her little heart... not to... CHAPTER 24 SUZUKI FORCES LITTLE SERA-CHAN... TO GO AND SEE GORY SAMURAI MOVIES... WITH HER... FOR HER “NIPPON NO SOZOKU ZAISAN” (JAPANESE HERITAGE) ...! Then came a Saturday afternoon... soon after... when Amah Suzuki... was instructed... by her Mummie... to take little Tzi-Tzi... for a walk... in the park... nearby... But Suzuki had other plans for her... that day... For as soon as the formidable “joo rashii no fujin” (queenly lady) ... left for the Country Club... Suzuki hastily... took off little Sera-chan’s European style play dress... and changed her “kokana no chiisai Sera-chan...” ... into one of her many beautiful... expensive silk kimonos... that her adored Papa always brought back with him... for his darling Nadia... from his business trips... abroad... Then... like all her previous village Amahs... she replaced her shoes... with “tabi” (socks) ... and wooden getas... transforming her... into a little “Nippon no shojo” (Japanese girl) ... The first time... Suzuki transformed her... into a “Nippon no shojo”... she expected that... as usual... she would be taking her... to one of the village “kojo”... to be a “Koi Mega-Mi”... for the rough daiku-sans... But to her great surprise... she took her to a movie theater... instead...! And thereafter... whenever Mummie ordered Suzuku... to take little Sera-chan... for a walk in the park... she would take her to the same movie theater... with her... where only violent... y... gory... very realistic... Samurai movies... were being shown...! And whenever Sera-chan... tried to close her eyes... horrified at the sight... of all the ... (still can’t stand... the sight of it... even today) ... gushing from savagely slit throats... and tragic... heart-rending... “hara-kiri” (disembowelment) scenes... the hapless victim... always wearing white... so that the contrast... of flowing dark red blood... would show up... glaringly... Suzuki would admonish her... to keep her eyes open... Reminding her... that what she was witnessing... was all Nipponese tradition... her “sozoku zaisan” (heritage) ... reminding her... that she should be proud... of her valiant... brave... fellow “inaka mono” (countrymen) ... and “inaka onna” (countrywomen) ...! Sometimes... when Suzuki... would pick her “kokana no ningyo Sera-chan” up... to sit on her lap... because she was trembling... with horror... and revulsion... at all the ruthless violence... depicted on the screen... trying to be a brave little... Nippon no Sera-chan... some man... recognizing her... would join them... and... as she was being lifted up... under cover of darkness... would quickly sneak his hand... under her kimono... stick his finger... up her “komon” ... sniff his fingers... and drop some Yen... into Suzuki’s lap... which would startle her with surprise...! And her mother... could never understand... why her little Tzi-Tzi darling... had such screaming nightmares... after an innocent afternoon... in the park... with her Amah Suzuki...! CHAPTER 25 HELPLESS LITTLE SERA-CHAN... IS FORCED TO “SHU- SHU”... IN PUBLIC...! The reason why Suzuki... and all her other Amahs... never put panties on her... was a very practical one... For all throughout the village of “Kutsukake” ... every road had a “mizo” (ditch) ... with running water... So that... whenever little Sera-chan... needed to “shu- shu...” ... her Amah... would simply pick her up... lift up her kimono... and placing her... over the ditch... spread her “O- shiri” apart... with her hands... and let her e... into the dirty water... in front of Buddha... and everybody...! The dark slanted eyes... of her “mura Amahs”... were always darting about... everywhere... always on the lookout... for a potential... paying customer...! And even when little Sera-chan... didn’t feel like it... whenever her “mura Amah”... saw a likely... male prospect... usually a low-class “daiku-san”... insolently swaggering towards them... she would instantly call out...: “Sera-chan... Sera-chan... shu-shu... shu-shu... shu- shu...!” And cajoling her... lifting her up... despite her protesting vehemently... baring her little body... placing her over the ditch... trying to force her... to “shu-shu...” So that he could watch... mesmerized... salivating... at the rare sight... of the little golden-haired baby ’s snow-white O-shiri... being held apart... by the darker skinned hands... of her mura Amah... and the stream... of golden water... arcing out of it...! And again... some Yen... would quickly exchange hands... Another revolting practice... that all her Amahs had... was to use their spittle... to clean their kokana no ningyo’s face with... and they all always carried a large... snow-white handkerchief... up their wide kimono sleeves... So that... whenever they thought... that their little tyke’s face was dirty... which was quite often... for they were always... on the lookout... for a paying customer... out would come the dreaded handkerchief... and it would be spit into... and then rubbed vigorously... all over the little one’s face... And her Amahs... would always tell little Sera-chan... how wonderfully magical... “hito no tsubaki” (human saliva) ... and the “ningen no seiki” (man’s sperm) were... the perfect skin cleansers... and what a beautiful “kaoiro” (complexion) ... her little “Nippon no Koi Mega-mi” ... would have... one day... Softly cooing...: “O-Wakari desuka... chiisai Sera-chan...? Matsu miru... ne...?” (Do you understand... little Sera-chan...? Wait and see... all right...?”) So poor little helpless Sera-chan... would be forced to endure... her Amah’s smelly spittle... on her red... raw little face... with the very same handkerchief... she had just used... to wipe her shu-shu with... and maybe also... used recently... to wipe off that horrible daiku-san’s semen... from her face...! Curiously... none of her parade of Amahs... ever hit little Sera-chan... or ed her... or spoke harshly... in annoyance with her... Endowed with a cornucopia of patience... they always treated her... as one of their own... a “kokana no chiisai onna no ningyo” (precious little female doll) ... with that particular brand... of Japanese gentleness... Always retiringly... mincingly... ultra feminine... and modestly shy... in their manner... towards her... and she loved... each... and every one of them... with all her little heart... but especially her very last Amah... Suzuki... who taught her more... than all the others... about being a “Nippon junsui no shojo...” (genuine Japanese ) ... CHAPTER 26 THE DUAL PSYCHE... OF LITTLE SERA-CHAN... AND TZ-TZI... WHO... TRANSFORMED... GOES FOR A NOCTURNAL VISIT... TO HER TRUE HOME... HEAVEN... EVERY NIGHT... AND ALSO TO THE “NIPPON NO SHINDEN” (JAPANESE TEMPLE) ... ! And even more curiously... the instant it was bedtime... she never protested... to be allowed... to stay up... a little longer... but became transformed... into her precious Mummie’s “Tzi- Tzi darling”... and Papa’s “darling Nadia”... and no longer Sera-chan... and “knew” ... deep inside herself... that she was going home... to HEAVEN... for a visit...! After her Amah... had gently bathed her... in the Japanese wooden bathtub... which she loved to sit in... because it was heated... from below... with charcoal... which never let the steaming hot water... get cold... she would tenderly towel her off... and powder her whole little body... And feeling all fresh... and nice and squeaky clean... smelling sweetly... little Tzi-Tzi... dressed in her flaming red... Chinese silk pajamas... given to her... by her adored Papa... would go to the great big parlor... where all the grownups... were assembled... to say good night to them... And beaming happily... at all of her family... she would climb up... onto their laps... one by one... and hugging them... and taking their faces... in her little hands... with their exceptionally long fingers... looking straight into their eyes... very gravely... announce the fact... that she was going off... for a very important visit... to her real home... in HEAVEN... to see her HEAVENLY FATHER... and that she would ask HIM... TO BLESS THEM ALL...!!! And taking the hand... of her Amah... trustingly... she would be led by her... to the bedroom... which she shared... with her sister... Prima... And the very last thing she heard... after being cozily tucked in by her Amah... as her little head... touched the pillow... was Suzuki... softly saying...: “O yasu minasai... Sera-chan...” (Sweet dreams) ... as she put out the light... and gently closed the bedroom door... leaving the room... in the glow of the “senko...” (mosquito repellant) ... placed on the floor... at the head of her bed... Nobody... in her family... had ever told her about GOD... or about a HEAVENLY FATHER...!!! Her Amahs had regaled her... with fascinating tales... about the great ENLIGHTENED BUDDHA... and his magical powers... and all about the concept of KARMA... which already sounded... very familiar to her...! And there were nights... when... instantly recognizing... the temple music... wafting through the bedroom window... and drawn... to the haunting sounds... she would climb out of it... run down to the temple... barefoot... and join the temple dancers... instinctively knowing... all the gliding steps... all the graceful movements...! And everybody there... including all the priests... very naturally... accepted this white-skinned... blue-eyed... golden- haired “sozobutsu” ... dressed in Chinese silk pajamas... treating her... as if she belonged there...! So it appeared that... this soul... was born... with a dual psyche... one as a Caucasian... instinctively very aware... of her LOVING CREATOR... And the other... as an Oriental... very aware of her beloved Nippon... Land of the Rising Sun... the countryside... the nation’s traditions... and codes of honor... all already... very familiar to her... from several of her last incarnations... as a Nipponese... noblewoman of a prominent Shogun family... All authenticated by her Papa... after hearing her screaming nightmares... in Hiragana Japanese... describing her previous life... and how she had drowned herself... to “save face”... at the betrayal... of her Englishman betrothed... with her little “itoko” (cousin)... being her soulmate Richard... in this lifetime...! CHAPTER 27 THIS SOUL MEETS HER GUARDIAN ANGEL... FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME... WHO HELPS HER TO ESCAPE... FROM HER WOULD-BE KIDNAPPER... FOR THE ORIENTAL SLAVE TRADE... AND HER YEARS OF sexual ABUSE... COMES TO AN ABRUPT END... WITH BALLET LESSONS...! &&&& Agonizingly... sexually abused... at about three... then through her fourth year... until about four and a half... when Sera-chan’s helpless... sexually enslaved life... as a Nippon no Koi Mega-mi... took a MIRACULOUS... abrupt turn... by TWO MOMENTOUS EVENTS... First of all... she made the acquaintance... of her GUARDIAN ANGEL... for the very first time... in her life... WHEN HE HELPED TO RESCUE HER... from her very first... attempted kidnapping... by one of the molesting... malevolent daiku- sans... who had followed Suzuki and herself... URGING HER... THROUGH HER RIGHT EAR... WHICH BECAME HIS WAY... OF SPEAKING TO HER...:- “DASH BETWEEN HIS LEGS...!” thus HELPING her... to make her perfect getaway... as she dashed through the legs... of her evil... would be captor... who was standing... in the middle of the narrow village road... with a large cart... at his side... his arms outstretched... and his legs spread wide apart... barring their way...! And then Papa Rau... totally unaware... of his darling Nadia’s terrifying sexual ordeals... in the weekday afternoons... over the past two years... and the very recent attempt... to kidnap her... because he was often abroad... on long... extended business trips... suddenly decided... to enroll her... in ballet classes... for every weekday afternoon... insisting that her mother... to her great annoyance... personally escort her... to them...! So... overnight... little Sera-chan’s horrible life... of sexual abuse... changed completely... and she was greatly relieved... that there were to be no more frightening... helpless afternoons... in the back rooms... of those dingly little mura no kojos... But... by complete contrast... JOYFUL hours... learning to dance ballet... under the tutelage of the niece... of the world renowned ballerina... Anna Pavlova... who told Papa Rau... after auditioning her... that his tall for her age... daughter... exhibited a natural grace... for one so young... and had the potential... to become a great ballerina... some day...! But... alas... to her great sorrow... that new exhilarating JOY... which always made her feel... as if she was dancing... for her HEAVENLY FATHER... was to last... for only about 18 months... for at the age of six... her parents divorced... and quickly remarried... and she and her siblings... were sent off... to the International School of Yokohama... established by the Anglican Church of England... as permanent boarders... And since Miss Pavlova’s Ballet School... was situated... in Kobe... miles and miles away... from Yokohama... she could no longer attend... any more ballet classes... In her first book... “FROM THE SHADOW OF THE RISING SUN...” ... she fully describes... the two times... she was actually kidnapped... for the Oriental Slave Market... and how the first one took place... on the day... before her fifth birthday... when she was BLESSED... to actually SEE her GUARDIAN ANGEL... FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME... AS HE RESCUED HER... from a gang of Chinese thugs...! And the second time... she was kidnapped... happened... when she was about seven... Only this time... right out of her bedroom window... one night... while she was visiting... Papa Rau... and his new Russian bride... Xenia... in their new house... during her first school holiday...! conspicuously... without the protection... of her guardian Amah... who was supposed to sit... at her bedside... during the night hours...! The daiku-sans... whisking her off... blindfold... way up into the mountains... behind their house... and once there... in their make-shift encampment... tying her to a tree... and becoming bolder... and bolder... one of them... the very one whom she had attacked... that very afternoon... trying to force her... to eat his “kasu”...! (feces) ... (The story... of that terrifying dark night... AND HOW HER GUARDIAN ANGEL... RESCUED HER... YET AGAIN... is fully described... in her first book... “FROM THE SHADOW OF THE RISING SUN...”) CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR THIS SOUL’S LIFE-LONG INCURRED KARMA... RELATING TO ALL AREAS... OF THE sexual FEMALE...! You may well ask... why it was... that her GUARDIAN ANGEL... DID NOT SAVE HER... from the very outset... of the sexual abuse... inflicted upon her very young... baby self... Well... she knew... that in her previous Japanese incarnation... she had been a highborn “koshona fujin” (noblewoman)... because she instinctively spoke Hiragana... the language of the upper classes... already as a tiny tot... in Peking China... before ever stepping foot on Japanese soil... in this lifetime...! So perhaps... in that previous lifetime... in her position of power... over her subjects... she had sexually abused... those under her... and in this lifetime... it was “pay back” time... In other words... she was paying off... a karmic debt... And the daiku-san... trying to force her... to eat his ka-ka... was going too far... So her GUARDIAN ANGEL... STEPPED IN... TO RESCUE HER... from an indignity... that she didn’t deserve...! As a matter of fact... during her years in SUBUD... during the times... of her painful Purification... of self realization... she WAS SHOWN... how she had often used... the power of sex... indiscriminately... as a weapon... to get her own way... in a number of previous European... and Japanese lifetimes...! Hence... PRAISE GOD... in this very last lifetime... this atoning soul... was to suffer greatly... from all manner of ordeals... dealing with ... including female problems... such as the fact... that she was born... not only with a retroverted womb...! ... but with an abnormal oris... and not only with an abnormal oris... which is situated too high... but also with abnormally attached skin... of its hood... which is often painful... when touched... in the wrong way...! Furthermore... she was to suffer unusually heavy... monthly periods... her menstruations... leading to a vicious cycle... of chronic anemia... from too much loss of ... every 27 days... for about 24 years... from the young age of almost 12... which also heralded the beginning... of her “ancestral purification migraines” ...! Compounded by the fact... that so much loss of ... necessitated... over the years... thirteen gynechological D & C’s... in hospital...! Ultimately causing fibroids... cysts... and a tumor... which finally led to a complicated... seven hour.. pan hysterectomy... after a natural miscarriage... in her third month... at the age of 36...! Then there was the brutal... sexual assault... upon her innocent... virginal... seventeen year old body... by a German POW... when she was a 17 year old student... in England... where again... her GUARDIAN ANGEL SAVED HER... FROM POSSIBLY BEING KILLED...! But because the attack... was so terrifying... the ghastly ordeal of it... caused a life-long sexual trauma... inside her... where the act of sexual ... would always fill her... with barely suppresed ... and made her freeze stiff... no matter how much in love she was... and no matter... how much she wanted to melt... into the arms... of her lover...! For she was ever hopeful... that the next special man... in her life... would be THE ONE... to finally reverse her ... bring her to be able to respond naturally... to his tender lovemaking... and relax... joyfully... in his arms... and feel sexually aroused... But although... over the years... she had lovers... of all nationalities... some of whom were truly expert...patient lovers... and tuned in to the sensitive needs... of the woman... in his arms... when it came to the act of sexual ... it was as if her nether body... had a mind of its own... and would always “remember” ... the frightening ordeal... it had been subjected to... and always freeze up tight... with the ghastly memory of it...! All other forms of lovemaking... did not make her cringe... On the contrary... being a sensuous... affectionate person... by nature... she loved to be caressed... and petted... purring happily... like a cat... as much as she wanted to show... how much she loved her lover... by caressing him... in the way he liked... and loved that euphoric feeling... of being in love... with a special man... Another curse... which was to be her lot... was to suffer... chronically... for many years... with dreaded Cystitis... a particularly form... of excruciatingly painful yeast infection... from the age of nineteen... while living in Zurich... And upon seeing a Swiss doctor... to get some medical help... for her agonizing suffering... she learned of the very archaic... cruel Swiss law... that absolutely forbids doctors... from examining any young s... gynechologically... and medically treating them... appropriately... under the age of twenty-one... unless they are married...! So her increasingly serious condition... which kept recurring... keeping her in agony... went untreated properly... for two years... until she immigrated to South Africa... to be reunited with her mother... with her insides... now dangerously infected... with septicemia... and almost had to undergo a total hysterectomy... at the tender young age... of 21...! Now under the medical care... of her mother’s doctor... who was German... he had her undergo a three month treatment... of alternately giving her penicillin injections... and diathermy... And when the good... kindly doctor... had finally cured her... of her terrible affliction... he told her... how he had been a doctor... in Germany... throughout the horrendous years of war... treating many females... whose deprivations... had caused all kinds of female medical problems... but that he had never come across someone... whose medical condition... had been so pitiful... as hers...! Yet... although the doctor had cured her... of septicemia... she nevertheless... continued to suffer... from frequent bouts of excruciatingly painful cystitis... over the next ten years... And she only found out why... years later... when she was in her mid thirties... when another kindly doctor... after tactfully ascertaining from her... that she wiped her nether parts... naturally... just as her many Japanese Amahs... had always wiped her... from back to front... in both areas... gently explained... that was the reason why... she kept reinfecting herself...!!! Gently suggesting... that she always wipe herself... henceforth... from front to back... whenever she ed... and away from her back passage... whenever she defecated... And way beyond... to date... at the age of 76... with most unpleasant hot flashes... and night sweats... the regular hormone injections... no longer of any help... whatsoever... these past five years... now trying Soy Isoflavone... Black Kohosh... and Lecithin... which are helping to cut them down... somewhat...! Then there is the fact... that every single female... that ever seriously threatened her happiness... was always ultra sexually passionate... her whole being... ruled by sexual desires... and against whom... naturally... she could never compete...!!! Because she was sexually damaged... And an additional paradoxical feature... as all the significant men... in her life... have told her... is the fact... that her looks... project a contrasting... intriguing appeal... of very y... and very ...! And on the down side... very superficial... and flighty... and not serious at all...! CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE “O-SHIRI” ... VERSUS “USHIRO...”! On a lighter note... there is the true story... about a very refined English lady... riding in a rickshaw... destined for the Bund Hotel... which was the most elegant edifice... sitting right at the edge... of the Port of Yokohama... overlooking Tokyo Bay... when she suddenly realized... that the rickshaw runner... had passed the hotel... Becoming extremely agitated... she screamed at him... “O-SHIRI... O-SHIRI...!” pointing behind her... desperately trying... to attract his attention... The poor man... faltered in his running... and as she kept screaming... and pointing... frantically gesturing... behind her... now jumping up and down... in her seat... trying to make him stop... and turn around... the poor man... becoming more and more... disconcerted... finally halted... And laying down his rickshaw... he pulled down his loose trousers... baring his backside... and craning his neck backwards... very puzzled... frowning... tried to look at his “O- shiri” ... to see what had perturbed... the lady so greatly... about it... Whereupon... the startling sight of his bare backside... made the lady gasp... and faint away... In her agitation... and excitement... the lady had gotten her words mixed up... for what she should have said... was “Ushiro...!” ... meaning “Go back...!” ... not “O-shiri...” ... meaning backside...! CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX AN UNEXPECTED VISITATION... FROM HER MOTHER-IN- LAW... JASIE...! WHO IS SENT DOWN TO HER... BY GOD... ON A SPECIAL MISSION...! Now... on the evening... of the momentous SECOND VISITATION DAY... the 8th of October... 2002... at around 3 am... she was greatly relieved... that the burden... of her terrifying ordeals... of her helpless... babyhood sexual abuse... were now... at long last... out in the open... taking her a long... long time... as she haltingly... told her pitiful tale of woe... with much crying... and wailing... in anguish... and even BEING MADE TO CONFESS... shamefully... to her Beloved... that some of the daiku-sans tickling... and nibbling... had been pleasurable to her...! And to her great Joy... when she finally hiccuped... the last vestige of her disgusting ordeals... her beloved... was not revolted by her... but still loved her... as much as ever...! He had been with her... for about 12 hours... and she found out... how... so deeply impressed... by her "OPEN LETTER" ... of January 3rd ... 1987... which he had read... at SUBUD HOUSE... in London... he had intended... to write to her... so that they could finally be reunited... for good... But before he could... a illness... had suddenly struck him down... and he had passed away... shortly after his 60th birthday... Since Richard IS NOT PERMITTED... to speak of negative... or unpleasant things... feeling that his life had ended... because of a rare case... of untreatable leukemia... she asked him to nod his head... if she was right... and he did... Then he told her... how... in going to ALMIGHTY GOD... and asking for her... GOD HAD COMMANDED him... to go to his true wife... his soul mate... and claim her... and escort her back... with him... to their home... in HEAVEN...! And as she marvelled... awed... at what he was telling her... he gently told her... that he had to leave... but that he would be back... the next day... and in parting... sent her another... wonderful... VOLUPTUOUS... sexual WAVE... OF HIS POWERFUL MALE FORCE... thrilling her... to the depths of her being... as he was confirming for her... once again... that she was finally a normal woman...! And as her beloved left her... she was reminded... of a periodically recurring dream... that she would have... over the years... and how she had dreamt the very same dream... on the very night... before Richard’s first Visitation... but with a great difference... this time...! In the dream... she would enter a bedroom... where she would see her Beloved Richard... standing beside a king size... beautiful marriage bed... tenderly smiling down at her... and waiting patiently... for her to notice it... And she... overjoyed to see him... would smile... right back at him... with all the love... she had inside her... for him... but not notice the bed...! And the dream would fade... But in the last dream... just before he came to Visit her... when she saw him... standing... as usual... beside their marriage bed... tenderly smiling down at her... she did notice the very inviting... soft marriage bed... and about to throw herself Joyfully... into his arms... and onto the bed... with him... her whole being... yearning... to give all of her loving self to him... she woke up... And realized... happily... that her “marriage bed” dream... was different... this time... because her sexual trauma... was finally over...! Now intending to settle down... for a nice long sleep... for it had been an emotionally exhausting day... for her... to her amazement... she RECEIVED...: "NOW GO WASH BODY AND HAIR... IN LATIHAN KEJIWAAN...!"... Compelled to obey... Muftiah wearily got out of her cozy bed... And was in for another surprise... for on the way to her bathroom... she suddenly felt the DISTINCT PRESENCE... of none other... than her mother-in-law/SUBUD Sister... Farlan’s mother... Jasie... then saw her walking briskly towards her... down the hallway... looking young... and vibrantly alive...! And in an instant... Muftiah was wide awake... her fatigue of a moment before... vanished...! Her dear Jasie... who had passed on... into the Glory of her Afterlife... on the very day... of her 50th wedding anniversary... some five years earlier... when she was in her eighty-second year...! And without any social pleasantry... whatsoever... like they used to enjoy... with each other... when she was on earth... discussing their favorite authors... together... Jasie being an avid reader... as well... and in her dreams...after her passing... when she "would meet” her... for an afternoon of happiness... in SUBUD HEAVEN... Jasie... on a HOLY MISSION... FROM GOD... COMMANDED her...:: "BE CLEAN FOR GOD...!" And accompanying her daughter-in-law... to the bathroom... "witnessed” her taking... her usual LATIHAN SHOWER... SINGING PRAISES TO HER BELOVED ALMIGHTY ALLAH...! But... as Muftiah was about to towel herself off... as usual... Jasie stopped her... saying... again with a voice of command...:- “YOU ARE NOT TO TOWEL YOURSELF OFF... NEITHER YOUR BODY... OR YOUR HAIR...! BUT YOU ARE TO BRING ONE LARGE BATH TOWEL... FOR YOUR BODY... AND ONE SMALL TOWEL... FOR YOUR HEAD... AND YOU ARE TO LAY BOTH OF THESE TOWELS... DOWN UPON YOUR BED... TO LIE UPON... AND WHEN YOU HAVE DONE THAT... PREPARE YOURSELF... TO BE SURRENDERED... TO RECEIVE SPECIAL GRACE... FROM ALMIGHTY GOD... AT 4.00 A.M...!” And turning heel... Jasie abruptly vanished...! Now realizing... that something momentous... was happening... Muftiah obeyed Jasie... to the letter... and indeed RECEIVED... quite the most extraordinary LATIHAN KEJIWAAN GRACE... FROM ALMIGHTY ALLAH... ever... A SENSE OF PURGING... to the very depths... of her being...! And lying stark ... on her bed... with her body... and her hair... dripping wet... her whole 72 year old body... VIBRATED... WITH AN EXTREMELY POWERFUL FORCE... THE GREAT HOLY LIFE FORCE... OF HER BELOVED CREATOR... HER HEAVENLY FATHER... ALLAH ALMIGHTY GOD... And she felt very grateful... and very BLESSED... TO BE GRANTED... SUCH SINGULARLY... SPECIAL ATTENTION... FROM HER CREATOR... this humble daughter of yours... thanks YOU... ALMIGHTY ALLAH... with all her heart... and soul... and with every fiber... of her being... CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN ON THE THIRD VISITATION DAY... HER BELOVED SOUL MATE... RICHARD... BRINGS HER PRECIOUS BRADY... FOR A VISITATION...! On the THIRD VISITATION DAY... as promised... Richard... still youthful... and movie star handsome... and vibrantly alive... again came to her... in SPIRIT... and this time... he told her... that he had a surprise for her... And instantly... she became aware... of the LOVING PRESENCE... of her precious SUBUD sheep dog... Brady... her sweet... gentle “Pooteliti...” ... whom she had loved... and nurtured... ever since he was a little puppy... and who... after 7 years... which was a year earlier... had had to be put to sleep... due to an incurable disease... which made him lose... all his beautiful golden coat... And there her precious Brady was... smiling up at her... from the foot of her bed... and she saw... how his beautiful golden coat... HAD BEEN FULLY RESTORED to him...! And they shared... a happy reunion... together... and she was reminded... of a dream... a year before he passed on... in which he had told her... that he would be carrying her... to HEAVEN... on his back...! Since we didn’t have any sheep... Brady would do his duty... by herding all the 8 SUBUD cats... especially If they strayed too far away... from the 3-acre property... and whenever the fancy hit him... and especially at mealtimes... And they... all 8 of them... simply adored him...! All of the cats... had become Inwardly “AWAKENED...” and “OPENED...” ... through Farlan’s habit... of walking around the grounds... in a surrendered state... where the GREAT HOLY LIFE FORCE... OF ALMIGHTY GOD... WOULD RADIATE OUT... FROM HIM... TOUCHING THE CATS... WHO WERE ALL IN A QUIET STATE... TO RECEIVE THE HOLY CONTACT... And Farlan and Muftiah would watch... fascinated... how... when Brady was lying down... resting... one by one... the cats would creep... stealthily towards him... and then... rising up on their toes... like dainty ballet dancers... rub themselves... under his chin... back and forth... their tails straight up... waving like plumes... purring loudly... And then... very gradually... one by one... they would start to climb up... onto his back... and happily settle down... until there was a row of cats... all sitting on his back... purring away... blissfully sharpening their claws... through his thick golden coat...! Farlan’s stepfather... John Hearty... a retired Methodist minister... had given him to us... as a puppy... and it was love... at first sight... as soon as blue eyes... met soft velvety brown ones... One day... soon after... while taking the little puppy... around the grounds... for a walk... Muftiah’s mouth... suddenly OPENED... AND OUT CAME... "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE CALLED BRADY...?!" And the little ball of golden fluff... leapt up into the air... emitting the very first sound... of a happy “YIP...! When Muftiah’s father-in-law John called... telling her... that he had a little puppy for her... she was about to protest... that taking care of a puppy... would be too much... for her to handle... in view of the delicate state... of her health... when... to her astonishment... OUT OF HER MOUTH CAME...: "OH THANK YOU VERY MUCH... JOHN... I'D LOVE TO HAVE A PUPPY...!" After she put the phone down... she got very worried... imagining her life... with an active little puppy... running around... tearing into things... chewing everything in sight... needing to be toilet trained... and what about some modicum of discipline...? But when the adorable little golden puppy... with the sweetest face... was placed into her arms... he looked up at her... trustingly... with those velvety brown eyes... of his... snuggled closely... against her breast... and promptly fell asleep...! And from then on... he never gave her... a moment of anxiety... When a little bit ... he needed to only be scolded... once... and he never repeated the same infraction... again... well... hardly ever...! From the very first night... of being separated from us... a comfortable corner... with blanket and pillows... having been set up for him... in the laundry room... instead of whining... and carrying on... at being left all alone... after happily being in our company... all day... he settled down... curled himself up... into a little golden ball of fluff... and promptly fell asleep...! He also instinctively knew... that all his business... had to be done... outside the house... never indoors... - a truly SUBUD DOG...! Neither was Brady... a tongue slobberer... but he loved... to have his tummy rubbed... and our very special game... of walking along... together... with Muftiah’s legs... straddling his haunches... with him ambling along... periodically looking back at her... and grinning...! CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT ANOTHER MOST UNEXPECTED VISITATION... FROM A MOST UNEXPECTED SOUL...! Then she suddenly became aware... of the PRESENCE... of all people... her alcoholic ex husband... Rene... looking exactly... as when she had been married to him...! The very same Rene... for whom SHE HAD BEEN SENT... DOWN TO HELL... armed with a SPECIAL DOCUMENT OF RELEASE... to rescue him... about two years... after their divorce...! An interesting by-line... is that... AS SHE WAS COMMANDED... TO FLY... THROUGH THE BOWELS... OF THE INFERNO OF HELL... SHE WAS FILLED... WITH THE POWER OF GOD... AND FREQUENTLY MADE... TO CALL OUT... IN A LOUD VOICE...: "ALLAH... ALLAH... ALLAH...!" AND AS HER VOICE... RESONATED... AROUND THE CAVERNOUS... DUNGEON-LIKE WALLS... IN THE HOT... DANK... DARK RED ATMOSPHERE... THE SOULS OF THE DAMNED... HUNDREDS... AND THOUSANDS... OF THEM... WOULD CRINGE... AND SCURRY AWAY... TRYING TO HIDE... IN ABJECT FEAR...! This reminds Muftiah... of an appropriate joke... she heard...: There was this sinful soul... who had passed on... and WAS CONSIGNED... TO SPEND ETERNITY... IN HELL... And his ANGEL GUIDE... Showed him THREE DOORS... Telling him... that he Was To Choose... one of the CHAMBERS... behind the DOORS... So the sinner opened... the first DOOR... and beheld a roomful of stark souls... sweating profusely... in the sweltering... unbearable heat... all jumping around... trying to avoid their feet... coming into contact... with the LICKING... FIERY FLAMES... COMING UP... FROM DOWN BELOW THEM...! Whereupon... the sinner... hastily closed the DOOR... wanting no part of that HELL... Behind the second DOOR... he beheld a roomful... of stark naked souls... all shivering... with cold... as they tried to chip away... AT THE HUGE BLOCKS OF ICE... SURROUNDING THEM... with tiny icepicks...! The sinner wanted no part of that HELL... either... and quickly slammed the DOOR... with revulsion... But when he opened... the third DOOR... his very last choice... to his great delight... he beheld a roomful of stark naked souls... who were all standing around... with coffee cups... in their hands... and taking sips from them...! And beaming at his ANGEL GUIDE... as the tantalizing aroma... of coffee... sent his senses reeling... with delight... he happily announced... that he would choose this CHAMBER... to spend Eternity in... And marched in purposefully... most pleased with his decision... But as he reached... the damned souls... looking forward... to a delectable cup of coffee... he heard A LOUD VOICE ANNOUNCE...: "COFFEE BREAK IS NOW OVER... BACK ON YOUR HEADS...!" And to his horror... and much too late... he saw that they were all... standing up to their waists... IN STINKING... REVOLTING EXCREMENT...! Which story... if dissected... makes one wonder... how the damned souls... chose the first... and second CHAMBERS... OF HELL... before the third...! Curiously... Rene had nothing to say to her... he had just accompanied Richard... out of curiosity... to see what his ex- wife... who had gone out of his life... for good... when she was 36... but still looking as if in her mid twenties... would look like... now that she was in her seventies...! And saw that she still looked quite youthful...! CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE RICHARD... ONCE MORE... IS HER CATALYST... BUT ON A MUCH DEEPER LEVEL... THAN EVER BEFORE... WHEN HE MAKES HER CONFRONT... HER VERY WORST SIN OF ALL! Now... as her beloved... was tenderly telling her... that he was here to stay... waiting to accompany her home... to HEAVEN... with him... hearing the HOLY WORD... gave her a huge JOLT... and she burst into sobs... feeling most unworthy... TO BE ALLOWED... TO ENTER HEAVEN... always having comforted herself... with the feeling... tht she would ultimately go... to where she was supposed to... But HEAVEN...? Oh no... not this willful... impulsive... rebelliously disobedient... OUS SINNER...! For how many times... had she tossed her head... in defiance... willfully ignoring her DIVINE GUIDANCE... absolutely certain... in her heart... that she knew better... what was best for her... and for the others concerned... than her GUARDIAN ANGEL... DID... and yes... she is deeply ashamed to say... even better... than her HEAVENLY FATHER DID... WHO HAD SENT HER GUARDIAN ANGEL... TO HER...!!! NO WONDER HE PARALYZED HER WHOLE BEING... ON TWO OCCASIONS... THE FIRST... WHILE ANGRILY TELLING HER... THAT HE WAS FED UP... WITH HER WILLFULLNESS... AND DISOBEDIENCE... DECIDING WHETHER TO END HER LIFE... THEN AND THERE... IN A STATE OF DISGRACE... (THEN SILENCE... WITH NO “OR NOT”)... ... AND THE SECOND TIME... STILL ANGRY AT HER... ADDING... OR GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE... ... ... AT WORK... ... ... AND AT MARRIAGE...! Besides... who would be there... in HEAVEN... awaiting her...? Except for the first few years... when she was her Papa’s “darling Nadia” ... and he doted on her... until neurotic Xenia... came into his life... when she was five... she had always been... barely tolerated... by her series of parents... and her peers... an unwanted... resented love-child... born in adultery... a constant embarrassment... a nuisance... a pest... only of any worth... when she made herself useful... to others... Always annoying... and exasperating... everybody around her... because she was so dumb... had no brains... and her head... was always dreamily... in the clouds... and one foot of hers... always in HEAVEN... her TRUE HOME... Why... she did not even personally know... her real father... nor any uncle... or aunt... or cousin... or niece... or nephew...! And no true brother... or sister...! And there were no baby pictures of her... anywhere...! Instant strike against her... was her exceptional height... for she towered physically... over others... of her own age... and peers... from a very young age... already 5’ 8”... at almost 12... eventually growing... to 5’ 10 ½” ... by the age of 15... in Europe... 5’ 11”... by the age of 21... in South Africa... and after ten years... in SUBUD... to 6’ 3”... at the age of 41... in the USA... when she finally stopped growing... and shrank back to 5’ 9”... by the age of 65...! These are just a few... of the many “strikes” ... she has had to learn... to cope with... in this... her very last incarnation... on earth... ever longing... to “fit in” ... just be one of the s... BUT NEVER BEING ALLOWED TO... often despised... and “put in Coventry...” ... and often feeling... as an outcast... just like despised Hagar... Sarah’s handmaiden... who bore Isaac a son... Ishmael... who was to become... the father... of a great nation... and whose descendant... was to be MOHAMMAD... MOST BELOVED OF ALLAH... AND "MESSENGER OF GOD..." ... MAY ETERNAL GRACE AND PEACE... BE UPON HIM... And... strangely... always feeling the “wrongness” ... of working in an office... often feeling... hurtfully ignored... by her jealous co-workers... at the different companies... she worked in... as a private secretary... Message: CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE RICHARD... ONCE MORE... IS HER CATALYST... BUT ON A MUCH DEEPER LEVEL... THAN EVER BEFORE... WHEN HE MAKES HER CONFRONT... HER VERY WORST SIN OF ALL! Now... as her beloved... was tenderly telling her... that he was here to stay... waiting to accompany her home... to HEAVEN... with him... hearing the HOLY WORD... gave her a huge JOLT... and she burst into sobs... feeling most unworthy... TO BE ALLOWED... TO ENTER HEAVEN... always having comforted herself... with the feeling... tht she would ultimately go... to where she was supposed to... But HEAVEN...? Oh no... not this willful... impulsive... rebelliously disobedient... OUS SINNER...! For how many times... had she tossed her head... in defiance... willfully ignoring her DIVINE GUIDANCE... absolutely certain... in her heart... that she knew better... what was best for her... and for the others concerned... than her GUARDIAN ANGEL... DID... and yes... she is deeply ashamed to say... even better... than her HEAVENLY FATHER DID... WHO HAD SENT HER GUARDIAN ANGEL... TO HER...!!! NO WONDER HE PARALYZED HER WHOLE BEING... ON TWO OCCASIONS... THE FIRST... WHILE ANGRILY TELLING HER... THAT HE WAS FED UP... WITH HER WILLFULLNESS... AND DISOBEDIENCE... DECIDING WHETHER TO END HER LIFE... THEN AND THERE... IN A STATE OF DISGRACE... (THEN SILENCE... WITH NO “OR NOT”)... ... AND THE SECOND TIME... STILL ANGRY AT HER... ADDING... OR GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE... ... ... AT WORK... ... ... AND AT MARRIAGE...! Besides... who would be there... in HEAVEN... awaiting her...? Except for the first few years... when she was her Papa’s “darling Nadia” ... and he doted on her... until neurotic Xenia... came into his life... when she was five... she had always been... barely tolerated... by her series of parents... and her peers... an unwanted... resented love-child... born in adultery... a constant embarrassment... a nuisance... a pest... only of any worth... when she made herself useful... to others... Always annoying... and exasperating... everybody around her... because she was so dumb... had no brains... and her head... was always dreamily... in the clouds... and one foot of hers... always in HEAVEN... her TRUE HOME... Why... she did not even personally know... her real father... nor any uncle... or aunt... or cousin... or niece... or nephew...! And no true brother... or sister...! And there were no baby pictures of her... anywhere...! Instant strike against her... was her exceptional height... for she towered physically... over others... of her own age... and peers... from a very young age... already 5’ 8”... at almost 12... eventually growing... to 5’ 10 ½” ... by the age of 15... in Europe... 5’ 11”... by the age of 21... in South Africa... and after ten years... in SUBUD... to 6’ 3”... at the age of 41... in the USA... when she finally stopped growing... and shrank back to 5’ 9”... by the age of 65...! These are just a few... of the many “strikes” ... she has had to learn... to cope with... in this... her very last incarnation... on earth... ever longing... to “fit in” ... just be one of the s... BUT NEVER BEING ALLOWED TO... often despised... and “put in Coventry...” ... and often feeling... as an outcast... just like despised Hagar... Sarah’s handmaiden... who bore Isaac a son... Ishmael... who was to become... the father... of a great nation... and whose descendant... was to be MOHAMMAD... MOST BELOVED OF ALLAH... AND "MESSENGER OF GOD..." ... MAY ETERNAL GRACE AND PEACE... BE UPON HIM... And... strangely... always feeling the “wrongness” ... of working in an office... often feeling... hurtfully ignored... by her jealous co-workers... at the different companies... she worked in... as a private secretary... CHAPTER THIRTY MUFTIAH IS MADE TO FACE... THE SOUL SHE ED...! And the worst... of all her many sins... OF HELL... WAS BEING THE MONSTROUS DESTROYER... OF A HUMAN LIFE...! For... in her own case... she knows for a fact... that in the fifth month... of her pregnancy... when she was barely 22... she had “murdered”... her precious son... Marco... a baby boy fetus... the Scottish doctor abortionist... showing him to her... fully formed... in a jar...! The shocking... heart-breaking sight of which... made her feel... as if her soul... had been split in two...! The doctor had become completely unnerved... because he had heard her... crying out...: % ESS... ESS...!" ... over and over... whilst in some kind of trance state... as he was about... to remove the fetus... from inside her... and so shaken... that he had already broken three needles... inside her...! And wanting to stop... he had shaken her awake... and told her... that in all the 57 years... since he had been a doctor... often performing abortions... and even going to prison... for them... because they were legally ... in South Africa... he had never... ever... come across a young woman... who deserved... to keep her baby... more than she did... even offering... to return his fee to her...! And right there... and then... was the GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY... GIVEN TO HER... BY HER HEAVENLY FATHER... through the doctor... to stop the abortion... to keep her precious baby... Marco...! Her beloved son... who... for five glorious months... while slowly growing inside her... had never given her a moment of discomfort... whatsoever... no morning sickness... no pain of any kind...! Nor any cravings... for odd combinations of foods...! And for those five glorious months... the two lovers... had been floating... on Cloud Nine... with happiness... John even taking his darling Chuchi... as he called her... to his mother’s apartment... to meet her... telling her... how much he loved... his precious Chuchi... and how joyous they were... to have a son together...! But being a well-known celebrity... a household name... with his own radio show... and dance orchestra... with her... as his vocalist... becoming negatively influenced... by his envious friends... reminding him... that he was a married man... and that there would be such a scandal... about him seducing a ... young enough to be his daughter... he became afraid... and burst her joyous bubble... by insisting that she abort their precious son... and that... if she didn’t... and went ahead... with her pregnancy... then he would have nothing more to do with her...! The very thought... of losing... her beloved John... was unbearable... for her to even contemplate... and to her dying regret... she told the doctor... to go ahead... with removing her baby... and ignore her trance state outcries...! (The tragic... poignant love story... of her six year... love affair... with John... and the truth is stranger than fiction... crucial entry... into her life... at the threshhold... of her abortion... of enigmatic Julian... who saved her life... and his subsequent ... on the very eve... of their wedding...! Is written extensively about... in her Spiritual Odyssey... "FROM SEVEN HELLS... TO SEVENTH HEAVEN... SUBUD...” ... under the Chapter heading “THE TRAGIC SAGA... OF JOHN AND CHUCHI...”) A renowned psychic... some years later... RECEIVING about her... told her... that had her son lived... he would have become a famous... world renowned... violin virtuoso...! ... breaking her heart... with soul-deep remorse... all over again...! Muftiah is unable to go on... as she shares with all of you... here... for the sight of the words... "HER SON"... HAS " TOUCHED" HER OWN INNERMOST SELF...!!! ... flooded her being... with such grief... and remorse... that she cannot stop... the soul-deep pain... and anguish... of the memory... of her most terrible sin... of “murder...” ! And baring her soul... to her beloved Richard... she wailed out... in anguish...: “Oh Richard... how can this terrible sinner... possibly deserve HEAVEN...?” And after Richard... tenderly soothed her... helping to quieten her down... she let him know... how she HAD BEEN TOLD... BY HER GUARDIAN ANGEL... SPEAKING INTO HER RIGHT EAR... AS USUAL... out of the blue... one afternoon... while she was quietly sitting... in a chair... having her hair done... at the hotel beauty parlor... in Pretoria... South Africa... about a year... into her marriage to Rene... when she was about 35...: ”YOU ARE NOW FORGIVEN... FOR THE TAKING OF A HUMAN LIFE... YOUR ABORTION... WHEN YOU WERE 22...!” Then OH JOY... pregnant... about two weeks later... also “knowing”... inside herself... that a male soul... had just entered her body... and that she had just conceived... at the instant her husband Rene... ejaculated...! Exactly like the first time... she conceived... with her lover John... on Christmas Eve... 11 years earlier...! But alas... naturally miscarrying... about three months later... rapidly followed by a tumor... fibroids... and cysts... resulting in the necessary pan hysterectomy... when she was about 36... And she came to understand... that... although her murderous sin... HAD BEEN FORGIVEN... BY HER BELOVED HEAVENLY FATHER... since she was on the PATH OF SUBUD... which led to TRUE SPIRITUAL GROWTH... AND DEVELOPMENT... she was especially subject... to THE DIVINE LAW... OF CAUSE AND EFFECT... and therefore... because she had been instrumental... in the taking of a human life... she had forfeited... the DIVINE PERFECT RIGHT... TO BE GIVEN... another life... another soul... in conception... to love... and nurture... from birth... And sobbing... longing to be held close... in her beloved’s arms... who she knew... WAS ... to touch her... because she was still... full of sin... she told him how... even though her HEAVENLY FATHER... HAD FORGIVEN HER... she has never... quite been able... to forgive herself... for her horrendous sin... of “murdering...” ... her own precious child... CHAPTER THIRTY THE MOST INCREDIBLE... SPIRITUAL VISITATION... OF HER LIFE... WHEN MARCO... HER BELOVED SON... COMES DOWN FROM HEAVEN... TO HIS MOTHER...! After she finally quietened down... it was early dawn... and she Received the usual Command... to go and Latihan Shower... but this time... Richard did not leave her... but stayed close to her... his whole being... quiet... and still... And as she lay on her bed... upon the towels... with her undried body... and hair... dripping wet... as commanded by Jasie... on this... the THIRD NIGHT... OF RICHARD’S VISITATION... thrilled to the depths of her soul... that he was still with her... she soon Experienced... quite the most amazing... INCREDIBLE... SPIRITUAL VISITATION... of her life... JOYFULLY RECEIVING... TO SING PRAISES... TO ALMIGHTY ALLAH... HER VOICE... POWERFUL... AND STRONG... remembering how Richard had told her... how in hearing her voice... as she Received to Sing Praises... to her HEAVENLY FATHER... during their simultaneous Latihans... at the Johannesburg SUBUD Center... had always thrilled him... “making his toes curl...” ... she smiled at the fond memory... And just as she took a breath... to SING MORE... OF HER INNER LOVE... FOR ALMIGHTY ALLAH... in the split second... before she did... she distinctly HEARD A VOICE... CALL OUT SOFTLY...: "MOTHER... MOTHER..."! And her whole being... shook... and trembled... for no earthly human being... had ever called her “MOTHER” ... before... other than SUBUD PRETORIA... who had considered her... fondly... as the “Mother” ... of their Group... And it slowly dawned on her... that she WAS HEARING... THE VOICE... OF HER SON... HER PRECIOUS SON... MARCO...! ... having bestowed... her favorite name... upon him... while he was growing... inside her... her one and only child... her precious baby boy... she had carelessly “murdered...”! And suddenly overwhelmed... by the reality... of her dreadful crime... her foul... cowardly deed... she could not face... her beloved son... With her heart breaking... and shattering... sobbing with deeply felt shame... and regret... and remorse... as never before... she hid her face from him... feeling as if her whole being... WAS BREAKING UP... SPLINTERING... INTO A MILLION PIECES... SUCH WAS THE PAIN... AND THE AGONY... THAT COURSED... THROUGHOUT HER BODY... Finally turning to her Richard... for solace... crying out to him... that she could not face... her beloved son... could not forgive herself... was much too ashamed... she implored him... to help her... And her beloved soul mate... spoke gently... and softly... to her... tenderly calling her Graziella... and that it was Graziella... who was to forgive Graziella... And who was Graziella...? A bewildered young of 22... the same age... her mother had been... when she conceived her... in shameful ery...! Poor unwanted... and despised... love-child Graziella... rejected... and scorned... by a proud mother... whom she had worshipped... and adored... all her life... and from whom... she was separated... for thirteen... long... long... aching years... longing for the day... when she would be reunited... with her precious Mummy... once more... And so... rejected... and scorned... by her adored mother... who had falsely accused her... of stealing away... first one boyfriend... then... after a hard won reconciliation... with her... accusing her... of stealing away... yet another one... JOHN...! Tzi-Tzi/Graziella... starved for affection... for affirmation... for recognition... as a loveable... worthy human being... had turned... for solace... to a loving man... twice her age... a father to her... who had accepted her fractured self... and loved her... And with whom... out of their deep love... for each other... she had conceived... a very special child... on Christmas Eve... “knowing” ... inside herself... that a greatly Spiritually advanced soul... of a male... had just entered her...! And that... for over four months... she had been led to believe... by her lover... that she could have... her precious baby son... whom she had lovingly named Marco... But then... her euphoric world... was shattered... when he... through being negatively influenced... by his friends... fearful of his reputation... being ruined... because he was not only married... although it was an “open” one... with both of them leading separate lives... but a famous celebrity pianist... as well... gave her an ultimatum... either his continuing love... and devotion... to her... or her child... for she could not have both...! Devastated by her mother’s continued rejection of her... who was now newly engaged... to a man twenty years younger than herself... and only three years older... than her daughter... and therefore... considering her as a threat... Richard gently reminded her... that poor... rejected Graziella... simply could not... imagine her life... without her dear lover... and companion... at her side... a kind... sensitive artist... who had always treated her... with loving respect... and who was very precious to him... never raising his voice... in anger... at her... with never a cross word spoken... between them... So... frightened to be alone... without his loving support... in all she said... and in all she did... for they were kindred spirits... poor uncertain Graziella... chose her fatherly lover... over her unborn child...! And her beloved Richard... tenderly making her see Graziella... as she really was... back then... at the very young age of 22... an insecure... vulnerable ... rejected by her adored mother... and blinded by love... to a fatherly man... twice her age... despite the fact... that he was so short... in stature... that he came up... only to her elbow...! Unable to realize... that she actually carried... a very powerful weapon... in her son... and that John... who for years and years... had longed to have a son of his own... would never have abandoned them... And so wise Richard... making her see Graziella... as Graziella... helped Graziella... to forgive the fractured... uncertain person... who was Graziella... at the time... Really seeing the truth... of his gentle persuasion... she calmed... and was finally able... to forgive herself... as poor... insecure... uncertain... bewildered... love-starved Graziella... Now able... to face her precious beloved son... Marco... she was introduced to a noble... handsome soul... whose generosity of Spirit... of Compassion... and Understanding... knew no Bounds... And when she begged him... to please forgive her... for taking his life... he responded... by serenading her... with his violin... which he had brought with him... the sound of which... was so tender... so sweet... and loving... that her heart... and soul... becoming calmed... and filled to overflowing love... for her precious Marco... knew... that no forgiveness... was necessary... For her HEAVENLY FATHER... ALMIGHTY GOD... HAD ALREADY FORGIVEN her... long... long ago... and she heard... how her son... was quite the virtuoso... giving concerts... in HEAVEN... and how he was waiting... for her to join him... And now... she looks forward... to being reunited... with her most precious son... Marco... hold him close... to her breast... in the loving arms... that had never cradled... his dear sweet self... in person... but only in her empty... aching heart... If he had lived... he would have been... in his early fifties... today... OH JOY... OH BLISS... to be reunited... with her beloved Richard... and her precious son... Marco... and her exquisitely beautiful... never aging... Contessa mother... and Richard's beautiful... regal mother... who looked so much like her... and her sister... Raphaela... and brother Remo... and sweet... gentle Brady... Papa Rau... and Papa Alfred... and meeting her real father... Arthur Cannon... for the very first time... and her famous ancestors... Amati... the violin maker... and composer of operas... Leoncavallo... and Ingrid Bergman... Cary Grant... Omar Sharif... Cornel Wilde... Lutfi James... all in SUBUD HEAVEN... together... What could be more HEAVENLY... OR MORE PERFECT...? CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE THE EXISTING... RAGING CONTROVERSY... RE ABORTIONS...! Because of the ongoing... never ending controversy... re abortion issues... still rages... throughout this country... and all over the world... vitally important questions asked... such as...: “Does a human fetus... whilst still in the pregnant mother’s womb... have a soul... or not...?” And...: “When does the soul... enter the developing fetus...? Well... this humble to GOD soul... knows... for a fact... that the soul enters a body... during the sexual union... between a man and a woman... at the instant of conception... Because... right after drowning herself... for her betrothed... (Richard) ... below the treacherous cliff... known as “Dai-shichi no Kami...” (Seventh Heaven) ... in Kobe... Japan... “saving face...” ... because... although betrothed to her... he had been beguiled... by her beautiful... younger cousin... desperately yearning... to be reunited with him... her spirit had risen upwards... And noticing the lovers... lying closely entwined... in each others’ arms... on the ground... on top of the cliff... seizing the golden opportunity... to be reincarnated... so that she could be reunited... with her beloved... she had entered the womb... of the exquisitely beautiful... young woman... lying there... in the dark of night... who... with her dark olive skin... and long... jet black hair... made her believe... that she was Nipponese... just like herself...! When Papa Rau’s darling Nadia... was a little ... and he heard her screaming... in Japanese... in her nightmares... about her great love... leading to shame... and drowning herself... at the foot of the cliff... “Dai Shi-chi no Kami...” ... refusing to tolerate... any signs of weakness... in his children... he had taken her there... in a rowboat... trying to force her... to overcome her ... of the dark... forbidding... fearsome place... And her reaction... as soon as she saw the towering cliff... and the slab... of jutting concrete... at the bottom... with the post... to which was attached... a heavy chain... she would get a flash of memory... seeing herself chained there... by her faithful “jochu...” (handmaiden) ... waiting for the rising tide of water... to rise up over her head... longing for oblivion... so that she would... finally be free... of the anguish of pain... and shame... of her betrothed’s betrayal... And the flash of painfully jarring memory... would make Papa Rau’s darling Nadia... react... so violently... her whole body... convulsing with nausea... shaking... and trembling... ending with her... falling into a swoon... that he... dismayed... and alarmed... had to immediately remove her... take her away... from the awful... frightening atmosphere of ... Papa Rau... meaning well... tried several times... but to no avail... for his darling Nadia... always reacted... to the desolate place... with the same abject ... and dread... Likewise... from the age of six... whenever she... from time to time... felt "INWARDLY COMPELLED"... to climb to the top... of the cliff... always feeling... that it was a very special... sacred place... for her... and that she should always go up there... all alone... as she stepped... to the very edge... of the cliff... she "KNEW"... that if she put her foot out... into space... she would encounter... the very spot... where she had decided... to reenter this world...! When she was... in her thirites... and finally asked her mother... after she got her Inner self... "OPENED...” AND “AWAKENED...” ... into the MIRACLE OF SUBUD... about where... she had blissfully spent... her secret rendezvous... with her very first great love... the Englishman... Arthur Cannon... who was to become her father... she confirmed... that “Seventh Heaven...” ... was indeed... their very special... secret trysting place... and where she... her darling Tzi-Tzi... had been lovingly conceived...! Telling her how Arthur... had tenderly sung... “My Blue Heaven” ... to her... there... So... dear SUBUD Brothers and Sisters... and all other... kindred brothers... and sisters... everywhere... your sister Muftiah knows... for a fact... and it was indeed... "CONFIRMED" ... for her... some years... after she was MIRACULOUSLY "OPENED..."... AND WAS MADE TO RELIVE... THE EXPERIENCE... OF ENTERING HER MOTHER'S WOMB... THAT A SOUL DOES... INDEED... ENTER THE FEMALE'S BODY... RIGHT AT THE INSTANT... OF CONCEPTION... Furthermore... on pages 20 – 21... of “THE MEANING OF SUBUD...” ... our SPIRITUAL SUBUD FATHER... THE HOLY MAN... BAPAK... explains... and quite beautifully... all about how a soul... enters a female’s body... during the union... of a man and a woman...! And this humble soul... has proven that fact... to herself... not only once... but three times...! The first time... when she deliberately reincarnated herself... right after drowning herself... at the bottom of the cliff... of “Seventh Heaven...” ... into the body... of the female... while she was blissfully engaged... in sexual ... with her lover... on top of the cliff... as described above...! And the second time... when she herself conceived... when she was four months short... of her 23rd birthday... distinctly feeling the soul... of a highly enlightened male... entering her body... at the moment her lover... John... ejaculated... while she was engaged with him... in always reluctant... frightening sexual ... on the holy night... of Christmas Eve...! And the third time... when she was in the arms of her husband... Rene... at the age of about thirty-five... knowing that another male soul... had just entered her body... at the moment he ejaculated...! CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO ON THE FOURTH VISITATION DAY... FARLAN BECOMES A WITNESS...! The following morning... BEING THE FOURTH VISITATION DAY... since her beloved Richard’s arrival... IN SPIRIT... he was still with her... and the rest of her day... continued... purging herself to him... and with more happy conversing... and more reminiscing... And there was more sobbing... of remorse... at the humongous mistakes... she had made... throughout her life... especially when she followed the dictates... of her impulsive... rebellious... independent self... instead of listening to her GUARDIAN ANGEL’S WORDS OF WARNING... THREE TIMES... she is deeply ashamed... to say...! The first time... when she was 12... the second time... when she was 27... and the third... and last time... when she was 42...! Then... as she was intimately engaged... in conversation... with her dearly beloved Richard... Farlan came into her house... and became curious... when he heard her voice... as if she were talking... to someone... So she explained... that Richard was present... and had been... for the past three days... and last two nights... Farlan was a little skeptical... at first... but upon hearing... about his mother’s VISITATION... he became convinced... that...: "SOMETHING VERY EXTRAORDINARY... INDEED... ... IS OCCURRING...” And as he uttered... those words... Muftiah’s WHOLE BODY... BEGAN... ONCE AGAIN... TO VIBRATE... WITH A POWERFUL FORCE... ONLY THIS TIME... EVEN MUCH MORE POWERFUL... than two nights before... And the two... humble to GOD souls... Farlan and Muftiah... marvelled... full of awe... and wonder... AT THIS MOST EXTRAORDINARY... SPIRITUAL HAPPENING... Whereupon Farlan... FEELING THE VIBRATION OF THE LATIHAN... INSIDE HIMSELF... as well... quietly went outside... and sincerely told... ALLAH ALMIGHTY GOD... THAT... IF IT WAS HIS WILL... he was now ready... to release Muftiah... to HIM...! CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE JASIE’S FIRST TWO VISITATIONS... TO MUFTIAH... RIGHT AFTER HER PASSING... INTO THE GLORY... OF HER AFTERLIFE...! Now that Jasie... HAD SET... THE UNUSUAL PROCESS... OF 4.00 a.m. DAWN LATIHAN KEJIWAANS... IN MOTION... she no longer came... TO VISIT... They had both greatly enjoyed... each other’s company... while on earth... surrendering themselves... to GOD... in the LATIHAN KEJIWAAN...... together... and she had been... very close to her... during her hospitalization... and during the last two years... of her life... when she suffered greatly... with collapsed lungs... And after Jasie... at 82... passed on... peacefully... in her sleep... on the very morning... of what was to be... her 50th Wedding Anniversry... determined... and willing herself... to live to that very day...! Everybody arriving... at her Methodist church... where she had faithfully served... the parishioners... at the side of her husband... Reverend John Hearty... for many years... Anticipating the joyous celebration... of a happy event... only to be stunned... when informed... that she had passed away... that very morning... the happy occasion... now becoming... a sober... Memorial Service... to her...! Jasie’s son... Farlan... had RECEIVED INNER GUIDANCE... to create a pictorial montage... in his mother’s honor... and was surprised... when he WAS STOPPED... from including... any pictures of her... together with her husband... not even their wedding portrait... WAS ALLOWED...! Nor even photos of her... with her three children... were to be included... in her son’s loving... pictorial display... but only those snapshots of her... and her alone... at different ages... of her life...! Clearly overwhelmed... at the shocking news... of his mother’s sudden passing... on the very morning... of what would have been... his parents’ 50th Wedding anniversary... Farlan somehow managed... to display his artistic creation... which was greatly admired... by the many attendants... and got through the day... in a daze of bewilderment... And on the following morning... back home... Muftiah... who for over 20 years... was only his SUBUD sister... and no longer his true wife... living alone... in her house... for the past ten years... WITH ALLAH’S COMMAND... THAT THEY WERE NO LONGER TO SLEEP... UNDER THE SAME ROOF...TOGETHER... during her usual morning LATIHAN SHOWER... RECEIVED INNER GUIDANCE... to go to Farlan’s house... to suggest... that they enjoy... having some breakfast together... there... something that she had never... ever done... before...! And upon opening... his front door... about to step... into his kitchen... where she could hear him... preparing himself... a cup of coffee... TWO MOST UNEXPECTED THINGS... HAPPENED...! First... she HEARD A ISH GIGGLE... THEN SMELLED THE EXQUISITE SCENT... OF VIOLETS...! And she knew... that she was sensing... THE PRESENCE... of her dear mother- in-law... Jasie...! And as she breathed in... the sweet perfume... she looked up... and saw her... TRANSFORMED... INTO A LOVELY YOUNG WOMAN... FLOATING ABOVE HER... AND SMILING DOWN AT HER...! And as she marvelled... in awe... at this INCREDIBLE VISITATION... Farlan called out... asking whether... she had brought over... some flowers... for he could smell them... through the kitchen door...! Amazed... that he was aware... of the scent of flowers... she opened the kitchen door... and told him... of what had just transpired... No sooner had she finished... describing the MIRACLE... OF HIS MOTHER's PRESENCE... when she saw a very young Jasie... again... this time... SITTING ON THE ROCKER... IN FARLAN’S BREAKFAST NOOK... TENDERLY CRADLING HER BABY SON... IN HER LOVING ARMS...! And when Farlan Experienced... the wonderful sensation... of being cradled... in his mother’s loving arms... as a baby... instantly... all his grief... and shocked confusion... vanished... and he beamed at Muftiah... overcome with GREAT JOY...! A few nights later... at Jasie’s Wake... with Muftiah... very aware of her PRESENCE... once again... youthful... and vibrantly alive Jasie... kept "PUSHING..."... AND "PRODDING..." ... her daughter-in-law... URGING her to go to her three sisters... to tell them... of her RECENT "VISITATION"... to her... at “LITTLE CILANDAK..."! And obeying Jasie’s insistent BIDDING... FOLLOWING HER DIRECTION... she found herself... relating to them... one by one... their sister’s wonderful CELESTIAL VISIT... of three mornings earlier... And upon imitating Jasie's GIGGLE... and describing... THE SWEET SCENT OF VIOLETS... her sisters... brightened with Joy... telling her... that Jasie... had always giggled... just like that... as a young ... especially over French lessons... and that her favorite flowers... had always been violets...! Curiously... Muftiah was not urged... by Jasie... to go to everyone... in the room... that was filled with her mourning relatives... and parishioners... not even to her husband...!!! But mainly... to her close relatives... and some close friends... only... CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR REVEREND JOHN HEARTY... CONFESSES HIS LONG STANDING... SECRET LOVE... FOR HIS DAUGHTER-IN-LAW... MUFTIAH...! ... AND DULY GETS “OPENED...” ... BY HER... THROUGH AN ANGEL OF GOD...! The reason... for excluding... her husband... may very well have been... because Jasie knew... that he was secretly in love... with his daughter-in-law... ever since he met her... 25 years earlier...!!! And of which... dense Muftiah... did not have a single clue... not even... when all four of them... went off... into the mountains... of Colorado... together... in John’s RV... on a fishing trip... as a belated honeymoon gift... to his son... and his bride of two years... or during the 7 years... of their marriage... when they would stop briefly... staying with them... for a few days... at a time... And not even during their regular... Monday morning breakfasts... together... when the four of them... would dine at the truck stop restaurant... up the road... here in Grand Bay... for the past ten years... Muftiah always having regarded him... as only her dear father-in-law... although she did wonder... at times... why... whenever they dropped in... for a visit... they had barely sat down... when he would jump up... and herd his wife... out of Muftiah’s house... claiming he had an urgent appointment... he just remembered... he had to go to...! Not until his confession to her... after Jasie passed on... when he came back to see her... one Monday morning... after their usual breakfast together... only now... just the three of them... very agitated... telling her... that his soul... would be lost... unless she "OPENED...” him... amazing her... by explaining... how an ANGEL OF GOD... HAD APPEARED TO HIM... in his dream... the previous night... COMMANDING HIM...: "GO NOW UNTO MUFTIAH... TO BE “RE-OPENED...” ... BY HER... OR YOUR SOUL... WILL BE LOST...!" And Muftiah... quietly listening to her agitated... trembling father-in-law... John... tried to calm him down... gently explaining that... he must have misunderstood... the ANGEL OF GOD... because in SUBUD... it was the men... who were the channel... to "OPEN..." men... and women... the channel... to "OPEN..." women... and surely his stepson... Farlan... should be the one... to be the channel... to "OPEN..." him... But John was adamant... insisting that the ANGEL OF GOD... HAD TOLD HIM... TO “GO NOW UNTO MUFTIAH...!” So Muftiah told him... that she would have to RECEIVE... THE TRUTH... of what he had told her... for herself... and quietening herself... she surrendered herself... to ALMIGHTY ALLAH... in full trust... and faith... in HIM... and asked... whether she shoud be the one to "RE-OPEN..." her father-in- law... John... really and truly... expecting to RECEIVE A RESOUNDING "NO..." ... AND TO REFER JOHN... TO FARLAN... which would have been the proper procedure... in SUBUD... But... to her utter amazement... she RECEIVED... THAT SHE WAS THE ONE... TO "RE-OPEN..." JOHN... AND THAT THE ANGEL OF GOD... HAD SPOKEN TRULY... TO HIM...! So thus it came to pass... that 70 year old Muftiah... became the channel to “RE-OPEN...” ... her 74 year old father- in-law... Reverend John Hearty... musing to herself... that he must have become “OPENED...” ... at some time... through his intimate relationship... with his SUBUD wife... over the years... of their marriage...! And shortly after John’s “RE-OPENING...” ... Jasie... who knew that her son Farlan’s true marriage... had ended long ago... APPEARED to him... in a dream... telling him... that she no longer... had any objections... to her husband John... having an intimate relationship... with Muftiah...!!! CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE NEWLY sexualLY AWAKENED MUFTIAH... IS ARDENTLY ROMANCED... BY HER FATHER-IN-LAW...! So... for about six months... Muftiah... newly sexually awakened... for the very first time... in her life... and feeling like a completed... normal female... for the very first time... in her life... with both Farlan’s and Jasie’s approval... did date newly "RE-OPENED..." Reverend John Hearty...! And she would often RECEIVE... SPONTANEOUS LATIHAN KEJIWAAN VIBRATIONS... WORSHIPPING GOD... in his presence... while sitting next to him... in his car... while he was driving...! They enjoyed... going out to lunch... and dinner... together... and even to the movies... which he loved... but Jasie... had never much cared for... holding hands... kissing... with him as happy... as a school boy...! Driving together... along scenic roads... taking trips... on pleasure boats... Muftiah greatly enjoying... John’s company... for like her... he had travelled... all over the world... as a career military man... stationed at various bases... here in the USA... and also in the Phillippines... Korea... Japan... and Germany... having fought... both in World War II... and in the Korean War... and was very interesting... to talk to... for he had many... fascinating tales... to tell... And Muftiah would listen raptly... to this very well-built... intelligent man... as tall as she was... with his steady... blue- grey eyes... which had perhaps seen... more shocking things... than any man’s eyes should... in a lifetime... John... how about that... another John...! ... born and raised in New York... told her how... lying on his bed... in a military hospital... in Japan... at the comparatively young age... of 38... ly suffering from hepatitis... because of his excessive drinking... while in the army... he had made a PACT WITH GOD... fervently promising HIM... that... IF HE SPARED his life... he would give up... his military career... and drinking... and devote... the rest of his life... IN FERVENT SERVICE TO HIM...! And how... shortly after... his newly "OPENED..." wife... Jasie... joined him... and surrendering herself... in his presence... duly passed on to him... CONTACT WITH THE GREAT HOLY LIFE FORCE OF GOD... as well... "OPENING..." ... and “AWAKENING...” ... his Inner Self... whereupon... overnight... he had become MIRACULOUSLY CURED...! And Muftiah understood... then... John’s ANGEL DREAM... about being "RE-OPENED..."... MIRACULOUSLY CURED OF HEPATITIS... true to his promise... John left the army... gave up alcohol... entirely... and went to a Methodist seminary school... becoming Reverend John Hearty... sincerely serving GOD... and praying to HIM... but without worshipping HIM... by surrendering himself... in the LATIHAN KEJIWAAN... of SUBUD... for about 40 years... until shortly after his ANGEL DREAM...! Although officially retired... for the past five years... John still serves... as a guest Reverend... now in his eighties... born in the same month... as Papa Rau... Papa’s birthday being on the 12th of March... and John’s being on the 17th... Saint Patrick’s Day...! He is very much like Papa... and even looks like him...! ... CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX JOHN UNDERGOES INTENSE PURIFICATION PROCESS... OF “IT MUST OUT...”! ... WHICH MUFTIAH... IS SOON UNABLE... TO HANDLE...! It was all so wonderful... for Muftiah... for a while... to be in love with a man... again... who was crazy about her... always admiring... and complimenting... everything about her... the way she dressed... the jewelry she wore... her life no longer... so lonely... and starved... for love... and romance... and making her understand... why she had suddenly Received... out of the blue... one day... shortly after Farlan WAS COMMANDED TO MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE... and their romance blossomed... that she was to acquire... a brand new wardrobe... of clothes... for herself...! And when... puzzled... she asked why... the Reply was...: “FOR YOUR NEW BOYFRIENDS... COMING INTO YOUR LIFE...!” But then... alas... she very soon... became aware... that her new love John... was undergoing... a very necessary PROCESS OF PURIFICATION... WHICH WAS BRINGING OUT... DEEP SEATED TRAITS... OF “LUST...” AND “COWARDICE...” ... in him... a recognizable PROCESS... IN SUBUD... WHEN "IT MUST OUT..."! ... Meaning that the bad character traits... in a person... are BROUGHT TO THE SURFACE... AND OUT... AND EXPOSED... to oneself... as well as to the whole world... and can no longer... be hidden... or camouflaged... no matter how hard... the person tries to...! THIS PROCESS... LASTS FOR A WHILE... GOD'S WHILE... AT THE SAME TIME... THAT HE PURIFIES... THOSE BAD CHARACTER TRAITS... MAKING HIS SON... OR DAUGHTER... EXPERIENCE THE PAINFUL SELF-AWARENESS... OF THEM...! Naturally... Muftiah was appalled... at this sudden change... in John... seeing clearly... in his eyes... that he now... only lusted after her body... sexually... often making her feel... like a cheap ... and no longer... loved tenderly... and respectfully... which had all been a clever act... to hide his real self... even though she knew... that he had been celibate... for over 20 years... because of a serious medical condition... of his wife’s... where her ... had had to be sewn shut...! And it was understandable... to Muftiah... that John... now a free man... was wanting to “sow some wild oats...” ... and perhaps... she could have tolerated... his "LUSTFUL SPELL..." ... OF PURIFICATION... where he wanted her to engage... in all kinds of sexual acts... with him... even abnormal... But when he stood... in front of her... AND WAS MADE TO CONFESS... TO HER... that he lacked... the courage... to stand up... to his church elders... who were also financially supporting him... aside from his Military Pension... in defense of his beloved... for they were opposed to her... as not being a Methodist... labelling her a heathen Muslim... wanting to hide... his relationship with her... from all his Methodist friends... as well... like a dirty secret... she rebelled... Muftiah also began to have strange dreams about John... where she would be happily in his company... chatting away to him... while they walked down a street... together... when he would suddenly leave her side... and disappear... around the corner... and she would find herself... talking to herself...! And as Muftiah became... even more disappointed... in John... when she became aware... of other lies... evasiveness... and deceptions... as more and more... bad character traits... of his... came to the surface... and out... she asked ALMIGHTY ALLAH... FOR HIS PERMISSION... to end the budding... romantic relationship... Alas... never getting... to finally experience... sexual ... with a man... and without fear... and dread... and as a now... finally sexually normal woman... despite their intimate... ALMIGHTY ALLAH WILLED... LATIHAN SHOWERS... together... during which... totally surrendered Muftiah... with her eyes closed... and John standing behind her... with the WATER OF LIFE... STREAMING DOWN THEIR BODIES... she would RECEIVE... TO COMMAND JOHN... TO SURRENDER HIMSELF TO HIS CREATOR... ALMIGHTY GOD...! Whereupon each time... John would wail in anguish... saying that he couldn’t...! (Just the same... as with Farlan... years and years ago... WHEN ALMIGHTY ALLAH... BROUGHT THEM TOGETHER... AND COMMANDED THEM... TO TAKE LATIHAN SHOWERS... TOGETHER... MAKING THEM FEEL... TOTALLY ... AS IF THEY HAD JUST BEEN NEWLY BORN...! AS... WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED... THEY HUMBLY STOOD... SURRENDERING THEMSELVES... STARK ... BEFORE HIM... WITH THE WATER OF LIFE... STREAMING DOWN THEIR BODIES... WHILE FEELING THE VIBRATION... OF HIS GREAT HOLY LIFE FORCE... VERY POWERFULLY... WITHIN THEIR BEINGS... BLESSING THEIR FORTHCOMING UNION... OF HOLY... JIWA TO JIWA... MATRIMONY... ! ) Sometimes... when she would be alone... in John’s company... sitting snuggled... close to him... she would experience... the unaccustomed... voluptuous waves... of sexual desire... and she would ache... longing to give herself... to this “hale and hearty” man... whose family name... “Hearty”... suited him so well... yearning to be... totally enveloped... by his powerful... masculine force... and her knees going weak... she would sink... into his warm... loving arms... But... at the very touch of her... John would instantly... have a premature ...! This happened... time and time... again... even just a hug hello... would affect him... in the same way...!!! And when she went to Farlan... for help... he told her... that she needed... to guard herself... against these new... unaccustomed... sexual feelings... comparing her experience... to when one is first "OPENED..." ... the JIWA... being so happy... to be liberated... wants to WORSHIP GOD... IN THE LATIHAN KEJIWAAN... OF SUBUD... as often... as possible... until it is trained... to only surrender... for 30 minutes at a time... twice a week...! Telling her also... that he had RECEIVED... that John’s MALE LIFE FORCE... would not have the power... to harm her... As her old self... she would have gone on... with the pleasure... of having a close... intimate relationship... with a man... enjoying going out... on dates with him... put up with his unpleasant... increasingly disappointing... character traits... pretending to herself... that their relationship... was far better... than it actually was... because she felt so unfulfilled... as a woman... and so starved for affection... and affirmation... But this soul... had grown... in SUBUD... IN HER SELF- RESPECT... and she realized... PRAISE GOD... that... for the life of her... she could no longer settle... for less... than the best... in a man... for herself... no matter how lonely... her life... would once again... become... still and ever longing... from time to time... for the romance... and love of a man... THAT WERE STILL BEING DENIED her... in whose veins... flowed a kauderwelch combination... of ardent... free- spirited... passionate... and warm... French... Italian... English... and Greek ...! And she came to realize... that... by John’s premature ejaculations... she had actually been DIVINELY PROTECTED... from the negative... Spiritually absorbing... effects... of his lustful male force... for her body... and also that... in her delicate state of health... she really and truly... did not have the strength... or stamina... to withstand... THE PROCESS OF JOHN’S POWERFUL... NEGATIVE PURIFICATION... OF "IT MUST OUT..." ... wait for the man... of noble... excellent character... to eventually emerge... John took Muftiah’s rejection... of him... very badly... at first... pleading... and begging... to be given... another chance... promising to continue to WORSHIP GOD... by surrendering himself to HIM... in the LATIHAN KEJIWAAN... OF SUBUD... Pleased to hear... that he would not be giving up... the LATIHAN... nevertheless... she hardened her heart... against him... especially... when Farlan... very ly... informed her... one day... that he had bumped into John... who had told him... quite nonchalantly... to tell Muftiah... that he would be dropping in... to see her... some time soon...! That truly was the last straw... for her... and she told John... in no uncertain terms... that he could not just... come and go... to her house... as he pleased... using her company... whenever it pleased him... like he did... with all his parishioners... and Jasie’s relatives... And very firmly told him that... naturally... he was welcome... to visit his stepson... in his own house... at any time... but he was never... ever again... to darken her doorstep... without first calling... and being invited by her... to come and visit her... Respecting her wishes... John called... for a while... to ask her out... on a date... but every time he did... she would get a very strong... INNER FEELING... NOT TO ENCOURAGE HIM...! ... And duly turned him down... as gently as she could... for she still had some strong feelings... for him... So he finally lost all hope... and stopped calling her... altogether... But he did turn up... one day... with his new lady love... on his arm... with the intention... of especially showing her off... to Muftiah... But Farlan intercepted him... and charmingly entertained them... on his own... on Muftiah’s patio... right outside the French glass doors... of her bedroom...! And although... she could hear their voices... talking... she did not have... an ounce of curiosity... to peek through the curtains... to see what his new lady love... looked like... which proved to her... once and for all... that she had finally... fallen out of love... with him... Some time later... she found out... that John’s new lady love... was the retired school teacher... a Methodist parishioner... of his... that he used to take pity on... because she was crippled... and who... out of the kindness of his heart... he would regularly... take to breakfast... on Wednesday mornings... CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN THE UNIQUE RELATIONSHIP... BETWEEN MUFTIAH... AND HER MOTHER-IN-LAW/SUBUD SISTER... JASIE... BOTH INNER... AND OUTER... WHICH ALMIGHTY GOD... ABRUPTLY INTERCEPTS...! Shortly after coming down... to Grand Bay... Alabama... from Palm Springs... California... about ten years earlier... after Farlan’s father’s passing... Farlan having inherited his three acre property... together with his brother... James... and sister... Mae Carol... and reuniting... with Farlan’s stepfather John... and his mother Jasie... Farlan and Muftiah stayed at their house... in Lucedale... Mississippi... for about a month... And during that month... Farlan would go down to his property... in Grand Bay... every day... to work on it... to make the house habitable... scrubbing... scouring... painting... and fumigating it... because his father... crippled by a car accident... that killed his wife outright... had let his home deteriorate... alarmingly... And Muftiah... once again found herself bedridden... in the guest room... of John and Jasie’s house... because... in driving one of their own cars... all the way down... from Palm Springs... she had greatly weakened... physically... Now that they were down here in the South... to stay... Muftiah was looking forward... to enjoying a close relationship... with her mother-in-law... whom she liked... and admired... greatly... for like herself... she was much- travelled... through her husband... in his military career... and also very artistic... specializing in porcelain painting... being a very exacting art... And over the years... she had given her daughter-in-law... Muftiah... treasured... personal gifts... lovingly crafted... by her own hands... of her beautiful artistry... such as a small... hand-painted mirror... of daisies... a jewelry box... painted with exquisitely detailed... delicate flowers... a large... round porcelain plate... of flowers... and birds... and a coin tray... for her son... Farlan... and unlike all his other relatives... who still insist... on calling him Dougie... having no difficulty... whatsoever... in calling him... by his SUBUD name... all her lovely artistry... still here... to be left... and admired... as Muftiah’s Legacy... to "LITTLE CILANDAK..." John... always leaving the house... early... to make his usual rounds... to his many parishioners... delighted the two women... who would be having the house... all to themselves... And they now looked forward... to finally spending... some quality time... together... for they liked... and admired each other... very much... lamenting the fact... that... since they had lived... so far away... from each other... they had never... really been able... to spend... any significant quality time... alone together... getting to know each other better... over the years... Both of them... sharing the pleasure... of gaining knowledge... and enlightenment... through books... being avid readers... and over the years... in their correspondence... with each other... they had discussed... their favorite authors... recommending books... to each other... And now that they were finally... actually together... in person... they looked forward... to discussing... their favorite subject... with each other... But ALMIGHTY GOD... HAD OTHER IDEAS... Because... every single morning... when Muftiah got out of her sick bed... happy to join Jasie... in her sunny kitchen... for a cozy breakfast... together... and some interesting... woman-to- woman talk... for dark-haired Jasie... with her thoughtful brown eyes... was very intelligent... forthright... and open... and never beat... about the bush... a curious thing... would happen... For no sooner... had she sat down... at the dining table... and finished eating her breakfast... than she would experience an attack... of the very familiar... paroxysmal tachycardia... a debilitating affliction... that she had been suffering... on and off... since she was a very young ... of about seven... (The story of her exciting... early life... in Japan... is in her first book... "FROM THE SHADOW... OF THE RISING SUN...") And she would instantly feel... the familiar sensation... of immediately being drained of strength... becoming enormously tired... weak... and heavy... her heart pounding... and lurching... in her throat... and she would have... to get up... from the breakfast table... and stagger back... to her bed... and lying down on it... do what she had been doing... ever since her very first attack... when she was about seven years old... simply surrender herself... completely... INTO THE HANDS OF HER LOVING CREATOR... HER HEAVENLY FATHER... ALLAH ALMIGHTY GOD... AWAITING HIS WILL... for her...! And as these attacks... kept happening... every single morning... Muftiah came to realize... that she WAS NOT BEING PERMITTED... to socialize... with her own loved mother-in- law...!!! And this puzzled her greatly... until ten years later... when all was revealed... Perhaps Jasie... would have told her... about her husband’s long standing infatuation... with her... causing a great deal... of awkwardness... in the family... for after all... John had raised little Dougie... from the age of four... together with his older brother and sister... and had always looked upon him... as his son... still finding it difficult... to call him by his SUBUD name... Farlan... which name... Farlan had even had legalized... over ten years ago...! During their visits... to their home in Grand Bay... both Farlan and Muftiah... began to notice... that John was always impatient... with his wife... shouting at her... And when they scolded him... for treating Jasie... that way... they were told... that she had recently become deaf... in one ear... So that he had to shout at her... to be understood... But both Farlan and Muftiah... were talking to her... in their normal... soft-spoken voices... and she understood... every single word they said...! Muftiah came to quickly realize... also... that John was harboring... a great deal of resentment... towards his wife... and when he finally told her... about his life... with Jasie... describing it... as “living with twenty different women... at once...!” ... and how... whenever one... of her four cherished sisters... was in trouble... she would make him drop everything... and run to their aid... no matter where... they happened... to be living... at the time... uprooting his life... entirely... and abruptly... And as it happened... again and again... he felt... more and more... as if his life... with this strong-willed woman... was no longer his own... and he had lost his place... as head of the family... CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT MUFTIAH HAS A VERY UNIQUE DREAM... ABOUT JOHN... AND JESUS...! One night... shortly after arriving at John and Jasie’s house... in Lucedale... Mississippi... Muftiah had a very interesting dream... And in the dream... she was sitting... in the congregation... of Reverend John Hearty’s Methodist Church... and looking up... she saw JESUS...! He was standing behind John... to the side of the pulpit... and as John spoke... his voice swelling... in clear conviction... Muftiah noticed... that his whole body... WAS BEING FILLED... WITH THE POWER OF GOD... and expecting to hear yet another... inspired Methodist sermon... from him... as she once had... in the past... in real life... she was surprised... then delighted... For there he was... magnificently tall... and noble looking... and looking down at his congregation... he began to talk... instead... all about SUBUD... AND THE GLORY... OF THE MIRACLE... OF GOD'S SPECIAL GRACE... OF GRANTING GREATLY SUFFERING MANKIND... WHO HAD BEEN CRYING OUT TO HIM... IN THE WILDERNESS... OF THEIR ACHING... BARREN SOULS... CONTACT WITH HIS GREAT HOLY LIFE FORCE... THROUGH THE LATIHAN KEJIWAAN... OF SUBUD...! And going on... his powerful voice... ringing with conviction... Reverend John Hearty explained... HOW THE GREAT HOLY LIFE FORCE... OF ALMIGHTY GOD... WOULD BE PERFECTLY GUIDING... AND DIRECTING THEIR LIVES... INDIVIDUALLY... ACCORDING TO THEIR INNATE NATURE... CHARACTER... AND PERSONALITY... ONCE THEIR INNER SELVES... WERE “AWAKENED...” AND “OPENED...” ... TO RECEIVE IT... SO THAT THEY WOULD NO LONGER MAKE MISTAKES... CAUSING THEMSELVES UNHAPPINESS... BY ALLOWING THEMSELVES... TO BE GUIDED... AND INFLUENCED... BY THE WRONG THINKING... OF THEIR CLEVER MINDS... AND THE FICKLE EMOTIONS... OF THEIR HEARTS... WHICH WERE... IN FACT... THEIR LOWER FORCES...! And when John came to the end... of his inspired oration... JESUS STEPPED FORWARD... SMILING WITH APPROVAL... AND ANNOUNCED... TO THE CONGREGATION... THAT HE HAD CHOSEN JOHN... TO SPREAD SUBUD... THROUGHOUT THE SOUTHERN STATES... BECAUSE OF HIS VAST ACQUAINTANCESHIP... THROUGH HIS MINISTRY... WITH SO MANY PEOPLE... THROUGHOUT THE SOUTH...! JESUS ADDING... WITH GREAT FERVOR... THAT... SUBMITTING ONESELF... IN PATIENT... SINCERE... UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER... TO ALMIGHTY GOD... THEIR CREATOR... WITH UTTER TRUST... AND FAITH... IN HIM... UNCONDITIONAL MEANING... THAT THEY WOULD NEITHER PRAY FOR... NOR HOPE FOR... NOR EXPECT ANYTHING... IN PARTICULAR... FOR THEMSELVES... EXCEPT FOR THE PERFECT WILL OF GOD... TO BE DONE... INDIVIDUALLY... UNTO THEM... WAS THE TRUE WAY... TO WORSHIP HIM... And when she awoke... and recalled the most extraordinary dream... she remembered BAPAK... saying... that... unless the South was "OPENED..." ... SUBUD would not really grow... in the United States of America...! And she wondered... full of awe... whether it would be her father-in-law... Reverend John Hearty... after all... who... having become chosen... by JESUS... to spread SUBUD... now that he had three SUBUD people... surrounding him... his wife... Jasie... his stepson... Farlan... and his daughter-in- law... Muftiah... that he would be the one... to TRULY "OPEN..." THE SOUTH... with the three of them... at his side... assisting him...! But when she related... her amazing JESUS DREAM... to John... the very next morning... suggesting that he get Inwardly “OPENED...” ... AND “AWAKENED...” ... TO RECEIVE CONTACT... WITH THE GREAT HOLY LIFE FORCE... OF ALMIGHTY GOD... through Farlan... as soon as possible... so that they could all spread SUBUD... throughout the SOUTH... together... JESUS HAVING CHOSEN HIM... FOR THE SPECIAL MISSION... to her great consternation... instead of reacting... with great JOY... and enthusiasm... John protested... saying that his SPIRITUAL PATH... was clearly cut... to continue to serve GOD... only as a Methodist Minister...! And even telling him... that worshipping his CREATOR... ALMIGHTY GOD... through the LATIHAN KEJIWAAN... OF SUBUD... would... in no way... interfere with his religious beliefs... or vocation... and that the SPIRITUAL PATH OF SUBUD... was for his own SPIRITUAL GROWTH... AND DEVELOPMENT... only... and would make him... an even better Minister... BECAUSE HE WOULD BE RECEIVING DIRECT... AND PERFECT GUIDANCE... FROM ALMIGHTY GOD... for his life... as a Minister... failed to convince him... And not even... when Muftiah... WAS SUDDENLY... PULLED TO HER FEET... BY A VERY POWERFUL FORCE... AND MADE TO BEAUTIFULLY DEMONSTRATE... THE LATIHAN KEJIWAAN... TO HIM... WITH A RUNNING COMMENTARY... OF EXPLANATION...! A very hard nut to ... indeed... for... like him... a large part of the area... is known as the Bible Belt... populated by die-hard Christians... who only believe... what is written... in the HOLY BIBLE... as the WORD OF GOD... and nothing else...! An ignorant... narrow-minded... stubborn lot of people... who simply cannot believe... that anything else... or any other HOLY PERSONAGE... such as MUHAMMAD... MESSENGER OF GOD... AND MUHAMMAD SUBUH... BRINGER OF SUBUD... (SUBUH MEANING "DAWN"... IN INDONESIAN...) ... WHO WAS BORN ON THE ANNIVERSARY... OF MUHAMMAD’S BIRTH... COULD HAVE BEEN... SENT BY GOD... to come down... into this unhappy world... to help it... other than JESUS CHRIST... in the 2,000 years... since His passing...! Which reminds Muftiah... of the three Anglican Ministers... who were in the habit... of regularly humbling themselves... to their CREATOR... ALMIGHTY GOD... in prayer... when one day... while they were praying together... JESUS SUDDENLY APPEARED... BEFORE THEM... SAYING...:- "IF YE SEEK THE TRUTH... SEEK YE SUBUD...!" As a result... many Anglican Ministers... got "OPENED...” ... and their Missions... all over the world... always welcome SUBUD people... into their midst... And there were also... some Catholic... and Jesuit priests... monks... and even Catholic nuns... who were instructed... by the pope... to get themselves "OPENED..." ... through SUBUD... and to report back to him... how the LATIHAN OF SUBUD... WAS AFFECTING their lives... and whether they were aware... of any beneficial... SPIRITUAL PROGRESS... in themselves...! One of the Catholic nuns... was the one to be Blessed... by Seeing the Lady of Fatima... as a young ... and upon her deathbed... many years later... greatly aged... she told how she had confided... to the pope... that the Lady of Fatima... Had Told her... that there was a Holy Man... on earth... but that he was “outside the church...”! As a matter of fact... in SUBUD... you will find... such a broad spectrum... and vast variety... of different people... with totally different backgrounds... different languages... different religions... and even no religions... and different cultures... and customs... from each other... all worshipping their CREATOR... in the same way... of...: SUBMITTING THEMSELVES... TO HIM... IN PATIENT... SINCERE... UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER... WITH UTTER FAITH... AND TRUST IN HIM... THROUGH THE LATIHAN KEJIWAAN OF SUBUD... UNCONDITIONAL... MEANING THAT THEY WILL NEITHER... PRAY FOR... NOR HOPE FOR... NOR EXPECT ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR... FOR THEMSELVES... EXCEPT THAT THE PERFECT WILL OF GOD... BE DONE UNTO THEM... INDIVIDUALLY... AND WHEREIN THEY EXPERIENCE... RECEIVING INNER CONTACT... WITH THE GREAT HOLY LIFE FORCE... OF ALLAH ALMIGHTY GOD... GUIDING AND DIRECTING THE MOMENTS... OF THEIR LIVES... PERFECTLY... WHILE AT THE SAME TIME... CLEANSING... AND PURIFYING THEM... OF NOT ONLY THEIR OWN SINS... AND ERRORS... BUT THOSE OF THEIR ANCESTORS... AS WELL... WITH HIM GRADUALLY TRANSFORMING... HIS CREATED CHILDREN... BOTH MEN... AND WOMEN... INTO BECOMING NOBLE HUMAN BEINGS... OF EXCELLENT CHARACTER... ACCORDING TO HIS PERFECT WILL... FOR EACH INDIVIDUAL... IN HARMONY WITH THEIR OWN SPECIFIC... INDIVIDUAL NATURE... CHARACTER... AND PERSONALITY... And GOD’S CHOSEN SUBUD souls... will be earning their living... in varying careers... and vocations... from the intellectual... to the scientific... to the artistic... from the proverbial butcher... the baker... and the candlestick maker... to any profession... you can think of... And furthermore... GOD’S CHOSEN SUBUD members... come from all walks of life... consisting of lawyers... prosecutors... judges... doctors... surgeons and nurses... and other types of caregivers... such as psychologists... and psychiatrists... Then there are the astrophysicists... and other scientists... researchers... coroners... detectives... policemen... school teachers and professors... and last but not least... even college students... There are also writers... and poets... and even the homeless... bums... and drop-outs... people in the media... of radio and television... and the press... such as newspaper reporters... and their editors... And there are also those... who are physically challenged... who may be deaf... or blind... or mute... paraplegics... quadraplegics... and even those who are otherwise paralyzed...! For THE GREAT HOLY LIFE FORCE... OF ALMIGHTY GOD... CAN PENETRATE ANY HUMAN BODY... WHETHER WHOLE... OR IMPAIRED... THUS GREATLY BLESSING THE SOUL... WITHIN IT...! AND THE GREAT HOLY LIFE FORCE... OF ALMIGHTY GOD... CAN EVEN PENETRATE ANIMAL BODIES... SUCH AS CATS... AND DOGS... AND HORSES... AND BIRDS... AND FISHES... AS THIS SOUL HAS WITNESSED... MANY TIMES... THROUGHOUT HER SUBUD LIFE...! Then there are those... who come from the world of entertainment... such as actors... actresses... of stage and screen... and even quite a number of very famous movie stars... and creative people... in the Arts... such as dancers... of ballet... and modern... and painters... and sculptors... orchestra conductors... musicians of all types... from modern... to classical... jazz... and other genre of singers... from opera... to vocalists... And the SUBUD LIST... goes on and on... ad infinitum... from the young... to the old... human being... and from the young... to the old... animal... and bird... next CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

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